THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS
by Clement Clarke Moore
Revised by yours truly
'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the lab
Not a creature was stirring, not even a squint;
The test tubes were placed by the computer with care,
In hopes that the evidence would soon be clear;
The squints were invested deep in their experiments,
While calculations and formulas danced in their heads;
And Booth's "cocky" belt was cinched tight 'round his waist,
his silly striped socks warm 'round his feet,
When inside the lab arose such a clatter,
Someone forgot to swipe their card through the box.
Away to the platform ran security,
But it was only Zach tipsy from spiked punch.
The moon glinting on the shiny lab
Gave the luster of silver to objects below,
When, who to everyone's surprise does appear,
but Caroline the lawyer with her witty repartee.
With a little hop and a kick,
Caroline came in.
The squints hypothesized that she must be slammed,
though she was quick to tell them it was just Christmas cheer;
"Now, Hodgins! now, Angela! now, Brennan and Booth!
On, Zach! on Cam! Go fetch me some nog!
To the top of the platform! to the top of the table!
The squints ran to get the lawyer some egg nog"
As flesh eating beetles over burnt flesh crawl,
So did the squints scamper to please the attorney at law,
So then with a drink clutched firmly in hand,
The lawyer with a puckish side said adieu.
And then, in spur of creative thought
Angela drew a portrait of the merry group.
As the music and laughter played a pretty tune,
Hodgins and Angela went sneaking to the Egyptian room
Where in the mood for a playful romp,
They defiled the queen's bed for the second time 'round.
Upstairs in the lab they were hardly missed,
because a very tipsy Zach was doing interpretive dance.
They couldn't stop laughing, it was a sight to behold.
His head how it flopped! His legs how they kicked!
His movements were jerky, his body like spaghetti!
His arms where flailing around,
his hips where shaking about,
and Booth was slowly regretting spiking his punch.
It wasn't long 'til Hodgins and Angela were back
and they were quite amused by Zach's dance,
they laughed and they giggled then helped Zach off the table,
they were scared he would hurt himself in the process.
Then it was time for the gifts to be opened,
Zach got a book full of bone things,
while Brennan got some ancient things.
Angela got a brand new paint set,
and Hodgins was awarded with a large preserved bug.
Cam got a pretty red sweater,
and Booth got crazy socks and a tie.
Soon it was time to leave for the night,
And away they all went like sprightly young folk,
And Zach in a drunk stupor yelled,
"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!"
A/N: Just a little twist on the 'ol Christmas poem.