Thanks a lot to my beta reader Nicole Craft for her valuable comments an suggestions! Any mistakes left are solely my fault!

I don't own Glee or any characters of the show.

The story content (except references to the content of the show) and any additional characters are my idea.

Updated Jan 2019 – just a litte revision and spell-checking as well as smoothing some of the dialogues and some of the edges :-).

A door in the wall

Chapter 1

The final note softly left Quinn's lips and drifted towards the mesmerized audience. She closed her eyes, reveled in that short instant where all sounds slowly died down before a cacophony of cheers and claps from the audience broke the silence, and brought her back to reality.

When Quinn opened her eyes again she got a glimpse of the audience in front of her. Out of the corner of her eye she caught a movement against the blinding stage lights. She noted a small silhouette getting up from the seat to the right, quickly moving towards the exit. Something about that person felt familiar to Quinn. Then she shrugged it off, smiled at the auditorium, and took a graceful bow.

After the curtain had swished close, the people outside did not cease applauding. It brought a smile to Quinn's lips every single time at the end of every show. She loved it so much! Singing, being on stage felt so good and so right for her! It was a dream come true that she never knew she had.

Had someone told her years ago that this would be her life's fulfillment she would have laughed them off. She would have turned them around and pointed down the aisle of McKinley High School towards a petite brown haired girl who practically lived Broadway with every fiber of her being.

This had always been Rachel Berry's dream. Not hers.

At least that was what Quinn had thought at that time. She had never imagined herself to have enough talent, enough drive, enough strength to survive, much less that she would succeed in this business. She had never been as determined as Rachel. And had never been as good. Thus, it astonished her so much more that the roles somehow seemed reversed now.

Rachel.

Quinn sobered up at the thought of her old friend. Her memory wandered back to the silhouette she had watched disappear during the final ovations. What was it that kept nagging her in her mind about that? It always happened. People had to leave a few minutes earlier to catch their train, to relieve the baby sitter or to avoid the crowds filing out at the end of the show.

Even if Quinn had laid eyes on that person for just a second, something about the way she had moved struck a nerve. She felt the familiar pang in her heart. Just like the silhouette she had let Rachel slip out of her life.

No. That was not true. She had pushed her. Without explanation.

Rachel had tried to call her so many times, had sent countless text messages and handwritten letters. One day she had even shown up in person. Quinn had watched her from afar, as Rachel waited in front of her dorm building, with a look of utter bewilderment, hurt and disappointment on her face. It had made Quinn's heart ache so much that she had to dig her nails into the tree she was hiding behind to stop herself from racing towards her former high school friend, collecting her in her arms begging for forgiveness.

Even though she knew that Rachel would have forgiven her, Quinn could not bring herself to do it at that time. Rachel would probably even have understood why Quinn had acted like that. But the blond girl could not let herself give in. She knew that she would have fallen deeper than she could ever imagine. She knew that she would have just drowned in those soft brown eyes. And it would have deterred her completely off course. So she had stayed hidden until Rachel had finally left, her small shoulders slouched in defeat.

Even though it had almost broken Quinn's heart as she left another one of Rachel's calls unanswered, she could not have brought herself to act differently. Otherwise she would have always stayed in Rachel's shadow, just being the friend that could sing a little of the soon to be Broadway star. And then she would have never been able to live up to Rachel's talent. This fear had almost blinded Quinn in recognizing her own talent.

It was nothing that Rachel had ever insinuated; it was never something she would have hinted at however slightly. Quinn knew that these feelings of inadequacy grew solely on her own turf. But there was nothing she could do to fight them off. If she ever wanted to succeed on stage, she would have to do it on her own.

Without Rachel close by.

Eventually the calls had gotten less frequent and so had the text messages. Until one day they stopped completely. Quinn had almost felt relieved. She now wouldn't have to endure the pain of not answering her friend's call anymore. How selfish she had been then.

It had seemed so right at that time. When Quinn started her first year at Yale, she had found herself always picking classes that would keep her singing. She had also chosen art and writing classes. Her plan had originally been to become a writer, maybe even become a play writer. But something had always pulled her back towards music and singing. And with the right training she had developed her voice further, discovering a power that surprised herself the most. Her teacher however had seemed less surprised the first time Quinn hit one of the most difficult high notes. And she hit it with a power that left the blonde herself speechless afterwards.

There had just been this knowing little smile playing around Mrs Siebert's lips. When Quinn hugged her after the lesson, the middle aged teacher had told Quinn how proud she was of her. She had been waiting for that moment when Quinn would finally open up and let everything out without holding back. These successes fuelled Quinn to go on, to push herself harder and further.

But keeping Rachel out of her life was easier said than done.

While walking back to her dressing room after the final curtain call, the memories of Rachel lingered in Quinn's mind.

It seemed so wrong all of a sudden that Quinn was on her way to stardom when Rachel had disappeared completely from the public eye some months ago. And Quinn could not find any explanation for that. It just did not make sense. None at all. Even the tabloids could not provide a satisfactory explanation. A lame excuse about Rachel Berry needing time off due to private reasons. Nothing more. And no one could provide any other details. Neither where she went nor why nor how.

The Broadway star had managed a daunting vanishing act.

Rachel had disappeared at a time when her path lay so clearly in front of her. No one had ever doubted that Rachel would become one of the best performers in New York. She had always carried this air of confidence around her, the kind that in former times had made Quinn angry and envious at the same time. Though when the blond had heard her sing for the first time, the petite girl's voice raised goose bumps on her skin. That had irritated and confused Quinn to no end. How could a girl's voice trigger such a reaction in her? A voice coming from a girl that could be so annoying at times.

Quinn had hidden her confusion behind her aloof behaviour and insults she threw at Rachel like her classmates threw slushies.

No matter how often Rachel was pushed down in any way, she had always managed to get up again, brush off the dirt and piece together her pride. How on god's earth did she do that? And how was it that no matter how cruelly people treated her, she still reached out to help them up should life's little speed bumps get one of them off balance. Like when Quinn was pregnant. Rachel didn't make fun of her, as Quinn would have done had roles been reversed. Rachel just set her straight and offered her friendship and support.

Ok, Rachel could also be really irritating at times when she was fighting for solos and stage time with blind ambition. Then again, that was just who she was. It was what drove her, what gave her the stamina to face the obstacles they threw in her way, what gave her the backbone to never ever let her dream get out of sight. It gave her the strength to really live her dream.

And she had succeeded!

Rachel had practically been snatched right away from the NYADA auditorium on to the stages of New York. Two years later, she had already secured her first lead in her favourite musical. Even during her studies she had successfully auditioned and landed some smaller roles on and off Broadway. They had helped pay her bills and enrich her stage experience.

Quinn sighed and sunk into the chair in front of the mirror in her dressing room. She looked at her own reflection, wondering why the small incidence at the end of the show pushed her so far down memory lane. Especially since this particular lane was none that Quinn liked to travel. It always brought back the guilt she stashed away. Nevertheless, this night, Quinn was not able to turn back and head the other direction. Something pushed her further down that road.

Despite her vow never to come close to Rachel again, Quinn had followed her former friend's success throughout the art press and read most of the reviews. Whenever the pain and longing to reconnect with her became unbearable, the blonde searched the internet for news of her. It just wasn't possible for Quinn to erase Rachel completely out of her mind and heart.

On one particularly tough day, when Quinn had felt that even with all her important reasons she could not stand being apart from Rachel any longer, she went to see her perform in her biggest show yet, a Funny Girl rendition.

And Rachel was amazing! Quinn's eyes were glued to the brunette's form whenever she was on stage, her voice washed over the blond girl like soft silk, sending endless shivers down her spine.

Quinn had known from the beginning that it had been a mistake to come; had known that the next couple of weeks it would be so much harder for her to find her own standing again. But a small part in her still cherished the experience of that particular evening, still held Rachel's voice captive in her head. Not that she had ever forgotten, but now it seemed even riper, more powerful - if that was even possible - and it had a depth to it that seemed to enchant everyone whose ears were graced with its beautiful, full cadence. Rachel didn't need songs or words; Rachel's voice was the song.

As Quinn lingered in the memories of that evening, while getting the make-up off, it hit her full speed. She stopped mid-track, her hand with a cotton pad poised motionless on her cheek.

She needed to hear that voice again. She needed to call Rachel. She needed to find her.

Needed to know what happened. Whatever the consequences.

Quinn hurried to get out of the theatre. At home, she dropped her bag on the kitchen counter and dug out her cell phone. Perching on a bar stool she scrolled down to Rachel's number and then hesitated. Would the number still be active? After all, it had been over four years now. And no one had heard anything about Rachel for the past 6 months. So it was very probable that the number was out of service.

Quinn let her arm sink until her hand in which she cradled her phone lay in her lap, Rachel's old number still shining prominently on the screen. Then, with what felt like a superhuman effort she moved her thumb and pressed the call button.

The phone was ringing. And God, she was nervous!

There was an automated recording that asked callers to leave a message after the tone. Quinn hesitated again, disappointed but at the same time relieved at not hearing Rachel's voice. She really had no idea how she would have reacted had her former friend actually picked up the phone.

She took a deep breath.

"Rachel. It's Quinn. I… I … what happened?" She then blurted out. "What happened to you? Where did you disappear to?"

She paused for a moment. Then prodded on, fearing that the recording would end before she had said everything she needed to say.

"I know it sounds crazy that the question is coming from me, since I was the one who disappeared from your life completely for the past four years. I can understand that I am probably the last person you want to talk to or listen to, but I need to know that you are ok. Please. Please call me back. And please let me explain." She paused again for a second. "I really miss you. A lot."

Quinn heard the hurt, the worry, the pain and the longing etched in her voice reverberate against her own ears. Afterwards she sat motionless for a very long time. Feelings she had so long hidden and shoved down were pushing their way back up into her consciousness. This time, she did not have the strength nor the will to fight them. This time she would face the music.

Rachel saw the display of her mobile phone light up on her nightstand. The message that flickered across the screen informed her that she had received a message on her voice mail. She had left the phone on mute. Well, she would check it later.

Or tomorrow. Or whenever. Whatever.

She turned around in her bed and closed her eyes. Best to go back to sleep. Sleep seemed to be the only thing that could help her escape.