Chapter 1 – Secrets (Sherlock's P.O.V.)
Sherlock liked the action that his "job" created - in a way, it helped him forget certain things that he couldn't delete – but he also liked being alone sometimes. There were times that being alone was the only option. He had too many secrets, ones he couldn't delete, and he was constantly reminded of them while on the move, but when he was sitting or lying down alone and thinking the pain went away.
Although he had been hiding his feelings for John, the blogger has been picking up signals, and has been more suspicious of Sherlock recently. Whenever Sherlock has been sitting staring at John for hours on end while sat in the living room, John has pretended not to notice, but Sherlock knows that sooner or later, one of his secrets will be out. And that hurts him the most.
Sherlock isn't normally scared of the unknown, so he can't quite understand why he is so terrified at the prospect of either a more advanced or finished relationship with John. All he knows is that he needs to plan things so that the effects will be minimal. If John is going to find out soon enough, it may as well be on Sherlock's terms. That way, he would have more control. Yes, that would be good. If John started the conversa-
"Sherlock, you know you've been staring at me for that past 3 hours?" John suddenly stated.
This was enough to startle Sherlock out of his thoughts.
"Yes, I am quite aware, and unless you have any objections, I would like to continue."
John started frowning, looking confused. Ah shit, he's going to ask about it. This wasn't planned. Sherlock shuffled in his chair, feeling uncomfortable with the situation.
"I think we need to talk about this." John muttered.
"Talk about what? Looking at you helps me think; in the same way having Anderson in the room distracts me. I so not believe there is anything to talk about."
John edged forward on his chair, trying to take authority of the situation, Sherlock thought.
"There is clearly something wrong. You are silent more often than not these days, you have been in your room more often, you are physically frail and struggle with even a simple chase, and even though you are eating even more than me, which is unusual in itself, you have still been losing weight. You think that you are the only one who observes things around here, and the only one to have logic, but I have been living with you for long enough to pick things up about you, and my experience as a doctor, including my job at the clinic, has given me a fair few ideas about what's wrong. Yet I don't want to assume anything – I want to hear it from you. Tell me what's wrong, and I will be able to help you."
Well shit.