HEYY!!!Wow…Sorry I haven't updated my other story but I'm not really getting feedback and I feel like if I update something no body is reading I'll look stupid…maybe it's just me…Ohhh well…The song is The Brilliant Dance by Dashboard Confessional…go check it out this song is awesome!! Randomly turned on my CD player without looking what was in there and THERE YA GOOOO…
BUTTHEHOURSTHEYCREEPPATERNSREPEATBUTDONTBECONCERNEDYOUKNOWILLBEFINEONMYOWNINEVERSAIDDONTGOBUTIVEHIDDENANOTETHATS
So this is odd
The painful realization
That all has gone wrong.
And nobody cares at all,
And nobody cares at all.
I first realized something was wrong when Sam came running through the Shay's loft.
"No…" she whispered, twirling in circles with a panicked expression plastered on her face.
"Sam…" I said taking a few steps forward. She pulled away and hung her head.
"Where's Carly…I need Carly." She began to twirl again in an attempt to catch Carly's eyes.
"What's wrong?" I asked, taking another step forward.
"You're what's wrong," She yelled. Then she paused, looking down at her feet, "Derek."
"What did he do to you?" I gripped onto each of her arms as she began to cry.
"Why would you care? You don't care! Nobody does!" Then she was…gone.
So you buried all your lover's clothes
And burned the letters lover wrote,
But it doesn't make it any better.
Does it make it any better?
I walked out to Sam's house after realizing that Derek could have really hurt her. When I came to her yard I saw her clutching Derek's old hoodie over a hole in the ground. She looked up at me with quick tears falling down her cheeks. She dropped his grey hoodie into the hole and started to sob.
I ran to her, "Sam…" I said. She turned to her house, leaving me to fill the sad little hole laying in her tiny yard.
After finishing I ran after her again. I crept into her house, heading toward the scent of tropical mist (Sam's favorite body spray…not that I know that)
I ended up in a small room that had nothing but an old chair in front of a lit fireplace and a box in one of the corners of the room. Sam stood in front of the fireplace.
She looked up at me again as she wiped a stray tear from her face. She turned back to what she was doing and then sighed. I walked up to her to see a pile of papers laying in the dim fire. Notes from Derek.
"Does doing these things make you feel any better?" I whispered as I wrapped my left arm around her.
"No…" She collapsed into my arms and continued to whisper, "No…No…"
And the plaster dented from your fist
In the hall where you had your first kiss
Reminds you that the memories will fade
After calming Sam down she told me to leave her for the night and that she'd explain the day's events to me later. I decided to follow her instructions and walked home. Or…To the fire escape. After a long walk I arrived to my all too familiar lawn chair and sat down.
I sat there for hours. Looking at nothing but the sun as it set and rested below view. Until it was pitch black dark. Then I turned to leave.
It was still there.
In the brick wall next to the window was white marks the size of a fist. I remembered. That night when Sam and I kissed. How after she left I became confused. Confused enough to even punch a brick wall…hard…
But no matter how hard I looked back I couldn't quite remember how she tasted. Maybe I was forgetting…?
So this is strange,
Our sidestepping has come to be
A brilliant dance
Where nobody leads at all
Nobody leads at all.
The next day Sam collapsed into my arms again as she told me how Derek had told her he was still in love with his ex-girlfriend. It was…strange…to watch Sam be vulnerable and allow herself to rest her head on my chest. But we took turns sidestepping our own questions. She had started by saying, "Why did you follow me home?" and I had replied by saying, "Well why did you bury Derek's hoodie?" And so forth. If we had put each movement we made together it might as well have made a dance. A brilliant one at that.
We exchanged glances each time we came up with a new question, "Why didn't you tell Carly you were leaving? She was worried." She had said. I smiled before I said, "Why didn't you punch that jerk?" Our…sidestepping…or whatever…was so constant no one was leading the conversation. For once.
And the picture frames are facing down
And the ringing from this empty sound is deafening
And keeping you from sleep.
When Sam had asked me to walk her back to her house I was surprised. At first. Then she had told me she had to pass Derek's favorite hang out spot. I forget the name of it, though…
When we arrived at her house and I walked her inside to her room, the first thing I noticed was several pictures facing down on her desk. She gave a week smile to me before pulling them up to show a smiling Derek. Then she set it down again.
She walked over to her radio and turned it on. She sat on the floor next to her bed and rested her head in between her knees. I sat beside her. She began humming to the song.
The song came to a slow stop, ringing at the end as the singer pulled out one last note. The air remained empty and silent until the ringing noise stopped.
I looked to her bed. I knew Sam wasn't one to make her bed and yet it was made perfectly up. Sam followed my eyes and sighed.
"I know. I'm just not really sleeping."
And breathing is a foreign task
And thinking is just too much to ask
And you're measuring your minutes
By a clock that's blinking eights.
We continued to sit there. Listening to music and our own heavy breathing. For some reason, next to her…It was almost impossible to breathe. I couldn't unscramble my mind enough to think yet alone talk. So we both seemed to stare at the clock over her bed. Watching as it passed 8:00. As it passed 8:08. As it passed 8:18…
Well, this is incredible
Starving, insatiable
Yes, this is love for the first time.
When I could finally pass a thought through my confused mind, I realized the one thing I was missing all those times I felt empty.
Sam.
I decided it right there next to her. I was in love with her. I know I had told Carly I loved her a million times before but this was different. It was stronger. Better. And I starved for her…For Sam.
Well, you'd like to think that you were invincible.
Yeah, well weren't we all once
Before we felt loss for the first time?
Well, this is the last time
This is the last time.
This is the last time.
Sam was the first to speak after almost an hour of silence, "It's quiet…" I rolled my eyes and turned my head away from her green clock.
"Really?" I replied sarcastically.
"I was invincible without him before…" She turned her head to me. Tears began to build in her eyes again.
"We all were at one point." I whispered to her.
"When?" She said.
"Before we lost something…or someone." I said, allowing her to pull her arms around my waist.
"I've lost so much…"
"This is the last time you'll have to lose something, Sam."
"That's a lie." She whispered, digging her finger nails into my red shirt.
"This is the last time. I promise." I smiled. She opened her mouth to tell me I was lying but I cut her off…with my lips.
When we pulled away she showed me her own smile and whispered, "This is the last time." And uncurled her fingers from my shirt.
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HEEEEEYYYYYYY(again…) well…Here's my SAD attempt to do this…sorry if you think it sucks…But if you love it then YAYYYY…wow sorry I sound really preppy all of a sudden but my best buddy EVERRRRR(well…the girl side of besties that is…)is having a birthday party tomorrow and I'm happy…I never see her over the summer and I love her…We've known each other our whole lives and so yeaaahhh(awkward silence, huh?)…SEE YAAAAAA!!!!
Love from the heart and only the heart,
RMG10