NOTE: I will say that this has not been Beta'd. And therefore there are some things I am unhappy with. Please try to keep in mind that it's been awhile since I've last written something.

This might as well be an AU, because I haven't read through the Alabasta arc yet… And Smoker and Ace would never be a couple even if they were forced into it. And really, I couldn't resist putting Koby into this mess.

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The mess hall was abuzz with conversation. Dinner was especially nice that evening. Rumors about Tashigi sweet-talking the head cook into making the Captain's favorite dishes floated around. One of the dishwashing boys confirmed it.

"You sure, kid?" A grizzled marine asked through a mouthful of clam chowder.

"I heard it myself," the boy puffed out his chest proudly.

"I just hope it works," a well-shaven marine commented, wiping his mouth with a napkin, "If Captain ain't happy, ain't nobody happy."

"Why's Captain Smoker unhappy?" A young voice piped up. The speaker was immediately hushed. The grizzled marine whispered, "Not so loud, lad. You have a death wish?" he glanced down the table at the man in question.

Smoker had hardly touched his food. Old, he thought, pushing the mashed potatoes around on his plate with a fork, old, old, old, old. Do I really look that old?

"You," Smoker barked. A young marine (the one who, incidentally, had piped up earlier), new to the fleet and very wary of his commanding officer's reputation jumped.

"M-me, sir?" he shot out of his seat, whipping a hand up so fast in a salute that he smacked himself in the forehead.

"Yes, you." Smoker asserted.

"Koby, sir." Tashigi whispered to him.

"Koby," Smoker addressed him. Koby was shocked. He knows my name! an awed part of him whispered delightedly, I'm just a nobody and he knows my name!!

"How old do you think I look?" Smoker asked, a large plume of smoke curling up from his cigars.

Tashigi put her face in her palms. "Oh, Captain… not this again." Smoker ignored her.

The mess hall was deathly silent. Koby could feel a cold sweat forming on his brow.

"Uh." He said, his body becoming numb with terror. The captain's hair was pure white, a sign of old age. But it could just be prematurely gray, Koby amended. It was hard to see any wrinkles on Smoker's face, but the way his brow was furrowed, it looked like he had wrinkles on his forehead.

30? 50? Koby guessed, I was never that good at guessing ages…

"Uh.." he stammered, and took a stab in the dark, "F-forty?" his voice cracked with nerves.

From the look on his fellow marine's faces, he had guessed wrong. "I-I-I-I mean, th-thirty, TWENTY!!" he back-pedaled.

"…" Smoker's face was impassive. Koby saw his life flashing in front of his eyes. This is it, he thought, he's going to kill me.

"Huh." Smoker finally said, expelling a cloud of smoke. He went back to picking at his food.

There was a great, collective sigh as the marines let out the breath they had been holding. A few seconds later there was a thud, as Koby hit the floor, foaming at the mouth.

Minutes later Smoker excused himself, saying that he wasn't hungry.

Tashigi watched him go with concern and waited until he was out of sight before she closed and locked the mess-hall door.

"Marines!" she called as she stepped onto the table, striking a very authoritative and undeniably awesome stance. "As you have noticed, in the past few days Captain Smoker has been feeling 'down', " she emphasized with her fingers, "I believe that it is in both our own and Captain Smoker's best interests that we should land at the next port and take him out for a 'night on the town'."

The marines were flabbergasted for a moment before they roared their agreement.

"Your mission," Tashigi went on as the cheers died out, "should you choose to accept it, is to make the Captain feel as young as possible. I'm sure you all know why."

A sea of marine hats bobbed up and down, and mutterings of "yeah" and "aye", could be heard.

"Very well, then." Tashigi pushed up her glasses, "we make port in ThatOneTown, tomorrow night!"

Smoker faintly heard the roar of delight as he stepped onto the deck. The smell of brine was strong in the air and whenever Smoker licked his lips he tasted salt.

He leaned against the railing of the ship and ran a hand over his chin—he felt bristles scratch against his fingers and palm; he hadn't shaved that morning. His skin on his hands looked deathly pale when he glanced down at them. Moonlight bathed the deck, sparkling in the sea below and sapping the color out of anything it touched.

Smoker gazed up at Moon. He felt a strange kinship with it in that moment. It seemed that only a few days ago it had been in its prime, full and beautiful. Now it was waxing slowly into darkness. He, too, was at the age where his reflexes were beginning to dull; his endurance was beginning to fade; already he could feel the tell-tale stiffness in his joints when he woke up early in the morning. Standing alone beneath the dying moon, Smoker could feel himself waxing away into the dark abyss…

"Well, that's depressing." Smoker exhaled, watching the smoke rise to eclipse the moon.

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As an afterthought: I'll just go ahead and say the "Tashigi/Marines" scene after Smoker left was one of my least-favorite scenes I've ever written(And god, I am so sorry for naming the town ThatOneTown. I couldn't think of a better name). It seemed too upbeat and silly (not to mention really cliché and stupid) for what I was going for. I wanted to get across the point that Tashigi and the men really do care about Smoker's mental state of happiness. Also, that part gives me a reason to make them go to land and eventually set up some SmoAce.

Feedback is always lovely.