Snarled Laces


Disclaimer: I am not a Theologian, a Historian, or a TV Producer; I therefore do not own any thing.

Summary: "I'm afraid Mr. Cromwell is…" she licked her full pink lips, "tied up at the moment, may I take the message?" Just a random little one shot that doesn't have to do with anything. I guess this is AU since Cromwell's wife is alive and kicking.


Caleb felt very uneasy entering Mr. Secretary Cromwell's chambers, but he had a message from the King and he knew how Mr. Cromwell felt about such things. And so after a knock and a beat the boy opened the heavy outer door and stepped into the sitting room.

The occupied sitting room.

Caleb stopped short in shock and embarrassment, there was a woman in the Secretary's room. She wore very little clothing - she might as well have been naked!

"I was about to open the door you know." she said, her voice carried no accent - denoting a local heritage. It did carry spirit however; it and the twinkle in her oceanic eyes told him she was very much amused. Caleb was anything but, he was young, but not naïve, he knew that many men at court kept a mistress – sometimes several, and it was fairly early. He knew that a woman was to be expected. What he didn't know was what to do or where to look.

Her small feet were bare on the thick rug and her dark blonde hair cascaded in curls down her back and over her shoulders. She wore nothing but a man's white shirt open at the neck, revealing the valley of her unbound breasts; it fell loose over her and stopped high on her thighs. Legs, very visible, were like a swan's neck – pale, slender, shapely. There was a moment of awkward silence.

"What is it that you need boy?" she asked kindly. Caleb stood a little straighter and met her eye.

"I have a message for Mister Secretary Cromwell." he said without stutter.

"I'm afraid Mr. Cromwell is…" she licked her full pink lips, "tied up at the moment, may I take the message?" Caleb had thought he was shocked before but he was mistaken. Tied up? He had heard whispers of whispers but never…

"ELIZABETH!" Cromwell's voice roared from behind the closed bedroom door. The woman laughed heartily as the chamber door flew open. The great Mr. Cromwell stood in the frame wearing only his breaches and shirt open to the navel. One hand held the knob the other a corset.

"What is it?" he asked. Caleb had never known true discomfort until that moment; he squirmed under the Secretary's black gaze.

"His Majesty would like to see you for an early meeting."

"I've got to go Elizabeth." Cromwell said hurriedly, disappearing into the bedchamber. The woman, Elizabeth, followed him to the door.

"What about those knots?" Cromwell reappeared, feet in boots, one hand tucking in his shirt, the other pulling on his formal robe. The woman quickly came to his assistance with the coat; reaching up (for he was a good head taller than she) she adjusted the collar and the chain of office as well as his dark curly hair, slightly disheveled. The action also brought her covering up, Caleb burned and looked away as a round, muscular bottom came into view.

"I couldn't get them out." he said.

"You put them there!" Caleb chanced a glance, she was holding a corset, laces indeed snarled, as covered as she had been.

"Elizabeth, this was not a request, I have been summoned. I must go."

"What about my corset?"

"Don't wear one." he said with a wry smile, she gave him a look. "I'll tend to it later." with a wink and a quick kiss to her full lips he turned. "Anything else?" Caleb did not speak. He had just witnessed cold, heartless Cromwell kiss another. "Boy!" he snapped.

"No – no sir, n-nothing else."

"Then, shall we?" Cromwell gestured to the door. Caleb turned feeling the burn of blush bloom over his cheeks and neck, Mr. Secretary's eyes boring into his back. He felt everything except for Thomas Cromwell's mischievous smile.


Inspired in part by Doctor Madwoman's plot bunny about wives having complete control over the world by messing with their husbands. Writing Feather Bed I realized how much fun I could have with Cromwell's wife (I like the man, don't know why but I do, I also adore Wolsey and More, I guess I love a villain. Although I don't know why I lump More in there…) anyway, this isn't supposed to do anything other than I hope it made you laugh. I thought of it in the shower and simply had to write it down.