Disclaimer:- I don't not own spooks or anything to do with it.
Spoilers:- 3.10 onwards
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Time To Greave
She sat there looking at the pods, waiting. Waiting for him to walk through. She sighs in defeat as she looks back blankly at her screen.
"Ruth, a word please." Harry says fro behind her.
Before she gets up her eyes wonder over to the pods again. She feels a hand on her shoulder so she rises to her feet and walks in the direction she is being led to.
Harry Stops her when they are in front of his desk and moves to stand in front of her.
"What's wrong?" Harry asks quietly. He thinks how small, fragile she looks, almost as if someone speaking too loud could break her.
"I'm sorry?" Ruth's head snaps up as though she had been woken by a loud bang.
"The past few weeks … you've been distracted, distant … sad. I'm worried about you." Harry admits.
"I'm.. fine" She bites her lip. "Its just so hard. Pretending that everything is fine. That nothing happened"
"I know. I wish that things could have turned out differently. I wish that we could have saved both Fiona and …" Harry closes his eyes as her tries to say his name "But we didn't. That's the nature of this job. Of this world."
"So that just it? We just continue as if nothing happened. As if Danny's just gone on holiday?! You said. You promised that we would have time to greave. I'm sorry I don't have the your void of emotions. I'm sorry that I'm not frozen like you." All of a sudden her raised hands fall to her sides. She hadn't realised that she had been holding back so much. But she also realises that her minor explosion had destroyed everything between her and Harry.
Harry looks up. Shocked. He looks out of the window and sees the people looking in as they heard Ruth's voice. He looks back and Ruth see's how hurt he is.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean…" Her voice disappears into the quietness of the room.
"Take a week to sort your thoughts out Ruth" Harry continues as if she had not just had the out burst.
"I don't need…"
"That is an order" He says sternly so that she obeys him.
As she walks to the door he says softly "Take care of yourself Ruth"
"Don't worry" She says as she turns to him at the door. "I'll always be here. I'll always been fine" She tries to smile but it quite reach her tear glazed eyes "I'll be alright Harry" She reassures herself.
Ruth manages to keep her tears at bay as she gathers her things and until she gets onto the tube. Once she sits down, staring at her reflection in the opposite window. She doesn't try to wipe away her tears or acknowledge them at all. She's just scared at how dead and drained her eyes are.
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As Harry walks up the path to her door, he thinks about what he will say once she opens the door. He draws a blank. All he knows is that he needs to see her. He needs to know that she is alright.
When her gets to the door he knocks lightly, he still hasn't come to a conclusion as to what he is going to say.
"Harry?!" Ruth exclaims as she opens the door. As soon as her brain has time to note who it is in front of her she tries to smile the best she can. "Please, come in."
She stands aside to let him in "Do you want a drink?"
"Yes please. Tea would be lovely" Harry follows her through to the kitchen and leans against the counter.
While Harry watches, Ruth pad around the kitchen making the tea. Once she has laid everything out and is waiting for the kettle to boil. She leans over the counter with her back to Harry. He notices just how tiered she is. How tense her body looks. All he wants to do is to embrace her until all her pain disappears.
Harry walks over to stand behind Ruth and her head snaps up.
"When was the last time you slept?"
"Depends on what you mean by sleep?" Ruth says turning her head so she can see Harry out the corner of her eye. "Eye's closed and resting, three days. Actually proper, restful sleep, I don't really know. I don't know why, its just so hard to be normal."
"We all get like that Ruth, when we lose people, we lose some of our self as well. We just have to try and push through it. Its always going to be difficult but your not alone."
"Every time I go to close my eyes I'm almost petrified that when I open them another person will be gone. That you'll be gone" Ruth turns round to face Harry. "The team. You, its all I've got really"
Harry places his hand reassuringly on her upper arm. "I cant promise you that I wont get hit by a bus or killed tomorrow. But I can promise you that I will try my very best not to leave you until we are ready to say goodbye. That much I know I can promise you" Harry kisses her forehead to seal the promise. When he looks down at Ruth and she looks up. He can see the desire to know that she is loved and that she can still love back. He lowers his head again, slowly to her lips.
When the kiss breaks they look at each other.
"I'm sorry" Ruth says, then off his look she continues. "For saying your frozen. Your not. Your just to good at hiding . You've just lost too many people"
"One person is too many Ruth." She nods to agree. "I'll leave now, let you get some rest."
"No!" Ruth grabs his arm to stop him leaving, "Please don't leave yet. Please stay. O that when I wake up I will know that your still here."
"For you Ruth, I would do anything." He embraces her almost with a view to never let her go, not until all her pain is gone
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End.