It was years later that I first returned to Hogwarts. I had hoped that I would be strong enough, but I knew that I wasn't. I was just stronger. That morning I got on the train, the Hogwarts express. I still remember being there for the first time. I was so fascinated by everything.
I had just found out that I was a witch, and so was my mother. She had been keeping it a secret for all those years. My father knew she was a witch, and he hated it. He didn't need to know I was one too. Until my letter came, and my new life began.
I still remember being pushed out of the way by several people. Even after they walked on I could still hear people muttering something about me standing in the way. And I could feel my mother's proud gaze upon me. I felt all those things around me, but I only saw the Hogwarts express. It was probably the biggest thing I had ever seen in my life. And I knew- I just knew- that my life was changing forever. That this was my chance to leave my father behind, and start anew.
Years later I found myself standing in the exact same spot. Getting ready for my trip to Hogwarts. I never would have thought I would go there again.
I sat next to some first years. I think they were scared of me at first, but after a while they seemed to forget I was there. I didn't talk, or look at them. I just kept staring out the window as I let the memories drift back in.
Do you remember how it was? On the Hogwarts express? I can tell you now, it's different when you're alone. The joy of being with your friends, and blabbering about the events of the summer is replaced with faint memories of happier times, each and every one leaving a bitter taste in your mouth.
When you are happy, you don't even realize how fast the landscape passes outside.
I remember being here with you and the others. I remember how I couldn't stop laughing. I had a horrible crush on you I guess. And you knew. You kept looking at me, in this way that made my heart beat faster. The way you sometimes touched my hand, seemingly by accident.
The trees fly by. After a while it seems like it's not the train that's moving, but the world, that is moving around us.
The Candy cart stopped by. The Kids couldn't decide what they want. The lady pushing the cart looks at them lovingly. Maybe she remembered what it feels like? Being a first year at Hogwarts, on your first ride to Hogwarts. A little bit of money in your pockets, your OWN money, which you could spend however you wanted. I already knew what I wanted. Peppermint Toads. I tried to smile as I handed the coins to the woman, but my hands were shaking.
Peppermint toads. I stared at the small, light blue packet. You always liked these best. You wouldn't stop buying me them. Every once in a while I would wake up to a bunch of them next to me. It made me smile every time. The thought of you, sneaking into the girls dormitory, just to leave those there for me. Risking being caught, just to let me know you were thinking of me. I opened the packet, and the smell of peppermint filled my nose. I had never eaten these by myself. I always waited until I saw you, so we could share. After all, you were my best friend.
For years I hadn't tasted them. They tasted of you. And it made my heart ache. But I smiled nonetheless. I could feel the tears well up inside me. I remember kissing you, after we had just had these.
Do you remember hiding from Professor McGonagall? Oh, and do you remember her speeches about you being a bad influence on me? And… do you remember how we just didn't care? Because I do.
I heard gasps coming from the children around me. I looked out of the window, and far in the distance I could see Hogwarts. The place where we fell in love. Our place. I never realized I had missed this place until that moment. Or had I just missed you?
If I tried hard enough I could still remember your smell. And feel your hand holding mine.
The train stopped with a long screech. I gathered my belongings, and left, not looking at anyone. Why was I in such a hurry? I didn't know. The air outside was cold and clear. The lake was ink-black. Chattering students passed me, as I stood there, looking at the castle that had been my home for so many years.
Do you remember how it was to kiss me? Do you remember the last packet of peppermint toads that we shared? Do you remember that time when you let go of my hand for the last time? Do you remember that I love you?
Do you remember, Fred Weasley?