1. The TARDIS

The Doctor circled the control panel of the TARDIS, reminiscent of the time he had just said goodbye to Rose, on the beach. Norway, wasn't it? Bad Wolf Bay. He touched buttons gently, ran his hand over levers, and watched his fingers as he did so.

He missed Rose more than ever, now. Fighting the Racnoss with Donna had been… empty. Donna would have been a good companion – if you didn't count the shouting, the slapping, the fact that she had continually missed the big picture – basically everything he had ever done for the human race. After all, even the Doctor liked a little bit of recognition now and then… and even from insane brides to be.

No, it wasn't Donna's fault that his most recent adventure had been lacking that certain something. And the Doctor was pretty sure what that certain something was.

He had asked Donna to come with him, of course. He had lost confidence after her infamous line, "And then you made it snow… I mean, you scare me to death!" The Doctor smiled to himself slightly in memory. He hadn't meant to scare her… just try and help her enjoy Christmas a little more. He sat down on one of the chairs next to the console, lifting his Converse clad feet up and resting them on the control panel.

He hadn't quite expected to be turned down so soon after Rose's loss. In fact, he hadn't quite expected to ask anybody so they had the opportunity to turn him down. What had he told Donna? "I don't need anyone." The Doctor was starting to realise how much of a lie that was.

He wanted Rose. The Doctor sighed as he admitted it to himself, and knew that even that statement – which had taken him so much to think – was incorrect. He needed her. The more he thought about this, the more he realised that hiding his feelings from her had been the best thing he'd ever done. She didn't need that. A nine hundred year old Time Lord, in love with her? A nine hundred year old Time Lord, who'd lost his whole race, in love with her? Better to keep it hidden then burden her with that.

Well, not quite hidden. She'd guessed. She'd obviously guessed. The Doctor had come so close to telling her so many times. When he had given up his life, as his ninth regeneration, just to save her. She must have known then. The Doctor remembered her words: "I want you safe. My Doctor." He had known then. Known her feelings for him. At least, he had guessed them.

The Doctor leant his head back slightly, breathing in deeply and then letting it out again. Just before he let himself drop into the pit whilst Ida sat above him… Rose had been his faith. He didn't believe in Gods or Demons, just one thing. The girl who waited for him all the time he was in the pit. Rose Tyler. He had made that clear to himself more than anybody when he had shouted it at the Beast.

The funny thing was, neither of them had spoken aloud about it. Not until the moment in which they thought they'd never be able to again. Rose had spoken. She had been braver than the Doctor, in the end. Something he hated himself for.

Slitheen? The Gelth? Strange creatures that liked being called 'Absorbaloffs', from the twin planet of Raxicoricofallipatorius, Klom? Oh, the Doctor could deal with those. But confessing his love for somebody? That was something altogether different.

One of the Time Lord's biggest regrets was the fact that he had run out of time. He had spent too much of it saying meaningless things, when all he needed to say was: "I love you, Rose Tyler." And he hadn't even managed that.

Then again, given more time, the Doctor didn't even know if he would have said that. Whilst pacing the TARDIS, just before Donna and her troubles appeared in the blue box, the Doctor was thinking. He was half glad that he'd been stopped. And half angry with himself for being half glad.

She deserved to know. She was going to live the rest of her life with no idea how he really felt. Or was that better? The Doctor allowed his feet to drop, and took the key of the TARDIS from his pocket, looking at it with a kind of longing. He didn't know what to think anymore. He was a changed man; different from when he had met the Autons, from when he had first met Rose. Then again, that was a given… he'd gone through a regeneration since then.

But the Doctor didn't mean just that. He meant in the way he felt about Rose. He'd become too attached to her, too close. And yet he had never wanted to break away, which is something he thought he'd end up wanting, needing.

The Doctor screwed his eyes shut, to the sound of voices in his head.

"Fear, loneliness, they're the big ones, Rose…"

"You know what, they keep on trying to split us up, but they never ever will…"

"Never say never ever…"

"We'll always be okay, you and me…"

"Something coming… a storm…"

The Doctor leapt up, trying to busy himself with something, anything, whilst shoving the key back into his trouser pocket. He leant heavily on the console, his hearts aching.

Fear, loneliness. Never had they weighed so heavily upon his shoulders.