This is a oneshot and also my first fan fic in a long long time. So please be nice! And if you want me to continue, review and I might continue it. I don't own Grey's or The Spill Canvas
It was in the lobby when I set my sights on you.
Should have kissed you in the elevator.
But I was too scared to.
It was in the morning when I made up my mind.
I want you staplegunned right to my side all of the time
Dating. A stupid fucking two syllable word, something teenagers do and yet the concept made me bolt. He made it sound so simple. Hello I mean seriously did I not tell him I've never done this before?
"You've never done this before."
"No, I've never done this before."
"Hmm. Okay, all right. Well, this is- From now on, you can expect that I'm gonna show up. Even if I yell. Even if you yell. I'm always gonna show up. Okay?"
See, I did say it! I know I ramble a lot and am mostly incoherent 90 percent of the time, but I have an awesome memory. So let's review: I told him I've never done the whole relationship thing and that he'll always show up. Alright yeah that happened for like, 2 seconds, then he goes back to the walking contradiction he is.
Fast forward to the day of Cristina's non-wedding when he goes and tells me that flirting with some random bar whore was the highlight of his week. Seriously? I was trying to communicate, well not really since I wanted sex, but I was trying to be open or whatever. Then as I was getting in my gown for the wedding, Izzie catches my eye and motions to the doorway to the locker room. He finally had me backed into a corner and I couldn't get away. After everyone had filed out, he came up to me, put on his best McDreamy smile(I swear his head is permanently on a tilt, maybe he should get that checked out), and tells me I'm the love of his life. Ughh again contradiction, did he not just tell me that he was flirting with another woman? At the bar? Where we met? And now I'm the love of his life, BUT he wants me to walk away?
So I put him out of his misery at the wedding, or non-wedding, whatever it's being called. But as I walked back down the aisle, I turned around to look at him even though I swore I wouldn't. I'll never forget those eyes. They were the strangest color blue I've ever seen them be. And trust me I know the man's eyes, I don't even know what this color would be called. Wait no, I do, probably "Meredith skins McDreamy's puppy blue." Burke leaving my person basically sealed the deal for me, there was no such thing as happily ever after. I was too dark and twisty to be saved.
But now we're in some weird limbo, again. I don't want the S&M anymore, I want the kids and the house and the lifetime. But now Derek's with that scrub nurse. Well not with her, but I've seen the glances she shoots him in the OR. God she seriously comes out of nowhere and calls him out in his OR. He's "cliquey" because he's involved with me. So what if Derek doesn't know her name? So what if she's scrubbed in 36 of his surgeries? God Meredith, since when are you this possessive?
"Decision made," I said to no one in particular. Apparently I do all my best thinking in the bath tub, well maybe except that other time. The water was now cold and the bubbles were gone; the thinking was done and the decision was made. I would tell Derek today that I was ready.
Do I have to spell it out for you?
Or scream it in your face?
Oh the chemistry between us could destroy this place.
Do I have to spell it out for you?
Or whisper in your ear?
Oh just stop right there, I think that we've got something here.
"Hey Derek wait up!"
He turned around to see Rose trying to catch up to him. He smiled and leaned up against the nurse's station.
"So, do you wanna get drinks at Joe's later?"
He nodded slightly, as if he was contemplating something more. "Sure I'd love to, meet me in the lobby at 8?"
"Okay, I'll uh..I guess I'll see you then. Bye Derek," she was blushing.
He chuckled lightly and continued on his way to his office.
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I couldn't find him anywhere. I checked all the on call rooms, linen closets, his office, and the board twice. I sighed in frustration then heard footsteps behind me.
"Seriously Mer, is Mr. Incredible that bad?"
I rolled my eyes and turned around.
"No Cristina."
She looked at me skeptically.
"Oh God what did he do now?"
"I uh, he didn't do anything, why?"
"You need to get laid, seriously, a few screaming orgasms would work wonders."
"Cristina!" I hissed, we were close to the nurse's station, and I really didn't want this broadcast on the nurse's hotline.
She simply shrugged and walked away, but turned around and added, "Just talk to him." And continued to the scrub room.
I stood there, a little bit in shock; Cristina's never that "friendly." Finally, after a few minutes wandering around aimlessly, I took out my phone and called him. I was surprised that after the third ring he picked up.
"Mer?"
"Hi Derek."
"Storage closet on the second floor, give me five minutes," and he hung up.
I pulled the phone slowly away from my ear and stared at it hopelessly. Sex and mockery, that was the deal. I call him and he meets me and there it was. This was my chance to tell him that I wanted more, that I was finally ready.
We were all alone when I finally made a pass at you.
It didn't work and no it never does, but you know how I do.
We were on the phone when I made up my mind.
I want you staplegunned right to my side all of the time.
I made my way to the designated storage closet and walked in, carefully pressing the lock as I closed the door. No sooner had I walked through the threshold, Derek's lips were assaulting mine, effectively taking my breath away. I gave myself up to the kiss for a minute and pulled away slowly. I was met with a confused look marring his perfect features.
"What's the matter?"
I tucked an escaped bang back behind my ear and sighed. I could do this, I needed to grow a pair and take a step forward.
"We, uh, we need to talk Derek," I was paying more attention to my watch than him. Damnit me and my annoying habits, the rambling and the fidgeting, how does he put up with it? Oh right, he finds it adorable. I was snapped out of my reverie by his fingers slowly lifting my chin to meet his face.
"Mer, we do need to talk. I um, I have a date tonight. With Rose."
I felt my confidence just suck right out of me. He had a date with her, with the annoying stalkerish nurse.
"You. Have a date. With Rose. Tonight. Okay that's fine, you're allowed to date. S&M allows for the dating and the uh, yeah dating--"
He chuckles lightly and gives me the look: our "look."
"You said that we needed to talk? I got lost in that little ramble of yours."
I draw in a deep breath, "Idontwantyoutodateanyoneelse," Oh my God; way to go Meredith could you be anymore stupid?
His brows furrow and he nods, "Slow down, what?"
"I don't want you to date anyone but me," I said, letting the breath out slowly.
"Why? Why don't you want me dating? This is the arrangement Meredith. You aren't ready, so I'm dating."
I can feel his fingers entwine with my own and I know now what I need to say.
"I am ready," my voice is only a whisper and I doubt he heard me.
He starts grinning like a madman at me.
"What? I'm ready Derek, isn't that what you want?!"
He's still got that damn Cheshire cat grin plastered to his face. He grabs the sides of my face, reminiscent of the exam room sex we had at prom, and kisses me deeply. No, I need to tell him everything. I need to stop avoiding and having all these walls built up. I push him back again. Think fast Mer, this has got to be epic. Remember what he said?
"I want to marry you. I want to have kids with you. I want to build us a house. I want to settle down and grow old with you. I want to die when I'm 110 years old, in your arms. I don't want 48 uninterrupted hours. I want a lifetime."
"I want it too, Derek. I love you. I know I don't say it often, but I do...love you that is. You say such perfect things and I'm not in the least bit eloquent. But I want to marry you too. When Burke left Cristina that scared me. She was the one person who understands me, well besides you, and she didn't get her happily ever after, so what made me deserve that happiness? I didn't want to see her unhappy, so I ran. I ran and I was stupid Derek. I asked for the S&M because I didn't want to lose you completely. You make me feel safe. You know, when we come back down to Earth after sex, and just lay there? The world stops when I'm in your arms Der. I couldn't give that up, so I just went with the S&M as much as I hated it. As much as I hated seeing you with Sydney and seeing you now with Rose, I sucked it up because in the end I would get you.
And even as scary as they sound, I want to have your babies. I could possibly enjoy pushing a bowling bowl out of my vagina. To see a baby with your perfect hair and the McDreamy face. Maybe not so much your nose, no offense," I smiled and took a breath before continuing. He chuckled lightly, his eyes urging me to keep going, maybe I wasn't fucking this up as badly as I thought I would.
"I want you to build me and the mini McDreamies a beautiful house. I want our bedroom to face the water so we can see the sun rise and set every day, and watch see the mist come off the lake. I want to wake up with you each morning entangled in the sheets.
I am not living to 110 Derek. You are not dying in my arms. We'll die together in each other's arms, maybe at 108 cause 110 is just too freaking old. I'm done Derek. You are it for me, seriously. I can try to date or run in the opposite direction, but I can't not feel what I feel for you. I want a lifetime with you and just you. No more secrets, no more avoiding, no more running away Der, I'm done," I let out a huge sigh. Did that seriously come out of my mouth? Without rambling? Holy shit, where's the Tylenol?
He's just standing there, not talking. Did I shock him to death? Oh crap. He just blinked, okay he's alive.
"Derek, please say something? I just...I just totally went out of body and channeled someone other than myself and are you alright? Do you need me to call a code?"
"I, uh, wow Mer. That was uh, wow."
Great, he totally sounds like me right now. I'm just hoping he doesn't turn and run out of the room.
"Was it epic? Because I think it was and it seriously trumped your speech."
He smiled and chuckled heartily.
"Yeah, yeah it definitely blew mine out of the water. Did you seriously say all that? No rambling?"
I nodded slowly, at least he's processing, this is good.
"You're in shock? Derek?"
"Huh? Oh, um, I guess I am. It's just I cannot believe it."
"You can't believe what?"
"You, communicating, ready. You're ready," the grin on his face made my heart flutter.
"I'm rea-."
The last syllable didn't get a chance to leave my mouth. He lifted me against the wall and I instinctively wrapped my legs around his waist. It was a time stopping kiss, it was only us in that moment. He was the only thing I saw, the only thing I felt. The storage room faded away. I was ready and we could finally settle down.
Do I have to spell it out for you?
Or scream it in your face?
Oh the chemistry between us could destroy this place.
Do I have to spell it out for you?
Or whisper in your ear?
Oh just stop right there, I think that we've got something here.