Santana ran into her house without speaking a word to her Mother, hoping she didn't see the tears streaming down her face. She ran upstairs till she reached the safety of her bedroom, slamming the door behind her.
Telling her Abuelita that she was a lesbian was the hardest moment of her life, and for her grandmother to react the way she did, Santana was broken.
She slumped onto her bed, soaking her pillow with her tears. There was an aching in her heart that wouldn't stop, never in her life had she felt as low or disgusting as she did right now. She couldn't breathe, sucking in shallow breathes and crying them out just as quickly. There was only one thing on her mind, she needed Brittany; she was the only one that could console Santana.
Fumbling in her handbag for her phone she quickly dialled Brittany's number. There was no answer on her cell, she scrolled through her phone book for her home number, it was ringing. "Hello" Mrs Pierce answered.
Santana tried to cover the fact she was crying. "Hi, um is Brittany there?"
"No sorry she's had to stay late at school to do some work with the student council, can I take a message dear?" Mrs Pierce said sweetly.
"No, its fine" Santana said hanging up. She had forgotten that Brittany had extra commitments now with her presidency campaign.
Santana got to her feet, pacing her room remembering everything her Abuelita had said to her. Was that really it, she was banished from her life? It was too much for her, this was the woman Santana had looked up to her entire life and now she wanted nothing to do with her.
She burst out in sobs, covering her mouth so to not attract the attention of her Mum. Santana ran over in her mind telling the glee club that her parents were 'cool' about her sexuality, no one suspected the truth. Santana had indeed told her parents, but they had not accepted the news as she had told her club mates, they had in fact given Santana a week to find somewhere else to live. Only Brittany knew this and she wanted to keep it that way, sectionals were coming up and she wouldn't be responsible for causing them to lose.
Santana's mind sunk to dark levels, she felt as if she had nothing to live for. A part of her even thought Brittany would be better off without her. She knew her family would never accept her, never let her be who she really was and she refused to live this way anymore, so angry at the world. At that moment through hazy, wet eyes Santana spotted a canister of pills sitting on her dresser. They were prescription pain killers as she suffered with back pains from years with the cheerio's, suddenly everything was clear, there was no pain, just resolution.
She picked up the pills, holding them gently as if they were as fragile as glass. Her lips made no sound but trembled. Her heart ached at the realisation of what she must do. She sat down at her dresser, spreading the tablets out in front of her. She lined them up, counting in her head, ten pills.
As the scene unfolded in front of her she expected to feel more than she did, but nothing seemed real anymore. Everything was gone and all that remained was Brittany, Santana picked up her phone and dialled Brittany's cell.
"Hi you've reached Brittany. S. Pierce, leave me a message! Beep" Santana had reached her voicemail, but this is what she wanted, she didn't have the strength to tell her in person.
A single tear fell down her cheek, "Hi Britt. I went to see my Abuelita; she wants nothing to do with me" Santana spoke in an empty voice. "Brittany there is so much I want to say to you but I just can't find the words that can speak the depths of my heart. The first time I ever saw you, I knew I was going to love you, and the first time we made love, I knew I was going to love you for the rest of my life. You are the one and I'm sorry I couldn't be more for you, I'm sorry I couldn't stay for you. Maybe if I were stronger? Maybe if the world wasn't such an unforgiving place, I don't know, but I just can't do it anymore. It hurts so much Britt, my heart hurts so much and I just need this torture to end. Please forgive me, I love you so much. Goodbye Brittany".
Santana let out a scream of pain, it was raw and agonising. She didn't care who heard her, those were the words she never wanted to speak to Brittany. She screamed in anger and pain, she screamed as her heart broke.
Her Mother was coming up the stairs, it didn't matter though, with a breath she swallowed the first pill, than two and another two followed quickly. Her Mother banged on the locked door, she didn't hear it though; there were only silent tears now.
Santana took her sixth and seventh pill, they were sliding down so easily, she didn't even realise she had taken them all until her hand grabbed for another only to find an empty table top. It was done, it was over now. She walked over to her bed and laid her head down; she waited to be carried away. She thought about Brittany, her perfect face and those blue eyes she loved so much. Santana could even hear her sweet velvety voice, it was distance and faint but it was like a song to Santana and it soothed her. Her voice grew louder and louder, until Santana realised Brittany was screaming outside her door.
She pulled herself to her feet, stumbling to the door; she needed to see Brittany's face one more time. Opening the door, Brittany burst in just as Santana slumped to the floor.
"Call an ambulance!" Brittany shouted at Santana's Mother who ran down stairs.
Santana laid in Brittany's arms staring into her eyes, she had a smile across her face remembering the first time she saw those beautiful eyes. "Your here, you came" Santana whispered.
"I got your message, I was so worried, San what have you done!" Brittany spotted the end pill container. "Oh baby no, please, why! San why did you do this, I love you so much baby, please San" Brittany said shaking Santana.
Her eyes were closing, she couldn't stay awake any longer, "I love you too" Santana whispered smiling at Brittany. "You need to let me go, let me go baby"
"NO!" Brittany's tears were dripping onto Santana; she shook her girlfriend who lay lifeless in her arms. "Please Santana I can't do this without you, baby please, I can't live without you" Brittany sobbed into Santana's chest.
Santana summoned her last bit of strength and reached up to stroke Brittany's cheeks. She was whispering something that Brittany could no longer make out.
Leaning down Brittany listened. "To you, I'd give the world. To you, I'll never be cold coz' I feel that when I with you, it's alright. I know its right" Santana softly sung. She stroked Brittany's porcelain cheeks and smiled up at her.
Brittany smiled, remembering when Santana sung her songbird in the choir room. Tears escaped silently down her face. "I remember baby, I could never forget. That was the moment I knew you loved me, that was the moment I knew we'd be together forever." Brittany sobbed loudly, "Please don't leave me Santana, please".
Santana took one last breath and with Brittany as the last thing she saw, she closed her brown eyes.
"NO! San please, no baby don't leave me. I love you so much, please!"
Brittany rocked Santana back and forth. She leant down, kissing her forehead, "and I love you, I love you, I love you like never before" She sung to a lifeless Santana.