It`s a great happy day at the Soul Society. But for someone, it may not be a happy day.
[Uryu is sitting on the couch reading a Yuri book and closes it after a while]
Uryu: That`s the last one. This is so sad. I don`t have any more Yuri books to read, I`ve read them all. I guess I should just sit on this couch and hope to die. Sad.
Rangiku: (walks in) Hey Uryu. How are ya doin`? (sits next to him)
Uryu: I`m sad. This is the saddest day of my life.
Rangiku: Why?
Uryu: There`s not a single Yuri book left for me to read. My life is over. (slides off the couch and falls on his butt) I might as well drink my life away. (his head falls on the small table in front of the couch) (bumb)
Rangiku: Oh, I see. Well, have a good one. (walks over to the bar and grabs a bottle of whiskey) Here ya go. (gives it to him)
Uryu: (looks up at her) Oh, Rangiku. Stop trying to make me feel better. (slams his head back on the table) (bumb) (his glasses break) Oh, that`s just so sad.
Rangiku: Alright, that`s it. (pulls him up and puts her hands on his shoulders) Listen to me. You can`t keep beating yourself up over Yuri books.
Uryu: Hey, that`s a great idea! I should beat myself up. Do you still have your baseball bat?
Rangiku: (her hands are still on his shoulders and starts shaking him) You are Uryu! (quickly grabs his Yuri book and smacks with it while saying) Pull yourself together! (lets him go)
[Uryu falls on the floor]
Rangiku: (looks down at him with her hands on her waste) Oh dear. Now you look like jello or something.
[Rukia and Yoruichi walk in]
Rukia: (sees Rangiku staring madly down at Uryu) You finally killed him, didn`t you.
Yoruichi: I knew this day would come. (crosses arms)
Rangiku: I would love to, but no. He`s drinking his life away.
Yoruichi: (looks around) Where are the bottles then?
Rangiku: (rubs head) I don`t know. He said he was gonna do it, though.
Rukia: He looks pretty wasted to me. Are you sure he wasn`t drinking?
Rangiku: Apsolutely.
Yoruichi: (pulls him up) Up you go.
[Uryu collapses on the couch as soon as Yoruichi lets go of him]
Yoruichi: Oh, come on! You`re such a lazy-ass Quincy.
Rukia: (slaps him) Hey, get up!
Uryu: (gets up and sits straight on the couch) Girls, it`s no use. My life is over. I have no more reason to live.
Rukia: That`s not true. You have tons of reasons to live.
Uryu: Oh, really. Tell me some, OTHER than Yuri books.
Rukia: (thinks) Uh...you`re smart.
Yoruichi: She`s right. You`re super smart.
Uryu: Is that all?
Rukia: Nooooo. Of course not, yes.
Uryu: At least you tried.
Yoruichi: What can we do to cheer you up?
Uryu: I don`t know. Entertain me.. (lays back on the couch)
Rangiku: You want me to lift up my skirt? (smiles)
[Uryu`s eyes are wide open]
Rukia: Rangiku, please. No one wants to see what`s going on down there.
Rangiku: It was worth a shot. And he did say we could entertain him. (rolls eyes)
Uryu: Thanks, but no thanks.
Yoruichi: You mean you don`t want to take a quick peek down her skirt? (looks away and crosses arms) You must be gay. I mean it`s Rangiku who just offered you a free peek down her skirt.
Rukia: True. I mean, who doesn`t want to take a quick peek.
Uryu: Oh really? Then why don`t you two do it then?
[Rukia and Yoruichi look at eatchother]
Rukia: Th-that`s not the issue here right now... (blushes)
Yoruichi: Yeah... (rolls eyes)
Rangiku: Whatever. You wanna take a look at my boobs? (smiles)
Rukia: Rangiku, what makes you think he`d want to look at your boobs after he just declined to look down your skirt.
Rangiku: (lifts up shoulders) I don`t know. It was worth a shot..again.
Rukia: What`re you going to ask him next? That he wants to touch `em too?
Rangiku: That didn`t cross my mind. Hm...
Yoruichi: Good.
Uryu: Are you girls done?
Yoruichi: I don`t know, they can go on like this forever.
Rukia: He meant you too.
Yoruichi: I didn`t do anything! (scratches Uryu)
Uryu: AAH! That hurt!
Rangiku: Oh noes, looks like Uryu`s scarred for life again.
Rukia: Yup. Hey wait a minute... How about some live Yuri entertainment, Uryu?
Uryu, Yoruichi and Rangiku: What?
Rukia: Yeah I mean it`s entertaining. Besides he loves Yuri.
Uryu: Well... Depends if you girls are up for it I guess I`m willing to give it a try.
Yoruichi: And just who do you think should kiss who, Rukia?
Rukia: You and Rangiku would be a hot match. (laughs)
Uryu: True..
Rangiku: I`m always up for anything. (gigles)
Yoruichi: Hold on you`re actually planning on doing this for Uryu?
Rangiku: Well if he`s going to be cheered up then yes. Besides it`s fun to experiment every once in a while. (smirks)
Yoruichi: (turns red from all the blushing) What? Why don`t you and Rukia do it then? I mean it`s not like you two have never done that before, if remember correctly. (laughs)
Uryu: (surprised) WHA? Is this true? You two have kissed before?
Rukia: Well...I was kinda being possessed by a female ghost at that time. So I don`t remember doing anything to her.
Rangiku: Yeah..but when we were both horny from what happened after she left your body didn`t we do something for fun and for kinda finishing what we started? (rolls eyes)
Rukia: SHUSH! I told you that was a one time thing.
Yoruichi and Uryu: WHAAAAT?
Yoruichi: You mean after I left the bathroom you two got busy?
Rangiku: Oh please, don`t act so surprised. Besides I remember seeing the way you looked at us while the possessed Rukia was doing me right there on the floor. I saw you were getting turned on. (gigles)
Yoruichi: No I...(remembers that she realy was getting turned on) didn`t..?
Rangiku: I never forget stuff like that Catwoman. (winks)
Rukia: Wow. That I didn`t know Yoruichi.
Uryu: I`m gonna go jump off a cliff now.. But thanks for sharing that interessting story.
Rangiku: (waves at him) Okay, have fun.
Rukia: (sigh) Wow.
Yoruichi: This is the part where we save the man trying to jump off a cliff, right?
Rukia: Yup.
Rangiku: Don`t worry Uryu, we`ll save you! (runs out)
Rukia: This is also the part where we stop the naughty girl from doing something crazy, right?
Yoruichi: Yeah, we better hurry.
[They both run after them]
[At a cliff...somewhere]
[Uryu is spreading his arms and closes his eyes]
Uryu: Heaven, here I come.
Rangiku: Uryu stop, you don`t know what you`re doing!
Uryu: (looks at her) Um yes I do, I`m going to jump off this cliff. You wanna join me?
Rangiku: And die? Hell no! I`m not a freakin lunatic like you, I wanna live!
[Rukia and Yoruichi arrive]
Yoruichi: Oh he`s finally come to his senses. (smiles)
Uryu: No I haven`t, I`m still gonna jump.
Yoruichi: Oh crap. Now what do we do?
Rukia: Relax, I have a plan.
Yoruichi: You have a plan?
Rukia: Uh huh.
Yoruichi: Rukia has a plan... It`s going to rain very hard today. Thank the Lord!
Rukia: Are you done?
Yoruichi: Yeah sorry, got a little carried away.
Rukia: A little? That has to be a joke. Anyways, on with the plan. Uryu, I have some great news for you that is going to make you the happiest man alive...or dead..we still gotta see if you`re gonna jump anyways. I`m taking you to Yuri Paradise.
Uryu: (has a big smile on his face) Really? The Yuri Paradise? This is so freakin awesome, there`s no way I`m jumping off this cliff! (jumps up and down so much that he accidently trips and falls off the cliff) AAAAAAH! (BOOM)
[The girls stand on the cliff and look down at him]
Rukia: Well at least he died as the happiest man alive..
Yoruichi: True.
Rangiku: I`m gonna miss him.
Uryu: (his voice) Actually, I seem to be okay.
Rukia: Yup. He`s definitely dead.
Uryu: (his voice) I`m not dead!
Rangiku: It`s hard to believe that he`s dead, `cause I can still hear his annoying voice.
Yoruichi: Thank God, you heard it too? For a moment there I thought I was going crazy.
Rukia: This place is giving me the creeps now that Uryu`s dead. Let`s get out of here.
Rangiku: Yeah.
[They walk away]
Uryu: (his voice) Girls, don`t leave me down here all hurt! Dammit. I think my right leg is broken. Let`s find out for sure.. (something cracks) Oh shit... Hello? Can someone help me up? Anybody? ... Let me try moving my other leg.. (something cracks again) OH FUCK!
The End
Roflmao