Wow. Hey! Long time, no see, huh? I've had this unfinished in my documents for a long time, like for months now. It would glare at me in that little folder and beg to be written but, I just never found the inspiration to finish it - until last night. I stayed up until five in the morning and now I'm finally finished editing and getting posted here for you. So, enjoy it! Review too please.
Title :: Before And After.
Disclaimer :: I don't own our lawyers, sadly enough.
Summary :: Life gets categorized into two sections for almost everyone. There's the 'before' and the 'after'. These are some of those moments that changed both Harvey and Mike's lives. Fluffy, Slash. One-shot.
Life gets categorized into two sections for almost everyone.
There's the 'before' and the 'after'. There is always an accident, a moment, an event, a person - something that happens to just about everyone that creates this complete change; a total 180 to what - and who - they were before that moment. It can happen in seconds, in days, or as even long as years.
Some lives, have a multitude of those moments.
Mike Ross, has one of those lives.
Like, before the night his parents died - when birthdays and holidays were filled with hugs and kisses and not enough seats at the dinning room table. The nights when his father would work late but always come home to kiss his forehead after a bedtime story. His mother would dance him around the kitchen, teaching him all of her baking secrets and making him promise to never share them with anyone else. It was a time when he seemed to have the entire world at his feet with a bright future and a loving family. Then, there is the after, when he realized just how dark and horrible that world could be to someone as that family was ripped away from him in a matter of seconds. A moment where family time and holidays now meant sneaking out of his bedroom window, climbing down the side of his grandparent's home and walking to the cemetery in the middle of the night when life became just a little too much to handle for a teenager. Mike had kept all those books his father had read to him at night in a box under his bed. On occasion he even recited some of them while he sat in damp grass, cold air, and talked to a dark stone with their names on it.
There's the life he had before his and Trevor's fall out - when Mike had someone to lean on, talk with, laugh with. There were plans and promises to always stick together through whatever the world tried to throw at them. Trevor became a source of comfort and help, as did Mike for him. They were kids when they had met, their world was only a few blocks wide and their time was spent together on sports practice, sleepovers and school projects. They could always tell what the other was thinking, always what the other needed or wanted, and they'd do their best to provide for eachother what ever it was. It was a life where he had a seemingly amazing relationship with his best friend since childhood. Until the after; when Harvey pointed out what Trevor really was, when everything had fallen apart and Trevor wasn't as much of an amazing friend as he was when they were ten. Their friendship had been tested through rocky roads and tough waters before, but then promises of a future at eachother's sides slowly fell apart at the seams and reality and adulthood came much too quick to keep up. The boys never wanted to hate eachother - they couldn't really, not with all they had been through - so the harsh lies and growing silence between them that forced them apart became too much to bear, yet not enough for Trevor's pride to fix or Mike's heart to forgive.
There's before him and Jenny dated for a very short while - when Mike admired the blonde girl from afar while he watched his best friend date her instead. It was the moment when he was the one who had finally gotten the girl. It was after that when he realized maybe she wasn't the girl for him - more so, maybe girls weren't really what piqued his interest at all anymore. Mike had a dream, that the girl he could never have was finally his and that dream hadn't quite balanced out into reality. Jenny was a fantastic girl, don't get him wrong, she was beautiful and brilliant and could do anything she ever wanted. She'd go far in life and be perfect all along the way but after a while, Mike slowly started to realize that he didn't really want to be in that life anymore. He had to create his own path, his own future, and Jenny understood that. They still talked every few weeks, to catch up like old siblings, their friendship would never be quite the same but it certainly wouldn't ever be gone.
Most important, the moments that caused the biggest changes in Mike's life, are the 'before and after' moments of none other than Harvey Specter.
There's the before version of his life; when Mike was cheating on the LSAT's in order to make enough of a living to actually live. He was smoking too much weed, getting too high for his own good, and doing his best to just get by on what he had. His grandmother's lectures would always ring in his head until his second bowl of the night, reminding him that he had so much more potential, if he would just put his focus towards something else. She always told him that she was proud, and Mike never really understood that. He could never figure out what she could even be proud about considering he hadn't done much for himself. She'd still say it though, and that she loved him. His face would turn red and he'd feel insecure when she'd say it. Mike had told her one day - a few days after he had put her in that nursing home actually - that he felt as though he'd never live up to her expectations. Mike wanted to become everything he could - for her - and knowing that he couldn't actually hurt him more than he could explain. She had done so much for him and he felt as though he would never be able to properly repay her. Mike could remember her smile that day, a knowing smile like she knew more about his future than he did, and she just told him again that she loved him and that it didn't always matter what became of his life, Mike was still her grandson and that would never change. He slept at the hospital that night, right beside her bed, and she ran a comforting hand through his hair like she had when he was a child.
Though, his grandmother's death definitely succeeded in shifting Mike's world more than anything else before it (well, other than his parents). Beforehand, he still felt like he had a family. It was a very small family but it was his and it was the two of them against the world. He should've seen it coming really, in a way, when the nursing home became evidently needed and the medicine bottles in her cabinet had doubled but, that doesn't mean he was prepared. One day it was going to happen, he wasn't a child anymore and knew she wouldn't live forever no matter how much he hoped, but he wasn't expecting it to happen so soon. Truthfully, Mike had never though of himself as alone in the world, not really, lonely at times maybe, but never actually alone until that moment. He had always hated the word 'orphan' but the second he heard about her passing, he couldn't feel like anything else. His grandmother was the one who always took that mentality out of him, she proved to him that he'd never be an orphan, but now she wasn't there anymore to tell him any different - and that hurt a lot more than he had expected. She had got to see him start his life but he hated that she wouldn't be around to see him get married or have (or adopt) kids or anything like that. It hurt knowing that no one would - not his parents, not his grandparents. The fact that he had been able to show her that he could do okay on his own, that he was working at the firm, providing for himself, and actually having everything go okay in his life for once only made him feel slightly better. She got to see Mike make it, which is all she had ever wanted for him...and maybe, that was just it. Maybe, because she had seen that he would do alright on his own after all, she felt as though he could be let go. Mike wasn't going to need her like he used to. Though, as comforting as the thought was, Mike never wanted to dwell on it for too long.
Even more importantly, there is everything else that had also happened after getting the job from Harvey - other than his grandmother, it was a time when he started making something of himself. When he was getting sober, when he was getting better. He had dropped Trevor (and Jenny) from his life and started doing something with it instead. He had fought his way through withdrawal, threw himself into his work, and made steady money for the first time since he was sixteen and working at a videogame store. It was having the job that kickstarted Mike's way to success and soberness and he was going to ride it out for as long as he could. He was finally reaching his goal, becoming and lawyer, and making his grandmother proud - making his parents proud. He would do anything to have them all here to see it happen for him too, though.
Harvey ended up giving Mike back that bright future he lost as a child, when he lost his parents. The day he stumbled into the interviews would always be engraved in his mind, Mike wasn't even sure that there was a way he'd ever be able to express the gratitude he had for the opportunity he was given.
-x-
Mike shifted in bed, feeling Harvey pressed protectively against his back. Mike's focus lifted to look at Harvey's hand, which was placed over his on their bed. Harvey's hand squeezed lightly and Mike smiled, linking their fingers together a little tighter.
Harvey shifted behind him and Mike felt Harvey's mouth press against his neck. "Goodmorning, Mikey." Harvey's voice was tired and rough from behind him. The feather light kisses that Harvey continued to the back of Mike's neck and shoulders sent small shivers down the younger man's spine.
"Goodmorning." Mike whispered.
Harvey's gentle kisses stopped for a second. "What's wrong?" Harvey asked, sitting up slightly as he noticed Mike's distracted demeanor. His chin rested over Mike's shoulder as he ran his thumb over Mike's hand.
Mike watched the movement of Harvey's fingers for a long moment before shaking his head. "Nothing." He mumbled his response, turning over to lay on his back half beneath Harvey.
Harvey placed a soft kiss to Mike's collarbone in return. "You're sure?"
Mike nodded with a small smile, earning a soft and long, lingering kiss to his lips.
-x-
Harvey Specter has one of those types of lives, too.
The world before he had found out about his mother's secret life was much more simple. It was a life when he thought he had some of the best parents in the world, maybe a little forgetful at times and each having a bit of a workaholic gene, but his nonetheless. They'd all eat dinner together at least five nights a week, his father would made jokes and his mother would laugh. Everything had seemed so amazing back then. Family movie nights on Tuesday's, breakfast in the morning before school, baseball games and jazz concerts with his father. Then, his life was thrown out of control after he had caught her. He had come home early from school one day, he hadn't been feeling well for the last week and his father had given the school permission to allow Harvey to drive himself home. He saw his mother's car in the driveway and figured she had come home for her lunch break. Only, when he walked through the door it wasn't food that he had found her focusing on. He hadn't recognized the other man, someone from her work for sure, but whoever he was had excused himself and hastily left the house while Harvey's teenage death glare forced him out the door. He hadn't talked to her for weeks after that, refused to even look at her. Though, he did his best to keep it all a secret. Not for her - not to help her, certainly not, never her - but, instead for his father and younger brother. He hadn't ever wanted to see his father heartbroken or sad, and as an older brother it was his job to keep his younger brother out of harm's way. So, he kept her dirty little secret, glared at her every time she claimed to be going on a business trip or staying late at the office. The fact that she was tearing her son's world apart didn't seem to faze her in the least, she had even become more careless around him. He had never seen the man from that first day again, but that doesn't mean he didn't see at least a dozen others rushing out of the house, or pulling out of the driveway when he arrived home anymore.
What was worse, was the after after of it all - when the secret got out and ripped that sometimes forgetful, yet somehow always still there, family apart. His father put up a front, lost himself in his music for a long period, and let Harvey and his brother believe that things weren't as bad as they really were. Harvey did his best to keep his father happy, especially after the bitch had run off and married someone else, but nothing ever seemed to get his dad back to normal. Harvey had felt weak during those times. He had felt useless, really. He thought that he'd never be enough to get his father back to the way Harvey remembered. He felt weak that he never had the courage to stand up to his mother, rat her secret out to his father himself, and let it all end before things had gotten that far out of control.
All of that was before Jessica Pearson had found him of course, when was just a kid with no direction and no plan on what to do in his life. He wasn't reckless per say, but he wasn't trying to avoid staying out of trouble by any means. Everything he had been through with his parents had forced him to build walls, shut everyone out, and lose a lot of the hope he had in the world. Jessica had seen through that though. She easily saw past the sarcastic, uncaring attitude of the young man and instead saw that small boy who had blamed himself for his family falling apart. She saw a man who still took care of his younger sibling and father and cared a hell of a lot more for people than he would ever let on. He didn't show signs of weakness, lead people to believe he didn't have any, though Jessica saw that he actually did. Jessica found that he just would never let a weakness control him ever again, that he would never allow himself to not be in control of a situation - evidently, he'd never allow anything to make him feel as weak as he had about his mother. Then there's the after; when she gave him a goal, a future, and a job. She had given him a shot - much like he had with Mike - and let him work his way up in their world. Jessica was the first person who had really challenged him, teaching him everything she could and at the same time forcing him to learn it himself. It took a long time for them to form any type of trust but, once they had it was clear that it would be practically unbreakable. Harvey had tested the boundaries with her, always pushing the limits and causing headaches, but she knew how to get under his skin too. They balanced eachother out, fit together well and somewhere along the way they became a powerful tag team. Jessica saw everything in Harvey that he was capable of, everything he could achieve, and she kicked his ass until he saw it too.
There is before Cameron Dennis. That was a time when Harvey was a lucky, naïve kid who just wanted to make a difference for people. At one point, Harvey had admired the other man's career. He had once told Jessica that he would be even better than him one day, that he'd blow all of Dennis' records out of the water. She smiled at him, and two weeks later he was given the opportunity to work under the famous District Attorney. Harvey had thought that Cameron Dennis was on the top of the world and had everyone falling at his feet. Then there was the complete destruction of that idea, the after, when Harvey had found out how Cameron really got around the law and that people weren't falling at his feet but, instead, Cameron was just stepping all over them. The dream to one day be like Cameron fell apart at the seams and been replaced by striving to never be like him. The world had proven, once again, to Harvey that trust was something that he should never give away again.
The only good thing that had come out of working for Cameron was Donna Paulson. And, really, there is only the 'after' of Donna - mostly because Harvey can't quite remember how he could have managed anything before her. She bounced into his office with Cameron's recommendation, all red hair and high heels, with a sass filled attitude that caught his eye - not romantically but, more out of his curiosity. She was originally going to be Cameron's new assistant but, because Harvey had been doing so well, Cameron had passed the fiery red-head down to his right hand man instead. She fit perfectly with Harvey. Their relationship had formed easily and, even if he was her boss, it was clear that Harvey would never have any form of control over her. As his assistant she knew more about him than anyone else and that forced at least some trust out of Harvey. He had tried to fight against that instinct but, they worked so well together that she had eventually gained his trust more than Cameron ever had. She had followed him after he left the DA's office, siding with Harvey after everything that had happened, and Harvey could never express how thankful he was for that. Donna has stuck to his side more than anyone else he had ever met, and Harvey genuinely doesn't have a clue how he would get by without her (and, he doesn't just say that because Donna refuses to let him forget that he'd be lost without her).
There's the way of life before his father's death - when they saw eachother on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Sundays for dinner, a drink and a conversation. Every couple of times or so, his little brother would tag along and for a little while Harvey still saw them as that family from so many years ago. Harvey still looked up to the man and did everything he could to prove himself to his father. Even after all the growing up he had done, he still got that little kid feeling whenever his father mentioned that he was becoming proud of the man Harvey was turning into. Harvey would give him a smile and say that he hoped to turn into half the man his father had. He'd get a pat on the shoulder, and a laugh from his father at that. They would reminisce about Yankees games, little league, and all of Harvey's embarrassing moments from childhood. His father always brought up the worst of those moments in front of whatever waitress they had that night. Though, Harvey never really minded it all that much because atleast he was seeing his father smiling and laughing. But it was after that when Donna walked in with a hint of tears in her eyes and sorrow on her face. She had managed to destroy the rest of Harvey's world in a matter of seconds with a few simple words and a broken voice. After that, he always thought that maybe they should've been seeing eachother more than just those three days a week. He'd felt broken after that, his father was gone and he had no idea what to do. That was the first time he had cried in years. Donna tried to convince him to take some time off of work when he had shown up the following day, and Harvey tried to brush it off with an excuse that he had too much to do. She had returned an hour later with Jessica, who had forced him to take the time under the threat of being fired. Harvey sat in the restaurant that they always ate at, it was a Tuesday after all, and ordered the same dinner at the same table. Harvey's drink had just arrived when he caught sight of his younger brother walking in the door and coming up to eat with him. They had eaten in an uncomfortable, yet also comfortable, silence. Neither really knew what to say, how to make any of it better, but his brother raised in glass towards Harvey and whispered a toast of 'To Dad'. Harvey had looked up at him, given him a sad smile, and clinked glasses.
There's also before he made Senior partner, when he was kicking ass a hundred times more than another other Junior Partner at the firm and he finally coughed up the courage to ask for what he deserved - a seat at the table. Jessica gave him a sarcastic remark about how he 'thought' he was ready, but her knowing smile proved she was more proud than anything for having Harvey finally reach up to where she knew he could be. The after effects of when he finally got that promotion entitled Harvey to have his very own associate, a chance to teach some new Harvard graduate drone the ins and outs of the lawyer-eat-lawyer world. He had made his mind up that he hadn't wanted one, Louis' constant persistance that he had free reign over all the associates didn't as much bother Harvey as the shorter man had hoped though.
Then comes along the day of those boring Harvard Grad interviews. Donna made things so much easier for him with something as simple as a wink or a shake of her head. Harvey easily faked his way through a dozen know-it-all kids and their attitudes just to gently let them have the hope that he might get back to them. It wasn't until this blue-eyed, blonde headed kid came in confused and out of breath after ditching the cops, with a briefcase full of drugs and easily impressed the older man with that damned genius of his. Mike had successfully made Harvey's day much more interesting. Not to mention, the wink that Harvey received from Donna before ushering Mike into the interview was all the indicator he needed to give this kid a little bit of his time. Everything after that day - particularly just after he met Mike Ross - was filled with sarcastic jokes, long nights, and movie quotes. Mike and him worked so well together, spending more time together than either ever intended, but never minded.
There is the few months before Harvey got the courage to kiss Mike - when the kid was learning everything he could, as fast as he could, about the world that Harvey had granted him access to. Harvey admired everything about Mike - from his genius mind, to his determination, to the approval he would seek from the older man. At the same time Mike admired everything about Harvey just as secretly. Donna was the first one to call Harvey out on it. The glances that Harvey threw at the associate whenever Mike wasn't paying attention piqued her curiosity. Harvey had denied it at first, rolled his eyes at her and walked away once she said it. Donna smirked, knowing immediately that she was right.
Following all of that, is the life they had together after they finally - finally - got into a relationship. It happened easily, really. Their first kiss was, surprisingly, at Mike's apartment. Harvey had shown up, unannounced and unable to hold his feelings to himself anymore, in the middle of the night. Mike noticed he looked tired, like he hadn't slept in days, and Harvey had barely even stepped through the door before he started his confession. He explained everything he felt for Mike, how much it all confused him but at the same time comforted him. Harvey got everything out without a taking a proper breath, looking at Mike like he was terrified of the younger man's reaction. Harvey apologized quickly when Mike didn't respond right away. He was going to leave but Mike was leaning against the apartment door. Mike shook his head after a moment, a smile forming, and Harvey's heart stopped when the thought crossed his mind that Mike would laugh at him for it. Except Mike wasn't laughing at him for anything, Mike had bit into his lower lip - which was such an amazing sight to Harvey that he couldn't catch his breath - and confessed to Harvey that everything in his mind and heart was the exact same. There was no time after the words had left Mike's mouth before Harvey had him pressed back against the door, arms wrapped around Mike's body as tightly as possible, and lips finally pressed against eachother. Mike had kissed back eagerly, arms wrapping around Harvey's neck as they breathed eachother in and kissed one another until they were out of air.
It had taken her exactly four days - really only two, if you don't count the fact that they had finally confessed their feelings on a Friday and Donna hadn't seen them until a Monday - before she had figured it out. She had confronted them in the middle of the workday, catching them kissing in Harvey's office. Donna squealed like a fangirl when they had finally admitted it to her. Mike was still nervous about them though, he didn't want the other associates or partners to think that he was with Harvey just because they worked together or anything like that. Harvey agreed to keep it a secret, regardless of how much he wanted all those other partners and associates to know that Mike was very much taken off the market. Regardless though, as much as both of them tried to keep it hidden for the first few weeks, all those associates and partners had thought they had been dating much earlier than they really had. Harvey shook his head when he had found out that Jessica was actually at the head of the betting pool in the partner's kitchen on the two of them.
All of those late nights with empty pizza, or takeout, boxes and stacks of files and case work on the office couch slowly became movie nights and dinner dates - which eventually turned into breakfast in the mornings with kisses and coffee and cuddles and Mike's laughter and Harvey's smiles.
-x-
"Mike, if something is wrong, you can tell me." Harvey met his eyes.
"I know that." Mike's gaze dropped as his tongue darted out to wet his lips. "Nothing is wrong. I...I was just..thinking."
"About?"
Mike shrugged lightly. "You." Long lashes lifted to reveal sleepy blue eyes to Harvey again.
Harvey's lips turned into a small half smile. "Me?" His head dipped down to kiss at Mike's warm chest again.
Mike closed his eyes, pressing closer to the contact as goosebumps formed on his skin. "Mhmm." He hummed. He felt Harvey's smile grow against his skin. Harvey's fingers brushed against his sides, gently squeezing at his hips.
"What about me?" Harvey asked.
Mike wet his lips again. "Just, how thankful I am." He smiled softly down at his boss. "For you, and everything you've done." Mike earned a bright smile in return from Harvey. It was a thank you for one hell of a lot of things, really, and Harvey understood that.
Harvey's hands brushed Mike's hips again as he leaned forward, capturing Mike's lips in his. "I'm thankful for you too, Mike." Harvey leaned against him, fully against his chest, and pressed his lips to his associate's neck. His hands shifted from Mike's hips to his sides, resting most of his own weight on his elbows to stay above the younger man.
Mike wrapped his arms around Harvey's neck, fingers sliding into his soft hair. He enjoyed the feeling of Harvey lips on him. His neck was sensitive and he couldn't stifle the faint content hum of a moan as Harvey kisses progressed deeper and his open mouth was going to leave the lightest of marks on Mike's skin. He tugged Harvey's hair lightly enough to get Harvey to lift his head.
"I love you." Blue eyes met his, bright and filled with truth and it hit Harvey so much more than he was expecting it to.
They have said the words before, but the complete adoration and gratitude in Mike's eyes was what caught Harvey slightly off guard. It was just the way that the early morning sun was hitting the younger man with a soft light, causing his skin to sort of glow, eyes to appear as a much softer blue than usual and his messy hair made Harvey's lips part slightly. It truly was a breathless sight. Mike looked gorgeous, more than gorgeous actually, and it caused Harvey's breath to hitch.
The feelings that Mike had for him, the emotions he always allowed Harvey to see, filled Harvey's heart with a sort of warmth that the older man found he never, ever, wanted to let go of - he found he never wanted let Mike go. Mike had shown him that emotions were actually okay to share, that whatever Harvey was feeling mattered very much to him. He had so easily refilled that hope and trust that had been ripped away from Harvey so many times since he was a teenager. Mike had gotten him to talk about things that he had never even thought about sharing with anyone.
They had done so much for one another without ever truly realizing it, and Harvey loved that all of his feelings for Mike were just as equally returned.
"I love you too, pup." Harvey leaned in until his lips moved against Mike's as he spoke. Harvey smiled softly against him as Mike pulled him closer to initiate another kiss.
Mike trusted Harvey, and Harvey trusted Mike. They loved eachother unconditionally and anyone who saw them would see that. Harvey was so much more than happy, as was Mike, that the 'before' of this relationship would never result in an 'after'. There's just Harvey and Mike, sharing kisses and touches until the very end.
Yay! It's finished. Okay, well, I hope you enjoyed it.
Anyways, for the first time ever, I'm posting a link to my Tumblr on my profile (as well as below). Now, normally, I do everything I can to not mingle any of my social networks together (which, is basically only this and tumblr) but, I've come across a couple of my readers that had recognized my profile picture recently and it just makes me so happy. Both this site and my tumblr are closely kept secrets from basically everyone I know in real life. However, I'm not gonna self promote, you don't have to follow me or do anything really, just, if you'd like to (I'd really love it if you did) come talk to me because I love meeting you guys. Most of my tumblr consists of Suits, and other life-ruining tv shows (ie, every fandom I write fic for), my music interest and my photography hobby. The main reason for doing it is so that you guys can send me prompts whenever you like about whatever you want to see me write, so, it's really for you! Please send me anything you have on your minds! (:
Tumblr :: buriedvoices-stolenlives (. tumblr . com)
Okay, lastly (I apologize for making this so long), it's a little past two am out here on the east coast and I start back to school tomorrow - well, today really - and I don't even wanna think about that. So, don't forget to drop a review, and Goodnight!