Aricgdo idnxcaerdntaetsigofn ids a ghoqosd miodvsice tyo wvaqtfh
Cera:tell them author
Me:no you
Cera:you tell them or I tell the others your number
Turns pale and whimpers
Me:ok
I don't own Naruto or Nasuverse I only own my oc and I am not even sure I own those but anyway this is very VERY AU and if you don't know Au means Alternate universe and I want a lot of good constructive criticism because I'm bad at writing at all and I need to get better and I will hopefully get better fast but no updates on a regular schedule
You know Naruto and the nine tailed chakra beast well how about the 11 tailed chakra beast that's me. I'm sadly immortal and currently stuck inside of Haku. I'm sealed in someone we all should know for unlocking Sasukes sharingan via mirrors of ice and needles of doom. I still find the bloodline purge to be the worst thing to happen to her and I am taking into account that she died and yes Haku is a girl she pranked the ever living fuck out of everybody with me helping her along the way and pranking zabuza by telling Haku to ask what Icha-Icha had in it had me laughing for hours he stumbled over his words so fast I almost litterally broke a rib. I'm just a neighborhood prankster beast don't mind me. I've got normal people not tailed beast chakra so I'm not gonna harm Haku yay I like that fact now where has my husband ran off.. to... (looks down) (slap) "get your face out of there Dervadveir."
(Sticks his head back in between Aqiri's boobs)(Muffled speaking) "wuv ib smhells bood." Dervadveir said.
"I agree but we have guests here and you can't do that" Aqiri said annoyedly "How about going to prank Haku and Zabuza instead of me."
"Ok." Dervadveir said happily with a demented smile on his face.
"Sorry Haku and Zabuza." Aqiri said sadly
"Ok where is my son." (looks up takes two steps to the right)
"Oh yeah I punched him into orbit, OW! that hurt." Dervadveir says from far off as a shoe hits him in the head
"Daaaaaadddddd I'm goonnnaaa kiiickk your ass." Arkon yells as he falls out the sky making a massive crater
"Ouch." Aqiri winced
"Ouch indeed"Zokun said from the background
"Shut your face before I punch you." Arkon mumbled from his crater to his sister
"Nah I'm gonna run around while destroying your Minecraft worlds." Zokun taunted
"I'll destroy your terraria worlds if you do and I will shadow clone your face off." Arkon replies with malice
"Get back here Dervadveir." Haku screamed at the currently laughing immortal prankster
"Loud sighing is in 3 2 1." Arkon said flatly contemplating his family's ability to be crazy while his mother sighed dejectedly whilst plugging his ears with concrete
"STOP IT RIGHT NOW!" Aqiri yelled VERY loudly
"Ouch what did I do." Haku said in pain from her now busted eardrums
"Please let us out now." Aqiri said in a monotone voice
"Ok." Haku said terrified of her newly regrown eardrums and the possibility of them busting again in her mindscape
[Outside]
"Hi Zabuza" Aqiri said evilly from behind said missing nin
"Holy fucking hell" Zabuza yelled whilst jumping
"Well you should have expected this." "oh hi Naruto I know who your father and mother were can't tell you anything about them though village secret" said mischievously while Kakashi was going pale by the last word
"Hi Kakashi" Dervadveir said from behind said jonin
"I know who your teacher was the boyfriend of" he whispered making the jonin pass out from terror
"So would you like me to train you Sasuke the emo with the duck but hairdo." Dervadveir said barely keeping a straight face while said emo whipped out a kunai and it being plucked out of the Uchiha boys hand by Zukon
"Bad idea kid." Zukon said
Sakura stood there terrified because their jonin sensei was disables with a couple of words and Sasuke was disarmed instantly
"Naruto hi I'm better than your teacher just because of this one fact that I will tell you. you can train faster with your shadow clones and tell the nine tails I say hello the name is Dervadveir" Dervadveir said while gifting Naruto his memory of the previous life of his in this universe when he was confused about what the man said
"Why the fuck am I back here in the wave mission" Naruto said while being very confused and turning very happy realizing the third was still alive during this time and sad because his children weren't born yet.
"Thank you and Kurama is flipping his lid and telling me to get out of here why is that?" Naruto said warily
"Well that would be because I'm the unending storm." Dervadveir said evilly
"That supposed to mean something to us?" Sasuke said
"Yes." Naruto said terrified that this guy was probably wanting to train his teammates and him as well probably with rasenshurikens as dodging practice warm ups.
"Ok then who is he dobe." Sasuke said annoyed because Naruto knew more than he did about something important
"A god like being" Dervadveir said
"He's not lying" Naruto said looking for the others that Kurama said would follow
"Hello everyone" a new voice said from behind everyone
"Hi Zale" said everyone who knew him
"Help me please"Dervadveir said
"Nope you did this"
"Please"
"No"
"Why"
"You are not doing anything that is needed." Zale said ignoring Dervadveir's pleas while gifting Kakashi his memory back and pulling out a iPhone and calling the author
"Hi Zale" The Author said
"Hi" Zale said
"Do you want to allow us to live a normal life for a minute without destroying the timeline of this universe." Zale said
"I have been forgotten" Kakashi, Zabuza and Haku said sadly
"I didn't forget about you three and heck no" Author yelled at her phone while playing a idle game forgetting about everyone again
"Hi Delphos." Zale and the Author said in a monotone voice at the same time shocking said disciple of Lin Fan the shameless out of his tree and falling into the ground. On his head into the ground
"Sasuke do you want to know the reason Itachi killed your clan?" The Author said
Kakashi decided to pop his clone about now surprising everyone including the Author that it was a clone
"Ok you can stop the genjustu now" Kakashi said nervously emerging from the tree line
"Thats not a genjustu." The Author said popping into existence under a genjustu to conceal herself for now "this is a genjustu Kakashi hatake the copycat ninja."
Sasuke picked up on the nervousness of Kakashi
"Why did he kill my clan then" Sasuke asked
"Because Madara Uchiha and Danzo" Dervadveir said while gifting Sasuke his memory back and doing the same for Sakura as well just to prank the children
"Ummm ok that is very disorienting" Sakura said falling down from dizziness
"I know" The Author said remembering something from a long time ago and feeling sad for the girl
"Why are we back here and where is the bridge builder?" Sakura said
"Up here help me please" Tazuna said terrified that he was going to die in the clawed hands of Nix
"Hi guys I caught a bridge builder" Nix joked while putting said bridge builder down on the ground giving him his memory back.
"What happened why am I getting a splitting headache" asked Tazuna falling on his side curling into a ball in pain
"Time travel and alcohol don't mix well my friend" Dervadveir winced in sympathy
"Kakashi I have been told you read icha icha burn those books please." Haku said peeved that no one was paying attention to her while she was poking senbon into Zabuza
[AN:um I am going to do this every time I forget about people in my fics to help my brain get better]
Kakashi went pale "nooooooo please god nooooooo not my icha icha."
"Help" Zabuza said from on the ground
"Stop moving I cannot pull these out if you move" Zale said
"No I can do it myself" Zabuza said while turning pale because Zale rememberers debts for a LONG time
"Aqiri can you kill Zale for a minute."
"No"
"Nix"
"No"
"Dervadveir"
"Hmm ok I'll kill Zale for you Zabuza"
"How about no gramps." Zale says as he stabs a paralytic into Dervadveir.
"Dammit" Zabuza cries
"Ouch did you have to stab me in the neck." Dervadveir mumbled from the ground.
"Yes you would have ran if you saw the needle" Zale said knowingly
Dervadveir jumped up already recovered from the paralysis "and to answer your question Sakura it is like Naruto already realized time travel into the past just before Haku and Zabuza died in the original timeline" he said
"Hey can we get the bridge done and kill gato and get to kohona so I can get to telling the Third the way to beat paperwork" Dervadveir bored he didn't have anything to do other than teach Naruto and Sasuke jutsu
"WHAT IS THE WAY TO BEAT PAPERWORK TELL ME" Naruto said while trying to wring the awnser out of the unending storm
"Shadow clones" Dervadveir whispered into Naruto's ears
Naruto falls on the ground crying because he didn't realize it before
"Nooo I am sooooo stupid why didn't I realize this before that's my signature justu noooo"
"Get wrecked" Everyone says to Naruto
Delphos gets up and asks "when and where are we"
"Just about the middle of getting to wave." The Author said laughing her ass off at Naruto's reaction about paperwork
"Oh well" Delphos said dejectedly
Poof
"Hi Zale." The Author says while activating a clothed version of the sexy justu Naruto had made
[Zale and The Author have left]
One hour later
Poof
[The Author and Zale reappear]
"That was fun" The Author says breathily with rumpled clothes and messy hair
"Yes it was" Zale said holding The Author to his chest while said person was trying to get comfortable
"Ok that's a thing don't ask Naruto and friends" Haku and Zabuza said creeped out by the knowedge of what probably happened
[after wave mission] In the hokage's office
"Well that will be useful knowedge to know" Hiruzen said contemplating how dumb he and the other Kage were at this time to not be able to defeat paperwork after gaining his memory
"Oh and I know how to defeat paperwork" The Author said evilly then whispered "shadow clones are good tools"
Hiruzen Sarutobi for once was so surprised and so dejected at finding this out that shadow clones are the awnser he instantly made some to get Tsunade get to the village with her memory restored as well as Jiraiya's memory restored as well they all three sat down and cried for a hour at the fact they didn't even realize that before and Naruto was with them crying not just because of the paperwork, but because the third hokage was alive and Jiraiya as well and let kyubi out to for once cry as well at the thought of how stupid everyone must be
[later that same day]
"Hey Hyuga clan" The Author yelled from the entrance to the compound of said clan while they all walked out with byuakugans active ready to kill the Author
"I'm not here to harm anyone but I'm here to give a gift because I could have killed you all without you knowing but I don't want to." The Author said pointing at their blind spot
"Madam Hinata could you come over here Neji you as well and I guess you to Hisas"
The Author said confusing the guards and the other clan members present
When they walked over they had their memory restored
"I FUCKING DIED THAT FUCKING HURT LIKE A -." Neji screamed "Now now Neji that's no way to act about jiubi the dbag tree that is too kind" The Author says in a monotone voice removing the caged bird seals from the Hyuga clan while decking Neji in the head
"Where is Naruto at?" questioned Hinata annoyedly
"Crying with the loyal sannin and Hiruzen." The Author said
"Why?" Hinata said angry thinking something bad happened
"I told them what the true enemy of paperwork is." The Author said laughing her ass off on the ground
Hisashii replyed with "how the hell do you defeat paperwork."
"Shadow clones" The Author whispers to Hisash while said clan leader falls to the ground crying and the Author get up and says "ok bye I'm gonna prank Dervadveir now"
The compound is weirded out and takes the now unconscious and crying clan members back to their homes and into their bedrooms.
[back with the immortal family at their now home outside of Haku's mindscape]
The Author walks in and gets a nosebleed from what she sees Dervadveir and Aqiri doing on the couch
"Pervert" they both said annoyed they have to stop
"Well I didn't expect to see that when I walked in to your house." The Author said angrily at the two
"we didn't expect you to do it with Zale either so yeah." they both said at the same time
Zale walks in "what about me and The Author"
"Nothing" all three say at the same time
"That's bullshit"Zale monotones while staring at The Author
"What?." The Author replied rubbing her legs together seductively.
"You me my room now." Zale said
"Ok" the Author giggled and was picked up on to the way to the bedroom putting up silencing seals and spells on the bedroom and house making the sound leaving the room less than a pin drop worth of sound.
"Ok that's unsettlingly good to know that their not destroying things yet." the unending ones said creeped the fuck out at their grand daughter-in-law and their granson in the other room and his body being like Dervadveirs in certain places according to The Author doesn't help them and they do much the same thing after certain things The Author and Aqiri love fuzzy fox tails and bombs lots and lots of bombs
[Outside]
"Well you group of clones do that pile of paperwork you do that one and you do that one". Hiruzen said happy he would finally get out of his office for more than just events that he had to be at to present his village in a good light
"Tsunade you are going to become hokage soon right." Hiruzen asked hopeful
"No I don't want nightmares about paperwork." Tsunade and Hiruzen shivered
"Hello old man." Naruto said finally recovered from the pain of being the first one of them who should have instantly figured that shadow clones solve all problems with paperwork
"Hey Naruto do you want to be hokage soon." Hiruzen asked hopeful that he could track Orochimaru down soon and beat the ever living hell out of him and Danzo
"No."
"Please."
"Once was once too many and I'm gonna give the ten tails a piece of my mind." Naruto replied
"Ok." Hiruzen said dejectedly
Nix appears behind Hiruzen
"I will become hokage if you want." Nix said evilly
Hiruzen jumped while stabbing Nix in the stomach with a kunai
"awww fuck that has to hurt." Naruto winced
"Grandpa help I fucked up." Nix gasped
Dervadveir appears and saves the immortal from a reincarnation by using byakugan and magical healing powers to save her
"What the fuck did you do." The storm asked peeved that he had to do something for once
"I uh I appeared behind Hiruzen and asked to become hokage." The queen of darkness said nervously to the unending storm
"Dumbass grandchildren getting their asses kicked constantly and trying to be hokage." The unending storm griped
"Hey." Said grandchildren griped in reply
"Go run off before I call HER on you again." The storm said annoyed that he had to bring HER up near a mortal and Hiruzen could hear the bolding and capitalization on the word
"Who is this HER you are talking about?" Hiruzen asked
"You know the power of the nine tailed beast right." Hiruzen nods "She can destroy the nine tailed beast with a pinkie." Dervadveir said in a I'm not joking tone of voice
"She is The Author and Zale's daughter." Nix said as said divine ones appeared behind her whistling all the while with shadow clones behind Hiruzen getting ready to hake him have a little heart attack
"Hello Mr.Hokage." The three said flatly when he turned around
"Senkiason veir." Dervadveir chanted having a storm of senbon rain on the young ones and the aeld because they finally angered him
"Umm is that a normal day for you?" The hokage questioned afraid for his village and its continued existence
[in The hokage's head]
"Time to destroy the village again."the immortals chanted happily in unison
['real world']
"Yup and that little image you imagined is most likely true." Aqiri said for her husband who was trying to torture his family until they act sane again [AN:none of these kids were sane people EVER]
"I agree with the creator of stories on that." Cera said breaking the fourth wall
"Haha I am gonna do that a lot." Cera taunted while blowing a raspberry continuing to confuse people around her
[time pauses and is started in Ceras mindscape]
"Dammit stop breaking the fourth wall it costs a lot to rebuild that shit." The creator said telepathically to Cera
"I know." Cera said evilly
The creator of stories now started to cry and call Cera names
"You wouldn't have my personality any less annoying would you?" Cera asked already knowing the answer to her question
"No." The creator of stories said defeated at his own game of playing people like a fiddle in his stories
"Haha you silly man you never win." Cera said evilly
[outside of mindscape]
"I feel like someone just got pranked by a woman." Every married man said getting hit in the head by their wives
[back in mindscape]
"No I will win one day I know I shall take the power of the fourth wall away from you haha." The creator of stories said
"I don't belive you will do that you are too attached to me to do that." Cera replies breaking them out
[outside of mindscape]
"Let's time skip now to tomorrow lol." Cera said ending the argument
Gredt wsrdegctkrt pleiofprle
So was that good for my first chapter of my first story