"It's all right," Chie says, grinning at Yukiko. It doesn't meet her tired eyes. "I'm fine, really. Really!"
Yukiko stalls. "Maybe I should stay over for the night."
As much as Chie would like that – at any time, really, not just the hard times – she shakes her head. "C'mon, Yukiko. It's the busy season, the inn needs you."
"Yes," Yukiko admits, hesitantly. "But – "
Chie pushes Yukiko along, patting her shoulder. "I'm fine, Yukiko. You don't need to mother me."
Well, maybe she does. Not that Chie meant to say that, at all, and the way Yukiko looks back at her – distraughtly, worriedly – makes her add as casually as she can: "See? All good."
When Yukiko continues to watch her, steadily, Chie grins widely and pushes her forward with a little more force. "See you tomorrow, 'kay?"
This time, Yukiko keeps the momentum going as a tentative walk down the street, all the while looking back over her shoulder. "I'll bring some leftovers to school tomorrow. Take care!"
Chie stands, waves until Yukiko turns around, and stays until she's too far to see.
Then, Chie turns to her own front door. Her smile drops, as does her stomach.
"I'm fine," she mutters to herself as she unlocks the door and pushes in.
It's quiet, and that's usually the first thing Chie notices these days.
She doesn't like it, so she shouts, "I'm home!"
No one answers.
Chie sighs. She kicks off her shoes, climbs the stairs to her room, drops her bag on the way to her bed, and flops face first into her blankets.
For a while, she lays there, and nothing happens.
Yosuke drops a couple of packets on Chie's lap.
"Umm?" Chie asks.
"Meat gum," Yosuke says, shrugging. He pulls a few more packs from his pockets, and tosses them at Chie. "From overstock."
Chie isn't sure that's how overstock works. "For real? All this?"
Yosuke shrugs again, and pushes his hair back. "Yeah. Don't let Ted see 'em, though."
"Well…thanks, Yosuke," Chie says as she collects the packets and stuffs them into her jacket pocket. "But I swear if this is some kind of bribe – "
"Nah," Yosuke cuts in, waving his hands. "Man, can't I do something nice for someone?"
"No."
Yosuke drops his head – hair falling over his face – and groans. "'Course you'd say that."
But part of Chie notices that that's all Yosuke says; he doesn't fire back at her. Part of Chie hates that.
"Don't you think you need a haircut? Or do you want to be entered in the girls' pageant this year?"
Instinctively, Yosuke runs his hands through his hair. "I don't get paid enough for a haircut."
"Sure," Chie mutters, and doesn't say anything else. She isn't sure if she knows how to talk to Yosuke when he isn't coming to blows with her.
"Maybe you should do something about you hair," Yosuke suggests suddenly.
"Oh yeah?" Chie challenges.
She's disappointed when his voice goes soft. "Well, yeah. Girls get haircuts when they want change, right?"
Chie almost doesn't answer, but she knows she needs to at least remind Yosuke that – "I'm fine."
Yosuke grins at her. "I know."
Chie doesn't know what to do with that. She doesn't even feel like kicking him in the shins for acting all nice when she's sick of it.
"C'mon, let's get lunch with Yukiko," Yosuke continues, already heading for the door. "Bet she brought steak tenderloin or something."
Chie pushes out of her chair, and tries not to drag herself to the door. "Sure."
"Chie-senpai!"
Chie really doesn't want to be held up on her way home, and not just because it's colder outside than she dressed for. "What's up, Rise-chan?"
Rise, bundled up in a jacket and light scarf, stops beside her. "Wanna go to Aiya's? Kanji and I were gonna try and team up against a beef bowl, and we could really use your help!"
Chie doesn't feel all that hungry these days, even if she's been sustaining herself on take out and whatever everyone else has been sending over to her.
She misses her mom's cooking.
"I would, but I still have some leftovers that Konishi-san sent over, and I don't want it to go to waste."
Rise's expression shifts a bit. Softens. It makes Chie feel tired very suddenly.
"You sure? Kanji's paying, and we can grab some hot chocolate after, too."
"Yeah," Chie says, starting down the road again. "I'm sure. Maybe tomorrow!"
She waves to Rise before turning and walking on. She doesn't hear Rise when she speaks, and somehow, it feels like trekking the TV World's twisting path with Rise heeding them on in their heads.
"Man, everyone else has work, and Naoto bailed on us, too. I'm gonna get so fat!"
The words float to Chie slowly, and she's still thinking about them when she realises she's walked right past her own house.
Chie considers back-tracking, but she doesn't want to be there right now.
It's not like anyone's waiting on her to come home, anyway.
"I'm fine," Chie mumbles, kicking up small pebbles and walking on ahead.
She's not sure why she's still waiting at Naoto's doorstep when it's getting colder and darker, but she rings the doorbell furiously because Naoto better be home and not ignoring her.
Knowing Naoto, that's probably the case.
But, Chie thinks, that assumes that she knows Naoto, and the more she thinks about it, that just might be a tall order. Chie isn't even sure she's seen Naoto in the last three months.
But then, Chie's been more preoccupied with getting used to not seeing her own mother in the last three months.
Truth be told, it's been backbreaking, and Chie runs marathons on Tuesday mornings.
Before Chie can lose herself, the door opens. Naoto stands there, hatless and in her grey collared shirt and blue plaid dress pants and looking dressed to the nines.
Chie sometimes forgets Naoto's still in the nineties.
"Satonaka-san," Naoto greets. She sounds both surprised and bored.
"H-hey, Naoto-kun!" Chie says, flicking her hand up in a sort of salute greeting. "What's new?"
Naoto hesitates, and makes an awkward situation worse. "Not anything notable."
Chie almost tells Naoto that when someone throws the ball into your park, you throw it back, not kick it out of sight.
"Okay, cool," she says instead, and takes a step back. "Well then – y'know, I gotta get home, so I'll see you, maybe – "
"What brought you here?"
Chie balks. She isn't sure what to say, but hears herself go on anyway: "I dunno. You're the detective, aren't you?"
If Naoto took offense to that, she doesn't show it. "Quite. Well, it's cold out – "
"Yeah! Brrr. Gotta get running – "
" – come in for a bit," Naoto continues, as though Chie hadn't spoken at all. "For a cup of tea, at least."
"I don't like tea," Chie blurts, while her mind tries to decide. Go home and tell herself she's fine until she sleeps, or awkwardly have tea with Naoto.
Well, she's been talking to herself for a while now. It's been decent company. At least she knows what to say to herself, even if it's the same thing over and over and over –
"Come in quick, the house is getting cold."
Chie nods and marches in between the space Naoto makes for her. "Yes, sir."
She stops about five steps in, because she really doesn't know what she's doing here, or why she's here, or how she even remembers where Naoto lives when she's only seen it once from the outside when she picked up Yukiko after the Shadow Naoto fight.
Good times, that. As oppose to hard time, this.
"I'll take your jacket," Naoto offers from behind her. Chie turns around to see her hand held out. "And you may leave your bag in the closet."
"Think I'll keep the jacket on – " not so much a jacket as it is her fall school sweater " – but yeah, don't wanna carry my bag around, ha-ha."
She hands it over to Naoto, who motions forward with her head. "Very well, then. The living room is ahead, I'll come in a moment."
"Sure."
Chie slides out of her shoes as slowly as possible, because she doesn't really want to venture around Naoto's apartment alone. But she can only stall a millisecond task so long, so she makes her way down the short corridor to a space that opens to a kitchen on the left and a living room opposite.
Chie stands at the ingress of the living room, and chooses to look at it instead of entering because it's a practically a model room you see in those boring old magazines at the hospital.
Black suede sofas against slate walls, a glass side table to one side parallel to a populated bookshelf on the other, and a flat screen television bigger than the one they jump in at Junes on the other end.
Chie thinks that, sure, it looks great, but she can't see it as a living room when it's so – mechanical. She can't picture a family huddled up for Christmas reruns around the TV.
That's it, Chie realises suddenly. That's what she didn't like about Naoto's house: empty, just like her own.
She wants to leave, but then she'd be going back to the same thing, wouldn't she?
"Is there a problem?"
Chie turns around to Naoto. "No! I was just…waiting. For you."
"You shouldn't have," Naoto says, and holds her hand ahead of her. "After you."
Something stops Chie. "Um."
"Yes?"
"I just…"
Naoto waits.
Chie sighs, but turns it into a laugh. "I mean, I really didn't mean to bother you. I don't even know why I'm here, but I should go."
Naoto's hand is still outstretched as she speaks. "Is there somewhere else you are needed?"
It'd be easier to answer Naoto if she asked question more like a normal person. "Yes – I mean no, but – uhhhhhh."
There's a pause that follows, before Naoto lets her hand drop as well as her voice. "I understand. I shouldn't have kept you."
"Gee, Naoto-kun, don't get so sad on me," Chie says, half-chuckling. "I don't mean it like that, I just – honestly, I don't even know."
"Not at all. I just – " and Naoto pauses, like she's looking for something. Words, maybe. She starts again with a stilted tone. " – I was too forward. I simply assumed that you wanted to talk."
"Talk about what?"
"About." Pause. "I'm getting ahead of myself."
"C'mon, spit it out," Chie prompts.
Naoto looks down, and starts to adjust the cuffs of her shirt. "They told me things have been difficult for you. I thought you might like to talk to someone who – knows."
Chie pauses, chuckles, shrugs, and chuckles a bit more. She isn't sure what she's supposed to say, except what she's been saying all along. "I'm fine. Really, they – they just worry. But I'm fine."
"I expect as much," Naoto says plainly.
And as much as Chie thinks talking to Naoto is just like talking to one of those bots on MSN, she almost thinks it's the best answer she's had yet.
Because Naoto doesn't try to help. Naoto doesn't stay there and take care of her and sympathise her. Naoto just beats around the bush a bit because she doesn't want to be rude, and then just stays there.
Naoto doesn't make Chie feel like she owes her, and doesn't make Chie feel weaker than the things that happen to her.
Still, Chie can't help but ask, "Where were you?"
"Hmm?"
"When it – when it all happened." Even if it happened fast. Collapse. Hospital. Apologies. Funeral. "I mean, I get you're not the buddy-buddy type, but I barely even saw you."
Naoto continued fiddling with her sleeve. "The others were better company than I."
Chie shrugs. "Yeah, I guess."
"And," Naoto continues, looking up and leveling Chie with a steady stare. "You seemed to be doing well enough after some time. My intervention would only reiterate over the problem."
Again, Chie shrugs. "Yeah, I guess."
A baited silence settles between them, where Naoto resumes buttoning and unbuttoning the gauntlets of her shirt, and Chie stuffs her hands in her jacket pockets.
Chie sneezes.
Naoto looks up. "Cold?"
"No," Chie says. "Just a bit."
Naoto looks off to the left. "I have a spare coat. It should fit you."
Somehow, Chie doubts that. She knows Naoto gets her clothing tailored to her – rich folk, geez – and she's seen Naoto's chicken arms, too.
Chie brushes off her sleeve. "Nah, it's just the chills. A hot shower'll take care of it."
Nodding, Naoto starts to unbutton her sleeve cuffs. "Right. The washroom is up the hall to the left."
Chie blinks. "Huh?"
"This way," Naoto says as she starts to walk from where they came, whilst rolling her sleeves up.
Chie follows her. "No, I mean, I'll shower at home – "
Naoto doesn't stop as they go down a parting Chie missed on the way in. "You're here as it is. Unless you're uncomfortable, which I would understand, but…"
Sleeves rolled to the elbows like a Hollywood star, Naoto stops at a door. "But if you are to stay for a drink, you may as well unwind from the day."
Chie really doesn't think she did anything – went to school, deflected a bunch of worried looks, walked all the way uptown to Naoto's place – but a warm shower and unwinding sounded like all the right things.
"All right, all right. But I don't drink tea. Or coffee." Chie sticks out her tongue. "Blegh."
For a moment, Naoto looks contemplative, and Chie thinks she hears the words 'unsophisticated' and 'temporary' muttered.
Before Chie could say anything, Naoto opens the door and switches on the lights to a blindingly white washroom. "You'll find the spare towels and bathrobes in the cabinet. Feel free to use any of the soaps therein as well."
Squinting, Chie steps into the washroom, and almost pulls away as the cold from the tiles seeps through her socks. "Cool, thanks. And I mean it: no coffee."
Naoto's already turned heel when Chie's finished saying that. "Noted," she says back.
That leaves Chie to lock the door behind her and figure out Naoto's American-style washroom.
Why did this kind of apartment exist in Inaba, anyway?
It isn't too difficult – she's showered at Yukiko's inn plenty of times, and those have the handicap of being ancient – and she's quickly hung up her clothes and started the water.
It's too hot, at first. She squeaks, pulls back, and reaches around the water stream and turns it down. It adjusts fast, and before long Chie's standing under it and not really doing much else.
The water is warm, and that's something Chie hasn't really felt in a while. The house feels colder and bigger. The weather chills and the days get shorter. Standing in the water, all of that waits outside.
Chie tells herself it's stupid to cry, and that she isn't. It's just the water. Maybe Naoto's pipes are filled with fancy mineral pond-water or something.
Maybe, for a moment there, she stopped telling herself she's fine.
It's rude to use up other people's hot water. Chie tells herself this, but takes her time all the same.
When Chie starts down the hallway to the living room, clad in the softest fleece bath robe – rich folk, geez – it's already dark out.
She reaches the main hall when her mind blanks, then reminds her that she isn't at her own house, even if it's just as quiet. She goes right, turns around at the sight of the front door, and follows the left hall to the living room.
It's dimly lit by a lamp on the side table, and Naoto is setting down a bowl of almonds and walnuts beside mugs on the table.
Chie isn't sure what to say – and feels like she's felt that way, way too many times lately – so she settles with a sharp, "Hey!"
Naoto flinches, but quickly composes herself. "Ah, Satonaka-san. I hope you found everything went well."
"Yeah, thanks. It was relaxing, really." Chie walks inside, hesitantly. "I mean, I don't know what Juniper-Guava is, but I think I need to get myself some."
"Good," Naoto says simply, and motions for Chie to take a seat.
She does, carefully, and finds the couches are more welcoming than they looked. Naoto pours the contents of a small tea pot into the mug set in front of her.
"I hope hot chocolate is to your liking."
It smells divine, and that's not a word Chie ever uses. She picks it up eagerly, and holds the mug tight as the warmth seeps through her hands. "H-oh yeah!"
Naoto almost smiles at that as she takes a seat on the opposite side of the couch. Part of Chie notes that it's a long couch.
Chie brings the cup to her lips and blows. "This is weird."
Naoto's already sipping from her cup. "Is there a problem."
"No – " Chie chances a sip, and while it singes her tongue, it also blesses it " – I meant to say, 'it's great, thanks'. But then I thought, 'hey, this is kinda weird, huh?'."
Naoto doesn't answer, so Chie laughs instead. "I'm sorry. Sometimes I just say things. This is great, really. Thanks."
As Chie risks a large gulp of her hot chocolate, Naoto nods. "I'm glad to hear that."
"Mm-hmm."
Chie lets the hot chocolate course through her, and sighs. She feels warm, and in between that and the background awkwardness, she forgets, for just a moment, to remind herself that's she's fine.
In that moment, it wasn't important to. No one was asking her for anything.
But even Chie knew the moment had to pass. And probably soon, because Naoto sits silently with her cup on the other end of a long couch.
"So…" Chie starts, and her voice is loud against the harsh quiet.
"Yes?"
"…w-what's up?" Chie manages. She wonders if maybe she should down the rest of her drink in a gulp and get going, because she can't imagine how a conversation with just Naoto could go on for much longer than a few clumsy minutes.
"Nothing notable, as I mentioned."
Chie doesn't remember her mentioning that.
"But Rise-san has been pestering me lately."
Well, there's a place to start. "Yeah?"
"Indeed." Naoto sets down her drink and folds her arms. In the low light, she looks like a painting that should be hung up on her slate wall. "She's been asking me to watch her movies, and other ones as well. For comparison."
Chie hums. "Oh man, I couldn't do that. I need a lot of action to keep me watching, y'know? But I think Yukiko's watched one of those Risette mini-movies."
"Which one?"
"Dunno. Probably a cheesy rom-com."
Naoto pinches the bridge of her nose. "They're all cheesy rom-coms."
"Ouch."
"Ouch indeed."
Chie laughs into her drink before sipping in some more of it. "It could be worse. You could like them."
She isn't sure, but Chie thinks the light is playing tricks on her, because Naoto's face almost flushes as she looks down and say, "Well."
"I mean," Chie really doesn't mean to knock things other people like, "millions of people do, right? That's why she's an idol and all, right?"
"That would be part of it."
"Yeah," Chie breathes, stirring her mug around a bit so the chocolate doesn't sit. She expects another silence to follow, but Naoto speaks up as she reaches for something.
"There was actually one I was planning to watch tonight. We could suffer through it together."
"A Risette movie?" Because, no offense, that might suck a bit.
"Well, no," Naoto says as she picks up a remote and clicks the television on. It tunes into a grey screen. "But a cheesy rom-com, as you called it. Rise-san suggested it."
Well, Chie can either sit and try to talk to Naoto in the dark, or she could sit through a boring movie.
Chie opts for boring movie, to save herself, mostly. "Is that what the snacks are for?" She picks up the bowl of nuts. "Because these aren't movie snacks."
Naoto frowns wryly. "I appear to lack the sufficient movie rations."
'Sufficient movie rations' is exactly the kind of worded conversation Chie's elected out of. "Don't worry about it, it's fine."
"And you are, too, correct?" Naoto comments.
Chie hesitates to answer. Part of her remembers that Naoto is the same Naoto that just stood sourly while her own shadow sobbed on the floor, and that same Naoto is a jerk.
"Yeah. I'm fine."
"Lovely," Naoto says, pressing buttons and starting the moive.
Chie throws a handful of walnuts in her mouth, pours more hot chocolate into her mug, and prepares for the worst.
It doesn't go badly, though. The movie starts off with a musical number, which Chie learns quickly is a motif in the movie. It follows the journey of a – barista-slash-actress? And a failing musician who gets fired on Christmas.
A musical number passes, boy meets girl, rom-com things happen. The colours are nice, the music is decent, and the jokes land. Chie's laughing and making comments, and can't tell is Naoto appreciates them or hates them or is too busy analysing the movie to hear them.
And then the flick hits a climax, where boy hurts girl – or something, honestly Chie lost focus for a while there – and then things get better.
And then they change. Boy and girl separate, and there's a time-lapse. They see each other again, but they're lives apart. A musical montage asks the what-if question, but when the song ends, they're back to reality.
Boy sees girl. They smile. They go their separate ways.
Chie's hot chocolate finishes as the credits roll.
No one says anything for a while. Then, Chie almost shouts, "Well that sucked."
"Did it?" Naoto asks. She's sitting with one foot propped on her knee.
"Well, yeah." Chie sets her cup down, and the since empty bowl. "That's not how things actually go."
"It is a movie."
Chie frowns. "Still. Like, I don't know about falling in love and stuff, but I know about having to watch people go. Like Souji-kun."
Naoto doesn't say anything, maybe to leave the floor open to Chie.
She takes it willingly. "And it's not like that. It's not a smile, and then you walk away and things are better. Goodbyes suck. They mean – well, they mean bye, right? The end, no more, we won't meet again."
"There could be happy goodbyes, Satonaka-san."
Maybe Chie got too comfortable with the bath robe and the hot chocolate. Maybe she's just anxious being stuck at Naoto's empty, empty house. Maybe it's just getting late.
She keeps going, faster. "Only when you know you'll see each other again. But maybe you never know that, maybe you don't know when you're gonna see someone again. Maybe you don't know, and you don't say goodbye. It's a stupid movie."
Naoto has that thinking look again, just for a moment. She then says, "It's a fine movie."
"No, it's not fine," Chie half-shouts, half-laughs out. "It's not fine, Naoto. It's not. That's not okay."
And Chie stops herself, punches the couch seat, bites her lip because it's late and she's tired and she's too warm right now.
"It's not fine," Naoto says slowly, unfolding her legs and leaning towards Chie, "to bottle things up, to be strong because you don't want to bother other people and you don't know how to face it. It isn't okay, and it doesn't have to be."
Chie tries to say something, but her throat tightens up. She turns away, doesn't want Naoto to see her like this.
She wants her mom again. She wonders if she remembered to text her dad that she's at her friend's house.
She wants her mom again. She presses her eyes closed tight.
She wants her mom.
"Yeah, well," Chie manages in a small, small voice, "you know all about this, don't you? And you didn't come to me at all. Where were you?"
She doesn't see Naoto, but she hears someone who sounds like her. Gentler, though. "I wanted to think you were better than me. I wanted to think that having people around you would make you better than I."
Chie sniffs. "What's that supposed to mean?"
A beat. Naoto speaks slowly. "I wasn't given sympathy. I was given deadlines, and given to strangers until my grandfather took me in. But I was…"
A long pause follows, and Chie distantly notices the credits are done and the screen is blank.
"I was alone. I kept it to myself, told myself to be strong. That it was fine, that I was okay." Chie hears a sigh. "And I know how that feels, still. I don't wish it upon anyone."
"Y-yeah, well," and Chie rubs her nose against her sleeve, and decides it's Naoto's fault anyways, "I feel it, too. And-and it's annoying when everyone keeps looking at me like I'll break down, and I don't want to, and I just want things to go back to normal but they won't and I just can't smile and say it's okay and – and N-Naoto, I never got to say goodbye."
Tears. Chie feels tears, rolling warm down her cheeks. She's annoyed at it, but it also feels like some part of the things she pushes away falls out with those tears.
She's glad it's dark, and she's glad she's crying. It's just difficult to let it happen.
But Naoto seems to let her, in peace, so after a few minutes, when Chie's too tired to cry anymore, she just curls up and sits there, staring at her hands in the fleece.
She sees Naoto stand and walk up to her, hand with checkered handkerchief offered out.
Chie takes it, sniffling. "Thanks. D-do you just carry this around? Because that's super dorky."
Naoto doesn't say anything, but she moves the mug to the side and sits on the table so that she's facing Chie.
It takes about a minute longer, but Chie's folded the handkerchief and, actually, feels better. Silly, tired, warm, but better.
"Thanks, Naoto-kun."
"I suppose it's what friends are for," Naoto says.
Chie nods. "I guess. I mean, friends make each other laugh more than they make each other cry, and you're not that funny."
Naoto shrugs, and slips her hands into her pockets. "I suppose."
Chie purses her lips, but manages a smile. "That was still a stupid movie."
"We could watch one you like, if you wish."
"No," Chie whispers, shaking her head. "I should probably go home. I need sleep, and Dad's probably trying to get Miko to stop chewing up the slippers again."
"While I do recommend you spend all the time you can surrounded by your family," Naoto says, "I don't think I could, in good conscience, let you leave this late in this state."
"Thanks, Naoto-kun. I know I'm a mess."
"You know I don't mean that."
Chie does. And Chie also knows she'll probably drop on the street before she gets home, because she's exhausted, through and through.
Chie also knows that, when she leaves, Naoto will be alone again. Chie's starting to get a feel for that, if just for a few hours a day, and she hates every moment of it.
"…you're stronger than me, Naoto." Chie punched Naoto's shoulder. "You put up with this for years, huh?"
"It isn't a contest, Satonaka."
"I know." Chie sniffs. "Thank you."
Naoto smiles a small, real smile. "I should show you to your room."
Chie expects a four poster bed on the clouds. But honestly, it could be a stone floor, and Chie would still sleep peacefully.
Maybe, she thinks, ruffling Naoto's hair to her chagrin, it's because she's not going to keep herself up tonight thinking all the same things.
It's not fine, really, right now. But being strong doesn't mean always being fine.
She knows that now.
"Chin up, Naoto-kun," Chie says, grinning. She pats Naoto's head. "We're gonna be fine."
A/N: ah, sad Chie, sadder Naoto. Record-breaking, by the way, that Chie didn't kick any one in this fic.
Also, doc manager keeps deleting letters as I type them. Smh.