Fanfic Cast:
Juli Owens as: Juli Owens, the artist who takes herself too seriously
Maya as: Maya, the cute little girl who likes to watch fireflies that other people caught
Someone who looks exactly like Kabuto and may or may not BE Kabuto as: Kabuto, the super epic amazing medic
An emo bastard bent on killing one of the only people left that loves him as: Sasuke, my least favorite character!
A frickin' epic evil snake guy of doom with long flowy soft black hair as: Orochimaru, the frickin' epic evil snake guy of doom that is NOT voldemort!
Libby Owens as: Alter Juli, The part of Juli's subconscious that likes talking about penises with Sai
Some random guy off the street that happens to look just like Kabuto and may or may not BE Kabuto as: Mr. Yellow, Kabuto's playboy alter self! Well, one of his alter selves.
Sai as: Sai, the awesome penis-obsessed artist!
Sakura as: Sakura, the super cool former fangirl!
Kakashi as: Kakashi, the guy who reads porn all day!
Naruto as: Naruto, the ramen obsessed jinchuuriki!
A random Madara cosplayer as: Uchiha Madara, the evil bastard whom I hate!
A random Deidara cosplayer (who happens to be a girl) as: Deidara, the epic explosion-obsessed member of Akatsuki!
No clay animals were harmed in the depiction of these events.
AN- Ok, before I begin, I would like to make it clear that this is 100% true. I don't expect any one of you to believe me, but this is not fiction. I repeat: this is not fiction. But if you would rather believe that there is nothing lurking in the woods surrounding your Aunt and Uncle's house, be my guest. There probably isn't anything, unless you have a family member named Kent who likes to play chess, because then you might be part of my family. A word of advice, stay away from the woods at night, and whatever you do, don't freak out when the snake starts talking.
P.S. If the snake is not purple with gold eyes it is likely a normal snake and cannot pull you into another dimension. Probably. Maybe. Actually, I have no clue, so be prepared for any random snake to just start cussing you out or something. Hey, stop laughing, it's not funny, I'm trying to save your life!
"Juli-nee-chan, I saw a firefly! Right over there!"
"Maya, I'm doing the best I can, okay?" The sweet little girl was holding a jar for any fireflies we caught. We hadn't caught any yet, and she was getting impatient. The field around my Aunt and Uncle's house was grassy. Their house was in a clearing in the woods in Southern Missouri. I saw many fireflies, but most were in the trees, where untold dangers, ie. snakes, poison ivy, and, as I would later find out, several supposedly fictional characters reined supreme.
"Juli, Maya, you might want to come back towards here, when it's dark out the snakes start comin' outta the trees." My mind immediately flew to Orochimaru, and then I felt stupid because, well, he doesn't exist, right? Yeah, you can believe that story if you want. Anyway, I scanned the ground for snakes, and, lo and behold, snake. I slowly backed away, and turned toward the house, well, I turned towards where the house should have been. It wasn't there. I prepared to freak out, but then the snake started talking and my mind decided to just accept the fact that weird things were going to happen.
"Hi. You have been sucked into an alternate universe. No time will pass in your own dimension while you are here. If it is easier for you to accept it, you can pretend this is happening inside your head. You have magical artist powers, similar to Sai. You cannot die in this dimension, as that would cause problems in your home dimension. Be prepared, from here on out, things will get very strange. Several people will not act as you might expect." The snake disappeared, and in its place was a flashing arrow with the words, Walk This Way on it. I shrugged, and followed the arrow.
Magical artist powers, eh? I wished I had a sharpie. Something landed on my head. I picked if up off the ground. It was a sharpie. I drew a butterfly on my hand and it started fluttering around my arm. I watched, as the butterfly peeled itself off my skin and flew away into the sky. I picked a leaf up off the ground, and placed it onto my arm. I concentrated, and before my amazed eyes, it melted onto my skin. I now had a tattoo of a leaf. Yay. I grabbed the petiole and pulled it off of my arm. I threw it on the groooooooooouuuuuuuund. No. Just kidding, I simply dropped it. I had caught sight of something much more interesting. Kabuto. He asked,
"Who are you?" Crud. I winced. "Are you another fangirl?" It should be noted that he was talking about Uchiha Sasuke fangirls.
"I'm not a threat! I only fangirl over you when I'm tired! Please don't attempt to kill me, that might end badly and I don't want anything to happen to you." I didn't know how this unable to die thing worked. If there was some sort of backlash or something that killed the person who tried to kill me, Kabuto would end up dead. He raised an eyebrow.
"You sound like you think you can't die or something. But I assure you, I am perfectly capable of ki-"
"No, you don't understand. There was this snake and it said I had been sucked into another universe, and that I couldn't die while I was in this one. I'm sure you'll want to test that though, so what I'm saying right now is basically pointless." He threw a shuriken. It hit me in the upper arm before I could finish flinching.
"You're damn right I want to test it." I closed my eyes. The shuriken artified onto my skin, and the cut disappeared. I pulled it off my arm and handed it to Kabuto.
"Here you go." He blinked.
"The f*ck?" I sighed.
"Yeah, it's pretty confusing. I haven't figured everything out yet, but I think what I can do is make drawings into real things and vice versa, and make art supplies appear out of thin air. I might have other abilities, that's only what I've figured out so far. If you let me stay in Oto I won't resist testing, and since I can't die I'm the perfect test subject, and I won't go into the labs without permission or anything like that, please? As long as I can interview you guys. I wouldn't try to publish them or anything until I got to my home dimension, I just have so many questions!"
"How do you know so much about us?" I winced.
"Well... Where I come from you're sort of a fictional character." He blinked.
"So what you're saying is that there are a ton of people who know everything about me."
"Yeah, except for stuff like favorite color and food and whatnot. But most people assume you like purple. Sorry, that was kinda off topic."
"And you are one of these people?"
"Well, I don't know everything because I haven't finished reading the whole thing."
"Oh, that's so comforting." I winced again.
"Okay, I need to figure out when I am so I know what's going on right now. Hmm, do you know who Uchiha Sasuke is?"
"Yes, but he won't be Uchiha Sasuke for long, Orochimaru is going to- well, I shouldn't tell you in case you're lying about knowing everything and you're just a spy." Wait, it was almost time for Orochimaru to take over Sasuke's body? Crap. Crap crap crap.
"If you just said to Orochimaru something along the lines of If I don't administer a rank 10 medicine right now, it's over, you need to get back and keep Sasuke away from Orochimaru."
"Why? Orochimaru-sama can just take his body."
"Just go, I know something you don't, I'll explain later, right now you need to get back there before its too late."
/)/)/)/)/)/)/)/) Kabuto's POV
I ran into Orochimaru-sama's room. Uchiha-san was standing there with his sword impaling both of Orochimaru-sama's arms.
"Uchiha," I sneered, dropping the honorific to show my contempt for him, "Get the f*ck away from Orochimaru-sama." He smirked at me.
"Yakushi-san, I seem to remember a certain person reminding you to be more respectful to me." I glared at him.
"You, you don't deserve any respect, asshole, how many brain cells did you use when you thought of this plan?" He looked past me, at the doorway. I turned around and saw the annoying girl who had warned me about this.
"Who's that?" I smirked.
"A very interesting potential test subject. Go on, introduce yourself." I still didn't know her name. She waved.
"Hi, my name is Owens Juli."
"So why is she just roaming around? Does she know what happens to wandering test subjects?" Owens rolled her eyes.
"Be my guest." She turned towards me. "Be ready to take this opportunity." What did she mean by that? Sasuke pulled his sword out of Orochimaru-sama's arms. Oh, that's what she meant. I ducked under his sword as he was swinging it around and started healing Orochimaru-sama's arms. I'm not what what happened, but when I turned back around, there was a lot of blood on the floor and Owens was holding the blade of Uchiha's sword in between her thumb and index finger.
"What the hell? How are you-"
"Alive? I don't really know how it works, but I can't die because I'm from a different universe." She released the blade. "That's a totally tubular pointy object you've got there though. Tubular means awesome or cool, by the way." This whole time Orochimaru-sama had just been watching. Now, he spoke up.
"And the fact that you can't die makes you the perfect test subject. In your home universe did you practice genjutsu, taijutsu, or ninjutsu the most?"
"My home universe is a world of mostly civilians. To us, you three are fictional characters and chakra is something made up." That was a blunt way to put it.
"Do you have any special abilities?" She smiled.
"Observe." She drew a snake on her arm and then she was suddenly holding it.
"Interesting..."
"Orochimaru-sama? Maybe you should take Sasuke's body now." Owens flinched.
"That's not a good idea. You'll end up dead. I can show you the page where it happens, I have it on my phone. It would be best to kill him now, honestly. Preferably in the most painful way possible. But- hmm, Itachi will be out for your blood. And even when he's dead you couldn't beat him so... It might be better to give him amnesia, somehow." I glared at her.
"You realize that made no sense?" She flushed.
"Sorry. But we- er, you guys should eliminate him without killing him, because then Itachi will come after you."
"I'm standing right here, Juli." He said her name in a very rude tone of voice. She brandished her sharpie at him.
"You know, it's a bad idea to piss off the nearest person who knows the story of your clan, teme." He crossed his arms and glared.
"Both of you shut up." Owens reluctantly sat against the wall. Uchiha turned his glare on me. When I looked back at Owens, she was scribbling rapidly on the floor and her sharpie kept changing color. "What are you drawing, Owens-san?"
"Snake." By this time, Uchiha had sat against the wall also, and was staring into space. I suppose he was feeling depressed about the fact that he wasn't able to kill Orochimaru-sama. The rainbow colored snake popped out of the floor and slithered over to him.
"Kira-chan! Stop fraternizing with the enemy!" Kira turned her head around and hissed at her. "Fine, be like that." Owens started drawing another snake. This one slithered over to Uchiha also, and his smug smile grew. Owens slapped her hand on the ground. Both snakes wrapped around Uchiha's arms and legs, effectively stopping his movement. "Gotcha! If you struggle, they will bite."
"What the hell?"
"I wanted to make sure you wouldn't leave while they were figuring out what to do with you." He flipped her off, and a snake wrapped its tail around his hand and pulled it away from the other so he couldn't make seals. "Now, are you guys going to figure out what to do with him, or do I have to draw a conference table?"
"It's Orochimaru-sama's choice, and you should be more respectful, and use less sarcasm." She gasped in mock horror.
"Stop being sarcastic? But that's my personality, just like how Sasuke's personality is being an emo bastard intent on killing one of the only people left that loves him!"
"Then try to stop being so obnoxious."
"Okey Dokey Lokey!" It was like she didn't even realize it.
/)/)/)/)/)/)/)/) Juli's POV
"Okey Dokey Lokey," I said, in my best imitation of Pinkie Pie. Kabuto looked kind of annoyed. Orochimaru started coughing, and Kabuto gasped, and said,
"I'm so sorry, Orochimaru-sama, I'll go get your medicine right away." He ran out the door. A few minutes later he came back with a shot.
"Okay, Orochimaru-sama, are you ready?"
"Yes, thank you, Kabuto-kun." Kabuto blinked, like Orochimaru had done something unexpected, but he shrugged it off and injected the medicine into Orochimaru-sama. Orochimaru passed out. Kabuto sat down heavily in the chair next to Orochimaru's bed.
"Now we wait for him to wake up." We waited in silence for a few minutes, except for Sasuke cussing at the snakes several times, (You f*cking reptiles!) and then I asked Kabuto,
"He'll be okay, right?" He looked at me funny.
"Don't you know?"
"In the manga Sasuke killed him five minutes ago."
"He should be fine. I'm afraid I can't say the same for you, Owens-san. To whom are you loyal?"
/)/)/)/)/)/)/)/) Kabuto's POV
"... To whom are you loyal?" I needed to make sure she wasn't out to get us or something. She paused in shuffling a deck of cards that she had somehow acquired.
"Here? I suppose my objective would be to keep my favorite character alive, so you could say I'm loyal to him." Maybe she was an Uchiha Itachi fangirl. She was mentioning him a lot earlier.
"And who is that?" She grinned up at me.
"You, of course!" She said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world.
"Me?"
"Yup!"
"Why, out of all the people you could have chosen, did you choose me?"
"Because you were the best choice, obviously!" I thought about that for a second.
"What about all the people with different favorite characters?"
"I guess they thought they were making the best choice, but I know they were wrong. The best choice is sitting in a chair right in front of me. Do you wanna play cards?" If she kept up all that rapid fire talking I was going to get a headache. I rubbed my temples.
"I guess." After a few games, Uchiha said,
"Guys? Can I play too?" Orochimaru-sama woke up to Sasuke yelling GO FISH! with a gleeful expression on his face.
"Did the world break while I was passed out or something?"
"I think I can explain," Owens said.
"I asked Yakushi-san if he wanted to play cards, and then Uchiha-san joined in." Great, now he was going to ask why Uchiha wanted to play cards in the first place, and I didn't think either of us had an explanation for that.
"And why is the Uchiha playing?"
"I was bored, don't judge me!" He put down a pair. "I win." Orochimaru-sama blinked, and said,
"I'll play too if we play bullshit and Kabuto-kun helps me figure out what to do with you two." Owens started dealing four hands.
"Everyone knows how to play, right?"
"Yes."
"Yup." We picked up our hands and arranged them,
"Who has the ace of spades?" Uchiha held up a card.
"I do. One ace." It was my turn.
"Three twos." I put down four cards, but nobody noticed. It was Owens' turn.
"One three."
"Peanut butter, I actually put down four cards."
"My turn. Two-"
"Wait!" Sasuke looked through his hand. "Bullshit." Owens took the pile.
"God damn you."
"Now it's my turn. Two fours. I think we should kill Uchiha and lock Owens in the dungeons."
"Hey!"
"You can lock me up, but I'll just draw a way out."
"Owens says she's loyal to me, if that helps at all."
"Two fives, don't kill me!"
"Peanut butter, you tried to kill me, why shouldn't I kill you?"
"One six." I put down the six of hearts. Owens put down three cards.
"Three sevens."
"Bullshit." She picked up the pile and handed it to Orochimaru-sama. He sorted the cards into his hand and put down two cards.
"Two-"
"Bullshit," Owens said.
"Damn." Sasuke put a card down.
"One nine."
"One ten." I put down the jack of hearts.
"Peanut butter, would it help if I said I was sorry?"
"One jack. I certainly won't forgive you, duckbutt, I've hated you since chapter 344ish."
"Peanut butter." Orochimaru put two cards down.
"I'm not awfully inclined to forgive you either, Sasuke-kun. Two queens."
"Peanut butter, it's your turn, duckbutt."
"Don't call me duckbutt, Drooli-san."
"Drew-lee, I get it, because I drew those snakes."
"No, like drool."
"Just put some cards down, duckbutt."
"Don't call me-"
"Girls, girls, you're both equally ugly, now put some cards down so that Kabuto-kun can put down the four of clubs and pretend it's an ace."
"How did you-"
"I can see your cards, Kabuto-kun." The game continued like this, with Uchiha and Owens bickering and Orochimaru-sama using snakes to peek at my cards. Sasuke won, and I lost, miserably. I had almost the whole deck at the end of the game.
/)/)/)/)/)/)/)/)
End of chapter AN- I recorded the card game if anyone wants I'll post it with next chapter. Sorry if this is in a weird font, I am posting with my iPad so I'm not totally sure if the font used in notes will carry over.
Update: Yeah, none of the formatting I had was saved, so I had to fix it on the computer.