An: This is the most messed up thing I have ever written... Hope someone will like it... Haha.
Declaimer: I don't own Twilight, and I never would even if I could.
Word count: 330
Warning: Slut Bella.
Pairing: Mention of Bella with a bunch of guys
-Allie has just signed in-
Bella: I have something to tell you…
Allie: What is it?
Bella: I'm pregnant…
Allie: What are you talking about?
Bella: I told you. I'm pregnant Alice.
Allie: Really?
Bella: Yeah
Allie: HOLY FUCKING MONKEY BALLS TITS!
Bella: That doesn't even start to describe it
Allie: I'd say lol. But this is no laughing matter!
Bella: Your telling me. I'm going to get fat!
Allie: I know... Abortion..?
Bella: I don't know.
Allie: OH MY FUCKING DOG RAPING TITS
Bella: I'm scared...
Allie: Is it Edwards...?
Bella: No... :'( At least… I don't think… and I'm still scared, poor dog.
Allie: We don't have a dog. Don't worry.
Bella: lol.
Allie: WHO'S?
Bella: Who's dog?
Allie: No Bella! Who's baby!
Bella: Oh… Jacob… I think…
Allie: Think...? How many guys have you fucked?
Bella: Just guys? Okay lets think...
Allie: OH MY FUCKING CAT RAPING PENIS!
Bella: ... You're joking right?
Allie: Yes, Bella...I'm no he-she
Bella: Oh, ok.
Allie: ...
Bella: ...?
Allie: ANSWER
Bella: Oh
Allie: ... waiting
Bella: Name or number...?
Allie: Name...
Bella: Kay..
Bella: Mike, Jake, Edward, Emment, Jasper, Eric, and some dude when I was drunk
Allie: ... Get any money?
Bella: Oh ha, ha.
Allie: Wait… You fucked JASPER?
Bella: Yeah… But you know, he's a vamp... They can't get me pregnant…
Allie: Oh yeah, just like we don't sparkle in the sun!
Bella: I'm fucked
Allie: In more ways than one!
***One week later***
-Bella has just signed in-
Allie: I havn't heard from you in weeks!
Bella: It's been a week, Alice…
Allie: STILL! What's on the go?
Bella: I had an abortion…
Allie: OH MY MOTHER IS RAPING CAT PENIS
Bella: …
Allie: My mum likes cats…
Bella: Uhm…
Allie: Sorry, so, do you feel any different?
Bella: I don't feel weighed down anymore…I celebrated by fucking some guy I met there
Allie: OH MY HOLY UNDEAD CAT DOG WHO RAPES PENIS, SERIOUSLY?
Bella: Yeah…
Allie: You'll never learn…