Disclaimer: Blah, blah, blah… Detective Conan isn't mine… Gosho Aoyama owns… stuff. Bleh. But I still say that Shinichi is mine, damnit! :sticks out tongue:
A/N: Here's my newest story. And surprisingly, it's a ShinichixShiho. For those of you who don't know me, that's a big shocker, seeing as I'm a big ShinichixRan supporter. I guess I wanted to try something different, for once.
Anyways! On to the story.
Let Go
Ran was spread out across her bed while quietly reflecting, her eyes glassy and unseeing. The sky outside was dull and gray; a perfect reflection of her feelings, really. But she didn't see those dull gray clouds, nor did she notice when raindrops began falling from them. She didn't hear the distance rumble of thunder. Ran didn't even notice the sharp pains running up and down her arm; a result of her using it as a pillow. All of her senses were centered on one person, or maybe two, if you wanted to count his alter ego.
Shinichi Kudo. An image of him flashed briefly before her in her minds' eye.
Conan Edogawa. She saw him there, too.
Then she saw them both. Together. Except, Conan wasn't wearing his glasses. And he had a very Shinichi-esque look on his face as he glanced up at his other persona. Suddenly, Shinichi's image rippled and faded away, and pint-sized Ai Haibara took his place. They were at eye level with each other now. Ran's view of the scene changed then, so that she could only see Conan's face over the top of Ai's head. Those icy blue eyes… so deep, so full of determination. And, maybe, a little… scared? What was he so scared of? True, Ai had even had that affect on her a few times, but…
And then, Ran was replaying the events of the day.
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"I don't want to go back, Haibara." Conan's soft, yet lucid voice broke through her musings. Her eyes flicked back to Conan's face. Those eyes… They weren't even directed at her, and yet she felt he was delving into her very soul. Mentally and physically, Ran shivered.
"What are you talking about, Kudo?" Ai said, with those neutral, clipped tones she always used. Ran could just imagine the look on her face as she said it: the eyebrows raised, expression sardonic… wait. Did she just call him 'Kudo?'
"You've been bugging me about finding an antidote for years, and now that I finally finished it, you're telling me you're not even going to take it?"
Conan looked away from her analytical gaze. He was finding his shoes quite interesting at the moment. "I can't… I just… can't, okay?" His voice was no more than a whisper now, and his weariness was obvious in the way he kept his back slouched. Ai fumed.
"No, it's not okay, Kudo. What are you scared of? It's just too much to have every single person in the whole of Japan worshipping everything you do? And what about Ran? You know, the woman you're head over heels for?" Somehow she managed to keep her voice demanding without actually shouting. "Oh, I'm so sorry for you, Kudo!" I'm so sorry that you love someone, and that they love you back. But Ai chose to leave that part unsaid.
"Damnit, Shiho!" Ran and Ai jumped simultaneously. The weariness and anxiety had disappeared, just anger and frustration was left. He finally looked in her eyes, and Ran gasped at the intensity in them. "You're not even listening to me!"
Before Ai could get out another word, Conan had closed the distance between them and wrapped her in a tight embrace. She stayed limp in his arms, unable to do anything else. "I can't go back… because I don't love Ran, Shiho. It's you. I love you." The said girl's eyes widened considerably, but somehow she summoned up the strength to return his affections. She leaned into him and nuzzled into his neck. If she were any further away, Ran wouldn't have heard the muffled "love you" that Ai had muttered back.
In normal circumstances, Ran would've absolutely loved this moment, and would've loved dreaming about little Conan in a tuxedo on his wedding day. As it were, these were not normal circumstances, and Ran felt the need to scream out her frustration and sorrows.
Is this really happening?
Her mind wailed, but no noise came from her mouth; a hand was firmly clamped over it.
Please… let this be but a dream.
The tears streaming freely down her face, the teenage girl backed up slowly, breaking into a run as soon as she cleared the front door.
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Ran blinked, slowly lapsing into consciousness. How long have I been out of it? Not that it mattered. She whimpered softly as she buried into the warmth of her bed sheets. Shinichi, how could you? She felt so much right now… Betrayed. Lonely. Abandoned. Her once stable life was shattering right before her very eyes.
"RAN-NEECHAN! OJI-SAN! I'M HOOOME!"
She winced. Today was going to be a long day…
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"RAN-NEECHAN! OJI-SAN! I'M HOOOME!"
The door shut behind him. Conan shuddered. His clothes were completely soaked through. "Of course it rains on the one day I don't have an umbrella," He muttered dryly. Discarding his shoes and socks, Shinichi headed for his room. Or, rather Kogoro's room, but whatever. He was knocked out on the couch, anyway. The teenager-turned-boy gave a quick glance around before darting for the door. He didn't really feel capable of putting on the mask today.
Conan turned as Ran's bedroom door clicked open, and Ran slipped outside. She smiled brightly at him - like any 'neechan' should – but it didn't take a genius to tell that it was forced. Her eyes were red and slightly puffy from when she had been crying. Somehow she managed to bring up a bit of cheer in her voice as she spoke.
"Welcome back, Conan-kun! Y-you're soaking wet. Didn't you remember… to bring your umbrella with you to Doctor Agasa's?" But Ran already knew he didn't have one. After all, it was still on her floor, where she had flung it after coming home. Better to not mention that she'd tried to bring it to him.
"Iie, Ran-neechan! I must've forgotten it." He pasted that innocent child smile on his face. On the outside, Ran appeared to be only slight miffed, but inwardly, she was bitter.
Always with the lies, Shinichi. Has there been a time these last few years when you haven't lied to me?
Her eyes, and in turn, her mind, drifted back to present-day and Conan as she felt him gently tug on her sleeve. "Ran-neechan? Have you been crying again?" And those eyes again… Those blue depths… This time, though, they were merely a disguise. But she still remembered… oh, how she remembered.
I suppose we both hide behind masks, Shinichi…
"Yeah, Conan-kun… but don't worry, though! I was thinking about Shinichi again, is all. Wonder when the baka's coming back, is all." Her cheery voice even sounded false to her ears. But it wasn't a total lie. Maybe.
I'm just not as good at it.
Conan opened his mouth to say something, but Ran quickly interjected. "I better go get dinner started, Conan-kun. Dad should be waking up soon, and he'll be real grumpy if I haven't even started it yet." She turned on her heel and walked out, leaving Conan to only watch her leave. Silently he made the promise to call her later. She had the right… to know.
For once, Shinichi, I won't be left waiting.
With dinner eaten and Kogoro asleep (again), Ran was prepared to turn in for the night as well. Vaguely she wondered where Conan had gone off to - she hadn't seen him since dinner – but dismissed the thought quickly. That is, until the phone rang. She stared at it with wide-eyes. There was only one person who'd call this late at night… Heart heavy, she finally made a move to pick it up.
"Moshi, moshi, Mouri Detective Agency," She felt the need to say the words; even though she knew she had no need to.
"Hi, Ran."
She drew in a breath to help quell the nausea she suddenly felt in her stomach. Hands trembling, she attempted to speak. "H-hi, Shinichi." Already, the tears threatened to fall.
"Geez, Ran! You don't seem very happy to hear from me! Talk about cold!"
Ah… Shinichi. You have no idea...
"Baka!" Ran retorted. She smiled a little. Hearing him talk like that, so easy and carefree… even if it was all a lie, it reminded her so much… of old times.
The times that she desperately wanted to come back, but the ones she knew were gone forever.
"Of course I'm happy to hear from you, Shinichi! It's been forever! Is your case going okay?" Beating around the bush, yes, but she just wanted to keep this feeling with her… If only for a little longer.
Shinichi laughed. "Yeah, it's going great! I got a big lead, and I'm this close to cracking it! This close! In matter of fact, just yesterday I-"
"I love you," she blurted out, before she could think better of it. It was then that she let herself silently cry.
The other end fell silent. After what seemed like an eternity: "R-Ran?" That fear again, in his voice. So similar, but for entirely different reasons. She couldn't help but see the irony in that.
"I love you," she repeated, and she felt that familiar pain in her chest as she said it. "I love you so much, Shinichi; from before I could even remember. But… do you love me? Do you?"
Shinichi?
Silence.
A shaky breath.
A loud 'thud!' noise; maybe a hand slamming against a table or something?
And then:
"I'm sorry, Ran… I - No, at least, not in the way you want me to…"
"Say it, Shinichi. Say the words. I-I need to hear them…"
Please, Shinichi. Don't give me anymore false hope.
"Ran, I…"
"Please, Shinichi. Just… please."
"Ran, I don't love you…" And with these words, her heart shattered. She couldn't cling to hopes anymore. She couldn't hope that she'd misunderstood. But then, she wouldn't end up pining away for him, either. She smiled faintly. "Thank you, Shinichi. For telling me. I'd rather get the truth, than for me to keep on hoping for something when I never had a chance."
"Ran, I'm sorry."
She waved away his concern, though she knew he could not see. "Its okay, Shinichi! Really. I'll be fine. Maybe not now, but I will be." She glanced out the window, toward the phone booth he was more than likely to be at. "I… I should go now. It's getting late, and I should go check on Conan…"
"Uh… Ran, wait. I….but you…" Lot's of incoherent stuttering; the desired effect.
"Buh-bye, Shinichi!" She chirped. "Oh, and Shinichi?"
"Uh… yes, Ran?"
"You're not planning on coming back, are you?"
"…No, Ran."
"…I thought so. Take care, Shinichi. Regardless, you're still my best friend and I'll still kick your ass if you get yourself hurt, you baka."
But then again, I might do that anyway…
He managed a snicker at that. "Okay, Ran. I'll remember that. Bye."
"Bye." She lifted the receiver away from her ear; gaze still directed at the window as she prepared to hang up. Suddenly she thought better of it. "Shinichi," She started softly. She wasn't even sure if he was still listening or not. "I wish you… and Shiho, much happiness together." And she hung up.
Unbeknownst to her, Shinichi had heard every word.
As the heavens continued their assault on the city below, the masks finally started to slip. Conan (who was still pondering over the phone conversation), slid down to a crouching position in the phone booth. A single tear fell down his cheek. But he didn't cry. Shinichi Kudo, ace teenage detective, never cried. Rather, the hiccupping sobs that filled the small booth were the cries of a child. One who was slightly relieved, yet still very worried about his 'Ran-neechan'. By now he was once again cold and wet, but right now it didn't matter.
Deep down inside, he hoped that Ran truly would be alright.
Several blocks away, Ran was preoccupied with the emotions welling up inside her. The pain. The despair. The sorrow. But she still found the strength to smile. Somehow, her heart felt a bit lighter. In the midst of it all, she had remembered a certain poem she'd heard once:
If you love something,
Let it go.
If it comes back, it's yours.
If it doesn't,
It never really was in the first place.
She couldn't help but laugh, though it broke off into sobs. In the background, she could hear the door closing as someone (rather unsuccessfully) tried to sneak in unnoticed. "You were never mine," She whispered softly, as she heard the door next to her open and close. "…And you never will be. Sayonara, Shinichi."
Somehow, she'd learn to let go.
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A/N: So… it's finished. I was kind of intending this on being a multi-chapter story, but perhaps I should just leave it as a one-shot. I don't know. For this, I think some things are better left unsaid. …Leave me a review, please! Reviews make me happy. If you don't review, then I get self-conscious and I don't update. You don't want that, do you?
And sorry for any OOC-ness with the characters, especially Ai. She hasn't appeared yet in the anime or manga available in the states. This is probably the most unbelievable plot in the history of ShinichixShiho stories, but it is a fanfiction. So I can do that. xP