A/N: The writers of Glee broke my heart when they broke up Klaine, and they are taking far too long to fix it, so I had to take matters into my own hands…
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Kurt knew that he really should have blocked Blaine's number by now. Rachel would kill him if she found out that he hadn't. He had at least deleted it from his contacts list; a symbolic act, but largely redundant since he had the number memorised.
A memory surfaced, unbidden.
"How could you lose my number? I entered it into your phone the day we met."
Kurt felt a smile tugging at his lips. He had been mortified to find himself breaking down in front of a complete stranger, but Blaine hadn't seemed to mind; in fact, of all the people in his life, Blaine had proven himself to be the only one who was both willing to listen and capable of truly understanding what he was going through. They had chatted for ages and then, when Kurt finally reluctantly admitted that he had to leave, Blaine had given him his number and told him that he could call any time, day or night, if Kurt needed someone to talk to.
That number had become his life line, but he didn't want to creep Blaine out by telling him that, so Kurt tried to keep the conversation light. "Under Blaine 'Warbler' I noticed," he teased.
An embarrassed shrug. "I wanted you to remember who I was."
"As if I could forget." Kurt blushed, realising how flirty that sounded. "I mean – ah – Blaine is not exactly a common name…"
Blaine chuckled, letting it slide. "You didn't answer my question."
The cheerful mood that had come upon him at seeing Blaine faltered a bit. "Oh. Well, my phone suffered an untimely death when Karofsky knocked it out of my hand the other day-"
"Are you alright?" Blaine asked immediately, and Kurt's heart warmed. The students who had seen it happen hadn't even batted an eyelid, but at least Blaine cared.
"Yeah, thanks. But I lost all my contacts, so…"
Blaine smiled. "So you drove all the way out to Westerville?"
Kurt shifted uncomfortably, realising how ridiculous he must seem, especially as it was dawning on him that he could have just used Facebook to contact Blaine. "Um, yes? I thought maybe I could take you up on your offer for coffee…"
"Sure, I'd love to!" Blaine enthused. "I know this great little coffee shop called the Lima Bean…"
As they walked to the car Blaine nabbed his new phone and entered his number again, although this time Kurt was determined to learn it by heart, just in case. He never wanted to lose contact with this boy.
Kurt blinked back tears, hating how every thought of Blaine hurt so damn much.
'Unknown number' kept texting and calling him, and even though he never picked up the calls and he didn't respond to the texts Kurt knew he really should just block him. It was a daily torture, repeated almost every 20 minutes even during school hours, and each time it felt like a stab in the gut. He could stop doing this to himself so easily, all he had to do was block the number, but he couldn't.
So when his phone vibrated shortly after he walked out of McKinley High School, feeling more lost and broken than ever, Kurt knew who it was.
I shouldn't have come back, Kurt thought for the umpteenth time. He naively believed he could handle it, and he assumed that watching his friends perform/direct the production of Grease would be worth the risk, but it was all he could do right now to stop himself from breaking down.
If he read the text, no matter what it said, he knew it would be impossible to hold back the tears.
But a tiny part of him, the same part that wouldn't let him block the number, made him pull out his phone. Because as much as it killed him to face the reminder that Blaine had cheated, that tiny part of him held on with a death grip to the idea that Blaine's persistence meant that he still loved him.
He was crazy to think it. Blaine had made the conscious decision to 'hook up' with another guy, knowing what it meant, knowing that it was the ultimate betrayal, knowing that it would break Kurt's heart, and in that moment he had not loved Kurt enough to be faithful. From what Blaine had said – "I needed you and you weren't there" – it sounded like he had fallen out of love before this even happened. If he hadn't cheated, and if he hadn't been driven by guilt to confess because underneath it all he really was a good person, maybe when he had come to visit Kurt in New York a couple of weeks later it would have been to break things off with him in person.
Kurt was nearly successful in his attempt to convince himself that Blaine did not love him anymore. But that stupid, tiny part of his stupid brain refused to buy it, and the frequent texts and calls made him doubt it, and it was a vicious cycle that he couldn't break.
Which is why, when he was home and in the privacy of his old bedroom, he opened the text and let himself read it.
From 'Unknown Number': Kurt… oh god, I know I've said it so many times, but I'm sorry. I understand why you can't forgive me. I know how hard you find it to trust people after everything you've been through, and I know it was a big step for you to trust your heart to me, and I know that I betrayed that trust. I wish I could go back and change what happened, but I can't, and it is killing me, god, especially seeing you tonight and seeing the pain in your eyes that I know I caused. I want you to know that I would do, I will do, anything to earn your trust again. If it takes months, if it takes years, if I have to walk through hell and back… I'll do anything. Please. Please, Kurt. You're the only one for me. I need to make this right.
Kurt sobbed until he was nearly sick, and then he tried to compose himself only to burst into tears again.
He loves me.
He cheated.
He's sorry.
I can't trust him.
He knows that, but he still wants to try.
It's over.
I can't say goodbye to him.
I can't keep going like this.
I'm dying.
He said it is killing him.
He cheated.
I can't take him back.
But I can't live without him, either.
Kurt didn't know what to do. He had never been in this situation before. He had never even imagined that Blaine could do this to him. Sure, Blaine had taken him back after Chandler, but this was so much worse than flirty texting.
"I was with someone."
And what would stop it from happening again? It wasn't as though the situation had changed. Kurt still lived in New York, and Blaine still lived in Ohio. They still faced months apart. Long distance relationships were hard. Maybe it was better this way. They could both move on…
Kurt tried to imagine being with someone else, but his mind recoiled and he came dangerously close to vomiting again.
No. There was no one else. He loved Blaine. He needed Blaine. He wanted them to grow old together and die in each other's arms. He didn't even feel like he was living right now; he was existing, going through the motions, waiting helplessly for Blaine to fix his broken heart and help it to start beating again.
He thought he was stronger than this. He thought he was a survivor. But Blaine was his strength, and Blaine was his reason for surviving, and he couldn't sleep or eat or even think clearly anymore knowing that they weren't together.
"I'll do anything. Please. Please, Kurt. You're the only one for me. I need to make this right."
But how could he? How could Blaine fix this? How could he rebuild the trust that his actions had shattered?
Slowly, Kurt pulled out his phone again. The text was still open on the screen.
He hit 'reply'.
His fingers were numb, clumsy.
To 'Unknown number': I can't forgive you right now. It hurts too much. I need time. If you think you can wait for me, then wait for me. But I don't know how long it will take, and I make no promises.
He hit 'send', and wondered if it was a mistake.
The response was nearly instantaneous.
From 'Unknown number': I would wait for you until the end of time. I'll wait for eternity, for forever and a day if I have to. Thank you, Kurt.
Kurt didn't know if he believed him. All Blaine had to do last time was wait for two more weeks, and he hadn't even managed that.
Kurt had no reason to trust him now.
But god, he wanted to.
ooOOoo
Kurt wasn't sure how Blaine could earn back his trust. But if anything was going to test his resolve, surely it was this; months of no contact with Kurt, and no guarantee that they would ever get back together.
Kurt felt so lonely it was as though the life was being crushed out of him. Blaine could hardly feel any different, and Kurt was painfully aware that the prolonged period of separation could once again drive Blaine into the arms of another guy. If that happened, though, then at least Kurt would know for sure. It would kill him, but at least he'd know.
He found that he couldn't just leave it up to fate though.
Setting himself up for the fall, Kurt took matters into his own hands.
He contacted Sebastian Smythe, and sent him an anonymous message that contained only three words: Blaine is single.
He hated that guy with a burning passion, and he knew exactly what he would do. He would get in touch with Blaine, all smooth and casual and 'Hey it's been a while, we should catch up over coffee'. He would keep the conversation light, and then he would pretend to notice that something was wrong and ask if Blaine was okay. Blaine wouldn't want to talk about it, so with all the precision of a surgeon with a scalpel, Sebastian would cut right to Blaine's heart with an off-handed question about Kurt. Blaine would break, and Sebastian would listen, pretending to be all sympathetic while inside he was dancing a jig of glee. He would reach out and take Blaine's hand, and say all the right things.
And then it would be up to Blaine. He would be lonely and aching and desperate to feel something, anything, and Kurt would be so far away, and then Blaine would be faced with a choice.
Kurt dreaded to know what he would choose. The thought of Blaine with Sebastian really did make him puke; after sending that message he heaved his guts out and then had to tell Rachel it was just food poisoning.
Over the next few nights he barely slept at all, feeling restless and nauseous and wishing he had never sent that message and desperately holding on to the memory of Blaine saying "Sebastian doesn't mean anything to me". Back then, Kurt had been able to believe him, but he didn't know anymore.
Blaine, don't let me down, that tiny part of his mind begged. I'm giving you what you wanted; a chance to earn back my trust. Please don't break us again. Because if you do, there's no going back.
Four days passed with no word, and then the anonymous email account he had set up to contact Sebastian received a reply.
Terrified that he was about to read a 'thanks for the tip, it really paid off', Kurt waited a long time with bated breath and roiling nerves before he dared to click on the message.
From Sebastian Smythe: Liar. Blaine is still with Gay-Face. You made me look like a fool, and I do not forgive easily. If I ever find out who you are, you will pay for this.
He had to read it a dozen times before the news really sunk in. Gay-Face was Kurt. Sebastian was humiliated. He must have made a play for Blaine, and Blaine had… Blaine had told him that he was still with Kurt. Even though they were no longer dating, even though Blaine didn't know if they would ever get back together, even though Sebastian was a ready and willing partner, Blaine still considered himself taken and acted accordingly.
Maybe Sebastian just isn't his type, Kurt's brain argued viciously. Besides, Sebastian nearly blinded him. He's not enough of a temptation.
So rather than let himself hope, Kurt took it the next step further.
He went on Facebook, and he looked up the name 'Jeremiah'. It took some doing to find him, but there was no mistaking that crazy head of hair in his profile picture. The man had struck him as a coward and not particularly bright, so even though Kurt did not believe in outing people he decided a threat to drag him out of the closet (which he had no intention of ever actually doing) would be sufficient motivation for Jeremiah to do as he asked.
Kurt told him to apologise to Blaine for how he had treated him and ask for a second chance. Blaine had feelings for Jeremiah before he even considered thinking of Kurt in that way. If the man were to reappear and show an interest in him again, Blaine might be willing to try it. If Jeremiah came onto him strongly enough, Blaine might…
Kurt didn't want to think about it, but once again he was inflicting this pain on himself. At least this time, since Jeremiah was doing this under duress, it couldn't actually go anywhere. But still, Blaine could make the choice, and then he and Kurt would be over for good. Kurt's heart was balancing precariously on a precipice, but he needed to know.
From Jeremiah: I did what you said, but Blaine didn't go for it. He told me that his crush on me had been stupid and he had moved on. He said he had found the love of his life and even meeting me for coffee as friends wouldn't be worth it. Blaine is obviously in love with this guy, whoever he is, and there's nothing you or I can do to change that. I don't think Blaine will let anything come between them, so stop trying. Anyway, I held up my end of the deal, so stop blackmailing me. I don't want to hear from you again.
The words continued to echo through Kurt's mind long after he had closed the email. Love of his life… obviously in love with this guy… don't think Blaine will let anything come between them…
It sounded as though Blaine was determined not to make the same mistake twice. Maybe… maybe he did regret what happened. Maybe he did still love Kurt after all. Maybe Kurt could risk trusting him again…
But then he remembered that moment, that horrible moment on the worst day of his life, when Blaine had broken his heart.
"I was with someone."
God, what was he thinking? Blaine had cheated. He would be an idiot to take him back.
But…
One last try. He hated the mind games, but he didn't know how else to convince himself that Blaine could be trusted again.
It was harder this time. Finn wasn't comfortable with trying to pry information from Blaine, but now that they were brothers Kurt had quite a bit of leverage that he used to his advantage. Eventually, he had a name.
Eli.
He hadn't realised that he had any tears left, but knowing the name somehow made the whole thing all the more real. It was hours before he mustered enough strength to dry his eyes and search online for the man who had stolen his boyfriend.
To Eli C: This is what it boils down to. We both want the same thing, but only one of us can have him. Blaine and I have history, but our relationship is on the rocks. This is your chance. Blaine is obviously attracted to you, and right now he is lonelier than ever. If he wants to be with you, I won't stand in your way. But if not, get the hint and stay away from him. Understand?
From Eli C: It's on.
ooOOoo
"Kurt, did you order pizza?"
Kurt pulled out his earphones, grateful for the distraction; he had been listening to random songs on his iPod and Pink's 'Perfect' had started to play, bring back far too many memories. "What?"
"Someone is knocking on the door; I thought you might have ordered take out."
"Wasn't me." He knew Rachel was reluctant to open the door because last time it had been that creepy old guy from across the street asking for cigarettes. "I'll see who it is, if you want."
She smiled gratefully. "Thanks."
He swung his legs off the bed and padded over to the door, subconsciously lifting a hand to fix his hair even though his rumpled home clothes meant he looked a mess either way.
He pulled open the door – and inhaled sharply.
Blaine stood there. No flowers this time. Just Blaine, looking apprehensive but determined.
"Kurt?" Rachel asked. He heard the unspoken questions – 'Are you okay?' and 'Do you want me to get rid of him?'
He glanced over his shoulder and said quietly, "It's fine," even though he really wasn't sure if it was or not. He knew that this had to happen, though.
"Okay, well I'm not here," she said, retreating to her cordoned-off section of the apartment.
And then Kurt had to turn around to face Blaine.
There was an awkward silence. If Blaine had tried this a few weeks ago Kurt probably would have slammed the door in his face. But he thought that maybe enough time had passed for him to be able to listen to what Blaine had to say without completely breaking down in front of him. The state he would be left in afterwards was another matter, but for now he pulled on what he hoped was an emotionless mask.
"The last time you turned up here unannounced things didn't go too well," he said.
Blaine looked down. "I know. But I needed to see you."
"I asked for time," Kurt chided, but he wasn't really angry and he wasn't particularly surprised either.
"You haven't told me to get lost."
"No."
Blaine coughed awkwardly. "Can I – ah…"
Kurt stepped back, silently granting Blaine entrance to the apartment. It wasn't safe to hang around chatting in doorways in this neighbourhood.
When it became clear that Blaine wasn't going to be the first to say something, Kurt took it upon himself. "You wanted to explain what happened that night," he opened dully.
Blaine shook his head. "No. There are no excuses. I was wrong, no matter what the circumstances were, and we both know it."
"Is that what you came to say?"
"Partly. I know when I told you, I made it sound like it was your fault. I wasn't trying to blame you, I just wanted to explain how I felt, but it came out wrong. I'm sorry."
"You were unhappy." Kurt had spent the past few months beating himself up over those missed calls and Skype dates, realising how alone Blaine must have felt. Caught up in the glamour of New York City, Kurt had forgotten what it was like to be an out gay kid in McKinley High School. But it wasn't an excuse for what Blaine had done, and Blaine had just admitted that. "But I thought we agreed to talk to each other if that happened, not cheat," Kurt continued bluntly.
Blaine returned his gaze to the floor. "I know."
Kurt sighed. "We don't seem to have a very good track record when it comes to communicating."
"We can work on that," Blaine suggested hesitantly. Kurt didn't comment, and Blaine bit his lip before he went on, "I also know how important honesty is. Which is why I need to tell you…"
Kurt's mouth went dry. Oh god, he didn't want to know. He didn't want to hear that Blaine was choosing Eli over him. He didn't want this to be their final goodbye. He didn't want to lose Blaine, he wasn't ready, but Blaine was taking his silence as permission to keep talking.
"The other night, I was at home and the doorbell rang, so I went to answer it. I opened the door, and I swear Kurt, before I knew what was happening or even who it was he had pushed me against the wall and started kissing me. I realised it wasn't you straight away and I pushed him off. It – it was the guy, Eli, who I – but, I didn't invite him, I didn't even know he knew where I lived, and I had told him not to come near me, I haven't contacted him since – god, Kurt, please believe me, I didn't want it, he forced me and I hated it and I punched him so hard… I told him to get out and that I never wanted to see him again, and I think this time he got the message."
By the time Blaine finished babbling his was gasping for breath, looking panicked and frightened that the admission was going to destroy them.
Kurt waited until he had calmed down a bit. "I know what it is like to be kissed against your will," he said, shuddering slightly at the memory of Karofsky in the locker room. "I'm sorry you had to go through that."
Blaine stared at him. "You – you're not mad."
"Not about that."
"Oh. Okay. Well, thank you for hearing me out. I'll just – I need to find a hotel for the night…"
"That's it?" Kurt asked. He had been expecting something far more dramatic and life-changing, for better or for worse.
Blaine shrugged. "As much as I want to, I can't ask you to forgive me or beg for you to trust me again. I don't deserve that, and I know it is unfair of me to expect that from you. So, until you're ready… I guess that's it." He met Kurt's eyes directly for the first time that night, solemn and serious. "I just want you to know I'm still waiting for you, and I always will be. You're the one that I want, Kurt, the only one I want. There's no one else for me, I realise that now. No matter how long it takes or how hard it gets, I'm yours."
Kurt smiled softly, tears in his eyes. He had thrown every temptation he could at Blaine and he had remained steadfast. It was not a guarantee of fidelity but it was enough that Kurt thought that he could risk trying again, trusting again. This would be the final chance; if Blaine cheated a second time, it would be the end. But, just this once, Kurt was willing to accept the incident as a terrible mistake and try to move on.
Since the night that had broken him Kurt had been unable to find the strength and desire within himself to sing, but now music swelled up inside him and the words came to his lips without effort. His voice was soft, gentle, not at all like the original song, but his intent was clear. "Well you better shape up, cause I need a man, and my heart is set on you…"
Blaine's eyes filled with tears. "Kurt… Are you…?"
He wished they could just burst into a duet and live happily ever after, but life was never that easy. "We can't just ignore what happened," Kurt said heavily. "Things are not okay between us. We have hurt each other so badly, and the wounds will take time to heal. There's so much we need to work through, so much we need to fix, and we have to figure out if we can even fit in each other's lives anymore. We need to learn to trust each other again." He knew how this should go, what needed to happen if they were going to try to build a relationship again. "We should go back to the beginning, take things slow…"
Blaine nodded fervently, looking relieved and hopeful and happy and determined all at once. "Yeah, I-"
"But-"
Blaine deflated. "But."
A tear slipped down Kurt's cheek. "But I miss you," he whispered. "Do you think… Can we just skip all that? Can you just be kissing me now?"
Blaine's eyes widened, and for a moment he was frozen with shock. But then he was moving, taking Kurt in his arms, pressing their lips together. Kurt returned the kiss passionately, needing Blaine like he needed oxygen, feeling like a drowning man finally coming up for air. God, he had missed this, he had missed them.
Blaine pulled back slightly, but his lips never left Kurt's as he murmured, "I love you, baby, love you so much. I'm so sorry, I love you, only you, Kurt, I love you…"
Needing more contact, Kurt reached up and threaded his fingers into Blaine's gelled hair, not caring if he was messing it up. "I know. And I love you, too," he replied softly.
"Kurt, I love you so so much…"
Kurt cut off Blaine's frantic endearments by dragging him into a deeper kiss, tangling their tongues together, reacquainting himself with the taste of medium drip coffee and cinnamon and Blaine.
Secure in his boyfriend's embrace, Kurt finally felt right. He had been stressed and frightened and hurt and grieving for so long, but now he knew that everything was going to be okay.
He was home at last.
ooOOoo
End.