Was I A Monster Before Or After?
He stood there with a gun in his hand in the sadows, waiting for a confrontation that was years in the making. Ever since that day years ago when he tried to burn down his family's home with his brother inside. As he stood leaning against a wall waiting, listening for footsteps outside the door. He thought back to everything that bought him here, to this moment.
He doesn't remember how or when it started. Just that it hurt that his big brother Christian who was meant to protect him didn't instead he was part of the pain. He learnt at a young age how to mask his pain to compartmentalize everything from what was done to him to everything he had to do to survive.
Not to say it wasn't easy, some of the hardest things in his life happened before he was able to drink. Like the well incident that almost claimed his little brother Dana's life that left him with three broken ribs and a concussion as well as the guilt for almost leaving him to die. Or how he traded up one hell for another knowingly because he wanted prove that he was strong enough to stand up to Christian, to not be weak.
But worst of all was he didn't know who he was anymore, if he was truthful he hadn't known for a while even before Garrett. The question that haunted him the most was that if when he decided that he wanted to survive. Was it then that he became a monster, or was he always one? He pondered this more often than anyone realised, even more often than what would of happened if he choose the team instead of Garrett.
Abruptly pulled out of his thought by the sound of a voice down the hall, a voice he wished he could forget but never could. Taking a deep breath to calm himself he moved so he was not leaning against the wall and used every bit of his training he had learnt from the academy and Garrett to show a mask of no emotions and faced the door as the handle slowly turned.
Author's Note
This popped in my head tonight after watching 2x07. I don't know if it will be a one shot or not for writing is not my strong suit but I hope you like what I have done so far.
Traggically-me