Written For: Ari/ wisdomeagle for Estepheia's Friendship Ficathon

Request: Cordelia and Fred
Prompts: The color purple, seasons in the sun, makeshift memories, and/or wishes

Sad Goodbye, Sweet Hello

By Vixen

Saying goodbye, leaving him, was the hardest thing I've had to do since I became a Higher Power. Ha! Higher Power? Not really. I basically just sit around up here, bored out of my mind, watching the people down there go about their lives and make annoying mistakes which would never happen if I was still alive and kicking. But they're only human, so I let it slide.

Back to what I was saying, about the hardest thing.. losing Angel for the second time, or third time, possibly fourth. I've lost count how many mistakes we've made in our past and makeshift memories fill up the gaps. That's what happens here. Your memories get all switched around. They say its better, because this way you can be objective. I don't need to be objective. I need to be with them. They need me so much right now, the final battle and all that.

But she needs me more. I have a higher calling than love, and as corny as it may sound, it's friendship. Fred needs me. She's lost, like she was when I first met her back in Pylea, only slightly less crazy and a bit more depressed.

I know what she's going through. I know the deal. Everyone gets left behind and you go on to bigger and greater things. Only they're not so big and great with no one to share them with. Luckily enough for her though, she's got me. And I'm the world's best company. Good old Cordy.

Only I don't feel so good, watching her make her first steps into this new world. She can't see me, not yet. She hasn't accepted the truth. She was always such a dreamer, leaving me to be the realist.

She's wishing she was back home, back with Wes, back with the gang, hell she's probably wishing she was back on Pylea even. At least then she knew the score, knew what was going on and how to survive.

She's not reaching out and all I can do is watch as her purple aura starts fading. I reach out gently with my own white light, doing whatever Higher Powers do to communicate. I still don't understand how the whole thing works. It feels like pushing out your energy, your aura and gently caressing them, emotion conveyed through intangible touch.

Fred lifts her head, somehow connecting with me but not quite seeing me yet. Come on, sweetie, just open your eyes a little more. I could help her through this time; help her deal with everything she's going through. Cause hell, I went through the same stuff. Only I had to do it alone with no guide. But with my sparkling wit I somehow convinced the Powers That Be to let me there when she came through. Now if only I could get her to see me, damn it.

The disorientation soon fades to an overwhelming deep sadness. She's crying now, only not really. She doesn't have a physical body to cry with anymore. It's all very confusing, and I'm still becoming adjusted to my own lack-of-body, but there's no mistaking the emotions as they spill out of her. Everyone she loved has been ripped from her, torn away by that thing, that demon walking around in her body. I want to tell her that I know, that she can be angry if she wants, that hell, I'm angry too. I had such high hopes for Wes and Fred's relationship, but that thing destroyed them both and all I could do was watch. I really don't like when evil bitches hurt my friends!

I reach out with my light again, stronger this time, more focused. She seemed to notice that, her purple aura spikes up with some kind of unasked question. Good, I've got her attention at least. Now I send a little more in her direction, hoping all the comfort and support I'm giving her will make this transition a little easier.

Her aura glows a little brighter, her power glistens as Fred's unspoken voice fills the void between us. "C..Cordelia?"

"Yeah, sweetie, it's me."

She can see me clearer now. She's waking up to the world, about time too. There's a smile, or a memory of a smile and she knows I'm there. One of her greatest fears is being taken to an unfamiliar, strange place and being there alone, I know, because we're sharing our thoughts completely now. But she knows that I'm here now.

It only eases the fear though, the pain is still there. A little will always be there, at least I hope, because it reminds me of all the things I don't want to forget about and that we were human once upon a time.

"Cordelia," Fred gasps, struggling to find the words, any words to explain the utter helplessness of leaving the world behind. "I.." She speaks again, a sob escaping into the air, voice cut off by phantom tears.

"I know, sweetie," Wrapping myself around her, I let her know that it's alright to not want to speak right now or to cry or to kick and scream or do anything she wants. She's earned that right and it may be the only thing we have now, the right to rage against our lives being cut so short. "I know. We had joy, we had fun, we had.. seasons in the sun." The air around us shimmies with laughter, tears now departing.

Sometime before I died, we had been having a girl's night out, painting our toenails and singing that song at the top of our lungs, much to Dennis' chagrin because neither of us can actually sing in-tune. She remembers this; I can feel her warm to the memory.

"But guess what Fred," I hold her close as her tears dry up, "The good times aren't over yet. Did you honestly think I'd let you go an eternity without some good old fashioned girl time?"

More laughter makes the air hum and suddenly both of our losses diminish, if ever so slightly.

The End