(Well, this is my second FoR fanfic and it came out this way because I
wanted to try a romantic ToFu fic with a more serious tone. I've already
asked a few friends to read it and I've already heard it described from
cute. to corny. So now, I'd like to hear from anyone of you. Read and
Review, onegaishimasu! Flames and non-sensical rantings are most welcome.)
(disclaimer: FoR and its characters do not belong to me.)
endless moment
She woke up feeling a bit sad that day. She didn't know why, she just did. She didn't want to get out of bed, but neither could she get back to sleep. She thought the apartment a bit too quiet, the rays of the sun filtering through her curtains overly bright, almost surreal. She sat up, wrapped herself in her blanket when she felt the cold air of that early morning. Winter's almost here, she thought distractedly, and that seemed to deepen the melancholy she was feeling. She closed her eyes and sighed, the sound of which felt so forlorn to her ears that she could not bear it. There seemed to be some sorrow that she hadn't known was buried in her heart, which was suddenly brought up to the surface that morning. She decided she needed to get out of the house.
She went out in her usual get-up despite the chill - sleeveless top and very short shorts. The cold suited her just fine, thank you. She knew exactly where she was headed - her favorite park, to sit underneath her favorite sakura tree and watch the calm, clear waters of the pond nearby. A smile touched her lips at this thought, but the sadness that had awakened in her quickly drowned it out. She continued on in a slow pace, feeling that a faster one really wouldn't match her current mood.
********
She sat hugging her knees and her chin resting on her forearms. Her eyes stared vacantly into nothing in particular, the beautiful view presented by the pond in front of her unnoticed, as she slowly drowned in the sorrow she had woken up in. She still didn't know what in the hell it was that had happened to her. Why am I feeling like this? she kept asking herself.
She had felt .lonely before, yes, but nothing near as strong as this. She had been okay all week; she had even gone out with the rest of the gang to watch a movie yesterday, and then she had watched her favorite shows on TV just that night. She had not expected to wake up in the morning feeling like this. The suddenness of it left her completely defenseless.
She started to feel an ache in her heart, an ache buried so deep she could not reach it to pull it out. An ache that she really couldn't understand at all...
I'm lonely.
The realization struck her.
I am lonely. As in REALLY lonely...
S-She had been living alone for so long now that she didn't even know she was lonely... She'd just gotten so used to the feeling that she didn't recognize it was how she was almost all the time. The happy, bubbly personality with absolutely no cares nor worries she showed everyone everyday was just her way of keeping herself from acknowledging what was underneath. And now, the dam she hadn't known she had constructed around her heart had broke, and she had absolutely no idea how to deal with it.
I. I don't. want . to be lonely anymore.
Her eyes suddenly brimmed with tears and her vision became blurry, her breathing started to hitch and she began to sob. She couldn't think anymore. All she wanted was to cry, as she knows it would at least help ease the pain.
"Kirisawa Fuuko. Is that you?" a familiar voice spoke up behind her. The cool, calm way the words were spoken sent her heart fluttering, a sensation she also recognized very well. He always made her feel that way whenever he would speak to her, which he rarely did. Too rarely, she lamented. She knew the owner of that voice all right.
Mikagami Tokiya.
She didn't want him to see her in such a mess like this.
She wanted him to think she was a strong girl, able to take care of herself. She wanted him to respect her, maybe even admire her, for her independence. She wanted to be .well, more like him, actually.
"Anou, Toki-chan." she begun without turning to face him so he wouldn't see her tears, as near to her normal tone of voice as she could manage. ".I'd really like to be alone right now, if you don't mind."
".Aa." he uttered and then she heard his light footsteps moving away. His reaction surprised her. She risked a quick glance behind her to make sure. And yup, he was indeed leaving her alone just like that, no hesitation, no qualms whatsoever.
W-wha--!? He didn't even ask me if I was all right, or if something was wrong, or if there was anything he could do for me! He didn't even show even the tiniest bit of concern! He just. just left me.
She found anger slowly mixing in with her sadness and was a bit perplexed by it. "Baka!" she muttered under her breath, not knowing whether it was intended for him or for herself, and felt the sting of tears once again.
He. he doesn't even care! He doesn't care at all!!!
The tears suddenly welled-up within her, and it seemed that she had lost all of her emotional self-control. This time she broke down completely.
******** She was quiet now.
She was hanging her head down between her knees and her eyes were closed. And when she opened them there was an expression of such loneliness in them that made her utterly. captivating. Because in that look, you see plainly her innocence, her beauty, her exquisiteness.
Well, I did ask him to leave me alone. What did I expect, that he would rush over to my side and hold me in a tight embrace, telling me in his sweetest voice 'Shhh. it's all right, it's all right. I'm here for you.'?
She sighed, and wondered, how would she have reacted, how would she have felt, if he had indeed done just that?
Well, no use thinking about it. He hadn't.
Sensing movement, she looked up and was surprised to see a bouquet of flowers held up in front of her. White irises, which were her favorite.
"For you." his voice said from right behind her.
She felt her heartbeat palpitate at the thought that he was so near, even as she turned to look over her shoulder to face him. He was kneeling on one knee, his right hand holding out the bouquet.
"Toki-chan." She could not keep the happiness from entering her voice or the gladness into her heart as his name came out of her in a near whisper. And when she saw how he was looking at her she felt all strength, all reason drain away. For his eyes, those beautiful blue orbs, which were usually so cold and distant, were now warm and filled with concern, his sincerity easily read.
I. I thought I'd only see him look at me like this. in. in my dreams.
She realizes then that, she dreams of him often. When she wakes from these dreams she would call out his name and feel heat rise into her cheeks. Nothing, nothing in this world could ever make her tell what kind of dreams she has had with him, she vows. And in her classes, it was thoughts of him that would distract her from her lessons, earning her many hours of detention. She would always be on the look out for him around school, even going so far as to pass by the seniors' classrooms just to catch a glimpse of him. And when she would bump into him in the corridors, accidentally or otherwise, she just wouldn't be able to help herself. she would greet him excitedly and then talk to him incessantly, always right up to the point of irritating him.
She wanted Mikagami to know how fun life can be. She wanted him to know that now he has friends that will always be there for him. She wanted him to know that if he needs her, she will be there.
Once, she had told him, "You know, you really should smile more often. it'll make you look. more handsome." He had turned to her and said, "You smile often enough. so how come you still look like a monkey.?" She was getting ready to ready to give him a straight punch to the face when he suddenly smiled and said, "I'm sorry, I had meant that as a joke. I'm really sorry if I had offended you, Kirisawa..."
She was completely paralyzed there for a few moments, unable even to think. It was because of his smile.
It was the most beautiful smile she had ever seen.
She wanted to see that smile more often. Actually, she wanted to see it all the time, if possible.
She was bemused to find that all her concerns were now turned to Tokiya. She was thinking only about him now, instead of herself. She was suddenly aware that all of her sadness had left her.
For really, what reason had she to be sad now that he was with her.?
She was shocked into yet another realization that day. Duh. she mentally rolled her eyeballs thinking how stupid she was not to have noticed it sooner.It's totally impossible, and unbelievable, and. and. absolutely ridiculous.
There was no rhyme, nor reason, nor heart stopping moment.
I-It just cannot possibly be! But. but still.
I did. Since. since a very, very long time ago, I think. since, quite possibly the day I met you.
I've fallen for you, Toki-chan. I've fallen in love with you.
"Toki-chan." she said once again as she twisted around and held Mikagami in a tight embrace, closing her eyes as she rested her head against his chest, and feeling the comforting rhythm of his heartbeat. A calm, peaceful rhythm, so much unlike her own which had now become erratic, unpredictable. Her breathing had become jagged and harsh as his warmth slowly enveloped her whole body. She began to feel lost, lost in him, and that was just so all right with her. She gasped with pleasure as he slowly put his arm around her as well, and as he delicately caressed the locks of her purple hair with a tenderness she had so longed for from him.
"Gomen ne, Fuu-chan." She shivered with delight at the way he had said her name. She had never, ever heard anyone say her name so beautifully nor with as much affection as he had just done. Fuu-chan. A name that she only let the people closest to her, call her. And he had finally used it!
He continued in a cool voice, but with sincerity she believed completely. "I. I wouldn't know how to take away whatever it is that's causing you this much pain. But I promise you this: I will always, always be here for you whenever you might be feeling down. I-it's not much I know, but at least you won't be alone, ne?" She was once again paralyzed with shock. D-Did she hear him right?! She thought it was her that had promised him that to herself, but. but. did she really hear him right???
She held him tighter still. She could not think of a thing to say, so she asked, "N-naze, Toki-chan? Naze. desu. ka?"
She could tell by the way he spoke that he was smiling gently. "After Mifuyu-nee-sama passed away, I cried a lot. Almost all the time. But there was no one there to comfort me. I had to bear it all alone. When. when she was alive, she was the one who was always there for me, the one who made everything all right again for me whenever I would get hurt or feel bad. That's one of the reasons why I love her so much." She felt him hold her tighter as well. "I. I don't want to see you crying all alone and hurting like that, Fuu-chan. Dakara. I. I want to be that one who is always there for you, the one that makes it all better again. I-if. you'll let me.?"
She looked up at him with tears once again brimming in her eyes, but these were not the same hurt-full tears she had shed earlier. Rather, these were tears of joy, the first she is to shed in her life. She thought she had definitely lost her emotional equilibrium because of everything that had happened to her that day, but she just absolutely did not care! She had never experienced this much happiness in her life, and so she was now praying fervently to Kami-sama to make time go away and leave them alone, trapped in a moment without end, together forever and ever.
What else can she do? The words she had been hiding in the deepest corners of her heart suddenly escaped her and she was glad to let them go.
"Aishiteru, Mikagami Tokiya."
His eyes looked at her with such intensity that she found herself lost in them, distantly wondering why he was looking at her like that... And then she saw them soften, and it was her heart's turn to blaze with such an intense joy that she could barely contain it. For she understood now, he had been searching for the truth in the words she had spoken and had found it, and she read in his eyes what he now wanted to make known to her even before his lips were able to shape the words.
"Aishiteru, Kirisawa Fuuko."
He had just declared his love for her, and once again she is praying, with all her heart. Oh please, oh please, oh please Kami-sama.. Oh please don't let this be a dream. don't let this be a dream. PLEASE!!!
His touch, his warmth, his heart lets her know everything is real. All real. Her wishes, her fantasies, her desires. she can make them all become reality on this day. She moved closer and closer to him, barely aware she was doing so, wanting to take from his soft, gentle lips that which she has been dreaming of for so long.
Her first kiss.
Her violet eyes closed slowly, and her lips parted slightly as they drew ever closer to his. Right then, she just looked so achingly, sweetly beautiful, so. sensuously fragile, that. a desire to have her, would be impossible to resist.
Their lips finally touch, and everything was lost to her save the awareness of him.
His soothing heartbeat in perfect rhythm to her own.
His arms holding her so close against his body, in a tight embrace that made her feel safe and protected.
The soft, silky feel of his skin as she lightly touched his hand and guided him to where she wanted to be touched. She felt the fire of her desire suddenly ablaze with a wonderful, terrific heat that consumed her entirely in the blink of an eye, and she was completely and utterly lost now, but she felt it was all right. For didn't they say that in love, you and I, two hearts, will become as one? This must be how it happens. As the two bodies are consumed by the tremendous flame of their desires, everything, everything is lost. but in the midst of that great burning, the souls, the hearts, the minds. wholly untouched by the fire, they meet, and they merge, they coalesce. and the universe each of us holds within ourselves is unleashed as the one within our other touches it.
I. I want to be as one, with you. she thought, as her flames burned ever brighter.
Kami-sama did not need to answer her first prayer. Time himself saw them together and decided to leave them alone, trapped in an endless moment which neither one of them would really notice at all.
(disclaimer: FoR and its characters do not belong to me.)
endless moment
She woke up feeling a bit sad that day. She didn't know why, she just did. She didn't want to get out of bed, but neither could she get back to sleep. She thought the apartment a bit too quiet, the rays of the sun filtering through her curtains overly bright, almost surreal. She sat up, wrapped herself in her blanket when she felt the cold air of that early morning. Winter's almost here, she thought distractedly, and that seemed to deepen the melancholy she was feeling. She closed her eyes and sighed, the sound of which felt so forlorn to her ears that she could not bear it. There seemed to be some sorrow that she hadn't known was buried in her heart, which was suddenly brought up to the surface that morning. She decided she needed to get out of the house.
She went out in her usual get-up despite the chill - sleeveless top and very short shorts. The cold suited her just fine, thank you. She knew exactly where she was headed - her favorite park, to sit underneath her favorite sakura tree and watch the calm, clear waters of the pond nearby. A smile touched her lips at this thought, but the sadness that had awakened in her quickly drowned it out. She continued on in a slow pace, feeling that a faster one really wouldn't match her current mood.
********
She sat hugging her knees and her chin resting on her forearms. Her eyes stared vacantly into nothing in particular, the beautiful view presented by the pond in front of her unnoticed, as she slowly drowned in the sorrow she had woken up in. She still didn't know what in the hell it was that had happened to her. Why am I feeling like this? she kept asking herself.
She had felt .lonely before, yes, but nothing near as strong as this. She had been okay all week; she had even gone out with the rest of the gang to watch a movie yesterday, and then she had watched her favorite shows on TV just that night. She had not expected to wake up in the morning feeling like this. The suddenness of it left her completely defenseless.
She started to feel an ache in her heart, an ache buried so deep she could not reach it to pull it out. An ache that she really couldn't understand at all...
I'm lonely.
The realization struck her.
I am lonely. As in REALLY lonely...
S-She had been living alone for so long now that she didn't even know she was lonely... She'd just gotten so used to the feeling that she didn't recognize it was how she was almost all the time. The happy, bubbly personality with absolutely no cares nor worries she showed everyone everyday was just her way of keeping herself from acknowledging what was underneath. And now, the dam she hadn't known she had constructed around her heart had broke, and she had absolutely no idea how to deal with it.
I. I don't. want . to be lonely anymore.
Her eyes suddenly brimmed with tears and her vision became blurry, her breathing started to hitch and she began to sob. She couldn't think anymore. All she wanted was to cry, as she knows it would at least help ease the pain.
"Kirisawa Fuuko. Is that you?" a familiar voice spoke up behind her. The cool, calm way the words were spoken sent her heart fluttering, a sensation she also recognized very well. He always made her feel that way whenever he would speak to her, which he rarely did. Too rarely, she lamented. She knew the owner of that voice all right.
Mikagami Tokiya.
She didn't want him to see her in such a mess like this.
She wanted him to think she was a strong girl, able to take care of herself. She wanted him to respect her, maybe even admire her, for her independence. She wanted to be .well, more like him, actually.
"Anou, Toki-chan." she begun without turning to face him so he wouldn't see her tears, as near to her normal tone of voice as she could manage. ".I'd really like to be alone right now, if you don't mind."
".Aa." he uttered and then she heard his light footsteps moving away. His reaction surprised her. She risked a quick glance behind her to make sure. And yup, he was indeed leaving her alone just like that, no hesitation, no qualms whatsoever.
W-wha--!? He didn't even ask me if I was all right, or if something was wrong, or if there was anything he could do for me! He didn't even show even the tiniest bit of concern! He just. just left me.
She found anger slowly mixing in with her sadness and was a bit perplexed by it. "Baka!" she muttered under her breath, not knowing whether it was intended for him or for herself, and felt the sting of tears once again.
He. he doesn't even care! He doesn't care at all!!!
The tears suddenly welled-up within her, and it seemed that she had lost all of her emotional self-control. This time she broke down completely.
******** She was quiet now.
She was hanging her head down between her knees and her eyes were closed. And when she opened them there was an expression of such loneliness in them that made her utterly. captivating. Because in that look, you see plainly her innocence, her beauty, her exquisiteness.
Well, I did ask him to leave me alone. What did I expect, that he would rush over to my side and hold me in a tight embrace, telling me in his sweetest voice 'Shhh. it's all right, it's all right. I'm here for you.'?
She sighed, and wondered, how would she have reacted, how would she have felt, if he had indeed done just that?
Well, no use thinking about it. He hadn't.
Sensing movement, she looked up and was surprised to see a bouquet of flowers held up in front of her. White irises, which were her favorite.
"For you." his voice said from right behind her.
She felt her heartbeat palpitate at the thought that he was so near, even as she turned to look over her shoulder to face him. He was kneeling on one knee, his right hand holding out the bouquet.
"Toki-chan." She could not keep the happiness from entering her voice or the gladness into her heart as his name came out of her in a near whisper. And when she saw how he was looking at her she felt all strength, all reason drain away. For his eyes, those beautiful blue orbs, which were usually so cold and distant, were now warm and filled with concern, his sincerity easily read.
I. I thought I'd only see him look at me like this. in. in my dreams.
She realizes then that, she dreams of him often. When she wakes from these dreams she would call out his name and feel heat rise into her cheeks. Nothing, nothing in this world could ever make her tell what kind of dreams she has had with him, she vows. And in her classes, it was thoughts of him that would distract her from her lessons, earning her many hours of detention. She would always be on the look out for him around school, even going so far as to pass by the seniors' classrooms just to catch a glimpse of him. And when she would bump into him in the corridors, accidentally or otherwise, she just wouldn't be able to help herself. she would greet him excitedly and then talk to him incessantly, always right up to the point of irritating him.
She wanted Mikagami to know how fun life can be. She wanted him to know that now he has friends that will always be there for him. She wanted him to know that if he needs her, she will be there.
Once, she had told him, "You know, you really should smile more often. it'll make you look. more handsome." He had turned to her and said, "You smile often enough. so how come you still look like a monkey.?" She was getting ready to ready to give him a straight punch to the face when he suddenly smiled and said, "I'm sorry, I had meant that as a joke. I'm really sorry if I had offended you, Kirisawa..."
She was completely paralyzed there for a few moments, unable even to think. It was because of his smile.
It was the most beautiful smile she had ever seen.
She wanted to see that smile more often. Actually, she wanted to see it all the time, if possible.
She was bemused to find that all her concerns were now turned to Tokiya. She was thinking only about him now, instead of herself. She was suddenly aware that all of her sadness had left her.
For really, what reason had she to be sad now that he was with her.?
She was shocked into yet another realization that day. Duh. she mentally rolled her eyeballs thinking how stupid she was not to have noticed it sooner.It's totally impossible, and unbelievable, and. and. absolutely ridiculous.
There was no rhyme, nor reason, nor heart stopping moment.
I-It just cannot possibly be! But. but still.
I did. Since. since a very, very long time ago, I think. since, quite possibly the day I met you.
I've fallen for you, Toki-chan. I've fallen in love with you.
"Toki-chan." she said once again as she twisted around and held Mikagami in a tight embrace, closing her eyes as she rested her head against his chest, and feeling the comforting rhythm of his heartbeat. A calm, peaceful rhythm, so much unlike her own which had now become erratic, unpredictable. Her breathing had become jagged and harsh as his warmth slowly enveloped her whole body. She began to feel lost, lost in him, and that was just so all right with her. She gasped with pleasure as he slowly put his arm around her as well, and as he delicately caressed the locks of her purple hair with a tenderness she had so longed for from him.
"Gomen ne, Fuu-chan." She shivered with delight at the way he had said her name. She had never, ever heard anyone say her name so beautifully nor with as much affection as he had just done. Fuu-chan. A name that she only let the people closest to her, call her. And he had finally used it!
He continued in a cool voice, but with sincerity she believed completely. "I. I wouldn't know how to take away whatever it is that's causing you this much pain. But I promise you this: I will always, always be here for you whenever you might be feeling down. I-it's not much I know, but at least you won't be alone, ne?" She was once again paralyzed with shock. D-Did she hear him right?! She thought it was her that had promised him that to herself, but. but. did she really hear him right???
She held him tighter still. She could not think of a thing to say, so she asked, "N-naze, Toki-chan? Naze. desu. ka?"
She could tell by the way he spoke that he was smiling gently. "After Mifuyu-nee-sama passed away, I cried a lot. Almost all the time. But there was no one there to comfort me. I had to bear it all alone. When. when she was alive, she was the one who was always there for me, the one who made everything all right again for me whenever I would get hurt or feel bad. That's one of the reasons why I love her so much." She felt him hold her tighter as well. "I. I don't want to see you crying all alone and hurting like that, Fuu-chan. Dakara. I. I want to be that one who is always there for you, the one that makes it all better again. I-if. you'll let me.?"
She looked up at him with tears once again brimming in her eyes, but these were not the same hurt-full tears she had shed earlier. Rather, these were tears of joy, the first she is to shed in her life. She thought she had definitely lost her emotional equilibrium because of everything that had happened to her that day, but she just absolutely did not care! She had never experienced this much happiness in her life, and so she was now praying fervently to Kami-sama to make time go away and leave them alone, trapped in a moment without end, together forever and ever.
What else can she do? The words she had been hiding in the deepest corners of her heart suddenly escaped her and she was glad to let them go.
"Aishiteru, Mikagami Tokiya."
His eyes looked at her with such intensity that she found herself lost in them, distantly wondering why he was looking at her like that... And then she saw them soften, and it was her heart's turn to blaze with such an intense joy that she could barely contain it. For she understood now, he had been searching for the truth in the words she had spoken and had found it, and she read in his eyes what he now wanted to make known to her even before his lips were able to shape the words.
"Aishiteru, Kirisawa Fuuko."
He had just declared his love for her, and once again she is praying, with all her heart. Oh please, oh please, oh please Kami-sama.. Oh please don't let this be a dream. don't let this be a dream. PLEASE!!!
His touch, his warmth, his heart lets her know everything is real. All real. Her wishes, her fantasies, her desires. she can make them all become reality on this day. She moved closer and closer to him, barely aware she was doing so, wanting to take from his soft, gentle lips that which she has been dreaming of for so long.
Her first kiss.
Her violet eyes closed slowly, and her lips parted slightly as they drew ever closer to his. Right then, she just looked so achingly, sweetly beautiful, so. sensuously fragile, that. a desire to have her, would be impossible to resist.
Their lips finally touch, and everything was lost to her save the awareness of him.
His soothing heartbeat in perfect rhythm to her own.
His arms holding her so close against his body, in a tight embrace that made her feel safe and protected.
The soft, silky feel of his skin as she lightly touched his hand and guided him to where she wanted to be touched. She felt the fire of her desire suddenly ablaze with a wonderful, terrific heat that consumed her entirely in the blink of an eye, and she was completely and utterly lost now, but she felt it was all right. For didn't they say that in love, you and I, two hearts, will become as one? This must be how it happens. As the two bodies are consumed by the tremendous flame of their desires, everything, everything is lost. but in the midst of that great burning, the souls, the hearts, the minds. wholly untouched by the fire, they meet, and they merge, they coalesce. and the universe each of us holds within ourselves is unleashed as the one within our other touches it.
I. I want to be as one, with you. she thought, as her flames burned ever brighter.
Kami-sama did not need to answer her first prayer. Time himself saw them together and decided to leave them alone, trapped in an endless moment which neither one of them would really notice at all.