A/N: Hey guys! This is the first chapter in a multichap. And, yes, it's another one of those Grey's/R&I crossovers, but hopefully it won't bore you. I've tried not to read any other crossovers up until now (seeing as this is already finished and just waiting to be posted), so if there are any similarities it's not because I'm copying anything. I think most of us like to think about Maura/Arizona, right? So that's, you know, a fandom thing and not a me-copying-people thing. I wrote this for my best friend in the entire world. She's fantastic, kind, hilarious, and so so so talented. You should check out her work- her ff account is 'evenmoreso' and her tumblr url is quirkentein. Really, do it. She's awesome. Finally, this chapter's song is 'Like A Friend' by Pulp.
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Jane laughing wasn't exactly the reaction Maura had been hoping for when she thought up this idea.
Although, in retrospect, there really is no surprise about it. Jane laughs when made uncomfortable, and clearly Maura has accomplished that in this particular case. Perhaps she ought to have explained herself better beforehand. Either way, the damage is done. Jane laughs, brows drawing together, suspicion clearly written in the tick of her jaw and the tilt of her head.
"The twenty-second annual Pride Conference? Uh, Maur, is there something you need to tell me?"
Well.
There is also that, but Maura is entirely unprepared to bring her sexuality into discussion here and now, so she purposely ignores the joke (not lying, since it was a question asked in jest) and moves to lean against Jane's desk more comfortably. "I know that when I asked you to come to New York with me for two weeks you weren't expecting this," she temporizes, "but it's just one night, and it's a very important night. I promise it'll be interesting, and if you behave we can get drinks afterward."
Well, that just sounds like a date. But, again, it's not lying if nobody directly addresses it, and that's exactly how Maura's been avoiding it for so long. Sometimes she thinks Jane knows there's an elephant in the room, nd sometimes she's just as convinced that the detective is blissfully ignorant of it. Either way, it remains unaddressed, and as much as this proposition has started to sound like a very serious date, they both know that it's not. She's just curious. Hasn't that always been the problem?
"Don't you have to be gay to go to one of these things?" Jane asks, taking the pamphlet out of Maura's hand and flipping it over to get a better look.
"Of course not. It's a pride conference, not a gay pride conference. Everyone's welcome, whether they're straight, bisexual, gay, lesbian, transgender, genderqueer, asexual or pansexual."
"I don't even know what half of those things are. Why do you want to go?"
Ah. A loaded question. There are a lot of reasons Maura wants to go, not the least of which is the question of her attraction to Jane. As much as she'd like to avoid it, maybe being in a place surrounded by people who are comfortable in their sexualities would help her. "It's the first year the Conference is open to the rest of the country," she offers, which is true. "It's a unique experience, and straight women are historically underrepresented. I also have a friend that's planning to attend who I worked with in Africa and haven't seen in a while."
At this Jane gives her a sharp look, and Maura knows what she's going to ask before she asks: "Ian?"
His name used to send a shudder down her spine. The memory of him used to make her so suddenly and cripplingly sad that it would take her days to recover. Maura braces herself for an onslaught of grief, but it never comes. She's solid. She's…surprisingly fine. "Of course not," she answers, as if it's an unreasonable question. "I don't think I've told you about her. I almost went into pediatrics, believe it or not." Very clearly Jane does not believe her, judging by the surprised little laugh that escapes her before she can tamp it down. "But I knew that autopsies were more where my interests lay," Maura continues, "We were in Africa treating minor illnesses, stitching up wounds, setting casts, vaccinating…those sorts of things. It was a small volunteer organization."
"Is she gay?"
"She's a lesbian, yes."
Maura doesn't mention their shared tent. She also doesn't mention the long, hot, sticky nights. There are things that she knows Jane doesn't want to know, and, conveniently, those are also the things Maura doesn't particularly feel like sharing. Something comes over Jane's face, and Maura struggles to read it in the seconds before the detective regains composure and tucks it safely away.
"Okay," she agrees, "I'll go. But only if I get a beer after."
.,.
They both elect to drive the way down to the city instead of fly. Jane claims that she wants to drive because flying would be overkill with New York only four hours away, but Maura has a suspicion that the real reason has to do with her deep-seated frugality. It's not as if Jane doesn't make money. She could certainly afford to fly to New York, and if she couldn't, Maura would have been more than happy to pay her way- but Jane takes pride in being a blue-collar worker from a blue-collar family, and Maura doesn't like to address that conflict. The last time they got into a mess like that it ended with one of her exes in jail for murder, and, besides, the drive from Boston to New York is beautiful in early fall.
She drives the first two hours, and then they stop for lunch at a grimy little food court. When they slide into a booth near the windows, Jane laughs quietly and looks around. "Boy," she jokes, weakly, "now you're really slumming." Maura just gives her a look and decides that the off-brand lunch wrap kiosk is her best bet at avoiding too much grease.
Jane, of course, ends up with a burger, and they eat in comfortable silence. Maura can't help but marvel at this kind of relationship. She's never had a friend like this before, and to be so far from home with Jane is at once exhilarating and comforting.
"So," the detective says after a while, as a means of starting conversation, "tell me about this friend of yours."
"Her name is Arizona-"
"Arizona? That's a name?"
"-and she lives in Seattle, where she's the chief of pediatric surgery at Seattle Grace. She's married to an orthopedic surgeon. I think you'll like her- she's very sweet. You'll probably think her goofy," she grins, using the term Jane has more than once used to describe her, "but she's also a genius, and genuinely very warmhearted."
Jane nods, mostly absorbed in her food. Maura reaches over and grabs a fry, earning her a kick under the table, which she returns without hesitation.
"And her wife?"
Maura shrugs. "I was invited to their wedding, but I couldn't make it. I've only met her in passing. She seemed nice. Protective, maybe, a little overbearing." Jane visibly perks up but Maura continues without a second thought. "She definitely has an edge to her, but I'm sure she's wonderful." Only then does she realize that she's said too much. In a vain attempt to salvage her nonchalance she steals another fry and pretends like the conversation is over, but she's blushing slightly, and Jane, attuned as always to the way Maura works, pushes on. "Why would her wife have had an attitude with you? That doesn't make sense. It's not like you're threatening."
Maura sighs.
"Arizona and I…had a fling. When you spend day and night with someone, you know…" she's just digging herself into a deeper hole now, because she spends a good 85% of her life with Jane, "…and we shared a tent," because they've never shared a bed, "and I was…curious." Just like she's curious about Jane.
She looks up from her food and catches the look on Jane's face, which, in another time and place, could easily have been hilarious. "You," the detective points, incredulous, "slept with a woman?"
Maura clears her throat, wishing desperately that this conversation could end immediately, but knowing that it's her fault she's in this mess. "I grew up in Europe, Jane. The mentality there is very…different. Many of my peers experimented at even younger ages than I did. There's nothing strange about it- in fact, it's quite healthy."
They go back to eating because Jane has nothing left to say, or so it seems, until Maura finishes her wrap. When Jane breaks the silence again, Maura almost spits out her drink.
"What was it like?"
"W-What?"
"I'm just curious."
Maura studies Jane's expression carefully and comes up with nothing. Does she know what she's implying? If she does, she's certainly not being coy about it, making deliberate and unwavering eye contact, leaning over the table. No, Jane can't know. There's no way she could possibly understand what that sentence means to Maura, or things would already have been vastly different between them. "It was…very…different," Maura answers lamely.
"God different or weird different?"
"More complicated. Um…softer. Are you driving next?"
Jane accepts the change of subject with a smug smile and a nod, replying "yeah, I'll drive the last few hours," and Maura is able to breathe freely for the first time in at least ten minutes.
.,.
New York is, as it has always seemed to Maura, beautiful. Brash, loud, busy…it's no wonder she likes Jane as much as she does, not when she considers the way she comes alive in a city like this. Boston seems quiet by comparison. Jane looks apprehensive, which is probably partly from the change in Maura's demeanor and partly because of the way everyone else in the city drives (like "they have sticks up their asses", she says). Their hotel is only a few blocks from Madison, which grants them easy access to the rest of the city, and Maura is suddenly overwhelmed with possibilities for the next fourteen days.
That is, until they get to their room, and there's only a Queen-sized bed waiting for them.
Maura starts to say that she'll go down to the concierge, but Jane just shrugs and tosses her suitcase onto the bed. "You better not steal the covers, that's all I'm gonna say."
Of course. They've shared a bed before, this isn't anything new. So why is Maura suddenly so nervous? Is it the memory of a younger summer, of Arizona, of taking a risk like she's never taken again? It must be, because Jane doesn't seem to feel it. "I won't," Maura promises with a vague smile. She sets up her suitcase on the other side of the room and peers out the window, where the avenue, teeming with activity, is in plain view, and just like that her excitement comes back full-force. "You know what we could do?" she asks, turning back to Jane.
"Nap?"
"Are you kidding? We're in New York!"
"I've never napped in New York."
"We could walk down Madison and make our way to Central Park- it's a beautiful, long walk…"
"…which is probably nicer after the sun sets. C'mon, Maura. I'm dying here."
Maura sighs again. Jane is right, actually. It's hot right now, and the city is just as beautiful- if not more so- by night. Not to mention, she could use a nap, too, given that she couldn't even finish the Dunkin Donuts coffee they'd picked up this morning. Jane takes her lack of response as agreement and flops onto her stomach on the bed, shoes and all. "That's what I thought."
Maura toes off her shoes with a small, reluctant smile and follows suit. When she leans back against the pillows she sees that Jane is watching her with one eye cracked open, an amused little smile on her face.
"What?"
Jane closes her eye, her smile growing. "Nothing. It's just funny."
"What is?"
"The idea of you with a woman."
Maura frowns, folding her hands over her stomach. "Why is that funny?"
"It never even occurred to me."
"Well, to be fair, it didn't occur to me, either, until it happened. I'm sure you'd have been curious, too."
"I told you I was. Curious, I mean."
Maura's breath hitches in her throat.
"Are you?"
Jane continues as if she has no idea of the weight this conversation is suddenly carrying. Maura feels sure that she doesn't. "Well, sure. Sometimes."
They're quiet after that. Jane's breathing evens out and Maura watches the rise and fall of her back, tries not to wonder what her lips would feel like. Eventually, she drops off, too.
She even manages to steal the covers.