I'm Waiting!
A Sonic the Hedgehog One Shot

NOTE: Sonic's POV, Crack Fic, No Fourth Wall

I stared at the giant mech in front of me with an expression of disinterest, my eyes half-lidded and my voice ready to speak in a deadpan tone.

"Okay, Sonic. I know that the two of us are not exactly in an optimal position right now," Eggman casually stated, "but you really don't have to glare at me like that."

I continued staring at Eggman.

"Sure, we are kind of frozen in place – I can't attack you, you can't attack me…"

My face didn't change as he spoke.

"…and this probably wouldn't have happened if I hadn't broken reality last year and then connected my Badnik creation devices to our universe's code…"

Gee, he just loves hearing himself talk, doesn't he?

"…but how was I supposed to know that our world's engine was undergoing maintenance? Spawning twenty Badniks at once for our fight shouldn't be that taxing on the code! I've never seen frames per second go into single digits like that!"

"You do remember 2006 and 2014, right?" I finally spoke with an eyebrow raised. "We had bugs and glitches all over the place then, what made you think that this type of thing wouldn't happen again?"

"It's not like Mario and Bowser have to deal with this!" Eggman protested. "Their worlds are practically debugged of everything!"

"Yeah, but that's because they've got Nintendo on their side. We have SEGA and Sonic Team."

"…okay, you have a point."

I sighed. I suppose you're probably wondering how this came to be.

Our world, ever since the days of the Dreamcast, has been a little bit… loose with the way reality works. Some idiot programmer up there apparently decided to tune our 'verse with how our games work, so bugs and glitches tend to pop up.

Frequently.

As a result, SEGA has to perform plenty of maintenance, and during those times you're encouraged to not do anything too strenuous – or risk plenty of issues in the general region you're doing said actions.

And evidently, Eggman didn't get the memo.

Despite the fact that we've been doing this for twenty-five years.

Ugh.

I bet our current scene would look absolutely ridiculous to any bystander. Just me and Eggman in his Egg Dragoon (again), me completely unmoving except for my face, Eggman unable to move his mech (or his cockpit) but given free range of movement because – I dunno, Chaos hates me or something.

And that's not to mention the bunch of random Egg Pawns of all types strewn all about the battlefield and the positions Eggman and I are in. Eggman's Egg Dragoon is pointing its drill at the sky, its wings glitched up to be strangely rotating around, the cannon vibrating in place and making strange whirring noises.

I, on the other hand, half my legs literally stuck in a box.

A metal box.

A metal box that has not been cracked or opened in any way.

It's a long story.

"Well I suppose while I'm here… I'll get to enjoy my Dreamcast! I've been meaning to get back to Phantasy Star Online, anyway!"

My face deadpanned even harder. Dang it, I wanted to be able to do something other than standing around doing nothing. I'd be twitching all over the place if I could feel any movement in my body.

Heck, I'll probably be extra twitchy afterward. I'm gonna need to go on an extra long run today just to shake it out of my system.

"Don't you wish you could play, hmm?" Eggman taunted, waving that blasted Dreamcast practically in my face. "It's too bad you didn't have the foresight to bring the best console with you at all times! OH HO HO HO HO HO HO!"

"Yeah, yeah," I grumbled, "you just laugh now Eggman."

Luckily, the local governments typically have a system for detecting glitch-laden freezes like the one we're in now – especially Eggman-related ones – so they should be sending Tails to fix the code. He's usually able to detect all the weird crap Eggman does to it, anyway.

If I see him in the next few hours, I should really tell him to start bringing a pack of chili dogs with him. I'm feeling kind of hungry right now, and it's gonna be a while before we get out of here.

That 'Fastest Thing Alive' title of mine is more and more ironic with every passing day, I swear.

Felt like writing a no-Fourth-Wall Sonic drabble, so here we go! Sonic games typically deal with loads upon loads of glitches due to a myriad of reasons – just look at Sonic Adventure, Sonic 2006, and Sonic Boom: Rise of Lyric. So I thought it'd be funny if Sonic and co. had to deal with the after-effects of said glitchiness.

And yeah, I know Rise of Lyric isn't in the same continuity, but I thought it'd be funny to reference anyway.