Moonstone Cowboy
Rated: M to M+ depending on the chapter. It's not too bad really, but better safe than sorry.
Disclaimer: The Mighty Boosh and all related characters of course belong to Noel and Julian, Dave and Rich and Mike. We love them and we hope they don't mind us messing with them in some very peculiar ways. No money is being made from this effort.
Our heroes:
*** Howard 'The Buzzard' Moon used to be one of the finest gunslingers in The West.
He arrived in the town of Moonstone ten years ago and stayed mostly because he liked the name. He also stayed because he met Tommy the Cheese, a wonderful visionary dreamer who had big plans for Moonstone.
Together they sheriffed the town and helped businesses and establishments grow. Moonstone is famed for being the very first town to own both a llama and a stickleback, both because of Cheese and Moon.
They were happy with their lot, they made good money, the town attracted some good people and Howard Moon began to think that he'd never have to kill another living soul again...
...
*** Vince 'The Electro-Kid' Noir is a dashing young cowboy with a big heart and an even bigger wardrobe.
Vince arrives in the town of Moonstone after a drunken night in the company of Cam and Den, the gender bending lead singers of the Wild West's first steam-punk band Clockwork Guns. After falling asleep in the back of a mail wagon Vince awakes to find himself alone and penniless in the town of Moonstone.
Wandering the street, looking for a friendly face, he suddenly spots Howard Moon and immediately recognises the infamous gunslinger. However as he walks closer he realises that this is no longer the man his father used to tell him stories about...
And the rest:
*** Dixon 'Total Eclipse' Bainbridge is mad, bad and dangerous to know.
Dixon Bainbridge traveled to Moonstone after hearing about its business opportunities. Initially he planned to open a bistro saloon offering cheap grog, cheap grub and cheap hourly accommodation (if you know what I mean). However he soon realised that the townsfolk relied too heavily on their lawmen, and that if said lawmen were to be 'dealt with' then the town was his for the taking.
He put the word out among the criminal underworld that he was hiring, and soon he had himself a band of social deviants and miscreants ready to do his bidding.
Bainbridge is an expert in exploitation and manipulation. He knows all men have their weaknesses, their fatal flaws, their breaking points, and he knew that Sheriff Tommy and his Deputy Moon were no different. However even he was surprised at how smoothly his plans played out.
Now he calls himself the Mayor of Moonstone, and his gang are 'The Bainbridge Boys'. There's not one storekeeper or family that doesn't pay him a tax or provide him free goods and services. Every so often the gang smash a few windows, beat up a couple of husbands, threaten a couple of wives, just to keep everyone meek and in line. Bainbridge controls the bank, he controls the mail, he controls provisions, he controls the telegrams, he controls the railroad. No-one ever leaves.
And for those who arrive? Well let's just say they don't stay unnoticed for long…
...
*** Chalky McGrue is the longstanding saloon keeper of the town's only drinking establishment The Salty Bullet.
Chalky built his saloon from scratch, with the help of Moonstone's former Sheriff, Deputy Sheriff and a few good residents. He always prided himself on running a clean establishment, but the arrival of Dixon Bainbridge put pay to all that. Letting the rooms above the saloon to Bainbridge and his boys is Chalky's biggest regret, and he feels somewhat responsible for the death of Tommy. He's excluded from the Mayor's unfair taxes and protection rackets, but he's permanently at their beck and call.
There are only two things that Chalky hates more than Bainbridge and that's cats and whites.
...
*** Montgomery 'Monty' Flange is an ex member of Moonstone's only ever theatre company The Moonstone Players.
Monty is a slightly embittered elderly actor with a kind soul. He feels that the world never got to appreciate his talent, but really it was his own lack of confidence for performing in front of large audiences that crippled his ambition. Whilst the rest of the company moved on to the bigger towns and cities Monty remained behind in Moonstone.
Monty spends most of his time at The Salty Bullet. He and Chalky are Howard's only real friends.
...
*** Bobby 'Hound Dog' Fossil is essentially Bainbridge's pet.
Nobody quite understands why Dixon Bainbridge tolerates Bobby Fossil, as the man is, for want of a better word, a retard. There was a rumour at one point that Bainbridge is somehow in Fossil's debt, but no-one had ever dared ask Bainbridge to substantiate it.
What is true though is that Bainbridge and Fossil arrived into Moonstone together. Fossil certainly helped Bainbridge to establish himself, mostly by playing the role of messenger.
Following the 'sort of' bank robbery, and subsequent expulsion of Minnie Tinkler, Bobby Fossil became the town's new bank manager. Not that he does much by the way of managing. What he actually does whilst sitting behind that large wooden desk is anyone's guess. Aside from barking orders at the staff and trying to invent new ways of carrying whiskey about his person, Bobby Fossil is pretty much ineffectual.
As one of Bainbridge's most loyal and trusted cohorts however, he is privy to an awful lot of secrets…