Focus, focus.
The tapping of my pencil wasn't the sound that I could hear; it was the whispering of Imogen, Eli's newest "friend", trying to get Eli's attention.
I'll be damned in hell for the rest of my life it seems. For once in five weeks I've seen Eli smile. But this was the first time I've seen him smile without it relating to me.
I miss being wanted here. Having a good relationship. I know that it's partially my fault for breaking up with him, but I couldn't deal with the stress that the relationship caused me. I felt like my life was passing my eyes while I was on a tight leash.
I don't think I minded the tight leash; I loved Eli's comfort and Eli's protectiveness of me. It proved to me that Darcy wasn't the only daughter of the Edward's family that could experience love.
Or abuse. Although Eli never hit me, I was figuratively scarred forever. He didn't love me. He never did.
If he loved me, he would've kept trying to win my heart back. He would've sung to me from outside my bedroom window. He would've greeted me in the hallways with a polite smile to show that he still cared.
Nothing was directed at me anymore. The day back from break Adam, Eli, and I talked before school.
"So we're all good?" Eli smirked, looking between Adam and I.
Adam smiled happily. "Heck yeah, man." Eli turned to face me, not sure of what to do.
I nodded my head, reassuring both of us. "Yeah." I responded with a fake smile.
Eli's face turned to Imogen, looking at her with an annoyed expression. I remember that expression; the day that Mrs. Dawes paired us together for English class. Only now, she switched our partners. Imogen now worked with Eli, and I…
I worked with Jake. He was kind, yeah, but he wasn't anything out of the ordinary. He did his work and went to church; he was everything my parents could ask me to marry…
But I don't want him; he's charming and all, but he's not my type. At all. I don't want a clone of me in boy form.
"Clare." Jake stated, catching my attention. Apparently he called my name several times before actually getting me to look at him. "Do you want to finish this now, or later?"
We have a project due tomorrow based on a small monologue. I'm not in any mood to work on it, but I shrugged my shoulders.
"Later works for me; do you want to meet up somewhere?"
Jake's blue eyes shimmered for a second before he nodded his head, smiling widely. Oh good lord, he has a crush on me!
"Sounds great; why don't we give each other our phone numbers? That way we can pick somewhere to meet up later."
I nodded dully, tearing off a piece of paper. I scribbled my number on it, hoping that he wouldn't be able to make out the words.
"There you go," I say with a triumphant smile, handing him the chicken-scratch number. Jake placed his number on my desk. He looked down at the number I gave him and smiled.
"Great! So I'll call you later; cool?"
I internally screamed at myself for my coherent script, but continue to smile. "Yeah," was the only word that seemed to come out of my mouth.
The bell rang and Jake hurried to collect all of his belongings together. He seems like such a nerd; maybe this was my clone…
Imogen's snarky laugh was heard about the room, and for a minute I swore I saw Mrs. Dawes smiling from her desk. This was living hell for me now. My favorite class was now my most hated…
Did it have to be this way?
Now or Never
Adam was talking about how Fiona was getting better, but still wouldn't talk to him. It was difficult to focus on the subject, but I knew that he needed my comfort. I owed him for it…
"I guess, my friend," I muttered to Adam from across the lunch table. "That you and I are going to be the two misfits now; both wallowing in self pity."
Adam raised an eyebrow while he picked at his lunch. "Someone's very deep with words it seems. Eli still on your mind?"
My eyes shot to Adam's before he could finish his name. I bit my lip, trying to wait out the question.
"Yeah," I whispered, looking down at my hands. I suddenly feel panicked about the topic and hurry to ask, "Is it really all my fault for having him move on? I said that I needed time, not a hundred years."
Adam sighed, leaning in the back of his chair. "It's neither of your faults. Both of you were… disconnected on a level, and you both went through drastically different things in life."
My head pounded. "But—but I ruined everything," I frantically murmured, my words coming out like I was drunk. "If I could take everything back then I would because I can't move on."
Adam looked at me with concern written all over his face. I'm not sure if he understood one word I just said. "Are you okay, Clare?"
The whole room was spinning; things were starting to look so deformed that I couldn't even see Adam from across the table. I slammed my hands onto the table, bringing my figure up from the chair. I could feel a hand grab onto my arm as if to keep me seated.
"I need to go." I blurted out, possibly running out of the cafeteria. Was God taking over my body or something?
I believe that I saw people watch me as I ran hallway to hallway, looking for an escape. Nothing looked the same anymore; none of the people, the teachers, the lockers; anything.
My feet come to a halt as I see the sight before me. Imogen tucked at the sides of Eli's face, placing her mouth on his in a quick motion. I can feel my hands become sweaty as I try to move my feet in a desperate attempt to leave the scene. This wasn't how it was supposed to turn out; this wasn't what I wanted.
The front doors seem farther away than they used to be. I could hear the shouting of the guards, the heavy footsteps behind me, but my feet strode forward.
I need to get away.