So, here's the story of how this new venture came to be. I finally received my extended editions of LOTR on Blu Ray and started watching Fellowship. For some reason, I completely flashed back to the super funny Very Secret Diaries series written by Cassie Claire. I decided that this simply must be written for the Dragon Age series. In my research, I came across a set that was done for Origins, by JessicaJones. You should seriously check them out, they are VERY funny. But, nothing yet for DA2, so here I am to fill the void (including some crossover with Origins as the characters see fit). I hope I'm not stepping on any toes, but this is my favourite concept ever, so I just felt the need to write…some VERY secret diaries. Hope you enjoy my take on these…

First one's a little short, but she had minimal involvement. Suggestions/requests for next chapter welcome!

Edit: My calculation for the last diary entry was only slightly off (by a thousand years, that's okay right?). Fixed!

Disclaimer: Bioware/EA owns characters and my life apparently. Props to Cassie and Jessica for what came before…

The Super Secret Diary of Flemeth

Day 1: Have been around for long time. Figured was time to start keeping diary. Just moved into new hut in Korcari Wilds. V. swampy here. Not good for complexion. Should probably consider getting new daughter soon.

Day 37: Not been good with writing diary so far. But short elves brought me blonde fellow and angry dark haired friend. Told blonde not to trust friend, he will so screw him over. Have a sense for this sort of thing.

Day 62: Considering officially changing name to Witch of the Wilds on license. Unsure if Fereldan DMV accepts money orders.

Day 520: Got new daughter. Really bad at diary thing. Will keep trying.

Day 8096: Found diary under stack of grimoires have been working on. Promise to write more. In other news, hair makes me look like crazy cat lady. Not bad for scaring away unwanted visitors. But apparently not Jehovah's Witnesses.

Day 8102: See? Writing more. Was minding own business practicing being dragon when noticed big fight. Somebody's gonna get their ass kicked. Not saying who. Might visit bookie later.

Still Day 8102: Rescued Grey Wardens from tower. Were betrayed by that dark haired man from…previous diary entry. That suuuuucked.

Day 8105: Blond Warden pining over dead ex-gf. So whiny. If wasn't so hot, might have to throw in lake.

Day 8106: Second Warden finally woke up. Mistaken about blond Warden's ex – actually a man. Hard to tell due to amount of crying. In other news, have perfected maniacal cackle. Win!

Still Day 8106: Sent daughter off with two Grey Wardens. Good thing too. Party with Chasind this weekend!

Day 8275: Can't find grimoire. Shame. Had awesome recipes for chocolate chip cookies and meat lovers' lasagna. Wish rural internet service better out here – would Google it.

Day 8342: Apparently daughter found grimoire. Now upset that I was going to borrow her body for a bit. So tedious. Will never last forever at this rate.

Still Day 8342: Sort of underestimated daughter and am now big dead dragon. Will never fit back into hut like this.

Day 1: Alive again. Figured would start diary over again on account of the death thing. On good note, now hot. Still have maniacal cackle. Super psyched.

Day 22: Have discovered time travel. Thought vacation to darkspawn invasion at Lothering would be fun. Turns out, not so much.

Day 24: Vacation looking up. Came across sassy mage girl killing ogre. Considering stealing her for new daughter. Real mother gave dirty look when suggested. Will bring group to Gwaren for shits and giggles. Sassy mage said would bring amulet to short elves at Sundermount. So dumb. Love the dumb ones.

In other news, templar bloke dead leaving behind redheaded man…er, wife. V. sad. Okay, not really.

Day 47: Finally in Gwaren. Sassy mage unhappy didn't fly there. What does she think I am? Air Flemeth?

Day 457: Writing diary again. Not my fault this time. Sassy mage "forgot" about delivering amulet. Know she lost it three times and tried to sell twice considering was in amulet. But funny, so won't push her off cliff. Traveling with new people now. Blonde crazy mage with passenger and white haired elf with sexy tats. Would like to see where those get to. Might trade fashion tips with crazy mage though – some of feathers bent from being in amulet. Figure time to go somewhere else now. Have delivered cryptic message to sassy mage, so…I'm off like a prom dress.

Day 3631: Told sassy mage shit was gonna go down.