Author: Sousouchan
Anime/Manga: Ranma 1/2
Pairing: Ranma x Akane
Disclaimer: Rumiko Takahashi created them, not me
Summary: Oneshot. What is the use of becoming stronger if you don't have someone to protect anymore? The story takes place during manga 38.
Author note: I'm French so there might be a few errors. If that is the case, I'd like to excuse myself.
Bonne lecture!
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Le vague à l'âme
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He had failed her.
He couldn't think of anything else. He had failed her. He had lost her. Forever.
When she had been transformed into a doll, he was sure that he would be able to save her. Like always. Being stuck as a doll wasn't the same as being dead after all. He had been so sure of himself. But he had made a mistake. And he cursed himself for being so self-confident. Because she wasn't breathing anymore.
He protected her body with his own as they landed on the ground. The others were all coming towards him. He quickly dressed her in his Chinese shirt to preserve her modesty. All his friends were talking to him, but he wasn't listening; hell he couldn't even hear them.
All his senses were focused on her, as if it was to engrave everything about her in his memory. His eyes were on her. He could smell her floral perfume. His hands were holding her tight, brushing against her soft skin. And his ears could only hear her laugh, and call out his name.
Akane...
He brought her body closer to his. She was so cold. The only thing left of her warmth was her smile. It was frozen on her lips. A beautiful smile that has always been for him, and for him alone. But she would never smile at him like that again.
His vision blurred. He couldn't see clearly but Ryoga was obviously crying next to him. Mousse seemed to be praying in front of them. He could also picture Shampoo, standing at his left, trying to look sad but miserably failing. One had to be blind not to see the expression of triumph on her face. He had to get away from them.
Ranma blinked. He hadn't realized that he was crying. He hated to be a girl. Mostly at times like this. He was much more sensitive in this form. Hell, he didn't care. It didn't matter now. It was okay to cry if she couldn't see him. They were so much alike. Just like him, she had always wanted to give a strong image of herself. And now… she was so small in his arms. She looked like a fragile doll and he realized that an opponent could easily crush her. Her body was ridiculously tiny compared to his. And all these times she had run into a fight to help him. Stupid, stupid tomboy.
He cradled his fiancée's body in his arms and got up. He wanted to be alone with her. He had to find a quieter place. And he had to find some hot water too. Time had come. It was time for him to tell Akane what he felt for her; how he had been feeling since the day he had met her. And he wanted to be a man to say these three magical words to her.
He sat down far away from the others and pulled the girl in his lap. Plum handed him a kettle quietly before leaving without a word. It was strange to see Akane like that. She was… lifeless. And he couldn't recognize her. He had always known her to be full of energy, always screaming, fighting or hitting him. That was just the way he liked her…alive. The tomboy had risked her life to save him. Again.
No one had ever done that for him. Not Shampoo who pretended that she loved him as her husband. Not Ukyo who had been his best friend for 10 years. Hell, not even his own father. It has always been her. God, he would gladly give his life in exchange of hers. All of this mess was his fault. She had been brought to China against her will. Because of him.
She had never complained. All he had ever done for her was to bring craziness in her life. He had many opponents; they were his enemies so why did she have to get involved? It was unfair for her to always be the victim. She got abducted so many times. And she never said "it's your fault Ranma". Akane had always helped him instead, just like the time with Pantyhose Taro. It had never cost her much. Usually it was just a few days away from her family. But this time, it was her life. And he had lost the most important person to him. The woman he loved.
What was he supposed to do without her now? He had spent his whole life learning the most powerful techniques. He did so to become the best martial artist ever and to make the Saotome Anything Goes Martial Art School proud. But what was he going to fight for now?
What is the use of becoming stronger if you don't have someone to protect anymore?
He caressed her face, put an arm around her shoulders, the other around her waist and he brought her closer to share warmth with her; then maybe, just maybe… He had been wrong about her. She was a strong martial artist. A good one. After all, she always thought of others before herself. This time, she had been the one protecting him. First from the Kinjakan and all along his fight with Saffron. Even in a doll form.
-"All this 'cause you wanted to save me… It would have been better if it were me. You should have let me die. But you're always butting in. Why did you have to get involved? Damn Akane. You fool. Why didn't you let me go?"
She didn't move nor react at his insults. He would do anything, just to have her hit him. But she would never do that again. Never again. He punched himself, either to avenge her or to strangely find comfort in the gesture.
-"I'm sorry, that's not what I meant. What I'm trying to say is thank you. I'm sorry Akane, I'm so awkward with words. There were so many things I wanted to tell you, but I could never get the words out."
He had always been good with his fists for his enemies and with his actions for her; to show her that he cared; no matter all the harsh words he could say.
-"Over and over again, I kept trying to tell you how I really felt but it always came out wrong. I just ended up bothering you and making you angry. But that was never what I wanted to do."
It was time to tell her.
-"Wake up Akane, there's something I need to tell you. I've waited so long to say it, but it can't wait another moment."
No answer.
-"Akane can't you hear me? Please Akane, I need you… to hear me now… I wanted to tell you…"
I WANTED TO TELL YOU THAT I LOVE YOU! He was so weak. The only thing he could do was to scream her name. As she didn't answer him, he gathered all his courage and screamed the words but only silence answered him. She never heard him. She would never smile at him again.
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He woke up with a start, covered with cold sweat. How could it end like this? She had awaken and told him she had heard everything, embarrassing him. She couldn't be dead! He looked around him in panic. He remembered now, he was in the Jusenkyo guide's house. Ryoga and Mousse were sleeping on other beds, snoring.
He had to see her. Just to make sure she was okay.
He quickly got up. He had made sure that Akane's room was close to his and as far as possible from Shampoo (who was sleeping with Plum). She had almost died today and he wasn't going to lose her to some crazy Amazon.
He walked silently to her bedroom and opened her door just as silently. She was lying on her bed, still. He tiptoed until he reached her bed and kneeled beside it. He caressed her face. Her skin was soft and warm under his fingers. She sighed at his touch, murmured something incomprehensible and turned on her back. He watched her chest rise and fall. She was breathing.
He let out a breath of relief. It was just a nightmare. But it had hurt as much as the earlier events.
He watched her for a long time before getting up to leave. Thank God she was fine.
-"Ranma…"
He stopped, dead in his track, his hand frozen on the doorknob. Oh crap. She was going to kill him for sneaking in her room this late at night. He was glad that the rest of the Tendo family wasn't here. He turned around slowly, ready to confront his fate.
-"Ranma…"
She was still sleeping peacefully. He left the room as fast as possible only to, surprisingly, come back a few seconds later with his futon. He put it next to her bed, settled down, and watched her face in the moonlight.
-"Ranma…"
He closed his eyes and allowed a huge smile on his lips. Akane was alive and dreaming of him. The thought was enough to make him happy. The nannichuan was long forgotten.
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FIN
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Author note: Fini… --; Here is my first attempt at angst. Well Ranma ½ isn't really angsty. The title, Le vague à l'âme, is a french expression that describes a feeling between sadness and melancholy... I'm usually very bad with titles but I think I chose wisely this time... I find it very poetic and romantic... Argh, I'm tired and school is taking me all my time so I think the next thing I'll update will be… Drabbles. It's easier and shorter to write. Oh by the way, how did you find the story? Was it boring? Should I keep writing in English? Please review and thanks for reading.
Bisous
Sousouchan