AN: So, this is my first fic in this fandom. Please review and tell me what I can do better! English is my first language but to be perfectly honest sometimes you wouldn't know. This is an A/L fic, which means none graphic MxM. It was in the summary, so if you have made the choice to click on the link and you don't agree with that, well this one is really on you.
Disclaimer: Um, I don't own it but I have enough extended family that some distant cousin probably does.
Riverdancer
I cannot do this.
I cannot stay with him.
Every moment I spend in his arms, kills me a little more. I know it, I feel it in my heart.
And yet I cannot walk away. Almost every night I rise from his bed, promising myself I will go. Sometimes I get as far as the door, sometimes I do not even manage to leave the bed before the longing and sadness sets in. I know it is wrong but I have lost her, I cannot lose him. Even though I have yet to tell him what I do every night, I will still wake him up with kisses and whisper promises that I cannot keep.
I had never expected to find myself so needy of anybody but I will never leave him. I cannot escape the sweet prison of his arms and the gentle torture of his lips. And unlike Lady Eowyn, I do not fear this cage. I have wanted it for so long, it would be ungrateful for me to fear it.
It was Lady Eowyn who bade me write down all that happened. I have not thought of it since that night but she has told me that for a wound to heal, the poison but be taken out. I swear to the valar, she is wise as an elf sometimes. She has been a great comfort. She understands much better than him. She has lost those she loves as well, but even she cannot understand the depth of sadness that death brings to an elf. It is so uncommon to us that we are sent reeling when it does occur.
Oh, mela nin, why do you not understand that loving you feels like a sin in my heart? Why do you say that this is what she wanted, what she planned for, when I cry? How can you say those things when if I had not wanted to be with you so badly, things would not be as they are?
Tonight I have made it to the garden, staring out to sea. After the events of the story I will recount tonight, I do not think I can ever experience the sea longing that so many of my kin are afflicted with. I know I am not leaving tonight, I have sworn it to myself, but even so I have had to light a candle at your window, so that I can see you from my seat. You sleep so peacefully while my heart is so very heavy, my dear.
The stars are radiant tonight. I wish you were out here with me like you were so long ago, when we were young. I wish you could look up with me tonight, for then I would tell you the story of EllemÃre's name and perhaps start a sad story with a happy one. But it is not to be.
I suppose since Lady Eowyn has sworn to me that she will burn this manuscript as soon as she has read it, it matters little whether I tell you about my sister's name or not.
I shall stop this cowardly procrastination and begin.
AN: Good? Bad? Cat just died and you need someone to talk to? Review! I have more chapters but I won't post them if people aren't interested