Author's Note:
Yes, I've decided to write a crossover story, because this idea was rattling in my head for a long time and I just NEEDED to write it. Lady-killer Duke Nukem and his best friend, Dylan in a magical world with attractive ladies that fight each other? HELL YEAH! I got bored writing Black Crusaders, so I put that story on hiatus, and I haven't forgot about Mob Kingdom, I'll get to that soon. I was inspired to write a Duke Nukem crossover because I finished reading a story called I Please Where I Go, a Duke Nukem/Sekirei crossover that was excellent.
As I write the story, I will be making parodies/references. Its not a Duke Nukem story without the parodies/references of other games or movies and books.
Duke Nukem Timeline: Set after Forever, right at Duke's kidnapping by Dr. Proton.
Queen's Blade Timeline: Set one year before Exiled Virgin (Season One of the Anime)
Rated M for excessive swearing, vulgar dialogue, violence and lemon scenes.
Chapter 1: Going in Boots First
Duke sat back on a large red club chair, enjoying a beautiful stripper pole dancing in front of him. The club music sounded faint and far away because Duke was drunk from drinking too many shots of tequila and was seeing double.
"Dance for me baby..." He slurred at the stripper. The stripper smiled at Duke and walked up to him to seat in his lap. A muscular arm wrapped around her waist as she leaned forward to whisper in his ear.
"Get up, Duke." A voice of an old man coming from the stripper shocked Duke out of his drunkenness.
Duke yawned as he woke up from his dream.
Well that was fucking strange. Why would a babe have the voice of a decrepit old fart? My club dreams are NEVER like that.
He immediately discovered that he was strapped to an iron chair by leather straps. In a kinky situation with a lady, he wouldn't have mind playing the submissive role to let the lady take charge, but all sense of kinkiness in his mind vanished when he opened his eyes to discover that he was in a laboratory, with a cybernetic Dr. Proton and a Terminator-esque bot standing in front of him; a Dukeinator.
"Dr. Proton? I thought you were dead." Duke glared at the evil genius.
"Well, I've survived and made some great improvements to my body." Proton grinned at the muscular man.
"Came back for revenge?"
Proton laughed.
"Oh, you hit the nail on the head, Duke. At first I was going to clone you to raise my army of Dukes, but it would be better just to kill you here and now." Proton snapped his finger and the bot walked over to the other side of the room and flipped a switch on the wall.
A large laser gun attached to the ceiling of the lab aimed at Duke.
"Goodbye, Duke!"
"I don't think so! The King never dies!" Duke broke free from his leather restraints and rolled away from the iron chair as it was melted by a laser blast from the gun. The gun followed Duke as he ran through the laboratory, taking cover from the laser blasts. He would have went to Dr. Proton to punch and kick him to death, but he had to take out that laser gun before it could fry his ass. Unfortunately, he was unarmed with no guns or pipe bombs to take out the laser gun; he had to think of a plan...
A loud explosion shook the whole laboratory, surprising Duke and Dr. Proton. The alien soldiers that took orders from the Cycloid Emperor blasted a hole into the laboratory and began to shoot up the place.
"Ah! You foolish aliens breaking into my lab? You'll pay for this!" Dr. Proton yelled at the aliens. The laser gun on the ceiling focused its fire on the aliens, melting them into hot dark green slime with each blasts, and the Dukeinator next to the switch on the wall pulled out a shotgun and began shooting the aliens. Duke, happily taking the moment of distraction, crawled towards the dying aliens and picked up an Enforcer Gun from a half-melted Assault Enforcer that was squealing in agony.
"Let's rock!" Duke said with a grin.
He released small homing missiles from the Enforcer Gun, blowing up the aliens into pieces. Duke then turned his attention to the laser gun on the ceiling and blew it up. Dr. Proton retreated as Duke destroyed the bot with his missiles.
"Come in get me!"
"Get back here you cybernetic pussy!" Duke aimed his gun at him as a sliding metal door closed behind him, but he ran out of ammo.
"Shit." Duke frowned, but his eyes lit up with delight upon seeing the other alien guns.
"Better gear up; I don't know what else that fucker has up his white sleeves, but I'm not letting him get the drop on me again." Duke reloaded the Enforcer Gun with more missiles, grabbed the shotgun that the Dukeinator was using to kill the aliens, and took an AT Captain Laser from one of the alien grunts.
"I'm comin' for your ass, doctor." Duke went up to the door that the doctor escaped through, but it was locked. He looked around the lab to find that there were no other exits, but a large hole the aliens blew up to get inside the lab; however, it lead to a deep drop into the abyss. It looked like Dr. Proton's base was deep underground, no wonder why all of the aliens were using jet packs.
Maybe he could crawl through the vent next to the door.
Thank you very much Duke for helping me get rid of those pesky aliens. I have another way of getting rid of you once and for all! Take a deep breath of the deadly neurotoxins that I'm going to flood the room with. If you manage to get out of here, then I have ANOTHER way to get rid of you. An intelligent man must always have a Plan C if Plan B and A fails.
Duke heard Dr. Proton's voice over the intercom.
"What? Too afraid to face me up close, pussy?" Duke mocked him, but he most likely couldn't hear him. Green smoke started to spew from the vents on the ceiling, including the vent next to the door.
Well, there goes his plan to crawl through the vent to escape from the room.
Duke went over towards the hole in the wall and found metallic pipes that were located just below the room. He jumped out of the room and grabbed the pipes with a grunt, then pulled himself up. Duke walked over the pipes as the green smoke began to pour out of the hole, making it just in the nick of time. He saw commotion around the base; aliens with jetpacks shooting at the various robots that Dr. Proton built, and a few EDF soldiers shooting them from the safety of their dropships, and others engaged in firefights with the aliens and bots.
One of the EDF dropships spotted Duke and hovered over to his position.
"Get in, Duke!" A soldier grabbed his hand and helped him aboard the ship. The dropship began to fly around the base, shooting at the aliens and robots with a mounted turret that was occupied by a soldier.
"Are you alright, Duke?" The soldier that pulled him up asked him.
"I'm fine, but I'm pissed off that the bastard isn't dead and he got the drop on me." Duke replied.
"Me too, we'll kill him this time. Here, General Graves wants to speak to you." The soldier gave Duke an ear piece and he placed it in his ear.
Duke? Thank god you're okay.
Why are there still alien scum around? I killed and pissed on the Cycloid Emperor, what's the big deal?
Unfortunately Duke, the Cycloid Emperor wasn't the one calling the shots. The Alien Empress on the Moon is the one running the whole show, and she was the one to give birth to the Cycloid Emperor. The aliens are being created by her.
Shit, and the 'Good' Doctor is still alive.
I know, Duke. Most of the EDF will be sent to the Moon deal with the alien menace. You, Captain Dylan, and a number of EDF soldiers will deal with Dr. Proton. I have faith in you, Duke.
Duke removed the ear piece from his ear and gave it to the soldier.
"We'll drop you off with Dylan and his team that are about to infiltrate the deeper parts of Dr. Proton's base." The soldier told him.
Duke nodded and dug into a supply crate to get more ammunition for his shotgun, and stocked up on pills, pipe bombs, laser trip wires, and grabbed a beer can. The dropship hovered over a large hole in the ceiling of the base.
"Here's your drop off, Duke! Kick that doctor's ass!" Duke hopped off the dropship and landed in the room. Duke took out his shotgun and opened a sliding iron door by pressing a button on the middle of the door.
"Take that motherfuckers!" He heard the familiar voice of a man nearby. Duke walked down the corridor and made a right at the end of it, he found Dylan shooting Dukeinators with a Ripper in his hands, surprising Duke. At the Hoover Dam, Dylan was presumed dead from losing too much blood, but here he is, alive and well. What also surprised Duke was his outfit, when they fought together through hordes of aliens, Dylan was wearing the standard EDF outfit like the rest of the soldiers, but he was now wearing something new.
He was still wearing his gray headband around his forehead, but he now wore a black t-shirt, black cargo pants, and black boots. Dylan had a gray ammo belt that held silver bullets and a silver belt buckle of Duke Nukem's radiation symbol, and dog tags around his neck. He also wore a pair of dark shades over his eyes and fingerless gloves like Duke. For weapons, he held a Ripper in his hands, had two sub machine guns on his belt, and a backup pistol and knife strapped to his right leg. He also had an unusual rifle on his back. (1)It was a black rifle with a sawblade.
"What's up, Duke!? How the fuck are you!?" Dylan asked with excitement, walking up to Duke.
"I thought you were dead." Duke commented. Damn, he realized that not only Proton is alive, but so was his best friend.
"I thought so too, but the medics saved me before the big fucking explosion. They healed me up using the advanced tech of those alien scum and gave me a super soldier serum. I feel fucking fantastic, like a quarterback on steroids!" Dylan said with pride while grinning.
Duke did notice the EDF soldiers fighting around the base were more competent then the last time they fought alongside Duke. The soldiers would usually get knocked over by charging pig cops, but some of them are holding their own against the pigs. He even saw a soldier kill an alien by wrestling it to the ground and cutting its throat with a combat knife, and some of them are even using more alien weapons; the Enforcer, AT Captain Laser, and Freeze Ray being the most popular among the soldiers, with one a few using conventional firearms.
That serum still isn't as good as my pills. Duke thought arrogantly.
"What happened to your team?"
"Ah, those poor sons of bitches were killed by those green floating exploding ball things. They're like some kind of mine, but they ain't for underground use, these fucking mines come to you and explode in your face. Another one of Doctor. Prick's arsenal of death bots." Dylan explained.
"Alright, then. Let's kick the doctor's ass." Duke cracked his knuckles and walked down the corridor.
"Hoo-ah!" Dylan shouted.
I see you Duke, hahaha. That's right, go down the corridor and take a left, then take a right and you'll encounter an elevator at the end of the hallway, take it so you head down to the basement to face me. I'm in a large mech suit and ready to do battle with you! Hurry up!
Dr. Proton spied on them with a hidden camera.
"The motherfucker is definitely setting up a trap, Duke. Why in god's name is he telling us where he is?"
"Whatever, he apparently realized that running won't do him any good. But I'm still watching my step because I'm not letting iron balls surprise me again." Duke's grip tightened on his shotgun.
Duke and Dylan followed the direction that Proton told them where to go; the two men were bothered how this part of the base was silent with no aliens or bots attacking them. They can hear the sounds of explosions and gunshots from the EDF soldiers fighting the aliens and bots, but they sounded faint and distant.
"Its quiet...too quiet." Duke frowned as the only sounds in the corridor was their boots stepping on metal.
"I don't like complete silence. You never know when the fuckers are gonna pounce on your face like a hissing feline." Dylan agreed.
The two men found the elevator and took it down to the basement; Duke aimed his shotgun at the elevator doors and Dylan bit his lip with his Ripper focused on the doors. After a minute or two, the doors slowly opened to reveal a gigantic room made out of metal, with a strange circular-shaped arc made of steel with flashing blue lights surrounding it.
"Welcome, gentlemen, and I see you brought your sidekick with you, Duke." Proton spoke to the two men, revealing that he was in a ten-foot tall mech suit that had sharp claws, guns mounted on its arms, and a transparent blue force field that surrounded it.
"Tch, I have no problem being Duke's sidekick. I get more pussy then Batman's sidekick, anyway." Dylan scoffed.
"I've came to crush your iron balls for good, Proton. When I'm done with you, I'm gonna toss what's left of you in (2)molten steel." Duke wasted no time and started to open fire on Proton, so did Dylan, but their bullets were being deflected by his force field. Proton laughed at their futile attempts to hurt him.
Proton fired his guns at the two men, but they were able to hide behind an iron column. Dylan took out his walkie talkie.
Both Duke and Dylan shot at Dr. Proton in till they ran out of bullets, and the force field still held over his body. Duke quickly moved to another nearby column and threw a pipe bomb towards the doctor, he then detonated it, but the explosion hardly fazed Proton. Dylan who was running faster then an Olympic sprinter duel wielded his sub machines, running from column to column shooting at him while Duke was rapid firing with his AT Captain Laser.
"Oh, time's up, gentlemen." Dr. Proton smirked, looking at the arc that began to form a blue energy portal as the flashing lights blinked faster. Proton teleported to a different location and the iron columns that the two men used as cover began to sink into the floor.
"What the fuck is this?" Duke said with confusion.
Dr. Proton spoke on the intercom again.
Remember earlier about my plans? This is my Plan C. Duke, you have cheated death so many times and I thought of the best way to finally get rid of you.
The blue portal swirled like a vortex and the two men found themselves sliding towards like; there was a gravitational pull that was getting stronger by the second.
By banishing you into another dimension! Good bye forever, Duke! I'll be sure to take good care of America without you!
"You fucking tincan!" Duke yelled with fury, trying desperately to hang onto a nearby supply crate with Dylan.
"You will fucking pay you motherfucking piece of scrap metal fucking SHIT! You won't get away with this shit!"
Proton laughed at them.
"When I find a way back here, I'm gonna skull fuck your eye socket and shit down your neck!" Duke snarled.
Swear all you like, you're not bench-pressing your way out of this one, Duke. Farewell my dear enemy.
Duke, Dylan, and the supply crate they were holding on for their lives flew towards the portal and disappeared through the vortex. The portal faded away and the flashing blue lights were cut off.
Dr. Proton leaned back with a satisfied smirk on his face. Now to deal with those pesky EDF soldiers and aliens.
Author's Note:
And they are off to the Queen's Blade world! I will write one more chapter for this story, then I'll get back to Mob's Kingdom.
(1) The rifle with the sawblade is a parody of the Lancer Assault Rifle used by the Gear soldiers from Gears of War. Dylan is a parody of Marcus Fenix, so this was bound to happen.
(2) A reference to Terminator 2 with the T-800 being destroyed by falling into molten steel.