"to apathy, to entropy, to empathy— ecstasy!"
Ap-a-thy. [Ap-uh-thee A Noun. Meaning a lack of interest or concern; especially regarding matters of general importance or appeal. Indifference. Exactly and quintessentially what Jayne Cobb and River Tam felt for each other.
Her crazy and occasionally violent ways should have had nothing to do with him. She did not and, according to his own mental dialogue, never would matter to him. And so he felt nothing towards her. She had so many thoughts crawling over her, it was a sincere relief to not have to worry about his. He honestly never spared her a second thought except for when she said something he could not understand. She felt everything… and nothing at all.
But when it came to Jayne Cobb, blissful nothing.
En-tro-py. [En-truh-pee A Noun. Meaning a hypothetical tendency for the universe to strive to attain a state of maximum similarity in kind or nature. The spontaneous nature of the universe to reach for a balance on the lowest and most primal level. What had happened to Serenity's crew after the events of Miranda.
A terrifying and new set of circumstances that sent the crew into chaos and forced them out of their ordeal with bonds to each other so primal they were nearly atomic. Zoe to her Captain and forever Sergeant, Mal. Mal to his inescapable and constant source of irritation and genuine emotion, Inara. Inara to her dearly and nearly lost mei-mei, Kaylee. Kaylee to her bao-bei, Simon. Simon to his brave and noble sister, River. And River to the only person she could ever expect to understand her now: Jayne.
Yes, the crew was surprised. Not necessarily that the two drifted together often. Or that River saw in Jayne someone to nurture and help her harness her darker side. But they were pleasantly surprised that he took to his task whole heartedly. He took a pride in helping her that gained him a respect he'd never had before. Simon was even forced to admit that the hulking mercenary wasn't so bad, especially after looking after River so impeccably.
Em-pa-thy. [Em-puh-thee A Noun. Meaning the intellectual identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another. The inevitable and unstoppable next step in the evolution of River and Jayne's relationship.
When the nights on Serenity were too quiet for either of them, it was a forgone conclusion that they might drift together and spend their time together. This made both days and nights that they chose to and enjoyed spending in each other's company. He, when he chose to speak, told her tales of his old life. When he didn't know that a family awaited him on Serenity. She, when she was sure she would get nothing further out of him, gave him precious details of her old life. On the Core and inside the Academy, from her first dance recital to her first kill. And over long nights of shared information and implied emotions the two were left with the inescapable knowledge that they understood each other more perfectly than anyone else in the 'verse.
River, lost in this new and ridiculously consuming relationship, did not see the pattern at first. They were on a job when it first occurred to her.
Standing in Badger's den, he looked her up and down. It made her uncomfortable because she knew exactly what kind of job he would pay Serenity best for. It involved her and no clothes. She grabbed at Jayne's hand, which he took without comment and only responded by way of sneering at Badger evilly.
"River, I'm surprised. A bright and charmin' girl like you, hangs out with these slackers, who don' adhere ta deals? They made fun, yet I am the one attemptin' ta do some good. Or do ya really want a neighborhood where people piss on your ship every night?" She could only smother her giggles in Jayne's bicep.
The petty criminal before had not even realized his inadvertent quote. A play preformed on earth that was. Jayne thought she was merely struck with the absurdity of Badger's come on. He tried his best to control his laughter as well.
On their way back to the ship, River began to hum under her breathe. "To German wine, turpentine, Gertrude Stein, Antonioni, Bertolucci, Kurasawa, Carmina Burana. To apathy, to entropy, to empathy…" She paused and stood still, struck by the enormity of a great and cosmic plan only just revealed to her. She whispered the next line in awe and stared at Jayne's back he moved up the ramp. "Ecstasy." She had to wait damn near breathless for almost two months for her first taste of ecstasy.
Ecstasy. [Ek-stuh-see A Noun. Meaning a state of rapturous delight so intense that one is carried beyond rational thought and self-control. The first time Jayne Cobb gave River her first absolutely soul stealing kiss.
She shook with emotion and blood loss. He hadn't reacted well to her getting shot in the shoulder. After hours of waiting just outside the door of the infirmary Simon had waved him in. And after instructing her to never ever ruttin' scare him like that again he did what he'd been waiting since their very first midnight chat to do.
He leaned over her and slid his big hands into her silky brown hair, holding her as close as he was able to. And then, he kissed her as if she might leave him in the very next second. For the rest of their long lives together, he never kissed her with any less passion. And it never failed to make her weak in the same way, blood loss or no.
He held her close through bullet and stab wounds, two weddings, and three children. That was ecstasy for Jayne Cobb, holding the love of his life as near and as often as possible.