A Hylian in Tapwater Springs.
Disclaimer:
Angela Anaconda and all characters are copyright Angela Productions.
Link and all subsequent characters from Legend of Zelda copyright Nintendo
Today was a normally normal day at Tapwater Sprins ... except for the fact that today was not normal, on account of we're gonna have a special guest who is very special speak at school today.
Our special guest is none other than the greatest hero of all time, Link!
We were walking to the front door of the school, with my friends Gina Lash, Johnny Abatti and Gordy Rhinehart.
"This is great Gina Lash." I told my friend. "I've been waiting all week, with a super list of super questions to ask him, and now I get my chance."
"Link is cool." Johnny Abatti said. " I bet he could get rid of my Uncle's mob problems."
"Nothing could get rid of your Uncle's mob problems, Johnny Abatti." said Gina Lash, who was almost always right about being right.
Poor Gordy Rhinehart was hyperventilating, which meant he was sucking on is inhaler, because he was nervous. But then again, Gordy Rhinehart is almost always nervous at something to be nervous about.
"I...I wonder if Link has any advice about...attaining true love." he said, peering longingly at Gina Lash, who was not peering longingly at him.
"I want to find out about Hylian food customs... maybe he brought a treat for today's special occasion." said Gina Lash.
"Well I've got some very important questions to him that are important!" I exclaimed, waving around my super list of super questions.
Everyone was impressed at the work I did to make my super list of questions, and I couldn't wait to get to school.
Well we were in class, and finally it was time for the coolest guest speaker ever! I could hardly stay seated.
"Class!" screamed Mrs. Brinks. "I have a very special surprise for you, and I'm sure most of you think you don't deserve it...but -"
"Uh, Mrs. Brinks?" Gina Lash asked. "You told us on Monday that we'd be having a special guest speaker today, remember?"
Mrs. Brinks paused. "Oh...of course I do Gina. I was just reminding you to be very thankful. Without further ado..." she waved a person in from outside, and that person who was outside came inside.
It was Link. He looked so cool, with a shield strapped to his back, and a real live sword. He waved to everyone in the class.
"Hi kids." he said. "My name's Link, and I come from Hyrule."
"OOOOOH. AHHHHHH."
"Oh Monsiour Link..." said Nanette Manoir, the princessly princess of Tapwater Springs, who think she is French but is really not. "I made for you this 'petite welcomage', which is french for 'Welcome to Tapwater Springs and I'm your biggest fan'." She handed over a plate of unedible french things that didn't look edible.
"Ah Nanette! I should have known you'd be so thoughtful and considerate." Mrs. Brinks cooed. She took the plate and took a bite, before placing it on her desk. "Don't you think that was thoughtful, Mr. Link?"
Link scratched the back of his head. "Y...yeah, I guess."
"Let this be a lesson to you, class! You should always be thoughtful like Nanette! Dock yourselves one Gold Star, and give them to dear considerate Nanette."
Ha. Jokes on her. I don't have an Gold Stars!
Mrs. Brinks circled on me. "Angela Anaconda! Since you do not have any Gold Stars, you will owe Nanette in the unlikely event that you earn one!" I groaned. "Now class, let's begin the Question and Answer period!"
Mrs. Brinks looked around the class and everyone had their hand up, including me. It wasn't a big surprise who she chose first though.
"Nanette....why don't you start us off." Mrs. Brinks cooed again.
"'Mercy Beacoup' Mrs. Brinks, which is French for 'I expected as much.'" said Nanette. "Monsiour Link, is it true that Princess Zelda wears French curls like moi? And are you two an item?"
Link looked around nervously. "Well...uh... Princess Zelda is blonde, like you Mamette."
"It's NANETTE!"
"Nanette!" Link quickly corrected. "As for your second question...uh, well Princess Zelda and I work very well together. We have to because we're both born with pieces of the Triforce, and-"
"Thank you Link" Mrs. Brinks interrupted. "We don't have all day you know." She looked around the class for someone to ask a question.
I strained my arm by straining it in the air, hoping Mrs. Brinks would choose me.
"Johnny?" she screeched.
"Yes!" said Johnny Abotti. "Hey, Mr. Link, are you stronger than the mob?"
Link shrugged. "Yeah, I guess...."
"That's so cool!" Johnny smiled.
"Thank you Johnny....very wasteful." Mrs. Brinks said, looking around again. "Nanette, do you have a question?"
Hey! That wasn't fair, Ninny-poo already had a question!
"Indeed I do Mrs. Brinks. Monsieur Link, I know that you're tres busy, which is French for 'Going around killing things', but you do realize that your outfit is tres gauche right?"
Link stared at her. "Tres Gauche being French for...?"
"Just answer the question!" Mrs. Brinks snapped.
Link shied away. "Uh...yeah, well I'm sorry..this is the best I could come up with in such short notice."
"Thank you." Mrs. Brinks said sweetly. "How about....."
Me Me Me I said silently. I have the coolest questions that are really cool!
"....Jimmy."
Jimmy Jamal smiled. "Uh..Mr. Link...you're games are cool, but it's pretty hard. I can't get past the Water Temple in Ocarina of Time, I'm missing a key and I don't know where to get it."
Link smiled. "Oh. Well you know that tower in the center, and there's a blue block you step on? When you make the water level rise, then the block will rise and you'll find a secret tunnel. You can get the key from there."
"Of course!" Jimmy Jamal said, and wrote it all down.
"Thank you Jimmy. Next will be..." Mrs. Brinks said, looking around.
"Ooooh! OOh !ooh!" I squirmed. "Pick me! Pick me!"
"Nanette, I saw you sitting quietly. Don't you have any questions for Mr. Link?"
My jaw hit the ground. Stupid Ninny-wart, teacher's pet!
And it went on and on like that all class.
Josephene Praylene got a turn.
Then Nanette.
Gina Lash got a turn
Then Nanette.
Then Gordy Rhinehart. Then Nanette Man-Ure.
Finally everyone had a turn, except me, and it had to be my turn, on account of I didn't have a turn yet. Then the most horrifying thing happened! The bell rung!
"Well that's it class." Mrs. Brinks shouted. "Mr. Link, we're so very glad you could have come along. Thank you very much."
"Uh, my pleasure Mrs. Brinks... class." Link said, waving.
I banged my head on the table, groaning sadly.
"Angela!" Mrs. Brinks said. "Stop scratching the desk with your head!"
So now it is Lunch Time, and I'm suffering at the lunch table with Gina Lash while she enjoys today's special: Haggis and Jell-o mold.
"It's not fair, Gina Lash." I told her. "I'm the one with the super list of super questions, and Mrs. Stinks and Nanette Nan-Ninny-Wart didn't let me ask a single one."
"That's a shame, Angela Anaconda." Gina Lash told me while munching happily on her Jell-o-Mold. "If I had been given am extra question, I would have asked one of yours. But that was as likely as this this haggis being made from real meat."
I nodded sadly, and that's when I saw Mrs. Brinks, Nanette Manoir, January and Carlene walking Link to a table. Then Nanette bumped into me, causing me to drop my moldy piece of Jell-o-Mold on the floor!
"Sorry, Angela Anaconda, but Monsieur Link couldn't possibly want to sit at a table with such poor table manners. Besides, I've prepared a special meal for Link. Well not me actually, more like my myriad of chefs. 'Ta-ta', which is French for, 'don't you wish you were me'" Finally she walked away, dragging Link to her table.
"No I do NOT wish I was you Ninny-poo!" I said, growling....
So now I am in the Kokiri Forest, when the great Deku Tree gives me, Angela Anaconda, the 2nd coolest Kokiri alive, a mission.
"Angela, since you are the 2nd coolest Kokiri alive, you must bring back a Kokiri that is not as cool as you, that being Mamette Manoir" He will tell me.
"Right-o" I say, and getting my Kokiri sword and shield, I brave the lands of Hyrule.
Oh no! It's January-fos and Carlene-fos, come to attack me. Not to worry, I flatten them down with my shield which is very flat, and make it to the next level.
And then there's Jimmy Jamal, the Sage of water. "She's inside" he will tell me, and in I will go.
Inside I find a lot of water, and a big pillar. Tied at the top is Silly Nanette of the Kokiri.
"Save me! Save me!" she will whine.
No worries Little Nin. I will use the music of my magic Ocarina to raise the water level and get to the top. Oops! Now your fake french curls are fake wet french curls, as are your clothes and everything else, on account of you're now neck deep in water.
"Sputter Sputter" you will sputter, spitting out water. But now there is another problem. I can't reach Nanette Nan-Nincompoop because she is hanging from the middle of the room which is too far to reach.
But then from the ceiling drops my friend Shiek, who is really Princess Zelda.
"Angela, I'll give you this Hookshot, which will let you reach Nanette, who's fake French curls are not as blonde and as pretty as mine." Shiek will tell me.
"Thank you Shiek, who is really Zelda." I will tell her. Using my new Hookshot I blast up to Nanette and free her.
"Thank you Thank you Angela, who is much more brave and had much cooler questions than I" You will tell me, when suddenly, we're transported to the boss's layer.
Now we're on a giant slab of Fake French Pastry, where I have to face the boss, The Giant Teacher's Pet Lover : Brinkasaur.
"Roar Roar" She well yell at me. Not to fear. I will use Little Ninny as bait, while I pepper her with Haggis Bombs.
Brinkasaur is stunned, and I lay the final blow; a face full of deadly poisonous Jell-o-mold! Finally the boss is beaten, and we're taken to the Temple of the Sages, where all the wise Sages live.
"Well done, Angela, who is much braver than Nanette." Sage Gina will tell me. "Now you have to take her back."
And with that we are transported back to the Kokiro Woods, where I'm greeted by the coolest Kokiri in the world, Link!
"Way to go Angela, of who's questions I'd rather listen to than Nanette." Link will tell me. "Let us go and spar and you can ask me all the questions you want."
"But what about me?" You will whine.
Link will say "The Great Deku tree wants to punish you for being a Little Ninny." and with that, the rest of the Kokiri take you away as you kick and scream.
'Au Revoir' Little Nin, which is NOT Frech for 'Enjoy the new Deku Spanking Machine'. Hee hee hee hee hee.
"Hee hee hee" I chuckled, when Mrs. Brinks caught me.
"Angela Anaconda! What have I said about waving cutlery at the Lunch Table!?"
Oops! I guess I was re-inacting my daydream in real life instead of in my daydream. "But Mrs. Brinks.." I said.
"Go back to class and clean all the erasers, and that's final!"
I groaned and sulked back to class, where I picked up a bunch of erasers, and took them to the hallway.
But who was in that hallway but none other than, Link!
"Hey..uh, Angela?" He said.
I gasped. "Wow, you know my name?"
"Yeah, well, your teacher yelled it out often enough. Need some help with that?" He said, and he grabbed a couple of erasers and started cleaning them. "You know, no offense, but your teacher and that little weird girl really freak me out, so I had to get away."
"That is not even slightly offensive, on account of I agree, whole-heartedly." I told him. Then I looked down the hall, and saw the other kids coming back to class. "Uh oh." I groaned.
Then Link reached into his pocket and grabbed two masks, and gave me one to wear. We wore them and we vanished. The others walked right by us as if we were not there.
"How's that for a trick?" Link said with a wink.
I smiled. "Hey Link, do you mind if I borrow this for tomorrow's Math Test?"
Hee hee hee.
End!