AUGGIEs POV
It was their anniversary, and he was going to surprise her. so he'd bought flowers, purple lilies, her favorite...well, he assumed they were purple. He'd told her he wouldn't be over until late, that Joan was keeping him until he finished parsing the data from their latest mission. but he'd lied, and as soon as he knew she was home, he'd rushed around like a mad man to orchestrate the perfect surprise. flowers, drinks at Allen's to commemorate their first date, then a picnic overlooking the city...D.C. was beautiful at night and he knew Annie would love it. so in anxious anticipation, Auggie approached her guest house, ready to celebrate one year together, and to ask her if she wanted to spend every year after with him.
ANNIEs POV
She hated lying to him, but she couldn't bring herself to tell him the truth yet. she was still trying to find the best way to tell him. For awhile it had been all she wanted, to be with Auggie. It didn't take too long for her to realize that her feelings extended beyond best friends. And she did love him, but lately, she was missing Auggie her best friend and not wanting Auggie the boyfriend. She found her feelings for Jai surfacing again and a month ago after a particularly trying mission and too much tequila at the tavern, she woke up next to Jai (Auggie had stayed in that night, he was exhausted from the mission, trying to get Annie home safely and had decided to crash early, but wishing her a good time). She'd felt terrible, and she tried to break off ties with Jai and push the feelings away, but she hadn't been able to. She refused to sleep with him again while still with Auggie, but as she and Jai got closer, her desire for her best friend grew and she knew she had to end it, the only question was how.
So, when Auggie said he had to work late on their 1 year anniversary, Annie was relieved. She was going to tell him when he got back, but then Jai had shown up, demanding she end it because he wanted her heart, all of it.
She put him out like the burnin' end of a midnight cigarette...
Auggie slipped into the guest house, expecting Annie to be alone, but instead heard voices from the bedroom.
"I'm telling him tonight." he heard Annie say.
"How?" a man's voice, Jai? What was he doing here?
"I don't know. I feel awful about that night, I haven't been able to face him without guilt."
"The sooner this is over the sooner we can go public. I love you, Annie." he heard Jai say.
Auggie backed away, his heart pounding and he could feel tears begin to form. He had to get out of there. In his flustered state he backed into the umbrella stand knocking it over and almost taking himself out in the process. He felt for the door, he had to get out.
"Auggie?" Annie gasped, coming out of the bedroom. "I-I,"
"Don't," he interrupted abruptly. He yanked the door open and rushed out, his cane moving swiftly back and forth, he headed down the sidewalk, calling the car service as he walked.
He heard padding of feet behind him and a hand gripped his fore arm, yanking him to a stop.
"Annie-let go." He said, trying to maintain composure.
She was crying, "Auggie-please, let me explain," she begged.
"I-I can't," the tears began to fall and he wiped furiously at them, "I can't Annie, please. leave me alone." He pushed her off of him gently and continued down the road. He would walk.
She broke his heart he spent his whole life tryin' to forget...
He refused to talk to her, it was too painful. He talked to Joan and he was removed from handling any of her or Jai's cases. He cut her out and made a point of avoiding her. the pain was too much for him otherwise and he found himself at the tavern nightly, downing the liquid courage and throwing himself back at the girls who threw themselves at him. He put on a front at work, but he was changed; Stu, Barber, Joan, anyone could see he was broken. Joan tried to get the full story, but Annie, Jai and Auggie weren't talking. Instead, Auggie isolated himself and immersed himself in his work.
We watched him drink his pain away a little at a time...
It only took a few months, but the alcohol began to get to him. He still came to work sober and did his job like he always did, but Joan and the rest of his tech crew noticed their once joyful leader had changed. Any time not at work was at the tavern, and the effects began to show. Constantly tired, depressed, and the few times Joan tried to approach him about it, he blew her off.
But he never could get drunk enough to get her off his mind...
He thought the alcohol would numb the pain, that if he drank enough he'd forget his heart was ripped in two. But no matter how much he drank, or what girl he was with, his mind always drifted to her. The faintest scent of grapefruit, the sound of heels, even his once sanctuary of Mingus was now tainted with her memory. It got to the point where he was going through a bottle of Patron a night, and pretty soon more. He knew he was spiraling, but instead of numbing his aching heart, the alcohol had numbed his will to care.
Until the night...
He put that bottle to his head and pulled the trigger...
It had been a rough day. Annie had been shot on a mission and as much as he tried to avoid hearing about her missions, he always had to keep a tab on her. Barber had been her handler and he'd filled Auggie in on the details, and from what he could tell, she was lucky. He couldn't deal with all of the memories that flooded back and he was in no mood for a social situation. He went straight home, 3 bottles of Patron waiting. After he downed the first bottle of Patron, he got out his laptop and wrote a note to Joan, explaining it all, asking for time off-he needed to vent, and he thought a letter to Joan would be best, after all, he had no one else. After the second bottle, he wrote a new one to Joan, feeling the first wouldn't provide a proper explanation of his feelings. And, in his inebriated state, just before passing out, he wrote a final one, though this time 6 words were all he needed.
And finally drank away her memory...
And before he could send it, he collapsed into his couch, the tears coming. And as the alcohol took control, for the first time since that night, he wasn't thinking of Annie.
Life is short but this time it was bigger
Than the strength he had to get up off his knees...
He was beaten. The heartache had won and all he had wanted was to drown the pain so he could start fresh the next day. Truth be told, as much as he tried to pretend he didn't care about Annie anymore, he did, and he always kept an eye on her from the shadows. Her getting shot rattled him, and his almost losing her reminded him of when he did lose her to Jai. He needed a change of scenery, so to speak. He'd put in for a temporary transfer in the morning.
We found him with his face down in the pillow...
Auggie was late. Auggie was never late. He had pushed her away, blocking her and Jai out and after futile attempts at contact, she settled for watching him from a distance. And Auggie was never late, except for today. Joan noticed, and after no answer at his apartment, she called Annie and Jai into her office. She was sick of it, she said. They were all adults, and in their line of work, they had to get along. So she dragged both Annie and Jai to her car and drove to Auggie's; they were going to settle this now, away from the office. It had gone on long enough.
when Auggie didn't answer the door, Joan pulled out a spare key and entered to find 3 empty bottles of Patron, his laptop and a passed out Auggie on the couch, face down. Annie and Jai remained in the doorway stiffly, both quite sure Auggie didn't want them in there. But Joan huffed in annoyance and strode over to her agent, shaking him.
"Auggie, wake up!" she snapped.
And then she noticed how still he was, and how all color had left his body. And finally, she noticed he wasn't breathing, and as panic hit, she realized Auggie was gone. Her emotions took hold and she burst into frantic shouting, at Auggie to wake up, at Jai to call for help, at Annie to look away.
And the police were there, taking statements, Annie was in complete hysterics, Jai was doing his best to comfort her, but to no avail giving he was shocked as well. The body had been removed and Joan was sitting on the couch, staring blankly at the place where Auggie's head had been.
With a note that said I'll love her till I die...
And then Joan looked at the laptop and saw the simple note he had typed: 'I'll love her till I die,' and then she scrolled up, and the last year finally made sense.
And when we buried him beneath the willow
The angels sang a whiskey lullaby...
The funeral was on the following Tuesday. The whole Anderson family flew in and Joan told them he had died a hero, he was a dedicated CIA man who had devoted his life to the job. She left out the circumstances of his death, they didn't need that detail. And for the first time in her career, Joan wept.
The rumors flew but nobody know how much she blamed herself...
The next week was hell at the office, everyone shocked by the loss of Auggie. It didn't take long for those closest to the situation to put two and two together and rumors were swirling around the proverbial water cooler about what had triggered Auggie's downward spiral. Annie hid it well, and while no one linked the breakup directly to his death, Annie shouldered the burden of his death.
For years and years she tried to hide the whiskey on her breath...
The weight dragged her down, quickly destroying her relationship with Jai. Everything reminded her of Auggie; her perfume, her heels, St. Bernards, braille, the techies. Whenever something got to be too much she turned to whiskey, Patron was too painful to drink, and it helped dull the pain.
She finally drank her pain away a little at a time...
And pretty soon she couldn't feel. Little by little, she stopped feeling sadness and just felt empty...going through the motions, but not truly living.
But she never could get drunk enough to get him off her mind...
Even years after, her conscious thoughts were of the best friend she lost, and even after a bottle of whiskey, she could still hear his laugh, and see his face, and when she was slept he was in her dreams, and so she was never rid of his ghost.
Until the night
She put that bottle to her head and pulled the trigger...
And then it was the 5 year anniversary of his death, and after waking up halfway through the night after a vivid dream of him, she found the picture of them in front of the capital on her second day of work, clutched it, and drank until she could no longer think.
And finally drank away his memory...
And soon she was numb, and under the influence, Auggie was the last thing on her fogged mind.
Life is short but this time it was bigger
Than the strength she had to get up off her knees...
The breakup had been tough, but Auggie's death had knocked her down. She'd never been able to bounce back, the idea that she was the reason for his death haunted her and the years of hiding the burden took all the strength she had.
We found her with her face down in the pillow...
And Joan found her the next day, 5 years after she found Auggie. She was curled up in bed, empty bottles of whiskey on the nightstand and a tear stained pillow under her head. And she was at peace.
Clinging to his picture for dear life...
Before they could remove the body, Joan saw something clutched in Annie's fist. And it was a picture, of her and Auggie, and Joan finally understood why. 5 years ago she hadn't just lost one operative, she'd lost two.
We laid her next to him beneath the willow
While the angels sang a whiskey lullaby...
And she was buried besides Auggie, and again Joan had to explain that an op had died a hero, after years of dedication to her country. And for a second time, Joan wept.
The funeral was over and Joan Campbell was sitting on the edge of her bed, mentally and physically exhausted, her mind reeling. Arthur walked in and sat down behind his wife.
"What're those?" he asked, pointing to the crinkled papers in her grip.
"He was going to propose to her." Joan replied instead.
"What?" he asked.
"Auggie. He was going to propose the night he found Annie with Jai," she repeated. She extended the papers to Arthur. "He wrote me two letters the night he died, before the final note, he wrote me these." She waited while Arthur read, "It explains it all...from the breakup to the following months. He never meant to die that night, he just wanted to forget."
"Did Annie know?" Arthur asked.
"What good would it have done? It couldn't have made matters better, just worse." Joan replied.
Arthur set the letters down and wrapped her in an embrace. "He never stopped loving her. We should've intervened sooner, prevented both of the deaths," he murmured.
"We couldn't have prevented it." Joan replied, "It would've happened eventually. The affair set off the chain, we may have postponed it, but the damage was done once Auggie caught her, we couldn't have fixed it."
And with that Joan folded the letters, and put them in the fire. As the last scrap burned, Joan climbed into bed and turned off the light. "It's done now, they're both at peace."
And they were.