Yosuke's Doom
Author's notes:
This is a joke I wanted to use in my main story for SOOOOOOOOO long, but I never found a good moment to do it. So I decided to put it here instead. This could be a oneshot, or I might make this an irregular thing, who knows. In other words this is here for laughs. Also, sorry if the writing is bad, but I just wanted to get this thing out of my head once and for all.
Translations will be found from the bottom, but I recommend you don't check them until you've finished this.
(TV World. Sunday. Daytime)
Last week's saturday the team was exploring the tv world. At some point Yosuke used a Garula against a shadow that had gotten too close to Yukiko and Viljam. The shadow was instantly killed and Yosuke expected some kind of thank you from Yukiko. Sadly he was kicked by Chie instead, because the wind nearly flipped Yukiko's skirt. Actually, Konohana Sakuya and Louhi nearly had their skirts flipped too. Yu could swear that Konohana was blushing despite the Persona's head looking like some kind of pink helmet. Louhi also looked like she was gritting her teeth in anger. Strangely Viljam himself only face-palmed at the situation, while asking if Yosuke was that desperate. This caused the girls to call the headphone wearing boy the worst kind of pervert.
The Sunday of that week, Viljam and Yukiko became sick. It seemed like some kind of stomach flue, because the two were vomiting pretty often, especially in the mornings of Monday and Tuesday. Afterwards, from Wednesday to Thursday, it seemed like the vomiting was replaced by tiredness and strange behavior. Yukiko would have fewer reasons to laugh at than usual, and then she would cry over strangest things. Viljam seemed constantly irritated, like even breathing the wrong way made him snap. Finally on Friday, the two were well again, but it seemed as if they were constantly tired and they still acted a little strange sometimes. This ranges from sudden change of mood, to trying food they normally can't stand. This behavior continued until Sunday morning, when they both felt fine and normal again.
Now the gang was inside the TV World, ready to kick some shadow ass.
"GARULA," Yosuke called as his Persona fired his wind spell. Meanwhile Izanagi was firing Ziongas left and right, as Yu sliced another shadow. Chie was kicking shadows down, while Tomoe was also cutting them down. Only Yukiko and Viljam were lagging. Konohana's Agilao spells seemed to have less power than Agi spells. Louhi had a similar problem with Bufula spells.
"What the heck is wrong with me," Viljam complained while panting heavily alongside Yukiko. "I shouldn't be this weak," the Finnish boy added with complaint. Yukiko looked like she could cry any second.
"Why*sob* am I *sob* so useless," Yukiko said as she started to cry her eyes out. Chie instantly ran to her best friend to comfort her.
"There, there. Don't cry," Chie soothed Yukiko while hugging her. Yukiko just kept crying into Chie's shoulder while hugging back. "Whatever's happening has to be Hanamura's fault," Chie said while stroking Yukiko's back soothingly. Yosuke didn't like the accusation.
"Hey! How is anything my fault," Yosuke shouted in annoyance. Chie instantly turned towards the headphone wearing boy with a glare that promised a gruesome death.
"Well your stupid stunt started this," Chie accused while pointing at Yosuke accusingly. "Your wind made them catch a cold. Also you always cause problems, so of course were blaming you," Chie shouted, while still hugging the bawling Yukiko. Yosuke was completely baffled at Chie's logic.
"That doesn't even make sense! How am I guilty of them acting weird or that their Personas have weakened," Yosuke argued back.
"QUIET," Yu suddenly yelled, causing everyone to flinch. "I can't hear what Teddie is saying," the silverhaired boy told them before turning towards Teddie who was trying to talk to Yu. "What were you saying," Yu asked the bear.
"When you guys were fighting I noticed that Yuki-chan's and Villy's Persona's looked different," Teddie informed Yu and the others. This made everyone get exclamation marks. Even Yukiko stopped crying and turned her head towards Teddie.
Chie was the first to talk. "Different? How," Chie asked in suspicion. Teddie wracked his non-existent brain for an answer.
"I don't know. I can't put my paw on it," Teddie said after a moment, then an idea struck him. "Hey! How about you summon them. Maybe we can see what's wrong," Teddie said cheerfully. Everyone agreed to this.
Viljam and Yukiko summoned their personas. To the groups surprise, Konohana was using her scarf to cover herself and Louhi, preventing anyone from seeing their state.
"What the heck," Yosuke exclaimed first. This is the first time they have seen this kind of behavior from a Persona. Usually they just appear and do as they are commanded, but now they seemed selfconcious about something.
Yu tried walking under the two floating personas, but they instantly grounded while Konohana pulled her scarf tighter. "Okay," Yu said with a poker face that showed no reaction to Konohana's and Louhi's behavior. " Amagi-san, Nousku, Try commanding them to reveal themselves," Yu said to the two.
Viljam was the first to try. "Louhi, come out," Viljam told his persona. To everyone's shock Louhi shook her head. "Miten niiin kieltäydyt," Viljam cried in shock. "ULOS SIELTÄ TÄLLÄ PUNAISELLA SEKUNNILLA," the Finnish boy roared with anger, no one believed he was capable of. Louhi just hugged Konohana and refused to move. Viljam then fell on his knees, while mumbling something incomprehensible.
Yukiko tried next. "Konohana, lift the scarf," Yukiko said in a stern tone. The Persona flinched, but shook her head. "Why? Why do you abandon me," Yukiko cried with newfound tears. Konohana seemed to hang her head in shame before slowly lifting the scarf. Louhi quickly locked Konohana's arms preventing the pink persona from revealing the two.
"What could possibly be so horrible that the two can't reveal to us," Chie wondered aloud.
"That's what you're questioning," Yosuke asked with a sweatdrop. Before Chie could retort, Viljam just about had it with Louhi's insubordination.
"Nyt jos et viidessä sekunnissa päästä irti, mä voin kertoa et sulle tapahtuu KAUHEITA," Viljam roared the last word, causing Louhi to flinch. Everyone was horrified at the tone Viljam was using, despite not undersanding what he said. "Louhi kiltti. Et voi piilotella Konohanan takana ikuisesti," Viljam said in a softer tone. "Ihan sama mitä sinulle on tapahtunut, en aio vihata sinua," the Finnish boy continued with a defeated sigh.
At this Louhi released Konohana, who uncovered herself and Louhi. Konohana and Louhi had noticeably larger breasts. If they had to guess, Konohana's breasts have doubled in size, while Louhi's have tripled, if the protrusion of her fur top was any indication. However, what made everyone's jaws drop, were the large bellies on the two Personas. It looked like Louhi and Konohana have become fat or...
"MY PERSONA IS PREGNANT," Yukiko and Viljam cried in unison. At this, the other three were snapped out of their shock, but that only made things worse.
"UGH! EW! URGH! EW," Chie made various sounds of disgust. While wriggling around like something disgusting was crawling all over her.
"HOW THE HELL DID THAT HAPPEN," Yosuke shouted in horror. Yu just pinched himself to ensure this was not a dream. Then Teddie pulled on Yu's sleeve to get his attention.
"Sensei, what is 'pregnant'," Teddie asked innocently. Yu resisted keeling over at the question.
"...I'll tell you when you're older," was the only response Yu could think of. While the others had gone hysterical, Konohana was trembling and Louhi had tears flowing freely from her yellow eyes.
Both Viljam and Yukiko forgot their shocks and went to comfort their personas.
"It's okay Kono-chan. It's okay," Yukiko said soothingly while rubbing the sitting Persona's back.
"Älä itke Louhi. En ole sinulle vihainen," Viljam soothed his Persona while hugging her as much as he could. "Mikä teki tämän sinulle," Viljam then asked his persona. Louhi responded by pointing her scythe-like claw at Yosuke, who looked confused at the gesture.
"Why is Louhi pointing at me," Yosuke asked as Viljam fixed a murderous look towards Yosuke.
"Because I asked what did this," Viljam responded while patting Louhi's swollen belly. Yosuke had a panicked look while Yukiko and Chie also fixed a murderous gaze at the headphone wearing boy.
"Wait a sec. How did I cause this," Yosuke cried in protest. Surprisingly it was Chie who answered.
"Your stupid wind impregnated them," Chie said in an angry voice. How the green clad girl came to that conclusion was beyond Yosuke.
"HOW DOES THAT WORK," Yosuke cried in a mix of terror and outrage, as Chie stomped towards him, with Viljam and Yukiko following suit.
"You better take responsibility for this," Yukiko said with a calm voice, but it carried a murderous intent. Yosuke was now backing off in fear.
"Uhh. Nousku, you don't seriously believe that a little wind made your Persona pregnant, do you," Yosuke was now pleading Viljam, who was twirling the sickle end of his weapon with a "too sweet" smile.
"I can't believe you were so desperate to conquer the Amagi challenge that you would forcibly impregnate Yukiko's Persona, but you could've at least LEFT ME OUT OF IT," Viljam roared in fury as he and the girls charged Yosuke, who could do nothing but scream in terror right before his short virgin life ended.
(Hanamura household. ?. 3 AM)
"AAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHH," Yosuke screamed at the top of his lungs, as he woke up in his own futon. The Junes boy looked around him to notice that he was in his room.
"A nightmare," Yosuke sighed in relief. After his heartbeat returned to normal, Yosuke realized he was wet with cold sweat. Yosuke then jumped as someone barged into his room.
"Yosuke-chan, are you okay," shouted Yosuke's mother who looked terrified. Yosuke screamed so loud that the entire house woke up.
"Yeah, just a bad dream," Yosuke said still shaken. The Junes boy was instantly wrapped into a hug by his mother.
"Shhh. It's okay, mommy's here," mrs. Hanamura talked as if soothing an infant.
"Mom! Seriously, I'm okay," Yosuke said, while struggling a little. Yosuke knew his mother cared, but she has a habit of being overprotective.
"Are you sure? Maybe I should...," mrs. Hanamura was interrupted by her son putting both of his hands on her shoulder.
"Mom. I'm okay, really I am," Yosuke said with a smile. This finally convinced mrs. Hanamura as she sighed.
"Alright, but if anything happens, please don't hesitate to come to me," Yosuke's mother said before exiting her son's room. "Goodnight, Yosuke-chan," mrs. Hanamura cooed, before closing the door.
With that Yosuke flopped back down, to his futon. "*sigh* How the heck did I see that kind of dream," Yosuke wondered as he tried to take a more comfortable position so he could get back to sleep, but he heard something rustle under his pillow. Yosuke pulled the offending item out and saw that it was one of his secret dirty magazines. It was also opened on a page with a pregnant woman on it. "So, this is why," Yosuke said in anger as he now planned to get rid of it. Actually now that he thought of it, why did he have it in the first place. It's not even about nurses. Yosuke threw the magazine into the trashcan in his room before trying to get to sleep again.
Yosuke's eyes then widened in horror as he remembered something. Today was Sunday and the team had scheduled that they would explore the tv world today. "Come to think of it, Nousku and Amagi-san were sick until this Friday," Yosuke remembered. He's not sure what kind of illness the two had, but the wind accident actually happened. Not to mention Yukiko and Viljam seemed tired and easily irritable on Saturday. "What if that was a premonition," Yosuke wondered in terror. A rational part of his brain told him that pregnancy by wind is impossible, but another part of his brain reminded that going through a tv is possible, so who's to say that Persona's can't get pregnant that way. Or did that happen if a Persona was attacked by another Persona. The more Yosuke thought about it, the more he started to believe that Yukiko's and Viljam's Personas were pregnant. Even the symptoms that were mentioned in his dream belonged to a pregnant woman, though Viljam is a guy. But then again, his persona isn't.
"Mommy," Yosuke whimpered, as he was trembling in terror at his inevitable doom.
Author's notes:
ROFLMAO! To those who don't appreciate this kind of humor, I'm so sorry. NOT! This joke actually came to my mind when I was completing Viljam's Persona. In Louhi's mythology, she was impregnated when she revealed her..."lady parts" to north wind, hence why Yosuke was the victim. Then I figured, why not add Konohana Sakuya just for laughs.
I had some fun writing some of the pregnancy symptoms. Of course I left out the visible one out, because it was the Personas who were impregnated here, not their wielders. Lastly probably the obvious question: Are Louhi and Konohana Sakuya really pregnant, and if they are, with what?. My answer: Who knows *MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA*.
Oh yeah I probably should explain why Viljam spoke Finnish in Yosuke's dream: Because I'm the author here.
Translations:
Miten niiin kieltäydyt= What do you mean you refuse
ULOS SIELTÄ TÄLLÄ PUNAISELLA SEKUNNILLA = Get out of there this red second
Nyt jos et viidessä sekunnissa päästä irti, mä voin kertoa et sulle tapahtuu KAUHEITA= Now if you don't let go in five seconds, I can tell you that HORRIBLE things will happen to you(The order of words is different, but I can't help it)
Louhi kiltti. Et voi piilotella Konohanan takana ikuisesti= Louhi please. You can't hide behind Konohana forever
Ihan sama mitä sinulle on tapahtunut, en aio vihata sinua=No matter what has happened to you, I'm not going to hate you
Älä itke Louhi. En ole sinulle vihainen=Don't cry Louhi. I'm not angry at you