I Can't Remember Chapter 1: I Can't Remember, an inuyasha fanfic

Okay, as a note, I haven't seen Inu-Yasha in a really long time, and I missed a lot of the really late episodes. So forgive any inconsistencies.

Also, I have no idea how old Inu-Yasha and Sesshoumaru really are. I'd love it if you guys let me know, and I'll fix what I wrote in here accordingly.

Well. I hope you guys like what I came up with, and that you'll let me know if it's worth its time to write. (Got quite a bit planned).

Summary:

What if everything you've ever known was a lie? Even your own memories? When Sesshoumaru confronts Inu-Yasha with a startling proclamation Inu-Yasha finds himself fighting not for his life, but for the truth of his memories. full sum inside. Sess/Inu

Full Summary:

Disclaimer: I do not own Inu-Yasha or any of its characters. All are property of Rumiko Takahashi. This fiction is purely for entertainment, hence I make no profit.

Author: Darksinokaru

Rating: Adult ++

Pairings: Sesshoumaru/Inu-Yasha

Warnings(per chapter): Violence, Language, Yaoi (M/M), Incest, Angst (It's Inu-Yasha, of course there's angst)

I Can't Remember

Despite the beauty of this particular spring day where flowers of various vibrant colors bloomed and the land was a lush, full green, a tall figure washed white stood amidst an empty clearing, face passive and cold. His long silver main fell about him in long glistening waves, golden eyes cast down toward the earth, but they didn't appear to be see the flowers waving up at him at his feet. It'd been two years since the defeat of Narraku… Rin, in the care of that village had Inu-Yasha adopted, had been his only reason for contact with the Hanyou.

If Sesshoumaru could, he would never set foot near Inu-Yasha. He couldn't afford it. He felt his resolve grow just a bit weaker each time. That resolve that he had set many years ago, in a far distant past that lay forgotten. Sesshoumaru's eyes narrowed and tensed in what was usually perceived as rage or annoyance, but rather, it was an ache in his heart that afflicted physical pain in his breast.

"Mi'lord?" Sesshoumaru shifted on his feet and rose his face to the heavens. Raising his right arm he shielded his eyes from the blinding light of the sun, his eyes squinting. It had taken a while, but Sesshoumaru had finally been able to regenerate his arm and even if he would never admit it, having it made things much easier.

Sesshoumaru stared up at the sun, feeling it stab back into his retinas. Inu-Yasha used to be like the sun… In a far distant past that had been lost to all but Sesshoumaru. And today was the anniversary of when that past was forgotten.

"Aren't you going to see Rin?" Sesshoumaru scowled back at Jaken. The green toad trembled back a step, hoping that he wouldn't earn another good look at the bottom of Sesshoumaru's boot. It seemed that lately Sesshoumaru was more irate than usual, and today it had reached its pinnacle.

"We're leaving." Sesshoumaru said with finality when his body began to lift into the air, moko-moko-san acting as if a platform for Sesshoumaru to perch.

"Wait for me Mi'lord!" Jaken cried as he scrambled and clung to the furry creature.

"Shut-up!" Kagome screamed and Inu-Yasha snarled, which immediately had the small wrapped infant in Kagome's arms screaming.

"Look what you did!"

"God damn it Kagome! Let me spend some time with him!" Inu-Yasha bellowed and Kagome glared darkly back at Inu-Yasha before she turned her back on him in a huff.

"This is why I can't let you near him anymore!" Inu-Yasha sputtered in pure horror. Did she say what he thought she did?

"He's my pup damn it!" Inu-Yasha stomped his foot when Kagome disappeared inside her small home. Grumpily crossing his arms, Inu-Yasha cursed.

He was the father damn it! That kid was half of him, so he had all right to have as much time with him as Kagome did!

After Kagome came back to stay, things seemed like they'd be great. For once things would work out for Inu-Yasha. But when she got pregnant and all those hormones went bonkers, the two ended up splitting up. They absolutely couldn't stand each other now. As far as Inu-Yasha was concerned, she still had to be fucking pregnant. Bitch. The least she could do is let Inu-Yasha spend some time with his own damn kid! But Kagome seemed convinced that Inu-Yasha would hurt him or something! Inu-Yasha wasn't stupid! And he wasn't a monster!

"Fine! I don't want any part of it anyway!" Inu-Yasha snarled and quickly stormed off in to the forest. In the end, Inu-Yasha found himself seated under the sacred tree where it seemed like everything started, and ended, his arms crossed in an angry pout.

"Hello Inu-Yasha." Inu-Yasha jumped and looked up to see the flowering young Rin smiling down at him, arms behind her back as she bent down to look into his face, thick waves of black hair falling over her shoulders.

"Hi." Inu-Yasha said lowly. When a finger pressed to his forehead he rose his annoyed gaze up to Rin.

"Someone's pouting!" Inu-Yasha jerked his face away from Rin's finger and huffed.

"I got all right, don't I?" Rin was now old enough to understand what was going on between Kagome and Inu-Yasha, and she frowned.

"I think you two should make up." Inu-Yasha glared harder.

"Tch. Right." Then Rin giggled as she sat down by Inu-Yasha.

"Sesshoumaru-sama will be here soon." Inu-Yasha snorted.

"Oh yay." Rin giggled again.

"Maybe you and Sesshoumaru-sama can make up?" Rin suggested but Inu-Yasha pretended he didn't hear it. So instead of talking, Rin filled the silence with humming.

Why didn't things ever work out for Inu-Yasha? Abandoned, abused, mistreated, misplaced, ridiculed… Inu-Yasha's whole life was so epically screwed up he felt like a deranged main character in one of those novels from Kagome's era. It sickened him. He truly, honestly, had no good memories to speak of. He'd at least hoped that his pup could help fill the void, but what could he do? Kidnap his own kid? Now that was just sad, not to mention pathetic.

"Lord Sesshoumaru!" Inu-Yasha gasped and jumped up, eyes zeroing in on that unmistakable white figure emerging out of the darkness of the forest. Sesshoumaru paused, his eyes going directly to Inu-Yasha's face, but for a long moment said nothing. Inu-Yasha shifted uncomfortably, this was king of weird. Should he have Tetsaiga out now? What did Sesshoumaru think he was doing, just staring at him? Inu-Yasha had never seen Sesshoumaru act like this before. As small as it was, it was a major notice.

Sesshoumaru's lips parted and then paused. Inu-Yasha swallowed thickly. Should he be ready for a fight? Inu-Yasha had thought that since taking care of Rin, Sesshoumaru wouldn't have a beef with him so much anymore. He may still not like Inu-Yasha, but at least he hadn't attacked him in a while. Finally, Sesshoumaru's lips moved again, and this time he spoke.

"Today's your birthday." Inu-Yasha blinked and sputtered, his mouth finally opening in a gape, eyes wide and astonished. What?

"W-what-huh?" Rin looked back at Inu-Yasha in surprise.

"Today's your birthday Inu-Yasha-sama?" Inu-Yasha stared at his brother, flabbergasted. What the hell? Out of all the things to say, he says this?! And how the hell could Sesshoumaru of all people claim to know his birthday! Besides, today wasn't his birthday! Was Sesshoumaru loosing it or something?

"Do you remember?" Inu-Yasha blinked, still having trouble absorbing what was going on.

"When you were young, I would take out into the rear courtyard and spar with you." Okay, hold it! That said it; Sesshoumaru had to be loosing it. Inu-Yasha pointed an accusing finger at Sesshoumaru, still sputtering and bewildered.

"Wh-what the hell are you saying?! Have you lost your mind?!" Sesshoumaru began a slow stride toward Inu-Yasha.

"My mind is perfectly sound Inu-Yasha." With the distance being closed in, Inu-Yasha felt a strong wave of panic and confusion. Quickly drawing Tetsaiga Inu-Yasha thrust it out, Sesshoumaru pausing at the tip of the blade as it pressed against his armor, face still passive.

"You've never done any such thing! You've hated me! Always hated me! And I don't remember anything of the kind!" Without breaking eye contact, Sesshoumaru addressed Rin.

"Rin, go back to the village. I'll be there later." With a glance at the men one last time, Rin quickly left. Rin worried, for she knew that Sesshoumaru never lied. So why didn't Inu-Yasha remember, and why was Sesshoumaru doing this now? After so much time had passed? Was it because today was Inu-Yasha's birthday?

"Now, Inu-Yasha; put your blade down." Inu-Yasha didn't budge.

"What the hell's your reason to show up and randomly start spilling crap?" Sesshoumaru was silent a moment, his answer shaking Inu-Yasha's heart to the core.

"It's not crap, Inu-Yasha." Inu-Yasha's eyes widened and his sword arm trembled.

"I simply think that this charade has gone on long enough." Inu-Yasha blinked, fear clearly filling his eyes.

"What I'm about to tell you will surely be difficult to grasp, but you must take it all in." Sesshoumaru briefly closed his eyes, the motion almost looking wistful.

"You must believe." For some reason, a part of Inu-Yasha's mind began to run around in panic. Just what the hell was going on? Why was he freaking out? Inu-Yasha's breaths became labored and a cold sweat began to pour from his skin. As if he were a culprit being questioned by authorities.

"The memories you have-"

"No!" Inu-Yasha screamed, swiping Tetsaiga at Sesshoumaru who easily dodged backwards.

"Calm down, Inu-Yasha."

"Screw you!" Inu-Yasha snarled and charged with weapon raised. Inu-Yasha missed the tensing of Sesshoumaru's face and the tip of his fangs before Inu-Yasha suddenly found himself pinned up against the tree above Sesshoumaru, palm tightly pressed against his windpipe. Instantly trying to rip the claws away from his throat for air, Inu-Yasha took notice that Tetsaiga lay near the other side of the small clearing the sacred took root in the middle of. Fearfully, with adrenaline pumping, Inu-Yasha gazed down into Sesshoumaru's passive expression.

Inu-Yasha gasped when he was released and fell onto the roots at the base of the tree, but before he could recover and rise he found Sesshoumaru's knee pressed into his chest, the man himself almost straddling Inu-Yasha, his weight pushing Inu-Yasha into the raised snarled roots of the sacred tree. Inu-Yasha rasped and sputtered as he struggled around futilely.

"As I was saying, your memories are fake." Inu-Yasha froze.

"Everything you've known about your younger self has all been fabricated by our father." Inu-Yasha's lips trembled, followed by his whole body. Why did this news affect him so?

"No…" Sesshoumaru shifted his weight and laid more gently over Inu-Yasha and leaned into the younger brother's face, expression unreadable.

"Everything you've ever known to be true is a lie." Inu-Yasha eyes heated up and watered. Why he was about to cry, why he was gripped by these powerful emotions, he didn't know, but he couldn't stop them, nor control them.

"No…" Came a trembling a reply.

"Yes…"And then Sesshoumaru completely destroyed whatever control Inu-Yasha clutched at when he pressed his lips softly to Inu-Yasha's. It was brief and chaste, but the emotion, coming from the cold, aloof Sesshoumaru was so overpowering to Inu-Yasha, he started to sob. Hesitating just over Inu-Yasha lips Sesshoumaru confessed something to him he hadn't in many, many years.

"I love you. I always have."

Inu-Yasha whimpered and shuttered as if he'd been mortally wounded. Sesshoumaru kissed Inu-Yasha again and to his surprise, and admittedly, to his delight, Inu-Yasha's lips parted, but before he could deepen the chaste kiss Inu-Yasha spoke with a tremor in his voice.

"I-I don't remember anything you're saying but I… My mind feels like it's swimming." Sesshoumaru ran a claw along the pink of Inu-Yasha's lips.

"It's a side affect from the stimulus. Whether you realize it or not, when anyone speaks of memories you will think of your own. And if they speak of a time that involves you, whether you remember or not, you will unconsciously try to remember it." Sesshoumaru paused, that excruciatingly rare, gentle, bone-chilling smile curving his lips.

"You tried to remember something that's been purposefully buried with magic. It's what you could call a defensive measure." Sesshoumaru stared pointedly at Inu-Yasha's lips as he breathed and they trembled. They were bumpy and cracked, probably from biting.

"But… This is crazy. I don't…" Sesshoumaru pressed his index finger to Inu-Yasha's lips gently, effectively silencing him.

"It's true Inu-Yasha." And then, to Inu-Yasha's relief, Sesshoumaru alleviated some of his weight off of him. The raised roots pressing into his back were becoming severely painful.

"Why? After all this time…" And then, as if just remembering some horrible deed that enraged him, Inu-Yasha snarled and struggled against Sesshoumaru who once again pressed his weight down on him.

"You tried to kill me! Many times! Why the fuck—I hate you! You hate me! It's as simple as that! You think I'm worthless! That I'm disgusting!" Inu-Yasha felt damnable tears once again emerge. Why was he suddenly so emotional? And then it dawned on Inu-Yasha in horror.

The sun was disappearing.

"Inu-Yasha?" Sesshoumaru didn't look at whatever Inu-Yasha was looking at, or rather; he was unable to. Sesshoumaru watched in utter fascination as Inu-Yasha's hair darkened slowly into a jet-black and his ears reseeded into the thick dark locks, then slowly pressing out of the sides of his head and taking the shape of human ears; his bright golden eyes dimming to a dark brown shade. When the transformation was over, Inu-Yasha gasped sharply.

"I haven't seen you transform in years." Sesshoumaru stated softly and Inu-Yasha whimpered. Standing up Sesshoumaru picked Inu-Yasha up as the he struggled desperately in his arms for freedom. On the flat of the forest floor Sesshoumaru began to lose his patience with Inu-Yasha's stubborn willfulness.

"Let go of me! You're a creep! Let go!" Sesshoumaru did and Inu-Yasha stumbled forward, almost falling on his face before spinning around with an enraged gaze.

"Hah! You think you can get to me with all this loving brother crap, but I'm not buying it!" Sesshoumaru remained unexpressive.

"You're being silly Inu-Yasha." Inu-Yasha glared.

"I mean it! You've almost killed me! Remember mister loving brother? You tore a whole in my stomach and poisoned me!" Sesshoumaru took a step forward and Inu-Yasha stumbled back a step.

"Stay back!"

"It was all for you… Though I do not deny the regret I felt afterwards." Inu-Yasha sputtered.

"How does almost killing me benefit me?!"

"You don't understand Inu-Yasha… I've been fighting with myself for almost two centuries over you… And my actions." Inu-Yasha gaped.

"I-Well you know what, I hate you!" Inu-Yasha declared for lack of anything better to say.

"And I love you." Inu-Yasha covered his ears.

"Stop saying that!" Inu-Yasha hissed. Inu-Yasha gasped when his back smashed into the ground and he cried out with a yelp before something heavy settled on him. When his vision cleared Inu-Yasha gasped again when Sesshoumaru glared down at him. Grabbing both of Inu-Yasha's arms just as they started to flail Sesshoumaru pinned them above his head.

"Get off of me! I hate you! You never wanted me! Never! You've always hated me!" A particularly demonic growl silenced Inu-Yasha in fear as he looked on into those glowing red eyes of his elder brother.

"They are lies! All of them!" Sesshoumaru growled dangerously, his body starting to change into his more animalistic, demonic form.

"I'll make you remember! I'll make you love me again!" Inu-Yasha attempted to scream but was cut short when Sesshoumaru's fully formed maw crushed into his mouth, his long, large tongue forcing its way into Inu-Yasha's mouth. Inu-Yasha's cries were muffled as tears spilled down the sides of his face while Sesshoumaru ravaged his mouth unrelentingly. It was awkward since Sesshoumaru's maw didn't fit with Inu-Yasha's, but his lips were still as inaccessible as if Sesshoumaru had been in his human form.

Inu-Yasha let himself go lax and closed his eyes, willing this all to end as a bad dream. Slowly, Sesshoumaru's anger reseeded and his growing, morphing form slowly shrank back down and shaped back into a humanoid figure, his lips more gently sealing over Inu-Yasha's as his right hand began to gently tread through Inu-Yasha's black locks, working out small snarls as his fingers came upon them.

Slowly, Sesshoumaru pulled back from the whimpering human, gently sliding his fingers down the length of Inu-Yasha's young face.

"M-mi'lord?" Sesshoumaru glanced back at Jaken who for the first time through the whole exchange had the courage to crawl out from the shelter of the sacred tree. Sitting back on his knees while still straddling Inu-Yasha, Sesshoumaru spoke in his usual unruffled tone.

"Take those kimonos to Rin. Tell her I apologize, but I must take care of Inu-Yasha." Jaken nodded, staring at the almost appearing unconscious human with wonder and awe. Quickly turning and scurrying toward the village Jaken had to admit that he couldn't believe what he'd seen. Sesshoumaru? Loved Inu-Yasha? Inu-Yasha's memories were fabricated? Why would their father do something so horrible? It dawned on the little imp and he tripped when the epiphany hit him and he hadn't paid attention to his surroundings.

'Incestuous relationships were considered such a terrible taboo a long time ago! Could Sesshoumaru-sama's father have done it to break them apart?' And then something else dawned on Jaken.

'Did Inu-Yasha love Sesshoumaru back?! It makes perfect sense! Why else would such drastic measures be taken to erase only Inu-Yasha's memories?!' Jaken couldn't believe the story twist that he had been blessed enough to witness. It left him shaking a little.

"If Sesshoumaru-sama wants Inu-Yasha… No, Inu-Yasha-sama to love him again, then I will do everything in my power to help!" Jaken cried out in triumph, only to trip once again over a small rock and roll down the hill and into the rice patties.

TBC…

Okay! Done! Yeah, I'm not sure about this, but when I came up with the idea I thought it was absolutely awesome, and so I wanted to type it. I would reeeeaaally appreciate your guys' input!

I'm basically just putting this first chap up to see how it does and if it's worth working laborious hours on.

This is my first posted Sesshoumaru/Inu-Yasha story!