A/N: Hello! Let us express our apologies for not writing! I know it has been like a year. Unfortunately, the email we use for does not often get checked, but the other day I stumbled upon tons of favorites and alerts and we felt horrible. Thank you so much for all the reviews! There will be more in the future! That is a promise! Stick with us.

Edit 11/27/10: We decided a while ago that we would rewrite the earlier chapters of this story. The later ones are much more serious in tone in terms of writing style, and we wanted these to match too (aka less crack fic). If you love our strange little humor, some of it's left intact but the originals will be posted in an outtake later! Love, us.

Renesmee Cullen and Her Epic Journey Through Hogwarts

Renesmee Cullen went to get the mail a normal Tuesday morning and found a curious envelope with her name on it. There was no return address, just a purple wax seal with an elaborate design. She ran upstairs to her bedroom, shut the door, and tore open the letter to find that she was accepted to none other than Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Confused, she read the letter again and the accompanying list of school supplies.

Hogwarts? She thought, What the hell was that? And they can't possibly teach witchcraft and wizardry. In a family like this, I would've heard if there were others that were…different.

Renesmee walked downstairs to the study ask her parents what this "Hogwarts" was.

"What the hell is Hogwarts?" Bella asked, furrowing her brow as she glanced at the letter.

Edward, leaning over her shoulder, replied, "I think it's that wizarding school in England...why would they want our Ness there?"

"Well, I can hazard a guess." Carlisle appeared from behind the bookshelf, holding a thick medical volume. "She must show some potential of being a witch, and being a rare specimen…they must want her at Hogwarts, one of the most prestigious schools of magic. Obviously she is a muggleborn...it's quite odd, I agree, but none the less..."

"You should go!" Exclaimed Bella just as Edward crossed his arms and said, "You are not going all the way to Europe."

The two stared at each other, Bella muttering something about "a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity" and Edward dismissing her suggestions. Renesmee rolled her eyes and announced, "I want to go, and I can make my own decisions."

"That's right," said Bella, "she needs a little freedom. You're a bit overprotective at times –"

"A bit, yeah right. Maybe I'll actually make some friends without you going through their backgrounds!" Nessie moved to stand next to her mother.

Edward, rendered speechless by the force of the two most important people in his life, could only open and close his mouth like a fish and nod weakly. Carlisle, who had leaned against the wall to watch the whole show, smiled and cheerily said, "It seems the decision has been made."

~*~*~ 1 Week Later on the Hogwarts Express

Renesmee unhappily lugged her trunk down the tight corridors of the train. She had to admit she was a bit scared; she had never been away from home before, but her thoughts were stopped when she bumped into a redheaded boy.

"Oh, excuse me," he said in a strong British accent. "I'm sorry...here, let me help you." He carried her trunk (full of the gossip girl-inspired wardrobe Alice had picked out for her) into the closest compartment. "I'm Hugo by the way...Hugo Weasley...but you can call me Hugh. I really don't like to be reminded that my parents were high and or drunk when they named me," he joked, smiling lopsidedly.

"Oh, I'm Renesmee, but you can call me Nessie as my mom was obviously high and drunk when she named me."

He flashed another grin at her. "We have something in common then. This is my sister, Rose, and my cousins Lily, James, and Albus." He motioned towards the others already sitting in the compartment. They looked up from their books and smiled, and the girl named Lily patted the cushioned seat next to her.

"Hey." Renesmee casually waved at them, and settled down next to Lily and across from Hugo.

James stared at her, making her a bit uncomfortable. As she shifted in her seat, he remarked, "You're American, aren't you? I can tell by that accent of yours."

As she was about to respond, Albus also spoke up. "You look different, too. Are you part Veela?"

The others stared at her seriously as Nessie just sat, feeling confused and stupid. "I'm sorry, part what? Does that mean vampire in wizard language? How did you know so quickly?"

Sharing startled glances, her seatmates quickly shook their heads. "No, a Veela is very different from a vampire…you're half vampire, half human?" Hugo leaned forward, curiosity and awe overcoming his slight fear.

"Yes, but I've never told anyone. I don't want people talking about it!" Nessie thought of the effect it could possibly have on her future social life, if there was ever going to be one.

"No worries, there are vampires around here, too. Although they don't quite look like you." James leered at her and Lily smacked his arm.

"Um, then...do you have werewolves too?" Renesmee asked, thinking of Jake and the pack back home.

"Yeah sure...our family friend is like half werewolf." Albus answered.

"Seriously? That is so awe–" She was interrupted as a short, skinny blond boy with an upturned nose slammed the door open and sauntered into the cabin. He stomped his way across the tiny compartment and squeezed in between Rose and Lily.

"Hey." He smiled lazily at Rose only.

"Hi." Rose answered back, giving him a kiss on the cheek.

"Get out, Scorpio," said James.

"His name's not Scorpio, it's Scorpius!" Rose hissed at James. It was obviously a touchy subject. James glared at the boy, then turned to Nessie and said, "The little slug is Rose's boyfriend." He then muttered something under his breath, watching as Scorpius put his arm around Rose's shoulders.

Hugo just snickered. "If you ever don't like my sister feel free to tell my parents about this...they would love it. I'm afraid I can't, she has too much dirt on me."

Renesmee looked over at Rose and Scorpius, who were now quite involved with each other's lips.

Albus screamed, "MY POOR VIRGIN EYES!" and smacked his hand over his face as Renesmee gave him a started glance.

They all sat awkwardly for a moment or two as the sounds of Scorpius and Rose's lips smacking together filled the suddenly very small compartment.

"Ah!" Hugo shouted. "I can see the castle!"

James shoved a startled Scorpius aside to see the view better as Rose smoothed her hair and pulled out her trunk. Lily motioned Renesmee over. "You should probably get into your robes...we're first years, so we have to cross the lake."