Happy Ending
Casey fought to get his eyes to open, blinking rapidly as the onslaught of too-bright light dazzled him until he couldn't stand it any longer and he closed them again. He was only aware of pain, his head was throbbing so badly he couldn't hear the gentle voice whispering his name. His entire body felt incredibly heavy, like he was sinking, falling, slowly somersaulting over and over, upside down, twisted and contorted, then floating again. But he didn't think any of that was possible. He forced his eyes open once more, only momentarily, fluttering closed and back open before his vision adjusted to his surroundings. He was unaware of Severide by his side, until he heard his voice for the first time. His words were soft, but still sent shards of pain through Casey's head, and made his eyes water.
"Matt…"
There are scattered words that he can't comprehend, not until they're repeated.
"Matt, you're in the hospital..."
Casey tried to move, he needed to see the owner of the voice. Some instinct told him that things would make more sense if he could just see them. He knew that much.
"Don't move, love."
A small smile came to Casey's face. That was his Kelly. His Kelly. But happiness soon faded away along with his memories of those words. He'd forgotten what Severide had told him. He tried to move again. His limbs wouldn't or couldn't obey. "I can't move... can't move my arm…" he whispered hoarsely.
"You're not supposed to be moving. They can't take off the c-collar yet, they're…"
Severide's words were blurry and floating high somewhere above him. His brain couldn't make sense of them before they were gone.
"My head hurts... what happened?" Casey groaned out, throat raw but his voice a little stronger now, still trying to move his arm. It hurt. It hurt a lot. Everything hurt. A lot. His whole body was in pain, throbbing, aching, burning, stinging. Everything hurt. He knew that much.
"You got hit by a car," Severide answered simply. "Your arms broken quite badly, just waiting for the..."
Casey frowned, making his head hurt even more. Nothing made sense. "What? What happened?"
"You got hit by a car."
"That doesn't sound right." Casey murmured, unaware that he was drifting back into the darkness of unconsciousness.
Casey wasn't aware of much when he opened his eyes a short time later, shutting them again as the light penetrated his vision. He could taste copper in his mouth. He could feel his hair sticking to his forehead. He could smell the pungent sting of antiseptic. He could smell blood. Something bad had happened. He didn't know what, but he knew that much because nothing else could have landed him here. Here. He couldn't comprehend where he was, not really, he knew where he was but at the same time he had no idea.
A voice was saying something to him. Quietly. Whispering.
"Hey, Matty, love… are you in any pain?" Severide asked softly, lips close to his ear now.
Casey tried to smile. That hurt so he must be in pain. But not just pain. More like agony. Shooting pains were darting around his body, like an electrical storm. His back hurt. His head hurt. His legs and chest hurt. His face hurt. If he could feel his own hair he was sure that would hurt too.
"Wha…" he mouthed, hardly any sound left his lips. He swallowed. "Wha… happened… where… Kel…"
"You're in ER. You got hit by a car," Severide told him.
Casey's eyes were fear filled as he looked up at Severide. He couldn't comprehend the worry on Severide's face but he could hear it in his voice. "No… I don't…"
"It's ok, love, it's ok, you got knocked on the head, there's a minor bleed but the doctors aren't worried at all…"
"My head," Casey repeated, his voice already a little stronger. "No… not… not… again… can't…" The severity of his situation began to penetrate Casey's blurry thoughts.
"No, no, you're all right, just a bit battered and bruised. They've cleared your neck and spine, you're gonna be sore but…"
Tears sprung to Casey's eyes and he tried to blink them away. "Kel… where are… we?"
Severide tried to swallow his emotion. "We're in the hospital…"
"My… my… head?"
"You're gonna be all right," Severide told him but his words almost wavered with uncertainty.
"Wha… wrong… wrong… with… with me?" Casey asked, barely able to bring words to his lips and give voice to them.
"Your arm is broken but you're gonna be just fine."
He felt Severide take his hand, holding it, stroking it. Casey was silent for a moment, comforted by the touch of Severide's hand on his own.
"Every… one… everyone ok?" He paused. "Wha… happen…?"
"Everyone is fine. You got hit by a car." Severide felt as if he had told Casey that ten times already in as many minutes.
Casey frowned, sending worse pain flooding through his head in a burning wave. "Why… why… I… hit by… by… car?"
"We were at a scene and… and…" Severide struggled to explain in a way Casey would be able to grasp right now.
"Go… go home… home now?"
"What?" Severide responded, although he probably shouldn't have been surprised by it. He had known him for twelve years now and been married to him for the last six months. And it scared him to death now that he might not get him back, that his could be life changing for him, or worse still, that he could lose him. "Matt, love, we're in the hospital, you're being admitted. They need to fix your arm and keep an eye on…"
"Wha… wrong… arm… what…"
Severide's heart dropped into his stomach. He almost felt physically sick with the worry he felt. He swallowed thickly before turning his head and calling for someone. Casey hadn't given it any thought, he was looking at Severide's hair, it was getting long, not long but longer than usual. He liked it. He liked to grab hold of it. Or was it Severide who liked him to have his long so he could hold it and run his hands through it. He couldn't think now, all he wanted to do was reach out and touch Severide's hair. To smell it, Severide always used the same shampoo, Casey always liked that. But he could smell smoke, liked he'd not showered after running in and out of a burning building.
"Wha… what… what happened? You're in… in… in turnout gear… broke my arm?" he asked, remembering scattered words.
Suddenly there was a man dressed all in blue talking to him, probing and asking questions. He was too inquisitive, being too personal. Casey looked to Severide only to receive and encouraging nod.
"What's happening?" Casey questioned clearly.
"Do you know where you are, Matt?" the man in scrubs asked.
Casey looked around, looking for clues.
"You're in the hospital," the man spoke.
"I know," he responded.
"Do you remember what happened?"
"I… broke my arm?"
"You did," the man nodded. "You were hit by a car."
"Erm… no…" Casey shook his head. "No, it wasn't that… I… I hit my head?"
"Yes you did, when you were hit by the car you hurt your head and your arm."
"My arm? Hit… Hit my arm too? And my head… can't… can't hit my head… I can't…" Casey trailed off, looking directly at Severide, his eyes wide with worry.
Severide took hold of his forearm, gripping it tightly as the doctor spoke to Casey. "Matt, we're going to take you up for another MRI scan, we need…"
Casey's brows furrowed. "Another?" he repeated.
The doctor nodded. "I want to get another look at your head, all right?"
"My… my head…" Casey looked from the doctor to Severide. "What's happening?" His eyes watered as he spoke.
"Matty, love…" Severide began, speaking softly, trying to erase the overwhelming concern from his voice and expression. Casey had always been so perceptive. "It's ok, everything's fine, you've got nothing to worry about."
"I… I don't remember…"
"Everything's fine, you trust me, I know you do," Severide nodded.
"I'm… I'm tired…" he mumbled.
"Ok," Severide nodded again, glancing at the doctor briefly, the man nodded and he looked back to Casey. "You should get some rest then, I'll be right here when you wake up."
Just as Severide had said, when Casey's eyes fluttered opened he discovered him sitting by his side, snoring softly. He was comfortable and still sleepy so he just watched Severide for a short while and when Severide's eyes open he smiled.
"Kel…"
Severide pulled himself up from his slouched position and leaned forwards, he took Casey's hand. "Hey, love, how are you feeling?"
"Dunno… just… just… in… in the hos… the… the hospital?"
Severide just smiled at that.
"Why… why d'you… d'you look so… so… so… ha… happy?"
"Just glad you're awake."
"How… how… how… long I been… how long… have I… have I been… sleeping?"
"Not long, the nurse has been waking you every couple of hours," Severide explained.
"Couple… couple… ahh… hours…" he repeated, not noticing how he was struggling to find the words he wanted. "H… hit… hit my… my… my head?"
Severide hadn't wanted to interrupt Casey so he'd waited patiently for him to finish speaking, all the while hiding his worry. He was getting good at that. "You have a bad concussion," he nodded, confirming Casey's thoughts for him. "There's a small bleed and some swelling, they're monitoring the pressure…"
Distracted by the cast on his own arm Casey interrupted him. "What… what… did I do to my… my… leg… no… no… it's my… my arm?"
"Your arm is broken," Severide responded.
"I was… erm… I was…"
Severide smiled, trying to ease the anxiousness from Casey's expression. "Do you remember what happened?" he asked gently.
"Yes… no…"
"What's the last thing you can remember? Maybe I can help you piece things together, yeah?" he suggested, still smiling. One of the many doctors who had seen Casey in the last twenty-four hours had told him that it may take up to a few days for the concussions effects to wear off, but that pleased him because it meant this wasn't permanent. But he had been warned that Casey was still in danger which was why there was an ICP catheter had been drilled into his skull and why he was being given anticonvulsants as well as pain medication.
"Piece… piece what… what to… to… together?" Casey asked after a moment, the lost look on his face growing worse. He looked around the room once again. "In… in… in… the… the hospital? Don't… don't… under… under… understand…"
"You just need to rest," Severide told him. He stood up and adjusted Casey's pillows and tucked the blanket around him again now that it had shifted.
"Some… some… something's… wrong… wrong…"
"Everything is ok," Severide responded, brushing away a stray strand of blond hair.
"Can… can see it in your… your eyes…"
"Matt," Severide began, "Just like you hate to see me hurting, I hate to see you in pain too, especially when I can't do anything about it."
"No… not… not in pain… promise…"
"Ok, good, you'll get some rest then?"
"Mmm… uh huh…"
Severide didn't leave Casey's side and was still sitting with him when he'd been moved up to the neurology ward. His arm had been put in a temporary cast and the orthopaedic doctor hoped to be able to take him into surgery soon, there were two bad breaks and the bones needed pinning for them to be able to heal properly. Everyone from 51 who had been hanging out in the waiting room were finally able to see their lieutenant, Severide had actually been glad Casey was sleeping and didn't wake up when they had all filed in, he knew his husband had always hated displays of vulnerability.
Casey became aware of pain. His head felt like twice the size it should have been, or perhaps the rest of his body had shrunk. It was throbbing, pulsating, sending pain throughout his system. He didn't dare open his eyes despite the familiar gentle voice whispering soothing words to him, even humming to him at times. The pain that seemed to last forever was overtaken with a feeling of bliss and he forgot all about the pain he'd felt in the first place.
They had fixed Casey's right arm but the bleed on Casey's brain didn't resolve itself, and two days later it was decided it would be best to take him into surgery and evacuate the blood before it caused any permanent damage. It was a small acute subdural hematoma, small enough that the neurosurgeon was happy to wait and see if Casey would recover without much intervention, but that hadn't been the case and his intercranial pressure had only increased as time passed. The doctor had explained the situation to Casey but because of the bleed's location he was still suffering from confusion, memory lapses and terrible headaches. He was still asking where he was and why he was there. Severide had tried to explain things simply to Casey but even as they were prepping him for the surgery he was still disorientated and couldn't understand what was happening to him.
Severide was hovering worriedly in Casey's room, watching as the nurse began to shave away a large area of golden hair from his head as he slept. He had already been given his pre-surgery medications and was asleep right now.
"Can you take it all off?" Severide asked, adding, "It'll all need to go after to even it out anyway."
"Sure," the nurse responded, smiling at his thoughtfulness.
The noise of the hair trimmers woke Casey up as the noise grated in his head. He was confused, not knowing what it was but thankfully it stopped as his eyes flickered open.
"Hey, love," Severide's gentle voice greeted him. "You're in the hospital," he explained.
Casey opened his mouth to reply but nothing except an unintelligible grunt came out. His speech was failing him more times than not, but Severide was trying to remain positive, he had been told that once the hematoma in Casey's brain had been removed the symptoms he was experiencing should stop. Should. Severide hoped like hell that Casey would recover fully.
Severide didn't know quite what else he could do so he just took Casey's hand, kissing it before laying it back down gently by his side and keeping a soft hold on it. The nurse continued to prepare him for the arduous surgery he was facing. Severide helped her to sit Casey up so she could shave away the rest of his hair, supporting him with one arm around his back and the other against his chest to keep him steady. His head nodded forward as the nurse finally removed the final bits of hair.
Blond locks fell past Casey's face, tickling his skin. "Kel… Kel… hair… hair… fall… fall… out…" he was babbling now.
Severide managed a tiny smile. "It's all right, you're just having an impromptu haircut. It looks good," Severide told him, but his heart was breaking inside.
Once the nurse had finished they laid Casey back down gently onto the pillows and he closed his eyes once again, breathing softly.
It wasn't for another twenty-four hours that Casey really became aware of anything again and what he became aware of was brutal pain. Pure blinding agonising pain. He screamed, it was instinctive, almost primeval. Or at least he thought he had. But then something soothed him and softened the pain quietly into darkness.
"Matty…"
"Ow…" he groaned, barely making a sound.
"Matty, love, I need you to open your eyes."
Casey just wanted to sleep. To stay in the dark cocoon around him.
"Matthew."
Echoes of his childhood stirred but there was one man, only one man, who was allowed to call him by his full name. He opened his eyes. "Kel… ugh…"
"Hi, love. The doctor needs to…"
Casey just moaned quietly as tears formed on his lashes. He couldn't work out why he didn't understand anything. But he didn't actually care. He only wanted, needed, to sleep.
"Hey, hey, it's all right, you're all right. This won't take long…"
"K… Kel…"
"Yeah, I'm here, I'm right here."
"Do you know where you are, Matt?" it wasn't his husbands voice this time.
"Kel…"
"Answer the question, love. Do you know where you are?"
"Kel… ugh… I… ugh…ugh… Kel…" Casey couldn't get any other words out apart from that name. The stream of thoughts from his brain were there but only guttural sounds escaped his lips, he was already growing frustrated.
Severide shared a worried expression with the doctor before he looked back lovingly into Casey's eyes. "You're all right, you're ok. Everything's fine."
Casey was barely aware of the next seventy-two hours passing by, despite being woken at regular intervals. He was spoken to by various people, none of whom he recognised. Now and again he was able to respond to their questions with words but for the most part, he was struggling to utter anything intelligent. The medical team weren't too concerned as of yet though because Casey needed time. Time to recover and get better. It could be a slow process. And Severide wasn't a patient person, especially when it came to matters of the heart and his husband, who looked as though he had been dragged to hell and back. The tensor bandage carefully wrapped around Casey's head, holding the sterile gauze in place over the horseshoe incision site brought back too many horrible memories of Casey's previous head injury. And he'd been throwing up, retching violently and brutally as he slipped in and out of consciousness. Eventually they had decided they would have to give him some antiemetic drugs even though there would be risks associated with it. Severide had been able to do little to comfort him, and he wasn't convinced that Casey was even aware of his presence by his side most of the time.
Oblivious to the fact that he'd been lying in the ICU for almost four days after having brain surgery, Casey opened his eyes slowly and smiled a little at the sleeping figure in the chair by his side. He tried his voice out. "Kel… Kelly?"
"Matt." Severide beamed at him as he woke quickly and sat up.
"You… you… re… really n… need to… to shave…"
Severide laughed at that, despite his worry that Casey was still stuttering and stumbling over his words. "How are you feeling? Are you in any pain? Do you need anything?" he asked in such a quick succession that the words were dizzying to Casey.
"Woah…"
"Sorry, it's just you look… you look awake," Severide spoke more slowly this time, enunciating his words carefully.
"G… good… 'cause I th… think… think I am awake…"
Severide smiled.
"I… I broke my arm?" Casey questioned, looking round a little at the room and all the medical equipment around him. "Seems… seems a lot… lot for a… an arm?"
"You remember?"
"You… told… told me my… my arm was… broken… I thought you… you told me?" he frowned, "Why… why can't… can't I… I… I… talk? It's… it's not... not work… working…"
"Shh… shh… it's all right, it's harder for you when you're tired," Severide tried to reassure him without worrying him.
"Am… am… tired… but… I… I… did… did I… my head? I hit my head… my arm… arm too?"
Severide nodded. "Yeah. Do you remember how?"
"I… erm… sorry…"
"It's all right. I can tell you, if you want?"
Casey moved his head slightly to indicate no. "Later…"
Throughout the next couple of days Casey gradually became more aware of his surroundings and was slowly beginning to recall things he was being told. He couldn't remember being hit by the car but he could recall that it had happened. At least most of the time he could. He was tiring incredibly easily and when he wasn't too exhausted to even think coherently, he was quick to anger, unable to control his emotions. He constantly grew exasperated and frustrated when he couldn't communicate properly, even though words were coming to him a little more easily when he wasn't tired, and he was starting to be able to make himself understood a little better, but he had already spent much too long in this hospital bed as far as he was concerned.
Moving and walking hadn't come easily. They helped him up from the hospital bed, discovering that although he had refused assistance he hadn't the strength or the co-ordination to stand up on his own. But once on his feet for the first time since he'd been admitted, he had pulled away from the hands that supported him and although he was unsteady, he remained standing. His vision was blurred and he was seeing double but with grit and determination he took shaky steps around the room, taking no notice of all the concerned expressions, and the encouraging words. He was focused only on one thing. Home. He had been here way too long now and didn't want to be stuck here any longer like he had been before.
Casey was still spending most of his time sleeping, which the doctor had told Severide was quite normal in the circumstances. That didn't help Severide or stop him fretting and brooding. It worried him every single time Casey lashed out because that was so out of character for him now. It worried him every time he forgot where he was or what had happened to him. It worried him when the foley catheter was removed, Casey had started to plead with them to take it out and they'd finally agreed, but Casey had forgotten that he needed to use the bathroom. He hadn't even realised the sheets and his gown were soaking wet. He seemed to have forgotten about the incident anyway so Severide vowed never to mention it to him. It worried Severide when he still struggled for his words or lost his balance. But whatever happened to Casey, Severide was certain he would be strong enough to overcome it and return safely to his beloved truck and Firehouse 51.
"Kel…" he whispered hoarsely.
"Hey, you still remember me then?" Severide smiled at him.
"Very… very funny…" he responded slowly, making Severide chuckle quietly. Casey frowned. "Wh… what?"
"You're very cute when you're concussed and confused... just please make sure it doesn't happen again, you've used all your nine lives... no more head injuries, all right?" Severide teased playfully.
"But you l… l… look cute when I'm con… concussed," Casey answered, his sense of humour still intact when he was able to concentrate sufficiently.
"Only when you're concussed?" Severide quizzed, leaning over him so their faces were only millimetres apart, eyes locked together. He dipped his head and kissed Casey's soft lips, a loving, chaste kiss. Then he sat back.
"Hmm..."
Severide raised his eyebrows. "No sex for you."
"Hey... I'm hurt and... hurt..." he pouted.
"Well, I have bad news for you, when you get out of here; no strenuous activity for at least a month."
"Not out… out of here yet." Casey grinned.
"Oh, think you're clever?" he retorted.
"I am cle… cle… I… I… s… sorry…"
"Hey, hey, it's ok, it's all right. Don't try to speak so fast, give your brain a chance to keep up with my quick wit," Severide replied, trying to keep the tone of their conversation light.
Casey was silent for a moment before letting out a shuddering breath.
"You should have said you were in pain," Severide told him.
"Just a headache," Casey replied, "You know… they… they cut my skull open again… it's gonna hurt…"
"Yeah but that doesn't mean you have to be so damn stubborn."
"I'm ok, I'm ok… just wanna go home…"
"I know you do," Severide nodded. "But you can't, not yet. For starters, you've still got a wire sticking out your head… they need your ICP to stabilise and…"
"I… w… w… want to go… go home… n… now! I… I… ca… can't… be… be here! I… ne… need to… to… leave!" Casey's words were getting worse as he became agitated.
"Matt… it's all right," Severide said gently, in an attempt to calm Casey a little. "Why do you need to leave?" he asked him reasonably.
"No… I… just… I… can't… I can't… can't…"
"It's all right, it's all right, take a breath…"
"No." Casey shook his head, voice rising again.
"You have to calm down if you want to talk to me. I need you to answer the question, all right? Tell me why you need to leave? Maybe I can help with something, ok?" He searched Casey's face. "Matt?"
"Gonna be sick…" Casey managed to mumble, his face paling as he shifted uncomfortably in the bed. Severide grabbed an emesis basin and quickly held it in front of Casey. His stomach was heaving but he only brought up bile. He had eaten so little since the surgery and the weight loss was evident to Severide even just on his face.
"Here." Severide swapped the basin for a glass with a little water in, offering it to Casey, who just shook his head, still struggling with the nausea. "You need to drink," Severide told him. "I can't promise that you won't throw up again but you need to drink." They had been giving Casey antiemetics but they hadn't seemed to have any effect.
Reluctantly, Casey reached up and took hold of the plastic cup with a shaky hand, lifting it slowly to his lip and taking a sip. The water wasn't stone cold, but room temperature and he managed to easily swallow a little of the liquid before he almost dropped the cup. Severide took it back from him and placed it on the side table.
"Thank you," Severide said, pleased Casey had done what he'd asked. "Now, do you think you can try eating something? Just something light."
Casey frowned. "I… I have… haven't I?"
"No, love, you need to eat more," Severide replied.
"Sorry…"
"It's all right. You wanna get home; that means you need to drink and eat, ok?"
"Ok." Casey nodded his agreement even though he didn't want to eat or drink anything.
"Good." Severide smiled at him. "So, all the guys wanna come by and see you. Managed to persuade them to wait though."
"Have… have you told them?"
"Have I told them what?"
"Oh… erm… have you told them… told them I… I keep forgetting?"
Severide shook his head. "No. You don't keep forgetting anyway, I think everything's still just a bit confusing, right? And that's totally understandable. The doctors aren't worried so I'm not."
"You are."
"Ok, you got me there, but I'm worried because I know you don't like being in here…"
"And because… what if I don't get better?"
"Matt, love, they were digging inside your head a few days ago, be patient," Severide told him.
Casey grinned. "I am… I am one."
After only another four days in hospital Casey was discharged. Severide took Casey home and helped him into the apartment as he was still unsteady on his feet, unable to stand for too long and easily became lightheaded and dizzy. Severide had decided to take a few more shifts off so he could make sure Casey wasn't left on his own at all for the next week. There was little more they could do for him at the hospital and now it was just a matter of time and care that would let Casey recover. Physically he was doing well although it would be at least another four weeks before the cast on his right arm could be removed. With some physiotherapy after that it was expected to heal well. His speech had improved but he still struggled with his words at times. The doctors weren't too concerned about any of that, nor about his exhaustion, nausea or dizziness. The medical team had told Casey that it would take some time before he would fully recover, but that eventually he would. He was already growing frustrated with impatience though.
Once they were back in the apartment, Severide attempted to get Casey to get into bed, but he resisted.
"Kel…" Casey began, exasperated, "I have just es… escaped being stuck in that hos… hospital bed, I've not… not got out of there only to get stuck in another bed…" he grumbled, scowling as he sat down slowly on the couch.
"You are on strict bed rest orders…"
"I am fine."
"So, I didn't just help you walk up here from the car then?" Severide pushed him, trying to make him understand that he really wasn't fine. Not yet at any rate.
"Ok. I'm a little… diz… dizzy and I… I have a headache, but I am fine."
Severide sat by him, holding him gently, talking in a soft voice. "Matthew," he started, "In sickness and in health. You allowed not to be fine. After everything I know it's hard, and it's still difficult for you to let your guard down but you know I'm in this forever. Now, let me play caregiver, all right? Let me look after you."
Casey smiled, a gentle smile full of love and heartfelt gratitude. "I really… I really did g… g… get my happy ending… did… didn't I?"
"It's not over yet."
The End