Disclaimer: I own neither G.I. Joe, or the inspiration for this story, Brooks and Dunn's "Can't Take The Honky-Tonk Out of The Girl".
Author's Notes: This story was born of a simple misheard line. I was listening to the song one day and while they sang "Somebody said 'Hey, where's Connie?'", I heard "Somebody said 'Hey, where's Courtney?'" and then I needed someone whose mother would usupe their wedding, Lady Jaye, and... Ta-da!
"Can't Take The G.I. Joe Out Of The Girl"
By. J.T. Magnus, "Turbo"
Courtney Krieger got off the airplane and looked around before seeing her two best friends holding a sign that read 'Maid of Honor'.
As they got in the car, she had to ask, "Whose idea was this?"
Allison Hart-Burnett closed her eyes, "My mother's."
"What happened to eloping in Mexico?"
"...My ...Mother,"Allie said again in a long-suffering way.
That night was the rehearsal dinner, so Courtney had put on her dress uniform - at Allie's request - but left the shoes off, the long flight had left her feet sore.
Mrs. Burnett was not amused.
The fact that it had been years since the 'Girls of G.I. Joe' had seen each other had them in the mood to act like they had before Courtney had transferred to Fort Huachuca, Allie to Military Intelligence, and Shana had outright retired to raise her daughter; that meant whispered jokes, snapping each other's bra straps, and moving around in line to torment Allie's mother like they used to do to Conrad and Wayne.
Finally, around 2330, according to Courtney's watch, the dinner broke up and the boys went out to do whatever boys do on the night before a wedding. She shook her head, Conrad and Wayne were probably planning to make both Dash and Lance suffer, since they didn't get a chance when Lance and Shana were married.
Still in a whisper so that Mrs. Burnett, who wanted them to practice more, couldn't hear, Courtney whispered to the other, "Hey, girls, let's get out of here, huddle up around something 'bout a hundred proof, and catch up?"
While Mrs. Burnett's back was turned, they almost literally disappeared.
"Now where did those young ladies go?"
Oh-nine-hundred, the next morning. in front of the church, Wayne was waiting by the limo with Allie in her wedding dress while everyone else was going crazy looking for the groom.
Then he noticed Allie's hair, Allie's LONG hair... Allie didn't have long hair, and Shana had red hair, that meant...
Oh, god...
"Has anyone seen Dashiell?" Mrs. Burnett asked Shana and the others.
"Not since last night."
Conrad stopped trying to keep from laughing at Dash being called by his full name and looked around, "Hey, by the way, where's Courtney?"
It was then that Conrad caught Wayne's eye and noticed the look in it; a look the drill instructor only got when one person was up to something. In the way that teammates can, they exchanged information without words and much movement, and what he learned caused Conrad to close his eyes in dread.
Courtney's the'bride', which means Allie... She's run off with that boy to Cancun or someplace... Great, just... Great.
"What time is it?" Courtney whispered just loud enough for only Wayne to hear.
"Huh?"
"Time?"
"Oh-nine-hundred."
Courtney smiled under the veil, then surprising everyone, ran around the limo and jumped into the driver's seat, throwing off the veil. Wayne reacted in a split-second and made it into the passenger seat as she managed to lay rubber driving away.
"What the hell is this?"
At the time Wayne was saying that, Courtney's cell phone was ringing in a pocket of the pants she wore under the dress. Pulling it out and answering it, she handed it to Wayne.
"My wedding present."
Wayne looked down at the picture on the video cell phone, that of two of his friends smiling and waving outside of a Mexican airport.
"What, couldn't just get 'em a toaster?"
Author's Notes: If anyone is confused (highly likely), by Clutch and Scarlett being married, this takes place during the 'disbanded' days in my Joe-verse.