When I look at you

Disclaimer: I own nothing and all Harry Potter Characters belong to the amazing person that created them. Oh wait I only own the plot=P.

Warnings: Depression, abuse

Parings: RW/HG DM/HG HP/GW RW/LB

Chapter 1: This life isn't easy

She no longer tried to tame her lion mane she calls hair. Her robes aren't perfect with no wrinkles or creases and hang off her bony frame. When Harry or Ginny tried to talk to her about it she brushed them off saying the aftermath of the War was just now starting to catch up with at her. When that excuse was as far from the truth as it could get. It seems she just couldn't keep anyone happy and it was starting to wear her down to nothing. Harry often found excuses to ditch her to 'hang out with Ginny.' Even though she knew that wasn't what he was always doing. She knew Ronald was cheating on her with Lavender Brown behind her back simple because 'she didn't love him enough to put out.', but still she acted oblivious to the looks he gave to Lavender that he used to give him.

"You were right Zabini something is bothering my favorite little mudblood." She ignored Malfoy's comment and walked onto Potions class. She really wasn't in the mood to deal him right now. Especially because she was about to let her tears fall and she certainly didn't want him seeing. Unfortunately Malfoy wasn't giving up that easily and decided to 'accompany' her to Potions. "What's wrong Granger upset that Weasel had to find someone else for on the side?" That was the final straw, the piece of straw that broke the camels back so to speak. She turned around and smacked him across his right cheek, smirking to herself when she noticed the bright red handprint adorning it. His gray eyes stormed over and she automatically knew she was in trouble but was determined not to let he fear show.

"Just leave me alone Malfoy, life sucks enough as it is. Can't you just go snog Parkinson or something?" She really wished he was doing that right now instead of harassing her. Could she not just catch a break from everyone and let a few tears out? Of course not, this was her punishment for killing others. Being trapped in a relationship with a lying, cheating jerk and being tormented by Malfoy. He seemed to consider her question before smiling at her, he actually smiled. God that was gonna haunt her nightmares until she died.

"But Granger making fun of you is so much more fun than Parkinson." She rolled her eyes and walked in the classroom. Much to her dismay Lavender was sitting in her usual seat. Harry shot her an apologetic smile before turning back to professor Slughorn. Lavender just glared and snaked an arm around her precious 'Won-Won.' Hermione found herself once again rolling her eyes at someone's behavior. Before she could do anything about it she felt herself being pulled down into a chair. She looked to her right and noticed it was Malfoy that had just saved her from making an idiot of herself. "Are you gonna stare at them the whole class Granger?" He whispered and the softness in his voice startled her, Malfoy had asked a question without being rude and hateful. She simply shook her head no and opened her Potions book.

Halfway through the class a note landed on her desk and she read it inside her book as not to get caught.

'Mione why are you sitting with the ferret?

-Ron

She felt her blood boil at the note from her so called 'boyfriend'. She looked up and saw him giving her a quizzical glare and she almost got up and told him off right then and there. She was simply sitting next to him because Lavender had claimed her seat. In all honesty she preferred sitting next to Malfoy then Ron who would constantly hound her for answers.

Because your whore took my seat.

-HG

Malfoy snickered and she knew he was reading the note over her shoulder. She rolled her eyes and passed it to Ron. Lavender's eyes flamed at being called a whore but Hermione just shrugged and put on her best innocent face. Ron's was redder than his hair and Harry was trying to suppress a chuckle, she smiled knowing he was on her side.

"Well, well Granger didn't know you used that kind of language." Malfoy's smirk was right back on his face and her heart sank. Whatever kindness had been there earlier was gone now. She sighed and went back to taking notes trying to ignore Malfoy's insistent questioning. "See you at 7 Granger." He said gathering his things and walking out. She had been in dreamland and didn't even realize class had ended. She walked up at Harry who had left Ron and Lavender behind.

"What's going on? Why is Malfoy meeting me at 7?" Harry shook his head in sadness for his best friend.

"Slughorn made you two partners for our project. Here's a paper about it." He went off to track down Ron and Lavender promising to find her later and let her know how their talk went.

At dinner she barely picked at her food and jumped when a note landed on her plate. She looked up and noticed Malfoy signaling her to read it. Cautiously she opened it and almost smiled at the words inside.

You okay Granger; you've been out of it all day. Just saying Weasley isn't worth it. You should honestly end it with him, he pretty much already has with you. Oh, meet me in the library 7 pm.

-Draco Malfoy

"Oi 'Mione who's the note from?" She rolled her eyes and Ronald's question. Did he have to know everything that went on during her day?

"A note from Ginny about girl things." She gave said redhead a look that said 'please play along.' Ginny nodded but the look she gave Hermione made her know Ginny would want answers later. "I'm not very hungry right now, I think I'm gonna take a nap before I meet my partner."

"Which remind me 'Mione, who is your partner?" She really didn't want to answer Ron's question but she knew he wouldn't give up until she answered. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes anticipating the cow he would have.

"Malfoy."