Title: Mending Hearts
Summary: "Today you are going to go home and hug your kids. You're going to spend the day with them and you're not going to worry about figuring it all out right now." With her ten-year sentence for SNAP fraud complete, Gloria is finally coming home.
Disclaimer: I do not own OITNB or any of its characters. They belong to Jenji Kohen, I do, however, own my writing so please don't steal- Johanna002©
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-01-
Gloria sat up in her bunk, legs crossed, holding tightly to the only pictures she had of her sons. The move from minimum security to maximum security, after the riot, had caused her to lose all the things her family had sent her over the course of ten years. The letters, drawings, and pictures of her kids, that she used to hold and cry over when the long prison nights had gotten to be too much for her, were now just memories of things she once had.
Whenever she was feeling especially lonely, she would sit up in her bunk and read through every card and letter they'd sent her, marveling at the change in her children's handwriting as they aged. She would sift through her photographs of them and let her mind wander back to simpler times, like when her biggest problems in life were getting through four bedtime routines and feeling squished between her boys when they'd climb into her bed in the middle of the night. Not having those momentous any longer broke her heart. For years, they had been all she'd had to be able to feel like she was apart of their lives.
Smiling sadly at the picture of Benny, she touched her fingers along his profile. Since he was hospitalized from his accident, a little over eight months ago, he'd had done a complete 360 personality wise. His attitude and whole perspective on life had seemed to change like the flip of a switch. He didn't seem to be quite so angry and bitter, and while Gloria immensely enjoyed how warm and loving he had become toward her, she resented the fact that it took knocking on death's door for him to stop trying to self-destruct. She knew a lot of his actions were born out of hurt and the inability to communicate how he was feeling, and the mounting frustration of being misunderstood, but as she'd promised him countless times over the course of the last few months, things were going to going to be forever different when she got home.
Shuffling his picture behind the one of Julio, she felt tears instantly pool in her eyes. Her first son. Her prince. From the moment she had conceived him to the moment he had come into the world, he had always been her easiest, most loving and cuddliest baby. He was the one who had smiled at the mere sight of her whenever she walked into a room, and who had slept in a little ball against her chest at night. Even now, after everything, he'd been the only one who had never turned against her. Not that she would have ever blamed him if he had, but it felt good to know that she was loved so fiercely by her son. Julio would willingly sacrifice his own happiness for hers, and she knew that he would protect her at all costs, without any question or expectations.
It was why being released four days before his high school graduation was even more special. She'd get to see him walk across the stage in his cap and gown and collect the scrap of paper she'd known he'd worked so fucking hard for. She had never gotten to see her daughters graduate from high school, but as fate would have it, for the first time in ten years, she would not be missing such a monumental milestone. It felt so good to know that she'd be in the crowd cheering Julio on, instead of in her bunk crying.
It was a strange mind game that prison played. On one hand, it felt as if the years had drug on and on like she'd been locked away forever, and on the other hand, it was as if time had completely passed her by, never stopping to even consider that she needed to catch up.
Hearing a light knock on her door, she lifted her head and smiled at the sight of Daya in her doorway. "Hey, you," she patted the small space at the foot of her bed.
"Hey," Daya said softly as she walked into the room. Taking a seat at the end of Gloria's bunk, the corners of her lips twitched. "I was going to help you pack but I can see you're already done." She touched her hand along the woman's bag delicately.
"I packed last night," Gloria said, tucking the pictures of her sons into the notebook that she kept for writing her letters home. "I'm just waiting for someone to take me to processing."
Daya smiled, but it was forced and sad. "I can't believe you're really going home. I've never known a day without you in this place. I'm gonna miss you," she whispered.
"Oh, baby, I'm gonna miss you, too." Gloria reached her hand out to tug on a stand of Daya's hair. "I want you to stay out of trouble," she told her seriously.
Shaking her head, Daya moved her hand to grasp Gloria's wrist. She pulled it down and held it tightly in her lap. "What's the point?" she asked her, flatting her hand against Gloria's so that their palms and fingers were lined up. "I'm never going home. You know that"
Gloria interlocked their fingers and squeezed her hand tightly. "Because I don't want you to die."
"Sometimes I think death would be sweet release." Daya pulled her wobbling, bottom lip between her teeth. Tears pooled in her eyes and she angrily wiped them away with the back of her hand.
"Don't say that, Daya."
"It's true," she whispered brokenly.
"What about your mom?" Gloria asked her, brows furrowed in confusion. "What about your baby?"
"Stop, Gloria, please," Daya sniffled. "I didn't come here for a pep talk. I just wanted to see you and tell you that I love you and that I'm going to miss the shit out of you. I want you to go out there and have a beautiful life. Maybe write me a letter or two. If I'm still around, I'll write you back."
Gloria opened her mouth to respond, but before she could all she heard was Luschek shouting her name from a distance.
"Jesus," she sighed, rolling her eyes in disgust.
"I guess you two never made up, huh?" Daya asked with a laugh.
"Sometimes I dream about him being electrocuted," Gloria said thickly.
"Mendoza, you ready to go or not?" Luschek asked again, leaning against the entryway of her cell, arms crossed over his chest.
"I guess this is goodbye," Daya said as she rose up on her feet.
"Not goodbye," Gloria told her. Embracing her in a tight hug she didn't stop squeezing until she heard Daya squeak. "I will write to you," she promised against her ear. "I promise I will." She felt Daya nod her head against her and she squeezed her even tighter. "I love you, stupid girl."
"I love you, too."
Parting, Daya took a step back and clasped her hands tightly in front of her. Turning to grab her stuff from the bed, Gloria briefly considered giving Daya her journal so that she could use its paper to write to her, but then remembered that she had some half-drafted letters of her own that she wasn't entirely ready to part with. She didn't know if her boys would be interested in reading her chicken scratch, but she figured it would be best to bring her journal home anyway, just in case they did. Perhaps her unfinished letters would give them some insight into what really went through her mind when she thought about them, and maybe they'd see how much effort and heart she put into perfecting what she wrote before finding the nerve to send it.
"See ya, girl," she said. Bag over her shoulder, she made a move to exit the six-by-eight cell that she'd called home for the last eight months, but when Luschek made no move to step back from the doorway, she halted.
"What, are you suddenly feeling nostalgic?" he asked her, lips curving upward in the smallest of smiles.
Keeping her bearings straight, except for the slightest narrowing of her eyes, Gloria said, "I'm waiting for you to move."
Luschek dropped his head at her words. Stepping back and off to the side, he kept his eyes on his shoes, waiting for her to pass. Things had never been quite the same between them since she'd stumbled upon his little secret and gotten thrown into SHU.
Rolling her eyes as she passed him, she bit hard on her tongue. All she had to do was make it twenty feet to processing, get processed out, and she could tell him to rot in hell. Getting tangled up in his games had cost her two months of her life in solitary. Two months of no phone calls, no visitations, and no human contact. It was cruel and unusual punishment, and she hadn't deserved it. Her family hadn't deserved it either. There had been enough obstacles in her life keeping her from them, and she hadn't needed another.
Reflecting on that time made her wince. For the first two weeks that she had been down there, she'd had Red to keep her company, and hearing what had become of her and her story had broken her heart into a million pieces. While she was on the horizon of getting her life back, Red had lost any and all hope of ever being able to leave and experience a life beyond Litchfield's walls. Betrayed by the girls she thought had her best interest at heart, Red had completely lost everything. Her freedom, her sons, and to a degree, even Nicky.
Seventy years or not, Piper thinking Alex had been killed or not, Gloria knew she would have never let someone take her down that way. Especially not after everything she knew Red had done for those girls. For them to pin everything on Red was completely despicable, and the fact that Nicky had even had the nerve to ask, as far as Gloria was concerned, was completely unforgivable. She knew Red had dirt and could have gotten herself a deal by offering anyone of them up on a silver platter, but her loyalty had ultimately bounded her to a family that had destroyed her from the inside out.
As much as she could respect Red's stance on the matter, Gloria didn't agree with her at all. She would have sung like a canary. Which is exactly what she had done when she'd been interrogated after the riot. She had been the only one who'd had her head on straight those three days that everyone had completely lost theirs. She saw no reason that she and her family had to suffer because everyone around her had been fucking idiots. It was why even all these months later, she still harbored no guilt about flipping on Maria. In fact, after betraying her the way that Maria did, Gloria hadn't even been inclined to give her the time of day. She was dead to her.
In her lifetime. Gloria had had more people fucking her over than she could count and she refused to accept that kind of treatment any longer. She didn't have the drive or the time, to give her attention and heart to people who didn't deserve or respect her. For the first time in a long time, she wasn't going to be cleaning up everyone else's mess. She was going to put herself and her family first. She was going to go home, and she was going be a mother to her kids, because that was what they needed her to be, and that, more than anything in the world, was what she wanted to be.
…
Walking out of those doors was a moment Gloria had waited for forever, but now that she was here, now that it was really happening, she couldn't help but be terrified. Putting her life back together was going to be far from easy and the fear that'd she would disappoint her kids, or god forbid her aunt, again, was gut-wrenching. Ignoring the queasy feeling in her stomach, Gloria exhaled a deep breath, and when the loud buzzer sounded and the door opened, she walked out to her freedom. The sun, as it rayed down on her skin, felt different than it ever had before, and she could swear that the air felt a lot cleaner too.
Looking out across the parking lot, she saw Lourdes leaning against the side of her car, dressed nicely in a red sundress and large sunglasses, her feet crossed at the ankle. It was the same way her aunt had always waited for her when she'd picked her up from school as a little girl, and looking at her now, Gloria thought she would combust with emotion. She had to physically keep herself from running, but with every step that she got closer Gloria could feel her eyes misting and her throat tightening, a tell-tale sign that her tears close to the surface. She didn't remember dropping her bag but knew she must of, as she tightly returned the hug Lourdes had seemed to suddenly her engulfed in.
"Oh, my baby," Lourdes whispered emotionally against her ear, squeezing her tightly.
"I'm sorry," Gloria whimpered as she buried her face in her aunt's neck, tears falling from her eyes. She clutched to her, clawing her fingers into her desperately. She never ever wanted to let go. "I'm so sorry. I should have listened to you. I should have-"
Lourdes rocked her from side to side, smoothing her hand over the back of Gloria's head. "Shh," she shushed her. "It's okay, mi Amor, you're okay." She turned her head to kiss her temple and exhaled a shaky breath as she felt Gloria's arms tighten around her. "It's all over now."
"I missed you," Gloria told her truthfully. The scent of her aunt's perfume and the citrusy product in her dark, massive curls, that she had worn all of Gloria's life, filled her senses and provided her with a much-needed comfort that not everything had changed.
Lourdes laughed softly against her ear. "I missed you, too," she rubbed her hand over Gloria's back before gently breaking the hug. She wiped her finger under her eyes to brush away her own tears. "Let's go home, huh? The boys are going to be so excited to see you." She opened Gloria's door and put her bag in the trunk before walking around to get into the driver's seat.
"I can't believe we managed to keep it a secret," Gloria smiled as she pulled down the sun visor and opened the mirror. She sniffled at how red her eyes looked. "Do they think you're at work?"
"That's what I told them last night. I'll call them when we get closer to the city and see where they are. They might be asleep, but if they're up maybe we can meet for brunch."
"This feels like a dream," Gloria confessed as reached on the side of her chair for the handle to recline her seat. "I couldn't sleep at all last night, and I didn't even eat this morning. I wanted today to get here so badly."
Lourdes reached over for her hand and interlocked their fingers tightly. "I was a nervous wreck driving here. I thought something was going to go wrong. Benny is going to be so excited to see you. He's been marking the days off on a calendar we have on the fridge."
"He's such a character," Gloria chuckled fondly.
"He tries so hard to act like a tough guy, but these last few months I have seen a much gentler side of him. One I thought was long dead."
"He's still a baby," Gloria said softly. "He just needs me. It'll be different now that I'm back. I promised him that."
"He reminds me so much of you," Lourdes said softly. "Always up to something and working my nerves."
Gloria couldn't help but laugh. "Isn't he still on crutches? What could he possibly be doing?"
"Really, Gloria?" Lourdes rolled her eyes. "When you were sixteen you broke your collarbone, and still managed to find a way to sneak out your window and down the fire escape."
"My wild child," Gloria murmured, closing her eyes. "What about Julio? What has he been up to? Is he so excited to graduate? Jesus, I can't even believe it."
"He's very excited. He's got a girlfriend, I think her name is Nautica," Lourdes shrugged. "He's working at some restaurant, but I don't think he really likes it, so we'll see how long that lasts."
"A girlfriend?" Gloria asked, opening one eye. "Do we like his girlfriend?"
"She's okay, I've only met her once."
"Mm," Gloria exhaled a breath. "I don't know if I like that."
"You don't like anyone," Lourdes rolled her eyes. "He has been so mopey the last few days thinking you were going to miss graduation. I think he might actually cry when he sees you."
"Him? What about me?" Gloria laughed. "I'm so excited for him. I'm a little sad too. I feel like I've misses everything, and honestly, I'm scared."
"Why are you scared?"
"Not for him. For me. I've been waiting for this day forever and now that's it's here I am not sure what I am supposed to do. I have so much to figure out and make up for and I don't even know where to start. What am I going to do about work and getting back on my feet? Who is going to hire me with a felony? A fraud conviction no less? My kids deserve a lot better than me."
Lourdes sighed. "The first thing you're going to do is stop thinking about all of that. That is a problem for tomorrow. Today you are going to go home and hug your kids. You're going to spend the day with them and you're not going to worry about figuring it all out right now. That is what I am here for. It's been you and me pretty much all of your life. Have I ever let you go without?"
"No, but-"
Lourdes shook her head dismissively. "Then let's just enjoy today, mija." She brought their joined hands up to her lips and kissed the back of Gloria's gently. "It's not every day I am this pleasant, so let's all enjoy it. Close your eyes and try to relax. We still have quite a drive ahead of us, and I want you well rested for those monsters of yours. No doubt the three of you will stay up all night getting reacquainted."
Nodding her head gently against, the seat, Gloria willed herself to do as her aunt asked, but she couldn't get her thoughts to slow down. The beginning of the rest of her life was just getting started.
