Chapter 1 The Ghost Roads

For Lily Potter, her return to awareness came like the switch of a light. One instant off, the next on.

I've been dead.

I'm not dead now.

I was in hiding. Hiding my son, Harry, from Lord Voldemort. And then he found us. That gross, snake-like bastard found us and killed us. He killed my husband, James, first. James told me to run. 'Take Harry and go!" he had said. So I took Harry and hid in his bedroom, but Voldemort found us there. It was the worst moment in my life, to realize that I wasn't going to pull it off. I begged him to spare Harry. "Please not Harry. Take me. Kill me instead!" I had begged him. What I hoped for was to stall Voldemort long enough for help to help never arrived. Voldemort took me up on my offer.

My death. When Voldemort raised his wand I knew that he was going to kill me. I don't know if he killed Harry. I know that he planned on it. Harry was the key to his downfall. He would have killed Harry in an instant. Harry was a defenseless baby. He couldn't have done anything to Voldemort yet!

Maybe I didn't try hard enough because I knew that there was no hope. No hope of him sparing us. I've never kidded myself that I was indispensable. As soon as Dumbledore explained everything about the prophecy, I knew. I realized I was just one of many that Voldemort targeted. And once you were targeted, you were as good as dead.

But there is nothing to fight now. I'm alone. I don't know how to escape. How to find Harry. If he had been killed I would have known. I would have felt it. I must find James first. He would be able to help. I have no idea how long I've been gone. Apparently, there is nothing after we die, in spite of all the discussions that James and I had. I need to form a plan. I need to find my family. I need to find James. And after I find James, I need to find Harry. I need to know that he survived. If Harry did survive, how old is he now? If Harry is alive, is Voldemort gone? I need to know.

I feel incredibly stupid. I can't believe what a waste it all is. Right now, I'm willing to believe that hell is better than nothing. That it's better to suffer in agony than be nothing.

Because I've been nothing. Nothing at all, and that sucks. I guess the universe had no more need of me, so I got shoved in a trunk and left in the great cosmic attic with the divine dust bunnies of the hereafter and the cobwebs of time and space, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

But if that was where I was, why am I back?

How am I back?

Who brought me back?

Oh my God.

Pain is shooting through me now. Unimaginable. Unbelievable. It's searing me like a piece of meat. It's skewering me. It's shredding me. It's worse than when I was being killed. Yes, the death curse doesn't hurt, but the thought of leaving Lily and Harry was excruciating.

I can't escape. I can't make it stop. I can't even tell where it's coming from. And if I have nobody, how can I hurt like this?

I must be in hell after all.

I can't stand it. I have to stop it. I have to fight it.

But there is nothing to fight. I'm alone. I don't know how to escape. Must make a plan. Have to find Lily and Harry.

Oh, God, if I could trade this for oblivion, I would. I'd choose to climb back into the trunk. I would. This is past enduring. I can't take this.

Hello? Whoever? Wherever? Make me nothing again. Only, stop this.

No. No, I don't mean it. I would rather take this pain than feel nothing. I'd rather be tortured than cease to exist.

And now I'm being pulled away, or yanked, or shoved; I don't know how I know that, because I have no sense of space or distance, and I don't know where I am. I have no body, no surface, no border. Physically, I'm still nothing except for the sense of touch.

Now I have sight. But there is nothing but formless, vast gray all around me - above, below, on either side. I could be upside down or spinning like a top, and I'd never known it.

There's shadow, of a sort; the dimmest of light against the flat, nickel-dull gray stretching before me. Now there is light as well, but indistinct and very distant.

Wait. Can it be? Yes! Someone or something else is here. Some distance away, I see a shape. It's a circle. An oval. It's a face. A human face, floating without a body? If that face means there's something living present here, then I'm no longer alone.

Or am I creating what I want, need to see? They say if you go long enough without your five senses, you begin to hallucinate. Is that what's happening to me? Is my mind feeding me a mirage?

She's a woman. I see her body now, hovering in the gray. Her hair is red and long and flowing and she's wearing dark robes. She reminds me of Lily. Sweet Lily. My wife, my soul mate.

She's holding a bouquet of roses.

I'm seeing her fade in and out. Like a ghostly image.

Am I a ghost? Does she see me?

She must be able to see something. She's looking straight at me. Her lips are moving. Every so often, she bobs her head. She's speaking, and yet I can't hear a word she's saying.

She must realize that she's wasting her breath. If she breathes.

She's closing her eyes. Her lips are still moving.

And now there's even more pain. Unbelievable pain. Oh, no, stop. It can't be like this. Pain this bad cannot be real. It can't actually exist. No. Stop. IU can't suffer like this another second...

Now I can hear her voice. She's calling for someone. But who? I can't tell what she's saying.

I'm washed over with more pain. More, and more. Oh, God! Stop it!

She's speaking.

She says, "Harry needs you, desperately."

And I think I'm speaking to her. I think I'm saying, "Lily? Is that you?"

Lily says, "Yes. I'm Lily. You are the only one who can stop the Gatherer. The only one. You have to help him, James."

My names is James Potter. I died trying to save Lily and Harry. If Lily is here, where's Harry? Did he survive?

I say again to her, "Lily? Where's Harry?"