I don't own Star Trek or the characters. I'm sure Daddy Gene would be horrified if he knew what I was letting his creations get up to (which means there will be sex and cursing. You have been warned).

Loads of love and thanks to my awesome (and awesomely talented) beta, miss steph (who said she likes reading my fics more than watching the movie!), and to the exceptionally talented women of Writers Anonymous: Doc, TFTSS, Kal, Nerdie, etc, and hopeful. I am truly blessed to have such an amazing support group!

This fic is a companion piece to Cattywampus.

~*~Monogamy Rocks! by outtabreath~*~

Part One of Thirteen: Confession

You can't base a relationship merely on how hot you think a person is (even though you should think he is hot – that is important). Try to see the real him – the person beneath the façade he presents to the rest of the world.

The instant the door chimed – before I could even admit the other person – the door slid open and my former roommate slumped into my quarters.

I'd never seen her slump before.

"Gaila?" I asked, anxiety seizing my heart; the work spread out on the table in front of me faded away.

"I just came from Sickbay," she mumbled, shuffling to the couch and throwing herself face first on it.

"What's wrong?" I demanded, abandoning the table to stumble over to the couch. I sunk to the floor beside her and wondered if patting her back would be melodramatic.

She let loose a sobbing sigh and my hand began patting.

"We'll find a cure for whatever it is," I vowed. "If McCoy can't do it alone, then I'll put Spock on it. Sure, they might kill each other – but you'll be okay."

"Nyoooota," she moaned, rolling onto her back – I almost lost my hand in the process – and throwing her arm over her eyes, "I'm not sick."

Thank God.

"Then what's the matter?"

She sat up, plowing her back into the arm of my couch and I feared for its structural integrity.

"I broke his computer."

"What? Whose computer? What are you talking about? You don't break computers."

Gaila loved computers, adored them – to harm one was antithetical to everything she believed in and stood for.

"McCoy's," she whispered.

"Okay, that's not a problem – you can fix it – you can make it better, stronger, faster – you could probably program it to be a better doctor than he is."

"No one is a better doctor than he is!" she yelped.

"Okay, okay," I said soothingly. "Sorry."

She took a deep, hitching breath and caught my eyes. "If I tell you something, do you promise you won't get mad?"

I took my own deep breath. "Gaila, what did you do?"

"I broke McCoy's computer."

"Yes, you said that. Why would I be mad?"

"I did it on purpose."

My head spun - Gaila breaking a computer on purpose, it just didn't fit into my worldview.

Have I somehow been transported to a crazy, mirror universe?

"And there's more," she said.

"More?"

"It wasn't the first time. Are you mad?"

The mirror universe theory was starting to look more and more feasible.

"Not mad - confused."

She bit her lip, looked me dead in my eyes and whispered, "I'm in love with Doctor McCoy."

Definitely the mirror universe.

"No!" I yelped, my hands flying to my mouth. I'd never, ever heard her say those words about anyone. This was…huge, incredible, unprecedented.

"It's true and he doesn't know I'm alive." Tears – actual tears comprised of some Orion liquid – filled her eyes.

"Gaila, c'mon, there isn't a man on this ship that doesn't stare at you when you walk down the corridors."

"No, Ny, it is true. I've been breaking his computer to have an excuse to go see him and he acts like…" she sucked in air and her voice got watery, "I'm a bother. He yells at me."

"He yells at everyone. Spock wants to take his head off half the time, most of the crew is terrified of him and I wouldn't be at all surprised if Chapel stabs him with a scalpel one day. Scotty has a pool going for Oekon's sake."

She shook her head, "Montgomery Scott is just mean. I know that it's all just a front – The Doctor is warm and wonderful, really.

"I mean, I've always liked him – you know that. He's really cute and built and he's got those hands, but it's more than that. I've never…he treats me well, you know. He's nice to me…."

"You just said he yells at you."

"Pwah, he's really mad at the computer, not me."

"The computer you keep breaking."

Her lip trembled and the moisture gleamed. I patted her hand furiously. I'd never seen Gaila truly cry before and I didn't want to start now. "Sorry, sorry. Continue."

"As I was saying, he treats me like a person, not a sex object. I mean, when we play poker he plays poker – he doesn't treat it like Kirk does – like he thinks I should be stripping off pieces of clothing when I lose a hand."

"And when does that happen?"

Gaila was an incredible poker player. Ruthless, smart and able to pick up tells within seconds.

She grinned through the tears. "Not often." Her face fell again. "That's not the point. He's smart, and funny, Ny, really smart and really funny and nice. He's nice. He respects me as a person not as an Orion.

"And I was just stumbling along, totally oblivious to how spectacular he truly is – not even aware that I was missing out on anything. And then, his computer broke and I was sent to fix it, and we were alone in his office and it was like my whole heart just opened. My stomach got all twitchy and all I wanted to do was curl up in the extra chair and just talk to him."

"And?" I prompted, caught up in her story.

"I freaked out and left, of course. I mean, if I'd have just wanted to do him that would be okay. But…"

"This was different."

She dropped her face into her hands, "I've been crawling around on the floor of his office for two weeks, I've been leaning over him squishing all kinds of body parts against him, and he won't even look at me."

"So, you love him because he doesn't treat you like a sex object, but you're upset that he's not noticing that you're sexy?"

"That's my dilemma!" She groaned, and threw herself back on her stomach, "The first guy I've ever really, really wanted and I don't get him!"

I held my tongue, too aware of her distraught state to point out that there were lots and lots of guys she'd really, really wanted before.

And she'd gotten every single one of them. Several times.

Gently, I said, "He smiled at you at the Academy, Gaila – a real smile – an appreciative 'my God that woman is the hottest thing I've ever seen' smile and that is not a man who smiles. Ever."

She flipped on her side. "Why were you looking at his smile with The Commander sweating ten feet away?"

Damn it!

"Never mind, the point is you were gaga over him for five minutes before you got distracted by," I took a deep breath and reminded myself that he was my captain now, "Kirk."

"It was stupid, I know. Think of all the time I wasted!" She sat up and grabbed my hands. "I've wasted so much time on dalliances when I could've had what you and Spock do."

Don't look smug, don't look smug.

"I've been so busy wasting my life on meaningless relationships that I've missed out on what makes life worth living – building a life with a single person," she was saying, squeezing my hands and not even noticing that I was not looking at all smug – even though I had every right to.

"Building and creating a relationship," she was continuing, "that fits like an old, comfortable, worn-out shoe – all scuffed, the heel wearing off…. Nyota, will you please think about buying some new shoes…."

"Gaila, focus, please."

"Right, right, that's not the point of this. I want with McCoy what you have with Spock – comfort and familiarity, routine and structure. Consistency. Knowing what everyday is going to bring. A relationship. You and Spock," she murmured again, her eyes going unfocused.

"Gaila?" I asked.

Maybe there really is something wrong with her. Major personality changes and drifting off in mid-conversation are a sign of something medical, right?

She sighed and released my numb hands. "I've been so stupid."

"No, you haven't," I said quickly.

"But Nyota, I have. Don't you see?" She jumped to her feet, almost taking my head off my shoulders in the process, and she was smiling – broadly, blindingly. "Nyota, The Steps!" She dragged me to my feet and began jumping and singing, "The Steps, The Steps, The Steps!"

"The Steps," I echoed.