A Shopping Trip
A play production by HyperInuyasha
Starring: Luigi and several other losers
PROLOGUE
Luigi groggily walked into the kitchen, yawning. He looks into the fridge for something to eat, but found that there was literally nothing inside. He saw a note posted on the fridge and begins to read.
Dear bro,
Sorry, but all the food expired. Turns out that Bowser had his troops mess with the labels so we wouldn't know they expired yet. They also ate all of the non-perishables and sealed it up so it looked like it wasn't eaten yet. Oh yeah, and he kidnapped Peach. Like for the seventh time this month. What a jerk. Anyway, I'm going out to fight him again and maybe me and Peach will stop to eat somewhere on the way. I heard of this nice bistro in Dry Dry Desert, and I'm dying to try it out! So, while I'm gone, can you go grocery shopping? I'll probably be gone for several days; a few weeks if Bowser took Peach to space. Again.
from,
your brother Mario.
Luigi crumpled up the note. "Mario needs-a me to buy groceries! I will not-a let him down!" He heard his stomach grumble. "And I won't-a let my stomach down-a either!"
ACT 1: THE START OF SOMETHING AWESOME
"Oh wait! I need-a my wallet!" Luigi ran upstairs and looked inside his drawers... and saw that a ghost rat was holding his wallet. He reeled backwards, clearly surprised by this development. As scared as he is right now, he needs some goddamn breakfast. "C-Can y-yo-you give-a me my-a wallet?"
"Let me think... um... no." said the ghost rat, clutching the wallet.
"I'll-a give you-a ch-cheese..."
"You ran out of food. Don't try to trick me."
"...Hey look! It's-a Zip T!" shouted Luigi, pointing in a random direction. The rat clambered out of the drawer and looked around.
"Where is he? I want his autograph!" Luigi grabbed the wallet while he wasn't paying attention.
"Yoink!" Luigi ran out of the house, getting away from the rat, who was now slamming his head against the wall for being an idiot. Luigi looked into the distance and saw Peach's Castle, which was predictably on fire and he can hear all of Toad Town in a panic. But his mission wasn't to calm down the storm, oh no.
His quest was to go shopping, and he will do just that damnit.
ACT 2: A NEW ENEMY
As he strolled into Toad Town, Luigi was already hit up by several concerned citizens.
"Green guy! The princess is missing!"
"Mario's bro, do you know where Mario is? Someone needs to save the princess, and it's definitely not you."
"Hey Luigi, can you help me? My house is on fire."
"Stop!" yelled Luigi, which made everyone stop talking. "I know about-a the princess, Mario is on-a his way and that was-a rude, and thank you for-a remembering my-a name, but I don't have-a the time to help you with-a your problem." He sped away, much to the disappointment of the Toad who's house was on fire. Luigi casually walked to the store, ignoring the screams of weaboos who seriously need to take a chill pill, considering how often this stuff happens. The local shops were closed on account of the recent invasion, but Luigi was relieved when he found a store called Shell Mart was still open. It was run by Koopas, who weren't usually as panicky as Toads unless their shells were stolen. In that case, they engage full weaboo mode. But whatever, Luigi was celebrating the fact that he got to the store without getting mugged for once.
"Hello, welcome to Shell Mart." said a bored Koopa at the front door. Inside, Luigi found that unlike the rest of the town, everyone was completely calm. Go shopping! Luigi reached for a shopping cart when he accidently touched a hand.
A purple Shy Guy was going for the same cart. "I saw this first, green man."
"Nuh-uh. I saw this-a cart first, right?" Luigi asked the greeter. The Koopa ignored him and started to read a magazine. "Well... come-a on, this is the last-a cart available!"
"Oh. In that case." The Shy Guy kicked Luigi in the groin. As the green plumber fell to the floor, the Shy Guy jacked the cart and walked away whistling.
Luigi looked up at the Koopa again, hoping that he would stick up for him. Instead, the Koopa just looked down on him. "Shell Mart is not responsible for any injuries, fist fights, or groin kicks that happen in the store. Seriously. Check our policy."
He looked at the Shy Guy again and he saw that he was looking back, snickering. Luigi rose his fist and started to shake it with as much anger as he could manage (by that, I mean none at all). "I will get-a my revenge! No one belittles the great-a Lui- DOOF!"
"Oh sorry sir, I didn't notice you were there." said a Toadette who entered the store and stepped on him. After she helped Luigi up, he decided to jsut settle on getting a basket before continuing on with his grand quest.
ACT 3: THE HORDE
Luigi went about his business, grabbing all sorts of food. He now had a shopping cart, which may or may not have been stolen from a customer who left to use the restroom. Nope. So he now had something to carry all his things. No, the basket didn't count. Baskets are dumb. After a good 30 minutes of running around and collecting items, there was only one thing left on the list: peanut butter, the best butter there is. It seemed simple at first. Just go up to the shelf, grab it, and you're ready to go. But of course something decided to complicate this.
"Attention Shell Mart shoppers, we're having a sale on peanut butter; 2 for 1 deal!" announced the intercom.
Luigi wisely stepped as far away from the aisle containing the peanut butter as possible.
Then, the horde of screaming peanut butter lunatics poured in. People were trampled that day, and the peanut butter was pilfered. Luckily Luigi made it out ust in time. The crowd soon dispersed, having gotten enough peanut butter to fulfill their needs. Luigi sighed and walked away. But then he turned back...
"Oh wow! There's still two-a more jars!" Luigi was excited, which is pretty sad considering that the object of his excitement is, well, peanut butter. But before he could just grab them though, he saw someone at the other end of the aisle that made his heart race.
The Shy Guy was back. "Hello again."
ACT 4: THE ONE MINUTE WAR
"...So." said Luigi, breaking the awkward tension.
"...So." replied the Shy Guy.
"...I'll be-a taking the peanut butter now, thank-a you." Luigi reached over to the peanut butter when the Shy Guy ran over and smacked his hand. Luigi scowled and tried to reach again, only to get his hands smacked again. He looked down and quickly dodged as the Shy Guy launched another kick. But that was his plan all along. With Luigi a few feet away, the Shy Guy grabbed the peanut butter unoppossed.
"You lose, too bad for yo- ARGH!" The Shy Guy was gloating when Luigi tackled him. The Shy Guy quickly threw him off himself and threw the jars into his cart.
But Luigi won't have that.
He got behind his own shopping cart and screamed, "Oh no you-a don't!" He charged at the Shy Guy with his cart. he crashed into the Shy Guy's cart and it resulted in an explosion. Actually no. This isn't a Michael Bay movie. Instead, items from both carts flew around the aisle, making a huge mess. Luigi and the Shy Guy awkwardly looked at the mess before Luigi apologized. "Sorry. I was-a overreacting."
"...No, it's my fault." The Shy Guy picked up the peanut butter jars and offered one to Luigi. "Share?"
Luigi took the can and smiled. "Share."
And so Luigi helped him gather up their food items, feeling glad that the Shy Guy isn't likely to bother him anymore.
ACT 5: TENSION RISES
After cleaning up the mess, Luigi got into the line, happy that he's almost done with this.
However, he did not know the horrors of waiting in line.
"Ow!" yelped Luigi. He turned around and saw that a baby Yoshi was hitting him.
"Why do you have to be so gween mister?" said the Yoshi as he hit him again. Luigi looked up at his mother, who was absent mindedly reading one of those small recipe magazines they keep near the checkout.
"Ma'm, your son keeps-a hitting me." politely informed Luigi.
"Okay." said the Yoshi mother, not even looking up. Her son grinned evily and continued to punch Luigi. Since Shell Mart had the policy to be as unhelpful as possible, Luigi knew the employees won't be as much help, so he groaned and decided to bare with it. He was really starting to get ticked. Especially with old Koopa Koot in front of him, holding up the line for the past five minutes.
"Back in my days, princesses weren't kidnapped. Instead, we all had our teeth stolen by the tooth fairy black ops and the heroes had to chase them down to get the teeth back..." rambled Koopa Koot.
"Sir, will you give me your items already!" screeched the very annoyed clerk.
"...now, Flutters today aren't a big threat, but back then, they were allies with the Grand Tooth Fairy Empire, so they were very dangerous indeed and..."
Luigi finally snapped. "JUST GIVE-A HIM YOUR ITEMS ALREADY!" He covered his mouth and looked around to see everyone startled. "Er... I'm-a sorry..."
"Hmph. The nerve of young people these day." Koopa Koot turned away from him and gave the clerk his items (which was only a few cans of spam) and left the line. Luigi, although he felt very sorry, was grinning as the clerk checked out his items.
FINAL ACT: ONE LAST SURPRISE
Luigi went home and fried himself some eggs and bacon. It was delicious. Tasted like accomplishment and pride. He did the dishes and went to get an after breakfast drink from the fridge... but he saw it open. He was quite positive that it was closed. He looked inside.
The ghost rat was inside, gnawing on a block of cheese. "...Do you mind?"
Ordinarily, Luigi would be scared, but with all the stuff he's been through today, he didn't want to deal with it. He picked up the little ghost by the tail and threw him out the window, to expose him to the deathly rays of the sun. Luigi poured himself a glass of orange juice and sat down on the couch, watching TV. Suddenly, the image of a female Toad reporter appeared on the screen, interrupting the episode of Rougeport Shore.
"I am Repor T, bringing breaking news! During the midst of the recent kidnapping of our princess, a purple Shy Guy robbed the Shell Mart of several food items. An unknown green man had helped him put these items in his shopping cart just moments before running out of the store. We believe that this man is an accomplice. While the Shy Guy has absconded to Shy Guy's Toy Box, where he is protected until we convince the authority there to arrest him, the police will be searching for the green clothed man at this very instant."
Luigi spit out his orange juice, a look of disbelief on his face as he heard knocking on his door. "You've got to-a be kidding me."
FIN
Did you like that one-shot? The reason I split it into parts was because... well... simple boredom. So, to fans of my work, I've added a section covering one-shots I plan on making! Yay, fun for the whole family! Not sure when I'll write them, but it'll definitely be written when I'm bored. And since my sister keeps hogging the TV and I can't play Persona, that will happen a lot. XD
Repor T was a character I thought of for a comic I used to make for myself, and the Shy Guy may appear in a future one-shot. Welp, gotta go! Remember to review me and tip the waitresses!
Yes, this is a dinner show. Shut up.