It's hard to distract yourself when you're blind. You can't even zone out staring into the sunlit tree line. You are trapped with all your memories and thoughts and made up scenarios. Like when you're laying in that endless darkness in your bedroom before you fall asleep. When you're restless so you open your eyes to look around but it doesn't matter because it's so dark and lifeless that you can't tell the difference between having your eyes open or not. All that thick inky black nothingness surrounds you and goes on forever like an ocean made of oil. It's just like that now. All the time. Even when he knows it shouldn't be.

He's thought a lot lately about the things he might not ever get to see again, and by far the thing he will miss the most is her face. So stern and smooth and heart-stoppingly beautiful, as if an artist had carved her out of solid marble, but so delicate that a breeze could make her skin feather away like a silver dandelion.
He could hear her breathing so softly in the hospital bed next to his. He knew even though they had said goodnight an hour or so ago that she was not yet asleep. He could hear it all in her presence, in the way she breathed.
He couldn't stop thinking about her face, her neck, her shoulders, her back...
Her back...
Her back that he burned. Even though she begged him to do it years ago, it broke his heart when he thought of the pain she felt. All that pain and he could never make it up to her. Not in a million lifetimes. Not even he were Führer.
He shifted under the thin hospital sheets, feeling uncomfortable.
How did he expect to do right by her when he couldn't even tell her that he loved her.
Even though he's known it for a while, more than a while, he had been very good at making excuses. Whether it's about her protection or that it just wasn't a good time, they could loose their jobs.

When is a good time, Roy. He could hear Maes' voice in his head as if he were reincarnated as his conscience. When will it ever be a 'good time'. You really should tell her sometime, she would make a great wife for you.
He could just see Hughes giving him that big knowing smile if he knew they where sharing a hospital room.
He let out a heavy involuntary sigh.
He heard hair brushing against fabric, then could feel her eyes on him. He opened his eyes, staring at the bland hospital ceiling, but to him it was just the same darkness.

He spoke almost inaudibly. "I'm sorry if I disturbed you."

"Not at all, Sir."

Her voice was tired but still as soft as silk.
He let out a tired breath.

"Riza, it's just us... just you and me." he whispered, turning to her. " We've been through enough, you don't have to call me Sir, or Colonel or any of that nonsense here."
He could feel her relax slightly. She didn't have to say a word.
"What's on your mind, Roy."
He hesitated, picturing her all too familiar furrowed brow of concern. He had it memorized, and he didn't even know it until just now. He smiled briefly, but not for more than a second. Remembering what had been rolling through his mind, he sat up and propped his back against the wall, pushing his pillow between his lower back and the cold wood.

"Come here, Riza... Please."

A soft shift of a blanket then one, two bare feet onto the linoleum. She stepped so silently, and sat down so gently near his feet. He pulled his legs up to sit Indian style and she followed suit. They faced each other, legs crossed. He reached out with both hands and gently grabbed her face, brushing his thumbs ever so slightly across her soft cheeks. He wanted so badly to see her face. To see what she was thinking in those chestnut eyes. He could feel his heart racing in his ears and his blood boiling with anxiety just thinking about it.

"Roy, what-"

"I'm sorry..." he interrupted. He started to pull away but she caught him, holding his hands just inches from her face.

"Roy.." his name seems to drift off her tongue like a warm breeze. For once in his life, he had no idea what this woman before him was thinking. "Why won't you just tell me."
His heart skipped a beat. Could she know? Of course she could. Hawkeye may have been her name from birth but she more than lived up to it. But did she know?

They sat there for a moment while he collected himself. She was still holding his hands and studying his face. This time when he pulled his hands away, she let him. She was almost disappointed until he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her forwards, hugging her with his forehead against her collar bone. His fingers traced the scar he'd left through her cotton pajama shirt. Her hands slid up his back to his shoulder blades.

"I'm sorry.." he whispered into her neck. She tilted her head so that her mouth was level with his ear. He felt her warm breath and a few loose strands of hair brush against his ear.

"I know... I'm sorry too..."

"I never wanted to... I could never..." He pulled away, moving his hands to her jawline, making her look at him.
His heart was racing and his chest was burning. The feel of her skin was like if heaven met hell. So lovely, so plush, so tortuous since he knew he would never have her.
He trusted this woman with everything. He trusted her with his life and his choices. He might as well just give her everything. She was his everything.
He knew that she knew. How could she not? How could they be so close, so in tune to each other and not give in? No. It's not giving in.
She took care of him and looked out for him. She made sure that he was always in the right and on the right path. She was the reason he was where he is today. She is his reason.

"I love you."

Before he could even stop it that long awaited statement slipped out.
The words felt so natural coming from his mouth, like they've been waiting on the back of his tongue for their turn to be heard. Specially made just to float to her ears.

He felt the heat rushing to her face. He told her that he loved her, and she was blushing.
I had to wait until I was blind to fucking do it. I don't even get to see the look on her face.

Her heart felt like it leaped as her body gave her a jump start of adrenaline. She was speechless. Even though she knew it was a long time coming, she had no idea what to do. She wasn't trained for this.
She loved him too, but she would never say it first. He was her commanding officer, her mentor and long time friend.

She watched his eyes dart around as if they were trying still to catch a glimpse of something, anything. He looked so worried, so vulnerable. Almost like he dropped something small and valuable into the grass. She shifted onto her knees and grabbed his hands that were still holding her face.

"Roy...," she started quietly, carefully rubbing his hands with her thumbs. Her heart was in her throat as she flashed through all the time they had spent together and all the times her helped her feel at ease without even trying, and here they were. Sitting in the hospital together and here she was taking care of him again, just like always, just like it should be. She wouldn't want to be anywhere else.

"I love you too, Roy.."

He caught the breath he didn't realize he was holding and smiled. Choking on air and laughing, he didn't know what he expected. He gently placed his forehead against hers, his smile beaming so hard he was sure his face would get sore.

She kissed him. Then and there. Her lips were perfection in the mildest baby pink. It felt like electricity doused in fire rushing through his body. He closed his eyes. He never wanted to stop kissing her, but he wanted her closer. Oh god how he wanted her. He moved his hands down to her waist and pulled her slightly. She followed suit and moved closer, his arms leading her to lay next to him as they broke their kiss he moved himself down to lay with her. They laid for a moment facing each other without touching. They were so used to their restraints that it took a moment to adjust, but neither of them could take it anymore.

Roy reached out and pulled her against him, with his hand in the middle of her back and her face so close that her breath danced across his face before he stole her lips. Kissing her was addicting. He couldn't get enough. She tasted like pure ecstasy felt.

Her fingers were in his hair and her body was so warm under his hands as they explored the underneath her hospital shirt. Her skin was so- god it was so- velvet, like velvet. His mind was going a mile a minute. His fingers reached the side of her breast, no bra. She sighed a bit into his mouth as he traced it with his thumb. His hands were slightly calloused and they felt good, so good.

He moved his hand back up to her back, softly caressing her skin. His excitement was increasing as she pushed herself against him. She wanted him just as badly as he wanted her. Her breathing was getting heavy as she felt her panties becoming more and more uncomfortable.
Her hand traveled from the back of his head down his chest to the waistband of his pants. He pushed his hips forward without a second thought. He wanted to feel her hands everywhere.

She slipped two fingers into his waistband and pulled slightly. She peeked down out of one eye and saw the bulge that was forming underneath the warm fabric of his sweatpants. She slid her fingers around to the back and pulled his pants over his well toned backside. He smiled into their kiss as he began to pull her shirt over her head. He kicked his pants all the way off and pulled the hospital blanket over their newly exposed bodies.

As their frantic kissing ensued further he traced her body with his fingers, from her shoulder blades down to her thighs. She threw a leg over his waist as her gripped her thigh, mindlessly grinding against her. His kisses moved slowly down across her neck to her collar bone then straight down to her breast. She sighed. He took her nipple into his mouth and slowly ran his tongue around it. She moaned. He loved the way it sounded when she moaned. He flicked his tongue over the hardened bud as he slipped his hand down the back of her pants, cupping her tight butt cheek.

Good god, these pants had to go. He pulled them down past her ankles and threw them to be forgotten. He slid his hands up her legs, to her inner thighs, to her hips, over her stomach. He wanted to memorize her. Every inch of her. He closed his eyes and tried to imagine her face.
She slid her hands down his chest and stroked one finger down his hard penis. It made him quiver. She kissed him from his chest to his neck, still playing with his throbbing member. He sighed as she licked her fingers then grabbed his dick stroking up and down. He moaned and she nibbled on his neck.

Riza may have been a fairly reserved woman, but she was finally getting what she wanted. She stopped rubbing his eagerly pulsating cock to climb on top of him. She saw a cocky lustful smile creep across his face. He loved it.

She straddled him for a moment as his hands found their way to her breasts again squeezing slightly. He could feel the heat and moisture coming from her tingling womanhood. He loved her and he loved that she wanted him just as much as he wanted her. He felt her fingers wrap around his thirsty manhood and rub just the tip across her sopping vagina. He moaned. She was being such a tease and he wanted her. He reached down and stopped her. He felt her wet lips and ran his fingers over them. Her legs trembled slightly.
He sat up and kissed her as she positioned his manhood and slid him inside of her. She moaned into his mouth.

He was smiling as he kept kissing her. She grinded her hips against his as he helped thrust. One hand on her hip and the other on the back of her head, kissing her.
She moaned into his mouth again as she rode him. She could feel her heart rate quickening and she sped up, it just felt so good. His member was hitting just the right spot. His grip on her tightened as he began panting. He cupped and lifted her breast in to his mouth feverishly, causing her to moan louder than she expected. Her body began to tighten up, starting in her shoulders.

"Roy.." She sighed between moans, wrapping her arms around him. Her pace quickened as her stomach started to tighten up. Her pleasure was soaring. She was forgetting where she was as she moaned louder. His member was going deeper and deeper as he held her hips and moaned lightly into her neck. Her walls here tightening around his manhood.
He didn't know how much longer he could last going like this. Everything just felt so good, so right. He kept breathing harder, his heart rate going faster. His body tingling everywhere. She was moaning his name and he couldn't get enough of it.

She closed her eyes and threw her head back, she was almost to her peak. She felt like her whole body was about to implode with pure ecstasy. She couldn't think straight, all she could focus on was him. His breathing, his body, his movements, his lips. Oh god this was it. Her grip tightened on him as she dug her fingers into his skin leaving scratches that neither one of them would notice until later.
"God, Roy!" She hit an octave he had never heard in her voice before and it was the sexiest thing to ever bless his ears. Her woman hood throbbing and tightened hard on his manhood sending him over the edge. He came inside her. Both of them panting in pure satisfaction, she laid down next to him. He grabbed her hand and they just laid there, together, smiling.

Finally.