A/N

DISCLAIMER: The characters herein are used without permission. No infringement intended; not for profit; written purely for entertainment, and so forth.

SHORT NOTE: Spoiler alert for various aspects of ME1-3

Assumes more Renegade-aligned Shepard.

Shepard/Ashley and Shepard/Liara; not for minors.

Some of the story is as it appears in the existing ME universe, while other parts are altered and/or embellished.

TITLE: Borrowed in a slightly different format from TS Elliot's "Little Gidding"

Chapter One

They are stuck in a standoff. A moment that will likely only take a few seconds to resolve, but feels like an eternity. Four guns, unwavering; four soldiers, all convinced of their cause. Two counsellors looking in the wrong direction for the threat of betrayal; the true traitor within their ranks. Egging on his protector.

"She's with Cerberus." Counsellor Udina is at Ashley Williams' shoulder, careful to keep the newest human Spectre between him and Commander Jane Shepard's sights. "She's come to kill us all."

Shepard focuses on his head, on her breathing, on her posture. If he moves too far out from behind his guard she will shoot him. Then, Ashley Williams will probably shoot her, and either Garrus Vakarian or Liara T'Soni will shoot Ashley. There will no doubt be blood on the ground today. How much is the question, and that depends on her.

"Ash." Shepard moves a little to the right, but the soldier in front of her matches her step for step. "Udina's playing you. He's working with Cerberus. He's going to kill the other counsellors."

Ashley is not swayed. Shepard has worked for Cerberus before, and Ashley has not forgotten.

Udina does a small sidestep behind his human shield, flips open his omnitool. "Look," he urges her, "she's already killed the Salarian Counsellor."

Dalatrass Linron, shouting "No!", a shot, some blunt line from her mouth that is completely out of context. Shepard can only imagine what Udina has managed to cobble together from the truth, and the damage is confirmed by the way Ashley's eyes flicker sideways to the display, and then to her.

"But that's not the way it happened!" Liara insists from behind Shepard, and for the first time uncertainty flashes over Ashley's features. Shepard would say anything to get her way… but not Liara. Liara believes in doing the right thing, always has, and Ashley has never known her to lie.

Ashley's dark eyes soften, shift from Shepard to Liara and back again, and for the briefest moment Shepard sees someone else there.

She sees the Ashley Williams she first meets on Eden Prime - that feisty young soldier hell-bent on not looking weak, so determined not to show how shaken she is. She sees Ashley's smile soften as she talks about her family, her sisters. She sees that lush dark hair sliding through her fingers. The hesitant hint of a smile as Ash breathes "this can't end well", even as she wraps her long legs around Shepard's body and draws her in for a crushing kiss. The way Ashley's eyes narrow on Horizon when indeed it hasn't ended well and Shepard is now working for Cerberus. With Cerberus, Shepard insists, which doesn't make a difference to Ashley. The way her breath catches, a little gasp uncomfortably similar to one contained within a previous memory, just before she ends their argument with a stinging slap and walks away, leaving Shepard with both the burden of inevitability and an unwelcome awareness of lingering desire weighing her down.

She sees all of these things at once, and the shifting in those dark eyes makes her think that Ashley is remembering too, how they once were. Shepard thinks that this is the closest to a chance that she will ever get.

"Ash," she tries again, levelling her voice at an intimate pitch to hold their connection. "Ash. Listen to me. There are Cerberus soldiers on their way up, and once those elevator doors open they are going to kill everyone except Udina. Please. Trust me."

She has her, until those last words. Because Ashley doesn't trust her anymore. In spite of their low-pitched and heated discussions at La Huerta Memorial where Ashley was recuperating, in spite of their fumbled attempts for resolution, in spite of those few moments of scorching desire that flared up and dragged them back into that blistering, blinding, fierce territory they once knew… Ashley does not trust her anymore.

The Asari counsellor is stepping away from Udina now, towards the other counsellor, agreeing reluctantly that it's unlikely, but not impossible, but Shepard isn't listening to her. Shepard is watching Ashley, who is trying to watch Udina, the Asari counsellor and Shepard all at the same time. Shepard is waiting for a gap to take down Udina.

Udina makes the choice for all of them.

"This is ridiculous," he snarls as he storms back to the keypad to summon a skycab. "She's going to get us killed!"

Ashley tosses a quick glance over her shoulder, adjusts her position to cover him, fixes a now hard stare on Shepard.

"Lower your weapon, soldier!"

Soldier? It's not the time or place, but Shepard's ego flares up like a flashbang. Former gunnery chief Ashley Williams, her little Ash, telling her to back down? Like that? But the thought doesn't serve any purpose, and as with anything that will only get in the way Shepard discards it for the moment.

"Ash…" and then Udina fumbles for a weapon, lifts it towards the Asari counsellor…

There is no other way. Shepard pulls the trigger once, then again. Udina's head explodes into a million pieces and what's left of him slumps to the ground. Ashley has folded in on herself, dropped down heavily, clutching her midriff. Shepard is a brilliant shot, had aimed for somewhere incapacitating but not fatal – but Ashley knows her too well. Ashley saw the shot before it happened, thought she was going for Udina first, and tried to get into the way. As a reward for her reflexes she is now bleeding out on the ground.

"Ash! Damn it!" Shepard drops down at her side, begins to fumble with her armor, begins to rip apart the material and shielding to get to the mess. She is tearing up her hands, her blood mingling with her dying former lover's, and she doesn't care.

Ashley bats her hands aside with weak intent. "Get away from me."

It doesn't surprise Shepard that Ashley doesn't want her near, but it does surprise her that it hurts. "Ash…" She finds bare skin, covered in blood and things that shouldn't be there, and presses down. "You should have trusted me. He was Cerberus."

Ashley groans against the pain and her eyes flash. "So were you. I hope the Reapers kill you and send you to hell."

Those are the words that Ashley Williams leaves her with, before her head drops back and she is gone. Shepard reaches up, her hands covered in blood, and cups Ashley's head gently.

"Ash?"

She slides her sticky fingers through Ashley's silky hair, rubs her thumbs over the soft temples, leans down. Presses her forehead to the other woman's for a brief weak moment.

"Oh, Ashley."

There is a hand on her shoulder and she shrugs it off furiously, standing up.

"Shepard…" Garrus indicates the elevator door, where a blowtorch is forcing open the metal from the inside.

Kai Leng? Has the assassin finally arrived to finish what he started with the Salarian? She will tear him to pieces. Drawing her Arc pistol Shepard indicates to Liara and Garrus to cover the door, as she steps in front of the two remaining counsellors. But it is Commander Bailey who steps out with two soldiers at his side.

"Bailey?" Holstering her weapon, Shepard advances on him. "Where's Kai Leng?"

"When Cerberus picked up the message that we were on our way they disappeared into the pipes." He indicates the elevator shaft. "We'll find them." Then, his eyes take in the scene behind her. "You saved the counsellors. Thank you, Shepard."

She turns, takes in Ashley Williams' still form, the spreading scarlet of blood, and walks away.

The cost was too high.