Disclaimer: Standard disclaimer applies.

Note: This is inspired by the song 'Secret Base' and some other songs that I've been listening to lately. The title is inspired by the song 'Heart of Glass' by U (Shirota Yu). Many thanks to Tsuki-chan for helping me with this.

Warning: The story will mostly be written in first person point-of-view, and will contain mentions of depression, thoughts of suicide, and things within that category.

Chapter 1:

"The end of the summer with you, our dreams for the future,
Our grand hopes – I won't ever forget them.
In this month of August ten years later,
I believe that we can meet again.
My best memories…"

I closed my eyes as I leaned against the plush seat of the limousine. It felt awkward that I was finally going to live with my mother and my brothers; after all, it had been nearly ten years since I've last seen them. Suddenly, I realized how the song I'm listening to really relates to me… at least I think it does.

"The moment when we first met… at the intersection on the way home,
You raised your voice and said, "Let's go home together."
I was shy, and while I hid my behind my bag,
In truth, I was so, so happy."

I did not know how long I was tuned out because when I reopened my eyes, I realized that the song had already finished. To be truthful, I was afraid to come back here… not because I did not want to meet my mother again, because I do. But I was a stranger to my brothers; even when we were younger, I was a stranger to them. I did not exist in their world even though I am their sister.

'I'm only doing this because Dad forced me to,' I repeated that statement in my mind as if it was mantra. I clenched the hem of my skort until the material wrinkled, and quickly shook away the tears forming at the corner of my eyes.

When Dad said that he was going to Europe to expand his computer software business, I jumped at the chance to go with him knowing that my brothers wanted me out of their hair, as depressing as that sounded. Even though I was young at the time, I clearly remembered their bullying, and harsh remarks. It hurt a lot, especially when it came from my own family.

I quickly shook my head to steer clear away from the oncoming depressing thoughts, and refocused my attention on the next song my music player was playing.

"(Hey! What's up baby)
A late night phone call
I can hear you are crying
I'm on my way over there now, alright.
I'm still on the phone with you
While going to the convenience store for you, my girlfriend.

You know what I can tell you now
You're not alone, you do understand right?
It's a bit bothersome, but you're my best friend, and we'll get through it together."

I let out a bittersweet smile at the lyric as the limousine pulled up to a large mansion. Even with just seeing the home I had left ten years ago, I am already overwhelmed with nervousness – the butterflies in the stomach, the echoing heart beats… it was all present. I was nervous, and I know it.

I could barely hear the next verse to the song I was listening to what with my heart thundering in my chest to the point that it almost became heard for me to breathe. I did not know whether or not I will be accepted again since I left; I do know that Dad has kept in contact with Mom nearly every day, occasionally asking about my brothers, and telling her about what I have been doing and such. Besides, Mom always managed to find time to visit us whenever she was traveling around Europe for her fashion shows. Me, on the other hand, I did not bother since I knew that I would be isolated by my brothers again, and as much as it pained me to say this, talking to Mom reminded me of them… and I did not like being reminded of what had happened that day.

"Miss Hitachiin, we have arrived," the chauffeur informed me after he opened the limousine door for me.

I mentally let out a deep sigh as I turned off my music player, and pocketed the item in my black trench coat. The song I was just listening to seconds ago was repeating in my mind, especially the phrases 'I'm by your side', and 'It's okay to cry, it'll make you stronger'. Even if these were only pretenses, I felt a bit better because I knew that I would never hear such things from anyone else.

"You know what I can tell you now. You're not alone anymore… you do understand that, right?" I sang quietly under my breath in Japanese as I walked up the steps to the front door.

I got more nervous with each step I took, and I quietly continued singing under my breath while I shifted my thoughts to something more positive thoughts. Something like…I don't know, how surprised they would look at my appearance? After all, it has been a decade since they have seen me. But then again, that wasn't a good shift in thoughts because it only reminded me of my nervousness… of that day when I was in that enclosed space…

"Riku! You're here!" My thoughts interrupted when I was suddenly engulfed in a tight hug by my mother, who appeared out of nowhere. Despite the fact that I stiffened at the unexpected hug, I almost let out a smile at the sudden interruption that I was glad for. I did not want to think about that incident again.

I immediately told myself to calm down as I awkwardly patted her back, and from behind her, I noticed an identical twins looking at me with bored expressions on their face. They were my brothers. I immediately tore my gaze away, and was brought back to reality when Mom pulled away from the hug before she began looking at me up and down, almost as if she was judging me.

"You look just like me when I was your age, dear," she stated as she began inspecting me like the fashion designer she is. I immediately sighed mentally as I waited for her to finish.

Dad constantly reminded me of Mom's profession and that I am a Hitachiin, as such, I was to dress fashionably at all times. It was drilled into my mind since I was born. I just hope that I looked somewhat presentable in my white blouse, a black tie loosely hung around my neck, a black skort, a black trench coat that reached to my knees, and a pair of knee-high stiletto boots. This was my school uniform since I did not have enough time to change before I was shipped here… In short, I was still in my school uniform.

"It's good to finally have you back, Riku," Mom stated with a gentle smile on her face as she pulled me into a hug once more. "You remember your brothers, right?"

She did not give me a chance to say anything since she dragged me towards my older brothers, who were still standing by the stairway with the same bored expressions. They had grown taller, and judging by their appearances, I could easily say that they are popular at their school. However, this information was quite irrelevant because I could hear my thundering heart echoing in my ears when their scrutinizing gazes landed on me. I unconsciously felt as if I was being swallowed by a tidal wave of nervousness with no one to rescue me… In a nutshell, I felt as if I was drowning.

'I shouldn't have thought that. Now, I feel nauseous,' I commented in my mind as I willed myself not to think about tidal waves, drowning, and whatnot.

"Hikaru, Kaoru, you remember your little sister, Riku, right?" my mom remarked as she glanced at the three of us. It seemed she was oblivious to the tension between us.

"Hi," I mumbled, quite unsure what to say.

"You know, I don't know why you bothered to come back," Hikaru stated scathingly as he glared at me. If I were to say it dramatically, I felt as if I had been pushed off a cliff, and landed on the rocky surfaces below. "We don't need you, we never did," he continued with a sneer.

"Kaoru! How can you say such a thing to your sister?" Mom shrieked.

She had said the wrong name, but I did not bother to correct her since I was busy biting the bottom of my lips to stop myself from crying in front of them. I did not want to appear affected by words, despite knowing that it was indeed affecting me internally.

"I'm Hikaru!" he retorted with a yell before he directed his glare onto me. I visibly flinched even though I was telling myself not to, and then he said, "Damn it! I wish you were never born!"

Yuzuha took a sharp intake when she heard one of her sons spoke such harsh words towards her daughter. Before she realized it, a loud slap echoed through the mansion. It was then that she had slapped Hikaru, and judging by the surprised look on his face, she knew that he was shocked but at the same time, he should realize that he deserved it.

"Don't you ever say something like that again," Yuzuha hissed angrily as she glared at him, and added, "Riku is a part of our family."

She then directed her attention to her daughter, who had her head bowed and her bangs covering her eyes. "Honey…" she started while she approached to the younger girl.

Riku, on the other hand, shied away from her mother's advances and took a step back. "Sorry," she murmured without looking at anyone directly in the eyes and turned around to walk out of the door. However, she paused by the doorway for a moment and said, "You know, sometimes I wish I had died that day," in a low monotonous whisper before she walked away.

"That was out of the line, and you know it. I hope you two are planning to apologize to her," that was all Yuzuha said before she left the foyer.

The twins stared at the empty spot where Riku stood minutes earlier, and finally, Hikaru turned around and headed upstairs. Kaoru shortly followed with a small frown on his face; he had seen the tears trailing down her face when she walked away from them. He knew Hikaru had gone overboard this time, especially when he saw how hurt Riku looked when his brother said those things.

"Hikaru…" Kaoru began with a frown as he followed his brother to their bedroom.

"I'm not apologizing, Kaoru," the other twin responded as he opened the bedroom door, and then entered into their room.

I finally stopped walking when I realized that I came to a dead end. I glanced around my surrounding, noticing that mom's house was in the far distance, and that I was in a maze. I only said 'mom's house' because I knew that I was not welcomed in that house, and that I only came to Japan since my dad wanted me to stop endangering myself at Imperial Cavalier Academy. He found out what that Academy does, and my role in the frontline. To say that he was shocked and surprised would be an understatement of the year, because he immediately contacted my mom and told her that I would be living with her for the time being… which, knowing my dad, would be until I graduate high school at the very least.

"I wish he would just let me be so I would not be here," I muttered with a frown.

I shook my head, trying not to think in that direction, and made my way to a small bench that was conveniently built near the tall hedges. I took off my trench coat and proceeded to fold it to make a make-shift pillow. I then lay down on the small bench before I shifted my gaze to the sky above, staring at nothing in particular.

"I don't want to be here…" I trailed off as I folded my arms over my chest.

I did not tell anyone that the only reason I was in Imperial Cavalier Academy was so that I would be able to end my life in a mission. I had tried to end it myself, but something, whether it would be my conscious, or at times, someone had always managed to stop me. The most I had done was stand on top of the roof of buildings, but I never had the courage to jump; and then there were times when I held my butterfly knife against my neck, but I did not have the courage to stab myself. My rational side of conscious was always telling me to live and survive, even though I had long ago given up on such things.

It was not the first time I had such thoughts, and I usually keep these thoughts to myself so that I would not trouble Dad with my suicidal self. I could not help but think that the only reason I am keeping myself alive was because I wanted to see who would save me before I reached to the point of no return. A part of me wanted to see who actually cared about me… yet, a part of me wanted to disappear altogether. It was very conflicting.

I let out a deep sigh and stared at the clouds slowly gliding across the sky as I listened to birds chirping nearby. I had a feeling that I would be thinking such thoughts whenever I am left alone, it was inevitable; yet at the same time, I like being alone… simply because I can go back to the days when we were all one happy family.

"I know that what's broken twice can't be repaired again, but I can hope… can't I?" I said to no one in particular as my mouth twitched to a small smile. I did not know the reason for my smile, but I was somewhat thankful that my Dad cared… even if he did not know that he had saved me before I managed to successfully kill myself at one of those missions.

x0x0x0x

When I reopened my eyes, it was already in the evening… presumably around six or seven o'clock judging the orange streaks in the sky. I let out a groan as I sat up, wincing at how my back ached, and made a mental note not to fall asleep on this uncomfortable bench ever again. A yawn escaped from my mouth as I grabbed my trench coat, flapping it a couple of times to get the wrinkle out – not that it worked – before I adorned it.

I pulled out my music player from my pocket, flipping through my playlist for a few seconds before I settled on a song. I put on my earphones and pressed 'play' as I began with my half-hearted mission to get out of this maze.

"What you left for me at the very end
Is still here inside me, unfading.
I'll catch the wind and fly away,
Bursting out of the darkness and towards a new world."

I sang along with the music as I made another left turn, and paused in my mid stride when I heard birds communicating with one another while they flew overhead. I stood in that spot and watched them for some minutes, only coming to realization that the song I was listening to had finished and that I was nowhere near the exit.

"Come on, Riku," I muttered to myself as I forced myself to walk again to continue with this journey. "You were an S-Ranked detective; a maze or two won't stop you," the rational side of me stated as I came to another bench.

'But maybe I did not want to be found,' I responded in my mind as I stood on top of the bench. I knew that my actions contradicted what I was saying; but I did not want to stop tangoing with death just yet.

I let out a sigh as I got off the bench, just as another yawn escaped from my mouth. Perhaps, I should nap for a minute or twenty before I continue trying to find an exit.

Songs Used:

Secret Base by Zone

Flavor Favor for You by Yamashita Tomohisa

Shi Ru Be by Kimeru