Something New

Author: CK (DrLizThirose)

Summary: Plans are overrated.

Rating: PG

Disclaimer: As usual, nothing of this belongs to me. Except for the writing of course ;)

Author's Note: Written for Secret Santa 2012 on VAMB. My request came from CaptKJaneway and aske for "J/C story, preferably romantic, little bit of angst".

Thanks to JoAryn - couldn't have done it without her help!

"And you really think you'll be able to get away from work?" There was an amused spark in his eyes; he knew her too well. Seven years of working with her, side by side, every day - oh, he indeed had a pretty good idea of all her quirks and habits and bad attitudes. Like working too much and never knowing when to stop and rest.

But he also knew of her good sides - and those definitely outweighed everything about her that could have irritated him. She was his best friend after all; maybe even more, if he asked his heart. She had been for so long.

Chakotay chuckled when Kathryn Janeway rolled her eyes and gave him a half-hearted angry glare.

"One more question like this and you're gonna spend Christmas alone, mister," she shot back, but the smile that tugged at her lips betrayed her words. "I've told the Admiralty that they can either agree to my two-week holiday leave - or my resignation. So no one should disturb us. We'll have a wonderfully quiet Christmas and New Year."

It had been her suggestion. Chakotay hadn't believed his ears at first when she asked him if he wanted to spend Christmas with her - with her alone. Her mother was at her sister's in Scotland, and she would only meet with them there for New Year's - where he was invited as well. But Christmas they would spend alone in her San Francisco apartment she had already started to beautifully decorate, even though the major part including the tree was left for them to finish together.

The past months they had spent apart - she on Earth, fulfilling her duty as Admiral, and he as captain on Voyager - so the majority of their "meetings" had happened via subspace communication, much to both their regret. Even when he was back on Earth, their schedules were so packed that they considered themselves lucky if they found the time to have lunch together for half an hour.

Nevertheless, or maybe because of those circumstances, they had grown closer ever since their return from the Delta Quadrant; may it have been because they didn't see each other on a daily basis, or because they weren't superior and subordinate anymore - at least not in a direct line of command. Whatever it was, Chakotay couldn't have cared less. All that mattered to him was that Kathryn finally seemed to be ready to make a commitment. Spending Christmas together, the holiday that was generally considered as the one spent with family and loved ones, was such a huge step that when she had asked him, it had been hard to convince himself that he wasn't dreaming.

"So you can get back to work after all? Not a chance," he shot back, and they both grinned, enjoying the easy banter. "See you on the 24th, then?"

"Yes. Come by whenever you're ready and Command lets you go; I'll be home. But don't come too late, we have a Christmas tree to decorate!"

"Aye, Ma'am!" He laughed, and after shaking her head at him she joined him, before they said their goodbyes.

Another week. Chakotay hoped it was going to be a short one.

-.-.-.-.-.-

The strange feeling that something would go wrong, that fate would begrudge him his plans and his happiness, befell him four days before Christmas Eve. Some problem with a stray group of rough Romulans came up, and since the coordinates of the incident weren't going to bring them far off their course, Starfleet Command ordered them to check out the situation on their way home. It wasn't supposed to take them long; they still would make it to Earth in time for the 24th. Theoretically.

Of course theory never works out when real life interferes. The group was small and no match at all for Voyager; unfortunately, they didn't know, or didn't want to know that, and attacked - managing to blow a few of Voyager's systems. The Romulans were picked up by an escort of the Empire, leaving Chakotay and his crew to resume course back to Earth. Only that their warp drive had a few other ideas.

Usually, they would have made it in three days. However, with the warp engine malfunctioning, they had two options, and none of which was very encouraging: Either they repaired the drive, something B'Elanna and her team already were on, and arrive a day late - or they waited for the Federation to send help, in which case they were lucky if they returned in time for New Year's Eve.

Neither choice made anyone happy; they all wanted to be back home for Christmas, and no one of them would make it. If it hadn't been for his crew, Chakotay would have taken a shuttle back to Earth. The thought already made him feel guilty; he had never been the selfish type, and he wouldn't start now, when he was responsible for about 150 people on his ship.

Two days before the 24th, and after handing over the bridge to his first officer Tom Paris, Chakotay went to his ready room to make a call he found himself hating to make.

-.-.-.-.-.-

Kathryn Janeway had always been a workaholic. Free time, shore leave, holidays - she never had much of a sense for that. Not since her father and Justin had died, not when she was engaged to Mark, and even less in this better half of a decade they'd spent literally lost in space. This year however, things had changed, and Christmas was about to make that very clear. She had kept Chakotay at arm's length, and for good reasons, in those years of their involuntary voyage, but now, and despite her still being his superior officer in some way, she felt free to pursue what her heart had longed for almost since she'd first met him.

Proud, Janeway threw a last look at her desk in her office she had in the headquarters; the table was neat and clean, all work done for the year. And whatever else was going to be put on her desk now wouldn't concern her; not until the second of January when she returned to work. One and a half weeks time just to herself and for those close to her; it was pure luxury, and she was going to savor every minute of it.

It was just when she has crossed the doorstep and officially left her office that she heard her comm. console beeping, announcing an incoming message. She was more than tempted; it would have been a lie to claim otherwise. But she had promised to herself that she would stay away from anything work-related for the next eleven days; starting the moment she left her room. On the other hand, she had already sent her attaché off, so no one would answer the call to at least check whether it was important or not...

Kathryn shook her head. No. It had been too long; too often she had let work interfere with her life and made her miss so much. Maybe she didn't regret it; she was at peace with how she had decided to live her life. But that didn't mean that it would always go on like this. Sometimes priorities shifted.

Stepping away from the door's sensor, she let the same close and locked it by tapping in her code on the keypad next to it. If there was a world-changing catastrophe happening, Starfleet Command would find a way to contact her. Until then, she would be just Kathryn Janeway, a woman who was about to spend the holiday season at the end of an eventful year with her loved ones.

With a smile, she walked away from her office and headed for what she hoped was going to be the beginning of something new.

While, unbeknownst to her, her comm. console continued beeping, as the man who was supposed to play a huge part in this something new tried desperately to reach her with his message - one to tell her that he wasn't going to make it.

-.-.-.-.-.-

Chakotay, who was usually a calm and composed man, the characteristics people most appreciated about him, had the strong desire to curse something... or someone. However, he knew that Voyager had only ever accepted any kind of insult from Kathryn and no one else, and his crew really was the last to blame. So he just breathed in deeply and leaned back, rubbing his face with his hands while doing so.

If he didn't find a way to deliver this message to her, she would think that he had stood her up. That he had gotten cold feet because of this clear indication behind her invitation that this Christmas would be their first step into a whole new and very different relationship - the one he'd been dreaming of for so long.

If only he knew why the message didn't go through; why no one answered. It was unusual - no matter if she was at home, in her office or someplace else, he'd never had her not respond. And if she wasn't close to a comm. station, at least the message was delayed until she could take it. Ever since the Federation had renewed its communication systems, it was a lot easier to get a connection to someone, as messages were pinged off personal communicators to be received at the nearest comm. panel or station. Well, or should be. And only if had been logged on to this communications computer they were closest to before. Reality was that it was also easier to have a message end up in a dead end. And for the first time in over a year, technology didn't seem to be on his side. Now, of all times.

"Paris to Chakotay," his first officer's voice brought him back from his contemplations.

"Chakotay here."

"Captain, you are needed on the bridge."

"Will be right there, Tom. Thank you."

So much for solving his problem. Throwing a last glance at the message that had been recorded, he activated the resend function that would try and relay his status update to Kathryn repeatedly, and left his ready room. Just as doors had closed, his terminal announced an error - and the deletion of the message.

-.-.-.-.-.-

Everyone passing Kathryn Janeway's apartment in San Francisco this afternoon would have been confused. Very, very confused. Because it smelled like cookies from inside the admiral's living quarters. And not only her friends and family, but also her neighbors knew that Kathryn was anything but skilled when it came to preparing any kind of food. Unless one counted coffee as food.

Fact was, however, that she, because of this special occasion, had outdone herself, so to speak. With endless patience and a few good tips from her mother she had actually managed to produce eatable vanilla and cinnamon crescents, using her oven instead of the replicator that was her usual all-in-one kitchen tool.

When Chakotay didn't show up in the early evening as expected, she didn't think much of it. She had served on star ships long enough to know that things almost never went as planned. So he was a bit late; probably kept from his much deserved holidays by some overzealous admiral.

But the more time passed by, the more restless she got. At first she ignored this strange feeling in her stomach; she even started to decorate the tree, a bit at least; a ball-formed ornament here, an icicle one there, a bit tinsel that mostly got stuck on her clothes and in her hair instead staying on the tree. Decorating the green for real was something she had wanted to do together with Chakotay, so she did her best to find something else to keep her busy, even though she hung up a trinket now and then when she passed the tree.

Around nine in the evening, she became very nervous. He should have been there by now, for hours already, even with the obligatory delay, or he at least should he have called. But she hadn't heard anything. Anything at all.

Kathryn started to pace the apartment, every once in a while passing the comm. console; contemplating to contact either Voyager or at least Starfleet Command. If something had happened, she was sure she'd know about it. The Command would never dare to not inform her should there be an incident involving Voyager and her crew; she had it very made clear that this would be unacceptable. After all, Voyager was still her ship, in a sentimental sense.

Nevertheless, her eagerness when it came to knowing about Voyager and her status was merely tolerated. The reason concessions were made was that she'd been the captain of that ship for seven years - while being in an unchartered part of the universe - and that many of her former crew, her makeshift family, still served on board. She was bound to have a special connection to ship as well as crew, and they all understood it. However, until now she had only made use of her unique source of information when Voyager was on a dangerous mission. This time they were only on their way home through Federation space. Therefore enquiring Voyager's status now almost seemed… desperate to her.

That's stupid, Kathryn, her mind scolded her, and she sighed. Fact was that she was afraid to reveal something, anything, to anyone; like that she would spend her Christmas with a certain captain who was once her first officer. Back during the debriefings she and Chakotay had been given a hard time when they had to explain and assure - swear - that they never had any kind of intimate relationship, other than this very close friendship and the trust it included. And she really didn't need to encourage gossip now by asking for Voyager's whereabouts when she was supposed to be on Christmas leave.

Maybe she should just give him another hour. There were a thousand things that 'Fleet came up with to keep their officers from their deserved holidays. After they had returned from the Delta Quadrant and the debriefings went on so long that they almost spoilt the crew's first Christmas back on Earth, she heard Tom Paris say one day that the Grinch was working at Starfleet Command, and even though her pilot earned himself a scowl for his disrespect, she nevertheless agreed with him.

Half past nine her mother and sister called. Kathryn didn't see much of Phoebe - her younger sister was now and then walking by while she was doing some household chores and ushering her two children to and fro - but surely she heard all the more. While she was talking to her mother, Phoebe would throw in comments, one of them being that maybe Chakotay had gotten cold feet. Kathryn just laughed, taking it as the teasing remark it was meant to be; a part of her, however, couldn't help but wonder if there was some truth to it. Maybe Chakotay had given up waiting for her, but feared hurting her by telling her so? Maybe he waited so long with showing up so that the evening would be almost over and it easier for her to accept it when he told her that he wouldn't stay, or come back? But then he was not a coward; if he didn't want to spend Christmas with her, he would have just said so. Wouldn't he? Yes. Of course he would. She knew him well enough.

An hour later, Kathryn wasn't about that so sure anymore. Still she hadn't heard anything of Chakotay or Voyager, but the Command's internal news system that informed about all problems ships of the fleet encountered also didn't report anything. So maybe he had decided that is was too late for them after all. When there were no incident reports, it was safe to assume that everything was all right - unless the officers updating said system weren't on holiday leave as well, which was very doubtful.

It was time to accept the facts. She had always been lucky when it came to her career; that, according to an old believe, more or less excluded her every chance of luck when it came to love.

A small overnight bag was quickly packed, and ten minutes later, Kathryn's apartment was dark and the woman herself on her way to the nearest transport station.

-.-.-.-.-.-

When Chakotay finally realized that his message hadn't been sent, it was too late - because when he opened his message board again and saw the error they had just arrived at Earth's orbital station. Earlier than anticipated, thanks to B'Elanna's great work, they had made it on the 24th, after all, even if the day was almost over.

Desperately he tried to contact Kathryn; now that they were in Earth orbit, it shouldn't have been a problem anymore. Well, given that she was home. Which she obviously wasn't. It was eleven in the evening, and he was pretty sure she wasn't asleep yet; she never went to bed that early.

Lucky for him, the short debriefing via subspace he had had shortly after their additional operation involving the Romulans seemed to be enough for the moment - the whole crew including their captain was allowed to go home for Christmas almost right after their arrival.

It didn't take him long to reach Kathryn's apartment - only to have the glass parts of the entry door reveal that it was completely dark inside. Ringing the bell didn't change anything, nor did knocking. Hesitantly he keyed in the door code she had given him a while back; she could have been asleep, after all. But a quick search confirmed that she indeed wasn't at home.

Nor was her mother, as he found out when he used Kathryn's comm. console to contact Gretchen.

Chakotay's last hope was the transporter station about two blocks away from the building. If Kathryn was somewhere outside San Francisco, she would have used the transporter. There were only a very few shuttle stations around, and Starfleet didn't like to see them used for planet-side transports - to keep air traffic low, among other reasons. Of course as an admiral, she could have easily taken a shuttle without anyone protesting; but he also knew she preferred beaming, since it was faster and more efficient.

Within ten minutes, he arrived at his destination; and almost prayed that he'd find answers there.

-.-.-.-.-.-

As much as Kathryn tried to pretend happiness, it was clear, at least to the adults around - including Phoebe's husband David, and even though he didn't know that much of the whole background story concerning the older Janeway sister and her former first officer - that celebrating Christmas like this hadn't been her first choice. As much as she loved her family. Only the children, three year old Melina and six year old Johnny, were blissfully unaware; though their eagerness to keep 'Aunt Kathy' busy was almost suspicious.

So while David, an architect, was putting a few final touches to his latest project, and Phoebe and Gretchen were preparing breakfast, Kathryn, banned from same kitchen despite her successful cookie baking session, was playing with the little ones who had just unwrapped their Christmas presents. She so also was closest to the hall - and the first to hear the knock that came in these early morning hours.

"I take it," she called into the general direction of the others while walking to the door, and opened it... only to almost stumbled backwards.

"Chakotay," she breathed, surprise and irritation written all over her face. "I thought you didn't..." Kathryn stopped herself, not sure how to end that sentence.

He, however, was, as he suddenly understood what had happened whereas before he couldn't find an explanation for her travelling to her sister's. When the officer at the transport station had informed him that Kathryn had beamed to Scotland, he'd been relieved, as he at least knew where he could find her. Not that it then explained her reasons.

"Want to come because I've gotten cold feet?" He smiled at her and carefully lifted a hand to caress her cheek; giving her time to pull back. Silently he rejoiced when she leaned into his caress. "I am certainly getting them now," he then added and looked down at his uniform shoes, made of thin leather and therefore not suitable for being buried in snow as they were now. It took her a moment to understand what he meant, before she laughed and pulled him inside.

"Who is it, Kathy?"

"It's Chakotay, mum!" And Gretchen Janeway appeared in the doorway to the hall in no time.

"Chakotay!" the older woman exclaimed and had their visitor in a bear-hug before he knew what was happening. "It's so great to see you. Come on in!"

"Thanks, Mrs. Janeway. Merry Christmas."

"And to you, son. But you know very well that it is Gretchen," the resolute lady admonished him. Then, without waiting for an answer, she was gone again.

"My mum never for a second believed that you'd stood me up," Kathryn winked and took his coat he had just shrugged off. Chakotay chuckled.

"I see. Well, then at least it was a surprise for you. Just..." his brows furrowed together in thought, "do I have to lay myself under the tree now?"

There was this mischievous glint in her eyes right before she answered, and it gave him all sorts of funny feelings: "Trust me, if mum, Phoebe and her family weren't here, I'd make you."

True to her words, they were some longing gazes; but during the Christmas days nothing happened. They celebrated as friends, even as a family; but not as lovers. With Gretchen and Phoebe's family around, they just didn't get enough alone-time.

On December 27th, Chakotay headed back to San Francisco for a thorough debriefing, and he told Kathryn that he would stay in the city until at least the 29th. It was on this day that he received a message from her that told him she was coming back home as well - and that she wanted to celebrate New Year's Eve with him there. Kathryn had her apartment in one of the higher buildings, right under the roof - and a rooftop garden. A perfect place to welcome a new year and watch the fireworks.

-.-.-.-.-.-

"Kathryn."

When his face appeared in the screen, she knew instinctively that their plans were once again messed with. Actually, she didn't want to hear what he had to say. She wanted to put her hands over her ears, like her niece and nephew did when they tried to not hear something, and ignore whatever Chakotay had to say.

Of course she didn't do it. She was no child, and all childish urges she suppressed with the skill of someone who'd done it for many decades; starting with her early youth. Instead she nodded at the man whose face filled her screen.

"Bad news?"

"I'm afraid so. Something has come up I have to take care of. I'm really sor-"

"It's fine, Chakotay. I understand. Let's hope you'll be here before midnight." He nodded with a weak smile, and ended the connection.

Ten minutes to midnight, Kathryn went up to the rooftop garden. Alone. A woolen stole she had gotten from her sister for Christmas around her shoulders, she stood there, hugging herself against the cold and loneliness. Down on the streets people were already gathering, waiting for midnight and the new year to arrive; they were laughing and cheering and celebrating, and dancing to the music that sounded from cafes and restaurants. They were the definition of happiness.

For a moment Kathryn wondered if Mark had ever felt like she did now. When she had to cancel dates, call him to tell him that she would come home late, confess that there was an important assignment, or a mission, she needed to take care of. When she had to tell him that they needed to change their holiday plans because she wouldn't be there, but on some deep space mission. She had no idea how he could have been so understanding all these years. He had been a civilian; she never expected him to be as tolerant as he was when it came to her work hours. She, however, knew how the life of a Starfleet officer played out all too well; rationally, she didn't have a reason to feel that amount of sadness that consumed her now.

As the noise grew louder, she looked down, only to see people watching the big clock in the park just across the street. Half a minute to go. She sighed. So much for celebrating the holidays at the end of the year with someone she loved.

She loved.

Of course her mind had to admit her true feelings for Chakotay after everything had gone so wrong. Fate had a cruel way of finding amusement.

Tradition and lack of anything else to do held her on the roof terrace and made her withstand the impulse to get back inside and shut the world out. Because under whatever circumstances; the counting down of the last ten seconds still mesmerized her like it had always done.

"10... 9... 8... 7... 6..." it sounded from down on the street, and Kathryn closed her eyes, breathing in the clear, cold night air, as if the world would change within the next few seconds; as if the air would never be the same.

"5... 4... 3... 2... 1..." With every passing number the voices got louder and more excited. It almost made her smile.

"Happy New Year!" About one second of the new year was what she needed before she realized that those three words from below had merely been a faint echo - muted by that one voice sounding right next to her ear. Whirling around, she, for the second time in the past two weeks, couldn't believe her eyes when she found Chakotay standing behind her. Dressed in a smoking. She never got the chance to say a word before he gently turned her back and pointed at the sky.

"Happy New Year, Kathryn," he repeated, his voice a whisper and just loud enough so she could hear it over all the noise around them, "may it be a fantastic one. For both of us." The moment the last word was spoken, a firework that formed the silhouette of Voyager illuminated the midnight sky in exactly the direction they were looking at.

"Did you...?" He nodded, knowing what she wanted to ask.

"I'm sorry I had to let you wait. Believe it or not, some people are obviously not that familiar with Voyager. Took me a while to make it clear to them how exactly I want this to look, and where it is supposed to appear. I felt so terrible for missing this evening-" She silenced him by turning again to face him and putting a finger on his lips.

"It's okay. There'll be many more New Year's Eves. We'll have so much to celebrate together in future, Chakotay." She smiled at him, her face and eyes a revelation of feelings, and they both felt their hearts beat faster... that was, until she broke the moment when she thought of something. "Almost forgot - Happy New Year!"

Chakotay couldn't help but laugh then. They had had to conquer so many stones, rocks really, in their path, in those seven years on Voyager, and another one and a half years back on Earth. Had someone told him back then that they'd ever stand together like this, with her in his arms, one tiny step away from a whole new relationship, a new start, he wouldn't have believed it. But here they were; with people celebrating down on the streets, singing Auld Lang Syne, which he thought couldn't have been a more fitting song for him and Kathryn, and turning the city into the most vibrant place to be; and with fireworks all around them, brightening the sky with all possible and impossible glittering colors. Was it for New Year's Eve or was it for them? He didn't know. But he liked to believe that this was going to be their year, his and Kathryn's, and that many more would follow, until the happy end of their days.

When Chakotay looked at her again from where he had been watching the fireworks, she also turned her head back to him, and her face showed the most genuine smile he had ever seen in his life. There was neither a question nor hesitation when they both leaned in at the same moment to have their lips meet. The kiss was so promising, so full of love, but also passion, that Chakotay couldn't help but tighten his embrace, afraid that all this was just a dream, and she would vanish any moment.

But when she pulled back to whisper words in his ear he had never even dreamed of hearing from her, he knew that this was as real as anything could ever be.

It was the real beginning of something new.

END