A touch, just a gentle touch than meant completely nothing to anyone meant the world to me. The way his gloved fingers lingered upon my skin for only a second longer than needed, the way his gaze lingered just that little longer than it had to meant so much to me. No one else would have noticed but I did and it gave me hope that Sebastian felt something more than a demonic hunger for me. I found myself more reliant on the demon than I would ever care to admit. I wasn't sure if it was love that I felt for my butler but I knew it was something so much stronger than that of mere servant and master.
It was Claude who realized my secret and he knew just how to break me, knew just what to say, the words that I so dread to hear and yet I knew them anyway. It was quite ridiculous of me, so foolish that five simple words could hurt more than icy waters or boiling heat of fires that blazed through London. I knew it was pathetic and yet ...yet it broke me anyway, those words that were repeated over and over until they were forever imprinted into the back of my mind, whispered not just by Claude but by the shadows seeking shelter in his sticky web of heavy darkness.
"Sebastian will never love you."
I became aware of how similar Alois and I truly were; both desperate for love and affection while both separate for revenge against those who took our loved ones away from us and yet, where Alois wore his heart on his sleeve, I remained cold and shielded my feelings from even those closest to me. We spoke, me and Alois, when his soul had been forced into my body and I soon found the two of us could have been friends had Claude not had us both tricked. Claude. Everything came back to that horrid, vile spider that poisoned me with lies and yet...
"Sebastian will never love you."
... I believed those five words to be true.
Then Sebastian's touches no longer lingered and his eyes avoided looking at me. It hurt like nothing I had ever felt before and I found myself mourning a love that never was. I watched him, watched as that smirk grew colder and colder with each passing day until it wasn't there anymore. I watched as his brief gazes became cold glares. I found myself hating myself, hating that he didn't want me, hating that I wasn't enough to make him happy. All he had wanted was my soul and that was it.
"Sebastian will never love you," I whispered to myself, echoing the words as I made my way to where I stand now; at the very edge of the cliff, looking down to the rocks beneath which will surely kill me. I look behind me for Sebastian but he's nowhere to be seen, of course not. He won't come anyway. I know he wants me to die as much as I want to die myself. My sole purpose in life was to avenge myself and my parents and now I have nothing but a man ...a demon...who hates me for all that I am and all that I will ever be,
I feel the wind play with my hair, my eyes lose as I near the edge. A soft smile graces my lips and, finally, I jump.
"Sebastian will never love you."
I'm falling.
"Sebastian will never love you."
And then there is only pain as all becomes black.
"Sebastian will never love you."