A/N Hello everyone. So Alfred might seem a little out of character here, but I mean, come on, he just lost his brother. So, please forgive the OOC.

I don't own Hetalia.

Tuesday, April 25, 2012

I was angry.

I'm not even sure who I was angry at.

Was I mad at Mattie, for doing what he did? Was I mad at Natalia for going postal on me in the first place? Was I mad at Ivan for getting us into that situation? Could I even be mad at Arthur and Francis for lying to me, telling me everything would be okay? Or was I mad at myself for not being able to stop it, for not being the hero I thought I was?

I guess I should explain. My name is Alfred Jones, and this is a stupid little assignment my therapist is making me do. See I have this-

Oops. Had. I had this twin brother.

His name was Matthew, but I just called him Matt, which he didn't mind. Sometimes I'd call him Mattie, which he certainly did mind. Ha, I can practically hear him telling me to stop calling him that now. He got so embarrassed when people called him Mattie. He'd turn all red and start stuttering about how it was Matt or Matthew. Except around me. If I called him Mattie, he'd just punch me and then I'd punch him back and we'd end up wrestling, then mom would come in and make us stop, and Mattie would make pancakes and I'd call him a girl for being so good at cooking. But I actually really liked his pancakes.

But I'm getting off topic.

Anyway, Mattie died a little while ago, and my folks must think I'm taking it harder then I actually am, cause they're making me see this therapist named Lili or something, they think that if I see her, I'll feel better, but I won't. Not without Mattie.

So Lili(That's what she makes me call her.) is making me write about how he died. She says it will help me "Come to terms with the fact that he's gone." As if. I know that he's dead. I just don't want him to be.

I guess I should tell who ever might read this thing a bit about myself. Well, I'm Alfred, but Mattie just called me Al. I'm pretty popular at school, mostly because I'm a senior and the best quarterback on our football team. But that isn't even that good, I mean, Mattie was the best defense on his hockey team, and hockey is way harder than football. Me and Mattie looked alike too. His hair was longer then mine, and a little curly, and he had this strand of fly away hair that never fit with the rest of his hair. I've got this cowlick and we both have glasses. Mattie kinda looked like a little kid sometimes, cause he always wore this super baggy clothes that make him look younger and thinner then he really was.

Hehe... Maybe Lili is right... I'm defiantly avoiding talking about Mattie dieing.

Well, it went like this.

It was a normal day at school. Mundane, boring. Mr. Wang was just droning on about the history of China. It's like, who cares, right? We aren't in Ancient China, so why do we need to know about it? So finally lunch break came around and me and Mattie went to sit down in our normal spot with Ivan, they guy on Mattie's hockey team that I hate, but is friends with Mattie. Our cousin Arthur, my friend Kiku and the new guy from Australia, Cody.

So, anyway, we were all just sitting there, eating lunch, you know, chatting, goofing off, having fun, stuff like that, when Ivan's crazy little sister came up to us. Now normally when you hear the words, "crazy little sister", you think, "Oh, that's an exaggeration." Or, "Yup, my sister is just like that." But when I say crazy, I mean fucking batshit insane. She literally wants to marry her brother. Yeah.

So that was great and all, well, maybe not for Ivan. And then she came up asking to get married. And boy, would she not take not for an answer. And Ivan was all "No, go home Natalia! I'll even write a note to your teacher saying you were sick, but just go away!" And she just smiled her creepy smile and shook her head, and that's when Ivan ran. Seriously, the only thing that can scare a 6'3 200 pound Russian hockey player is his 5'1 90 pound little ninth grade sister.

Now, normally we would have just left Ivan to his own devices, he can handle Natalia on his own, but this time, Mattie saw something that changed the whole thing.

Natalia was holding a knife.

And not just some steak knife or kitchen knife or something.

She was holding a fucking butterfly knife.

And all I could think was "Shit just got real."

I know, I spend way too much time on the internet. Mattie used to get annoyed about that. He'd say that I should go outside and smell the roses once in a while. He said that I should appreciate life, cause you never know how long it's gonna last.

Seems kinda ironic now...

But anyway, Mattie noticed and he started running after them. I told him not to go, cause he would just get hurt, but he said that if he didn't go, Ivan could get really hurt, and he didn't want that to happen, obviously. So I told him to screw the stupid commie and stay where it's safe. But he just said that he's going, and that I could come and help if I wanted, but he wasn't gonna make me. So of course I went with him, cause I had to protect him like the hero that I was. Well, that I thought I was, anyway.

When we finally reached Ivan and Natalia, she had him up against a wall, knife pointed at him. She was spouting all kinds of crazy stuff about marriage and love and together forever. But the Ivan saw us and his eyes widened. Natalia noticed and spun around to face us. A look of pure horror on her face.

"YOU!" She screamed at Mattie. "This is ALL. YOUR. FAULT. You are why brother doesn't love me! He spends too much time with you! You probably spread lies to him in that little hockey dressing room of yours!" She stopped screaming, then continued, her voice dangerously quiet, "Maybe if I kill you, brother will have no one to love but me. Maybe if I kill you, then... Yes. I think you'll have to go."

She started running towards Mattie when Ivan and me both yelled for he to stop, and much to my surprise, she did. She skidded to a halt, right in front of Mattie, and stumbled back a few steps. Then she got this blank look on her face and started muttering things I couldn't make out.

Finally she snapped back to reality and said quietly, "That's it. I can't just kill the one who made me suffer so. I must make him suffer to. I need to hurt someone important to him, and let him realize that it was his fault for taking brother away from me. And then I'll kill him!" she turned back to Ivan happily, "Aren't you proud of how clever I am, brother? I even know who I'll kill to torture him! I'll kill his brother!"

Then, without any warning, she dove right at me, knife aimed straight for my heart. And just so you know, the whole life flashing before your eyes thing is so not real, I felt paralyzed. And all I heard was a loud "NO" Before I heard the sound of a knife penetrating human skin.

My brother died in my arms that day. Blood was spurting everywhere, I think Natalia must have hit an artery or something. I tried to keep pressure on the wound, I really did. But I couldn't get Mattie's blood on my hands, I just couldn't, so Ivan did that instead.

When Natalia had stabbed him, Mattie had fallen back into me, and we had both sunk to the floor. I'm not proud to admit it, but I could feel the hot tears falling down my face like there was no tomorrow. It's kinda fitting, huh? You know, cause for Mattie, there is no tomorrow. As I was holding him, the blood poured out of his wound, staining the floor, and both Mattie and my clothes. Soon the once sparkling white floor was a washed out pink color. It would have been red, but, I guess the sweat and tears had dilated it.

Mattie had used his last breath to tell me that he had no regrets, that he was happy to take a knife for me. He asked if I was hurt, and where Natalia was. I told him I was fine, and that the police had arrested her. Then he said the thing that really broke my heart,

"Al," he started, his voice cracking with pain, "I-It hurts, Al. Al, am I gonna be okay? I-I take it back, I have regrets! I don't wanna die!" his breathing started to get heavy, "I'm glad I s-sa-saved you though, I'm glad... glad."
Those were his last words before he died.

So I'm finishing this as I'm getting ready for the funeral. I'm putting on my black tux and am about to get in the limo, but the thing is, I don't even feel sad. I would feel empty, if it wasn't for my anger.

I guess in the end, anger's all your left with.

A/N Did you like it? If you did, then lemme know! Send a review! I love them. And please send me one telling me how to improve my writing! Also, stick around, cause I don't think I'm quite done with this story yet. It'll probably end up a two or three shot.