Oh, FFDotNet - why must you constantly butcher my titles? This was meant to be 'Ice/Breaker', but then FFDotNet ate my '/'. If you'll excuse me, I think I'll just go and cry in a corner now. I had a whole set of titles like that planned, but now...

Warnings: You may not want to read it if you like reading things that make sense - as in make grammatical sense. I wasn't kidding in that summary, y'know.

Length: 1504 words, and the UAB (Unnecessary Author's Babble) at the end is just... ridiculously long, even by my standards. Trust me, that should only be read if you have a lot of time on your hands.

Time Period: It's a 'what if' AU scenario, set seven years after Jou hurled the Puzzle piece into the swimming pool. It's a pretty simple 'what if', really: 'What if Jounouchi didn't return the piece, and just left it lying at the bottom of the pool?'

Handicap: 'I cannot repeat any word more than once. I may use the same word of a different tense ('swimming' and 'swam)', and I may use the same word if it is part of a different name (ie 'Dark Magician' and 'Dark Magician Girl' can be used once each). I can also use conjunctions and abbreviations once each ('cannot' and 'can't'). However, I cannot use the same word mutilated by an accent ('Dis' and 'This', 'ma' and 'Ma', ect). During one section, I may use names more than once, and words may be used a second time in said section if they are headings - but this section must be less than 125 words(mine clocked in at 121, and is the 'Adjudicator's Report' section).

Go and look at the UAB down the bottom, if you want to know the whole sorry story of how I didn't end up writing a 'carrot–centric fic' – that was the handicap set for this round when I first set the limits. That was way back, before I got my pairings list, when I thought the stories had to be romantic. That said, I have no clue how I'd have done romance with carrots…

Feedback: Let me know if I repeated anything, despite having triple checked all of this. As for concrit… Well, I'm pretty sure that I did the best with what I had. If you've ever attempted something like this, you'll know that there's not much more I can do. My fics play to the strengths of whatever limit I've set – but there is, simply put, no strength to using every word once each. I don't recommend attempting this one, unless you're crazed. I am in fact mentally ill – though that could be because doctors like slapping labels on everything, I dunno.

Anyway, I have but one question – it's in bold at the end of the UAB, but I'll rephrase it here: I've been ramping up the handicaps round–by–round, this one was supposed to be the hardest – then Round Five showed up, and I've now gotta top myself for my final 'main' fic. The ship I have (Shrimpshipping - Ryuuzaki X Haga) is simple enough for me to do something seriously crazy – so, what do you reckon would be a truly horrendous, near–impossible handicap?

ICE/BREAKER

Ice: Brittle, confusing, slipping, rigid, Spooner's writing...

Breaker: Shattering mindsets, brains, noses (hitting keyboards/palms).

Icebreaker: Awkward conversation starter. Also, handicap shattered story.

Seven years passed, scars fresh, stinging – hope withering.

Someday… Miracle would happen, nightmares eventually fade. Ugly flashbacks concerning cowardice, bullying, fleeing, abandoning – gone, forgotten; even better, forgiven.

Time moved onwards, mindset morphing, contorted. 'Jou' didn't exist, name legally doctored – 'Joey'. 'Domino' hazy, somewhere he'd been. NY, LA, Chicago – big cities replaced homesickness fast; pounding brightness, powerful sensations, driving thinking far away.

Memory – storage space. Pointless background – present lived, future lay open. Antidepressants quaffed fearfully, psychologists waxed lyrical, pocketing massive cash wads. Corruption's pull took victims; Katsuya trudged through bleak universe expressionless, mindless, faceless. Useless. Japanese buddies slipped from grasp – were they technically 'friends', anyway?

Never. Acquaintances.

Friendship… No such thing.

Skating attempted; sixth sense controlling logic during training, speed fading outside world, losing any thoughts, feelings (ugh – awful, squirmy things). Simply blissful, practiced often; practice developed perfection. Somebody former instincts screamed at, hiring cast – recognition sparking between them. Dollars appeared in pockets (thug bribes), more promised.

Life: Shadowed, enjoyable.

Forgetting: Maybe possible.

However, ghosts = unlikely forgetters, rarely forgivers. Patiently hunted quarry, phone numbers, eavesdropping, small talk, gradually coming nearer…

Blonde hair framed disapproving look, expression worsening when dragged past familiar bright globes, mirrors, steered towards Changeroom Nine. "Why d'ah havta gettin dis geddup, aneeway?"

Lips twisted; cruel smile, murderous azure orbs fixating honey. "Because Seto's injured – good directors don't stress their best people. Thus" – here, a certain young man's nose received abrupt powdering –"you skate topgun today. Evening show."

"H–hey – dancin'? Uh–uh! Backup's ma thingy! Singin'!" Sneaker stomped carpet, flattening.

"You're qualified – Kaiba knew less."

"Eh?!"

"Yeah – had talent, though."

"Huh, couldn't ha'skated if–"

"Whether we agree or otherwise, Dark Magician will perform superb twirls, synchronized perfectly amidst discordant arpeggios – falling gracefully, meeting student's tender cuddle. 'Showstopping; breathtaking conclusion', critics say."

"Erm–"

Rebellious jaws managed one word; Mazaki cut retaliation – leaning near, growling maliciously. "Judging's tonight; competing against four other theatre companies over performing rights of 'Kaibaman!'. Remember, if DM's moves aren't absolutely perfect…" Elegant digits slashed owner's pale windpipe, rustling chestnut bangs. "Contest lost, curtains fall. Alongside our careers."

Outfit hung off stall hooks – violet robe, purple armor. Naturally, struggle ensued upon viewing garments, however inexperienced men formed pitiful match versus this bossy vixen – she wanted something, it was procured; and preferably quickly. Weak minds bent, feebly opposing hers.

Soon, Wheeler emerged – tall hat hiding vision.

Swift skater; flies atop diamond crystals, barely touching stage. Green costume – quills rustle, tempo following; lively motions, allegro con moto. Complex designs trace ice, blurring tunes/steps, rhythm/dance; hypnotizing. Percussive thuds, reverberating deeply…

Wingbeats.

Notes rise, performer follows; bounding, soaring–

Drops, crouched; momentum staved. Head swishes – audience holding breaths, unwittingly imitating monster. Statuesque, hard features evocating marble; delicate pinions cross strong harness. Contradictions abound; glittering lights plus flowing blackness, blazing movements above frigid ice…

Silence holds, stretches – ringing quiet, deathly hush. Creature starts – rises, poised. Birdlike pause –

BOOM!

Timpani roll, fireworks light. Unwelcome guest appears; teasing, provoking, irritating little nuisance, pink/blue plates glimmer.

Harpy tosses headfeathers, challenging, daring. Sorceress pirouettes reply–

Cadenza section, violin triggering hidden switch – contention, competition. Sizzling steps oppose Arctic cold; flirtatious spins contrast aloof precision turns; joyful caper balances killing swoop. Matching music; indulgent semibreve slides beside crisp staccato. Tunes repeats, round, six pitches recapitulated – dancers loop, circle, staring, intimidating.

Lunge, punctuated by crashing cymbals – conflict! Horns howl warcries; ravaging claws hit solid staff! Legs entwine, contend; battle joined! Wings assault wand, might attacks magic; resultant bloodshed! Enemy unbalanced, aiming – flashing talons rake outwards, sending intruder across rink; uncontrollable downspin! Piccolo cruelly imitates screams, crying crocodile tears!

Gallant trumpets break din, forcing chaos into order. Emerald balks – swift amethyst rush, decisive strike, clear victory. Crest droops, tail shrugs; shuffling chicken.

Hero shows self, returning victorious. Mist surrounding broad shoulders, thin build – mage's weapon, supposedly experienced shoulder.

Teacher bows before pupil – trips (long cloak), just recovering.

Red drapes drop.

Caught unawares, shadows obscuring deal. "Take this." Slender fingers push metal entity forwards; rough palm refuses.

"Oh… um… Wrong guy." Harsh laugh; nervous fidget. "Try…Yugi?"

Slight grin, demonic snigger. "We know, Jounouchi. Happened eons ago, your moment – coward, running..." Sinister hiss; terrified squeak. "Handled sacred object, tore apart… Pieces… Pool…"

"L–leave me alone!"

"Blasphemy!"– wall shakes, thud, grunt – "Destiny can't be escaped!" – strangled cry, cord flicks – "Duty shouldn't die!" – choking, gagging – "Judgment shall pass eventually!" – silence.

Soft, golden illumination, white fangs shining. "Nice boy."

Almost late; everyone set – then lead male staggers forward, taking up pose. Odd bruising around throat, leaves those who see wondering.

Acknowledging nod, 3/4 metre…

Agile leaping, heavy gait – peaceful beam, tense grimace. Slurred phrase, two part upbeat – cue, point skates, attentive.

Alternatively, accidentally crush partner's toes.

Harmonies whirl, duality courting itself. Woodenly choreographed – solitary, stumbling master/chatty, perfect disciple. Crowd sniggers whenever tumbles occur – frequently.

Enchanter slips within friendly group – performance burnished gold. Harmonized chorus, charmer center, copying exactly, stunned student sidelined. Careful timing, jumping high as rest plummet – Archmage seemingly acts leader, others appear imitators. Scholar calmly makes headway; weaving expertly, pulling child close. Microphones cannot pickup whispers; stale air escapes parted lips, hissing:

"Follow."

Orchestra changes tune immediately, chords dimly resonating Bollywood, emphasizing movement. (1) Baton glitters oddly – ankh dictating primal rhythms . Conductor seems misplaced – tanned man, cream turban, attention stagewards.

Sounds awaken intelligence. Host's under pressure, flood building, pressuring eyeballs –uprising, stealing. Worst fears, finally realized.

M…

Crying joyously, singing words incomprehensible – breathing! Maneuvers, viciously pursuing; new memories replacing old. Triggered, crawling, creeping – leaking…

Ma…

She's standing – so fascinating, alluring! Alive, like himself, dancing – graceful, incredible! Dreamlike – unfathomable, indescribable, unreachable! Passion takes mind altogether, that grasping want–

Arms thrown back, clenched fists –kneeling, sliding, lone wail!

"MANAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Female human's shaking – snarling, spotlights fully dimming, partially muffled via Joey's cautious embrace; "H– how…"

Gazes meet – yellow tainted coffee, slowly darkening; previously nonexistent kohl lining eyelids. Lapis lazuli irises return stare – delusions invade once again, confused reality – conjurer sees jade.

Ears perceive husky voice, whispering; "Dunno. Felt right." Yellowish locks shake furiously, bodies drift apart – "Sumthin's messin' brain. Thought… Zendik (2)… Mana…" Sagging abruptly, strength vanishing – hunched, hands clutching cranium–

Steadied. "Hmph, drinking again?"

"Awww, pudda sock innit!"

Soft giggle; "Teasing."

Squinted reply; "Hey… Erm… Y'wearing contacts?"

Lip chewed, anxious glance downwards. "Careful, okay?"

"I'll try." Hollow promise, shaky limbs.

Spine thumped. "Good kid."

Moving onstage, facing cheering crowd…

Crying.

Nothing happens; hours, passing. Though his whole body pulses, flows, mind's braced. Dual voices chatter, arguing occasionally; difficult work, ignoring noise.

Lead dancer being hotisn't helping much. Worse still, she's changed – someone different. Surely impossible, yet proof's there… Original Dark Magician Girl's usurped friend's place, taunting, torturing loveliness. Uncertain whether perverted ideas are owner's/theirs , confusion overthrows thrashing consciousness – Resist fight yell – Herculean effort, stay stable…

Vomiting behind closed doors, gasping, shuddering… beginning.

N…no…

Greetings, oh friendless, gutless, knowledgeless vessel. Prior host tried warning, but...

Yami Bakura, y'– Hey, where's Ryo?

Here…Sleep choked presence, faded/woozy, yawn–inducing drowsiness …Barely.

Wasn't overly keen, Yami... Monster World- (3)

There's three now? Christ, my brain!

Moving onto business… Gimme!

Again?

Empty puppet, sags momentarily,reason flickering, skidding, leaving confuzzlement – Please, don't…

This?

Neck snaps backwards, cracking stiffly; protests draining, quieting. Delighted giggles follow every shiver, groan.

Pathetic mortal lives, easily ended – you're lucky... Housewarming time!

Hold, 'kay? Previous guy… Spontaneous combustion. Wasn't pretty.

F–Fire…?

Smoke, too.

Fear rushes, filling veins, heart pounds ; invisible laughter. Sharp pendant spikes impale themselves; frail flesh, blood droplets staining clothes, stubbornness draining.

Feel pain. Understand pain.

Bastard!

Door knocked; "Encore; five minutes!"

Wish time!

OH GOD DON'T

Resignation overtaking, misery exploding out, trudging, cameras–

Go on, hurt! Ruin everything!

Oh, great. Tempting fate, braaaavo.

Simple matter – wishes come first, though.

…Eh? Busy concentrating, heel–toe glide, bow.

Helper, helping.

Help…?

Let's get some dreams, hmm? You'll watch. Sleep's boring…

Ring gleams, reptilian pupils; savage, murky gleam invading soft brown. Both appearing, wanting leaf–eyed visions, reaching for dream that's strange/confused, ancient/twisted. Public kissing - forced, vicious, murderous, whimper stifled.

Advances returned, notAnzu's tongue flicking instinctively. NotJoey growls, pushes. Slammed - rinkside, hissing foreign languages, different tongues, clenched teeth...

Forming satisfactory proof – mission successfully accomplished.

Nodding silently, Egyptian vanishes, dissolving mist – Item bearer found. (3)

Real maestro rises.

Adjudicator's Notes

Adjudicator: Esper Roba

Lead Female: Anzu Mazaki

Lead Male: Seto Kaiba(broken ankle), replacement: Joey Wheeler

Performance:

– Realistic character portrayal – show surpassed expectations.

– Spectacular reserve, taught basic technique only.

– Wheeler's cloakthing draped along floor – player transformed hazard/asset – tripping intermittently, continuing well–rehearsed choreography.

Highlights:

1.'Waltz – Black Chaos' – DM seemed smitten with DMG – surprising improvised baritone solo, focus = adoration.

2. Miniature Egypt segment – extremely tasteful, keeping true origins – welcome addition. JW kneeled, arms wide (visibly screaming). Stagegoers gave thunderous applause, unsure – Wheeler might've proposed to Mazaki; clever acting?

Criticisms:

–Honeyed Soy Chicken potato chips weren't available – necessity.

– Mental note: Congratulate director.

–Verdict: Last lot = greatest. Excellent choice, definitely 'Kaibaman!' material. Highly recommended, brothers agree.

TL;DR: Must–see.

Score: 19.5/20

Notes:

1. I'd recommend listening to 'Dola Re Dola' for a good idea of what the music during this section sounds like – that's what I was listening to when I wrote this section. They're definitely not dancing like in the video, though. That would be a bit weird, even by my standards.

2. Zendik = "heretic; magician"

3. I couldn't fit the explanation in the story because of the handicap, but I'd better put it here. During the Monster World plot when everyone got sealed into figurines by Bakura and it turned into a total Bakura vs Yami showdown, Ryo died in canon, since he sacrificed his soul to fiddle with the dice and defeat Bakura. He wasn't breathing, but the team used the crackiest of methods to get their friend back.

The version for this fic goes that by the time the friendship squad (minus Joey) put Ryo's soul back in his body, he hadn't been breathing for over four minutes, and so suffered severe brain damage. Because of that, Ryo ended up trapped in the Ring with Bakura, since his body had pretty much died.

As for why it's the Ring: I was going to go with Scales, and then do a whole 'unbalanced' reference, but then I remembered that Mahaado (Dark Magician) had owned the Ring before Bakura. Fitted pretty snugly

4. ...All right, that one's a headcanon. But if you think about the canon, you'll find that Jounouchi is one of only two characters other than Chosen Millennium Item Handlers (Shaadi, Yuugi, Yami, ect) to handle the completed Puzzle (and he does it several times in the manga - there's one time where he actually takes the completed Puzzle off Yugi, and uses it as a weapon). He has also damaged the Puzzle (twice), handled the Puzzle parts, and even worn the damn thing around his neck (once, he was brainwashed... but all the same...). He even communicates with the Puzzle in the manga (during the fire after the whole DDM incident). Him being some sort of backup Item bearer in case things went wrong isn't totally out of the question, IMO...

UAB

I… I have absolutely no idea how I managed to actually do that. The majority of this was written with the handicap applied, scrutinized for any repeated words (thank goodness for Ctrl + F), then put through a simple word counter, just to make sure nothing had been accidentally repeated.

Moving along: To understand the whole carrot thing, you need to know that I set all my handicaps for the four main pairings before the contest began, before I even knew what pairings I'd be doing. Each handicap had a difficulty rating, the general 'hardcore factor' ramping up as things went on, from the improbable, to the tedious, to the near–impossible. The limits for nearly all of the adopt pairings I have done and will do were things that almost made the cut, the things that I had as 'backup' handicaps in case the 'main' handicap didn't work out. There is only one exception to this rule; an adopt pairing done for this round was not given a handicap. That was because I happened to be in rant mode at the time.

Rambling again, sorry. So initially, the piece was supposed to be based around a randomly generated paragraph, with the parameters "Joey" and "Dark Magician Girl". I would later use this limit for an adopt pairing I picked up on the way, Toonshipping – but for now, I chickened out when I saw what it gave me on my three tries. I, the prize idiot if I say so myself, had discovered that there is in fact such a thing such as too random…

1. "Dark Magician Girl farms below Joey. The numerical bread escapes Joey on top of the promising continuum. A stiff courses the swamp in another bar pork. Joey fingers Dark Magician Girl. Why won't Dark Magician Girl lurk against Joey? Joey tries the shot."

2. "Another hilarious juice orbits next to Dark Magician Girl. Why does the old monarch participate? Underneath Joey relaxes Dark Magician Girl. Joey acts within a balance. Dark Magician Girl associates Joey. How can Joey swear with a cupboard?"

3. "When will Dark Magician Girl toe the line across the aforementioned youth? Your doctor yawns without every born sigh. A proportional hypocrite shouts Joey into the acorn. Will Joey distort Dark Magician Girl? When will Joey read?"

Remember that I thought at the time that I had to write a romance one–shot here – and even if one of the paragraphs did have Joey fingering DMG in it, I doubted I was going to be able to write romance with any of that drivel. Even now, I seriously doubt I'd be able to write anything coherent with these paragraphs (though I might try it later on, and just put that fic on a non–entry contest thread. I believe there isone, so…)

Next, I attempted running it with a randomly generated sentence – but after some time, I had to give up any hope of finding a coherent generator. According to the Internet, "On top of the gasp despairs a scheduled racist", "The honored blackmail barks against the in thread", and "The teacher cleaned a grumpy dead body" are all quite valid sentences.

I even messed around with a drabble generator at one point, producing some very much hilarious, utterly inappropriate results(PM me if you really want to know about that – "But, soft! What light through yonder window breaks? It is the spanner, and Dark Magician Girl is the dog!" is only the beginning of the madness), but again, I thought that I had to write something serious – and besides, I risked writing something that came too close to what the generator had made. In the end I decided that I should just use a random word generator, and be done with it.

And so, our initial handicap was born:

"The whole fic must be based off a phrase that I pull out of a random generator…'Carrot'."

Later in proceedings (ie during the judging of Round One), I came to realize that I could write whatever the heck I wanted. And so I changed this handicap to the most hardcore thing I could possibly think of at the time, and I was very happy.

…That is, until I realized that Round Five in fact existed, and I needed to come up with something even worse than what I did this time for my 'main' pairing (the pairing I'm assigned. 'Adopt' pairings are extra ones I take on for the lulz. Fun fact: A limit had to be forced on how many you could take, which I believe was due solely to my general overeagerness. I stand proudly as self-titled 'idiot who takes three pairings a round', and I regret NOTHING).

So, come up with a devilish handicap for Round Five - it needs to be somewhat doable, but must be even more 'hardcore' than this one. Problem: I'm still thinking about it. Aside from attempting something Finnegans Wake –ish (and for those of you who don't know about that delightful piece of utter unreadability, I bring you this lovely quote:"bababadalgharaghtakamminarro nnkonnbronntonnerronntuonnth unntrovarrhounawnskawntoohoo hoordenenthurnuk! [A sound which represents the symbolic thunderclap associated with the fall of Adam and Eve.]"), my ideas lack the sheer 'dreadful' I'm gonna need next round. Hopefully I won't disappoint, but all the same – I wonder what you think would be a truly horrendous, near–impossible handicap…?